Sargent,,,,"Right shoulder arms! Left shoulder arms!" "I'm gonna make soldiers outta ya if I have to kill ya, and I hope I do!"

Curly,,,,"I won't do it. He don't pay my salary. It's a guy with a beard !!"

Curly,,,,"You mean I'm "Umday" in Pig language?"
Moe,,,,"You're "Umday" in ANY language !!!"

Customer,,,,"Are you sure this work is in competant hands?"
Curly,,,,"Certainly, we're all incompetent."

Lady,,,,"Do you have a Haddock?"
Curly,,,,"No lady, I don't have no haddock, but I get a little indigestion when I eat too much!"

Shemp,,,,"I'm sorry Moe! It was an accident!"
Moe,,,,"Sure kid, it could happen to anyone, right?" smash slap
Moe,,,,"That was no accident!"

Moe,,,,"Ahhhhh, a triple bed, just what we need!"
Curly,,,,"I want the upper berth you get less air!" How am I gonna get up there? Wheres the ladder?"
Curly,,,,"Nyuk nyuk nyuk, I oughta be able to sleep up here a week this bed is so soft! Leave me a call for Wedenesday will ya?!"

Moe,,,,"This isn't a gold finder, its a scavenger!"

Curly,,,,"I hit the jackpot!"
Moe,,,,"The Jackpot hit you!"
Curly,,,,"But I like it!"

Curly,,,,"I shoot an arrow in the air, where it goes, I don't care, I get my arrows wholesale!"

Curly,,,,"Today I'm going to change my socks, what a experience!"

Moe,,,,"This reminds me of filet of sole."
Shemp,,,,"More like the heel."

Larry,,,,"Something tells me that we better take a walk."
Moe,,,,"Yeah but run!"

Curly,,,,"I've got an uncle who can make things dissapear."
Moe,,,,"Is he a magician?"
Curly,,,,"No, he's a kleptnomaniac, nyuk nyuk nyuk" smack slap

Curly,,,,"Make it turkey and ham, and candied sweet potatoes on the side, hot buttered bisquits in honey and smother the whole thing in chicken, but no beans!"

Moe,,,,"If you're gonna cheat, then cheat fair!",,,,"If there's anything I hate, it's a crooked crook!"

Curly,,,,"You heard of the pied piper of Hamlin? I figure that if he can pipe rats pie-eyed, then I can pipe ducks sober!"

Larry,,,,"We got to get rid of that captain and his officers!"
Moe,,,,"Yeah, we've got to use strategy."
Curly,,,,"We can't use nobody, there's only three of us!"

Moe,,,,"We'll pull names out of a hat."
Larry,,,,"I've got Florabell."
Moe,,,,"I've got Corabell."
Curly,,,,"I've got Stetson,,,,which one is she?"

Moe,,,,"We're off to the sea, to see what we can see, see?
Larry,,,,Curly,,,,"See see."
Moe,,,,We're off to the sea, where the wild winds blow, see?"

Moe,,,,"I know how to aim a cannon, right?"
Larry,,,,Curly,,,,"Right, right, right, to the right, the right, right."
Moe,,,,"Wait a minute! Everything allright?"
Larry,,,,Curly,,,,"Right!" smack smack

Man,,,,"I am Paul Payne, the heart throb of millions!"
Larry,,,,"What's a heart throb?"
Curly,,,,"A pain in the neck!"

Moe,,,,"Why don't you look where you're painting?"
Curly,,,,"I'm painting where I'm looking."

Curly,,,,"Hey fellas, I can't hear a thing!
Moe,,,,Larry,,,,"Why not?!"
Curly,,,,"I'm not listening!"

EDIT, wow I just had a word censored so I had to replace it with "aim" as in "aim a cannon", you pull a trigger back is to have a cannon cocked to fire which is the quote from the stooges in this short.
------------------
jetman
Silver 86 SE 2M6 4-speed, with "check wallet light"

Moe,,,,"Oh a microphonie!"
Curly,,,,"Yeah, and a phony on the mike!"

Curly,,,,"Did you hear that?"
Larry,,,,"That Doc Mallard's nothing but a quack."
Moe,,,,"Yeah, that means duck!"

Army man,,,,"Did you get the squeek out?"
Curly,,,,"Boy we got everything out!!!"

Moe,,,,"What do you call this cake?"
Lady,,,,"Southern comfort."
Moe,,,,"More like southern conferter."

Moe,,,,"This cake is as light as a feather!"

Larry,,,,"We got to get rid of that captain and his officers!"
Moe,,,,"Yeah, we've got to use strategy."
Curly,,,,"We can't use nobody, there's only three of us!"

Larry,,,,"That's the judge that wants to send us up for life!"
Shemp,,,,"Don't worry, where's there life, there's hope."

Curly,,,,"I've got an idea."
Moe & Larry,,,,"Yeah?"
Curly,,,,"We'll get some grease,"
Moe & Larry,,,,"yes,"
Curly,,,,"spill it on the floor,"
Moe & Larry,,,,"yes yes,"
Curly,,,,"and slip by!" smack slap poke slap smack

General,,,,"I'll give them commissions in the army."
Curly,,,,"Commissions?!" "Not me, straight salary or nothing."

Curly,,,,"Food." "Vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F, gee I like food!"

Curly,,,,"We've met the enemy and he belongs to us." (Goodby Mr. Chumps)

Innkeeper,,,,"What kind of fool do you take me for."
Curly,,,,"Why, is there more than one kind?"

Moe,,,,"I've got it!"
Curly,,,,"Everytime you've got it, I get it!"

Curly,,,,"I don't wanna be dead. There's no future in it."

Shemp,,,,"12-oclock!"
Moe,,,,"Where ya going?!"
Shemp,,,,"Out to lunch."
Moe,,,,"If the customers can stand your cooking, so can you!" smack slap

Moe,,,,"You had an halucination!"
Shemp,,,,"No, I had a hunk of pipe."

Moe,,,,"If you give us until sunrise, we'll be back by sundown!"

Larry,,,,"Say, did I give you carbolic acid? I'd love to!

Curly,,,,"Indians? I ain't afraid of Indians! Once I shot a Morris chair from under Sitting Bull!"

Curly,,,,"You remind me of a girlfriend in Detroit, but you look more like her stepfather!"

Moe,,,,"Use Gritto, radio friends, the soap that gives your hands that dishpan look!"

Moe,,,,"Oh, boxcars wasn't good enough for you, eh?"
Curly,,,,"I wouldn't know, I'm a stowaway!"
Moe,,,,"Well stow THIS away!" smack

Curly (reading will),,,,"To my nephew Curly Q. Link; I leave the sum total of .67 cents net."

Curly,,,,"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Let a man who knows how to saw , see , saw!" "Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam and the deer and the antellope are play-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ing!" smack

Moe,,,,"Listen, we've got to act like society so these dames won't throw us out."
Curly,,,,"I refuse to act that dopey!"

Moe,,,,"Remind me to murder you later!"
Curly,,,,"I'll make a note of it, got a pen?"
Moe,,,,"Nevermind, I'll do it now!" smack bonk crash slap

Moe,,,,"Now remember, we're census takers, not ordinary idiots."

Curly,,,,"Maybe they're 'safari' you can't see them."

Curly,,,,"They're pointing at where you're standing."
Moe,,,,"You mean where I was."

Moe,,,,"Listen William Tell, for two pins I'd beat your brains in."
Curly,,,,"I haven't any pins."
Moe,,,,"Haven't any brains either." smack

Moe,,,,"The idea is to get the dirt outta the hole."

Curly,,,," One, two, three, ....and FOUR is ten !!" nyuk nyuk nyuk

Curly,,,,"She was bred in ol Kentucky but she's only a crumb up here,
She's knock-kneed and double jointed with a cauliflower ear,
Someday we shall be married and if vegetables get to dear,
I'll just cut myself a nice big slice of her cauliflower ear,
'cause that ain't rationed!"

Lady,,,,"Do you Rhumba?
Curly,,,,"Only when I take bicarbonate!"

Curly,,,,"Let's go to Tunis, then we can get some Tunis sandwiches!"

Larry,,,,"Okay, I'll pull 'em up, you go get the iron bar and hit him on the head."
- - - CLANG - - -
Curly,,,,"Hey, this fish looks like Moe!"

Moe,,,,"This is a very sad case, ever since he's been bit by a dog, he thinks he is one!"
Doctor,,,,"What happened to the dog?"
Moe,,,,"He died."

Curly,,,,"Give us another chance! Be a regular guy!"

Nurse,,,,"I don't know why you are wispering, I lost my voice asking for a raise."

Administrator,,,,"What did you do for the patient in room 72?"
Curly,,,,"Nothing, what did he ever do for us!"

,,,,"For duty and humanity!"

Larry,,,,"A marvelous accomplishment."
Moe,,,,"A prodigious achievement."
Curly,,,,"It's putrid!"

Shemp,,,,"I can't understand what happened to that turkey, I only had the dial set on 650*F."
Moe,,,,"I'll baste you in nitric acid!"

Judge,,,,"Say, I've seen these fellows someplace before but I just can't place them."

Moe,,,,"We eluded them!"
Curly,,,,"Yeah, and we got away."

Moe,,,,"Oh look, a micro-phonie."
Curly,,,,Yeah, and a phony on ht emike."

Larry,,,,"Look at what came through the wall."
Shemp,,,,"A gopher!"
- - - smack bang crash bong slap crack bang- - -
Larry,,,,"Hey, that gopher sounds like Moe."
Shemp,,,,"What do ya know, it is Moe!"

,,,,"Mutiny eh?"

Moe,,,,"Fix that punch and make it snappy."
Shemp,,,,"The lady said that she wanted it weak!"

Larry, Curly, Moe

Shemp and sometimes Joe,

Women think they're slow,

But everybody knows,

a poke in the eye and a kick in the rear

a saw on the scalp and a nail in the ear,

a poke in the head and a tip of a spear,

a bucket of paint and a barrel of beer,

pull up a seat, we're happy you're here,

It's the Three Stooges Happy Hour.

Sunday, December 25

Spike TV

9AM .........A DUCKING THEY DID GO
9:30AM .....SQUAREHEADS OF THE ROUND TABLE
10AM ........A PLUMBING WE WILL GO
10:30AM ....THREE DARK HORSES
11AM .........FALSE ALARMS
11:30AM .....LOCO BOY MAKES GOOD
12PM ..........PHONY EXPRESS
12:30PM ......PLAYING THE PONIES
1PM .............I CAN HARDLY WAIT
1:30PM.......... I'M A MONKEY'S UNCLE

A nice little Christmas present from Spike TV.

Curly,,,," We haven't any presents, all the stores were closed."

Here you go!

1934
05/05/1934 Woman Haters
07/13/1934 Punch Drunks
09/28/1934 Men In Black
12/08/1934 Three Little Pigskins

1935
01/10/1935 Horses' Collars
02/20/1935 Restless Knights
03/29/1935 Pop Goes the Easel
04/26/1935 Uncivil Warriors
08/01/1935 Pardon My Scotch
08/29/1935 Hoi Polloi
11/28/1935 Three Little Beers

1936
02/06/1936 Ants in the Pantry
02/20/1936 Movie Maniacs
04/30/1936 Half-Shot Shooters
05/30/1936 Disorder in the Court
06/27/1936 A Pain in the Pullman
08/16/1936 False Alarms
09/11/1936 Whoops I'm an Indian
12/27/1936 Slippery Silks

1937
01/15/1937 Grips, Grunts, and Groans
03/19/1937 Dizzy Doctors
04/17/1937 Three Dumb Clucks
05/14/1937 Back to the Woods
07/02/1937 Goofs and Saddles
09/03/1937 Cash and Carry
10/15/1937 Playing the Ponies
11/26/1937 The Sitter-Downers

1938
01/07/1938 Termites of 1938
02/18/1938 Wee Wee Monsieur
04/01/1938 Tassels in the Air
05/13/1938 Flat Foot Stooges
05/20/1938 Healthy, Wealthy, and Dumb
07/02/1938 Violent is the Word for Curly
07/29/1938 Three Missing Links
10/14/1938 Mutts to You

1939
01/06/1939 Three Little Sew and Sews
02/24/1939 We Want Our Mummy
04/07/1939 A-Ducking They Did Go
05/19/1939 Yes, We Have No Bonanza
06/30/1939 Saved by the Belle
08/25/1939 Calling All Curs
10/06/1939 Oily to Bed, Oily to Rise
12/01/1939 Three Sappy People

1940
01/19/1940 You Nazty Spy Jules
03/08/1940 Rockin' Through the Rockies
04/19/1940 A-Plumbing We Will Go
06/14/1940 Nutty But Nice
07/26/1940 How High Is Up
08/23/1940 From Nurse to Worse
10/04/1940 No Census, No Feeling
11/15/1940 Cookoo Cavaliers
12/27/1940 Boobs in Arms

1941
02/07/1941 So Long, Mr. Chumps
03/21/1941 Dutiful But Dumb
05/16/1941 All The World's A Stooge
07/11/1941 I'll Never Heil Again
08/22/1941 An Ache in Every Stake
10/16/1941 In the Sweet Pie and Pie
12/04/1941 Some More of Samoa

1942
01/08/1942 Loco Boy Makes Good
02/26/1942 Cactus Makes Perfect
04/23/1942 What's the Matador?
07/02/1942 Matri-Phony
07/30/1942 Three Smart Saps
09/18/1942 Even as I.O.U.
11/13/1942 Sock-A-Bye-Baby

1943
01/01/1943 They Stooge to Conga
02/05/1943 Dizzy Detectives
04/02/1943 Spook Louder
05/28/1943 Back From the Front
07/09/1943 Three Little Twirps
07/30/1943 Higher Than a Kite
08/13/1943 I Can Hardly Wait
09/24/1943 Dizzy Pilots
11/18/1943 Phony Express
12/30/1943 A Gem of a Jam

1944
02/05/1944 Crash Goes the Hash
03/18/1944 Busy Buddies
05/26/1944 The Yoke's On Me
07/16/1944 Idle Roomers
09/22/1944 Gents Without Cents
11/24/1944 No Dough, Boys

1945
01/19/1945 Three Pests In a Mess
03/17/1945 Booby Dupes
07/20/1945 Idiots Deluxe
08/30/1945 If a Body Meets a Body
11/15/1945 Micro-Phonies

1946
01/10/1946 Beer Barrel Polecats
02/28/1946 A Bird in the Head
03/29/1946 Uncivil Warbirds
04/251946 Three Troubledoers
06/20/1946 Monkey Businessmen
07/04/1946 Three Loan Wolves
09/25/1946 G.I. Wanna Home
10/03/1946 Rhythm and Weep
12/05/1946 Three Little Pirates

1947
01/09/1947 Half-Wits' Holiday