There are four types of people, those you don't know, those that you don't like, those that you think are your friends and those who really are your friends.
Some times, it's hard to tell the difference.
When I first got my car hauler, "friends" used to ask me to haul this, that or another. Did it for a while for free, some would offer to buy my fuel, some offered to feed me, all nice gestures and I do appreciate it but, when I ruined two tires once helping someone, that someone was not interested in helping me put tires back on my trailer. That was when I decided that my truck/trailer doesn't roll unless I'm getting paid. Some folks get a little better deal but, if I'm putting someone else's stuff on my rig, that someone is now going to pay for the service. I lost a lot of friends doing that. I'm thinking my friendship was not the only thing they wanted from me.
Some friends may bail you out of jail but a true best friend will be sitting beside you behind bars. Don't ask me how I know this.
------------------ Ron
Isn't it strange that after a bombing, everyone blames the bomber, his upbringing, his environment, his culture, his mental state but … after a shooting, the problem is the gun?
My Uncle Frank was a staunch Conservative and voted straight Republican until the day he died in Chicago. Since then he has voted Democrat. Shrug
Nick, I posted what I did as I felt I had somewhat of an idea what you were/are going through with those friends. Yes, it is rather upsetting to be totally rebuffed for no apparent (actual) reason by someone who was once quite close. I dunno... people are just weird.
Good luck with your upcoming procedures.
thanks. Im pretty nervous. I have no choice though. I'm in extreme pain, can't walk and stuck in a wheelchair if I go anywhere. This is no way to live, so if my time comes then there is no much I can do. I can however try to take a positive approach going into it. Thanks for taking the time to relate.
There are four types of people, those you don't know, those that you don't like, those that you think are your friends and those who really are your friends.
Some times, it's hard to tell the difference.
When I first got my car hauler, "friends" used to ask me to haul this, that or another. Did it for a while for free, some would offer to buy my fuel, some offered to feed me, all nice gestures and I do appreciate it but, when I ruined two tires once helping someone, that someone was not interested in helping me put tires back on my trailer. That was when I decided that my truck/trailer doesn't roll unless I'm getting paid. Some folks get a little better deal but, if I'm putting someone else's stuff on my rig, that someone is now going to pay for the service. I lost a lot of friends doing that. I'm thinking my friendship was not the only thing they wanted from me.
Some friends may bail you out of jail but a true best friend will be sitting beside you behind bars. Don't ask me how I know this.
Pretty sad you lost friends over something so trivial. That says volumes about them.
you have no idea what your talking about on this issue. Your making alot of assumptions based on very little knowledge. One i knew since high school, as in we were constant friends actively over 15 years,
What I said applies to all old relationships. You just don't like what I had to say and you're going to continue to make yourself miserable if you don't start taking the advice you're asking for.
What I said applies to all old relationships. You just don't like what I had to say and you're going to continue to make yourself miserable if you don't start taking the advice you're asking for.
I never "asked for advice", I also didn't ask to be preached to. I asked specifically if ANYONE HAD EXPERIENCED friends suddenly disappearing or giving the cold shoulder. Again, you're taking liberties with the original post.
you are commenting on "old relationships"...what does this have to do with my post? These are not "old relationships" these are current relationships that I have known for a long time.
As far a "not liking what you say", that has nothing to do with it. What I don't like is people who make assumptions based on little to no facts or inside knowledge about what their speaking about and talk out of their ass. For you to take collectively over 20 years of relations between the two and then try to label me or them while lecturing about "entitlements" truly knowing nothing about all that had transpired is ridiculous. I also never asked anyone her to do such as thing, as that would not be reasonable. These two people and the friendships involved are complicated and dynamic and it takes a lot more then what was stated here to try to simplify as nothing more than a "high school relationship pursued by a junky" whatever thats supposed to mean. Rather than actually be logical and constructive, you've been nothing but smug and petty and displayed an attitude of arrogance without first caring to actually know any real facts about the issue.
My question is why even comment at all? Attitudes like your bring nothing to the table and have provided no benefit at all other then perhaps your for own amusement and feeding your ego. If you actually formulated a logical opinion, and backed it with accurate facts pertaining to the post, then perhaps it would be of some value. So far, you're speaking off the cuff with a judgmental tone literally about a dynamic situation while truly knowing nothing, while at the same time trying to label me in the process. THAT is what I dont like.
[This message has been edited by NickD3.4 (edited 07-13-2015).]
Pretty sad you lost friends over something so trivial. That says volumes about them.
Not really, they were acquaintances, not really friends. I'll admit that a few surprised me though.
A friend would not ask me to use or risk my truck and trailer that I have a lot of money invested in. Acquaintances will do it all the time.
Yeah, I've developed a thick skin when it comes to things like this but, those that I do call my friend are those who can truly depend on me and I can depend on them.
I'm good with that.
------------------ Ron
Isn't it strange that after a bombing, everyone blames the bomber, his upbringing, his environment, his culture, his mental state but … after a shooting, the problem is the gun?
My Uncle Frank was a staunch Conservative and voted straight Republican until the day he died in Chicago. Since then he has voted Democrat. Shrug
Not really, they were acquaintances, not really friends. I'll admit that a few surprised me though.
A friend would not ask me to use or risk my truck and trailer that I have a lot of money invested in. Acquaintances will do it all the time.
Yeah, I've developed a thick skin when it comes to things like this but, those that I do call my friend are those who can truly depend on me and I can depend on them.
I'm good with that.
Well acquaintances....who cares. When you said friends, I thought you literally meant friends.
People change, and they change rather quickly--from what we thought we knew them to be, to 'something' else. Often-that 'something else' simply doesn't include us.
Beats me why you got all the negative replies. If I weren't able to say something positive I wouldn't say anything. You're my favorite cop/ex cop. I would be baffled too if I were to experience your situation.
People change, and they change rather quickly--from what we thought we knew them to be, to 'something' else. Often-that 'something else' simply doesn't include us.
Thanks Mary Jane, as always respectful and level headed.
Beats me why you got all the negative replies. If I weren't able to say something positive I wouldn't say anything. You're my favorite cop/ex cop. I would be baffled too if I were to experience your situation.
My friend of 20+ yrs screwed me over in the worst way possible and we haven't spoken since.
It took me a couple of years but I'm over my anger at him and trying to move on with my life.
that doesn't sound fun at all. Sorry to hear it. For me, I'm going through some really tough times. I could use my "friends" now more than ever in my life. THAT'S why is stings so much. oh well.
that doesn't sound fun at all. Sorry to hear it. For me, I'm going through some really tough times. I could use my "friends" now more than ever in my life. THAT'S why is stings so much. oh well.
Some friends cant stick out through thin, only through thick. (Thick and thin times) Some people who you dont see often can turn out to be better friends overall.
[This message has been edited by 2.5 (edited 07-15-2015).]
Originally posted by NickD3.4: Had a very close friend whose wife died, we were as close as could be, like brothers. After she died he quit responding after a while with no warning. Then moved away without telling anyone. He stayed in contact with some colleagues at work but none of his close friends like me. I finally tracked him down but after I tracked him down he told me to never contact him again and that he would not respond to any messages and that I should move on with my life. It was really hot and I felt completely blindsided. It was extremely upsetting and I couldn't make any sense of it. .
This one possibly could be that he was so upset, seeing his old close friends reminded him of her?
This is my favorite or not so favorite excuse...ring, ring, he'llo...cant talk, let me call you back later.Well, its been 6 months you moron and Im still waiting.
Well acquaintances....who cares. When you said friends, I thought you literally meant friends.
Yeah well, I thought they were friends at one time, now I am more aware of what category they fall into. That makes them acquaintances now.
------------------ Ron
Isn't it strange that after a bombing, everyone blames the bomber, his upbringing, his environment, his culture, his mental state but … after a shooting, the problem is the gun?
My Uncle Frank was a staunch Conservative and voted straight Republican until the day he died in Chicago. Since then he has voted Democrat. Shrug
This one possibly could be that he was so upset, seeing his old close friends reminded him of her?
I thought about this and its very possible. It would be impossible to see me and not think of her. However, he still must interact with his mother in law, and she is a spitting image of his wife, so......
If a person has 10 (just an example # ) close friends, on face value, it would appear easy for all to keep in close contact, but we have to keep in mind, that many, if not most of those would not be mutual friends and if that '10' quantity were average, then each person also has 9 other friends besides us to keep up with. That, isn't even counting family (aunts, uncles, grandchildren, children, nieces, nephews (and their spouses) As years go by, no matter how close we once may have been with someone, it simply becomes a logistical nightmare and huge time drain trying to keep in contact with each and all---until of course, we reach an age where our old friends and relatives begin dying off, and then, things are simplified a bit..
[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 07-15-2015).]
If a person has 10 (just an example # ) close friends, on face value, it would appear easy for all to keep in close contact, but we have to keep in mind, that many, if not most of those would not be mutual friends and if that '10' quantity were average, then each person also has 9 other friends besides us to keep up with. That, isn't even counting family (aunts, uncles, grandchildren, children, nieces, nephews (and their spouses) As years go by, no matter how close we once may have been with someone, it simply becomes a logistical nightmare and huge time drain trying to keep in contact with each and all---until of course, we reach an age where our old friends and relatives begin dying off, and then, things are simplified a bit..
This is why I have very few close friends anymore. Even more now since two passed away and the other too went off the deep end.
One factor could be your health problems. About 15 years ago I had some health problems and was "down" for a little while. A lot of people who I thought were friends stopped contact with me. I figured part of it was that they didn't want to be around a "sick" person, maybe it reminded them of their own mortality. A lot of "friends" are what I call "fair weather" friends. I add my best wishes to you on your upcoming procedures.
I have lived in 4 states now and even in those states multiple cities. I have met so many people along the way, and in each stop I make, I make great friends. I have friends from middle school that I still talk to and I recently was a groomsman in a wedding for a brother of one. I have friends from high school that will be mine. I have college friends that will never go away. I have friends from each job location. Each time I met people that became brothers, and each time I moved to a new place I never reached out. I don't really feel the need to. I know each of these people I could call at any time and have them help me out. But at the same time... we've changed and grown apart over the years, and that's okay.
Nick, you sound like a buddy of mine from childhood. He stayed in that city all the way up, and made new friends but never replaced me as his best friend. I replaced him as a best friend when I moved away in 7th grade. Don't take offense, just hear me out. I love Zach (friend). Seriously, would do anything for him. Because we grew up together until middle school! And went through so much. We have stayed in touch, but only due to his efforts, as like I said, I moved on. I have a very busy life. He works at a bar and then goes home and works out. He calls me to chat. I don't want to chat. I run out of excuses to tell him. I don't want to hang out either. We are wildly different than we used to be. He's immature. At the end of the day, if he really needed something, I'd be there. But when he calls, I don't answer. I ignore messages from him. Why? It's the same thing every time. Reminiscing and talking about what I'm doing. What is he doing? The same thing. I can utilize my time better than him. It really sucks, and I hate that I treat him this way! But what else am I supposed to do?
Some others, they were similar. High school friends, they thought we were best friends. Sure, we hung out every day, but it wasn't too deep. I never considered them best friends. They want to hang out all the time. Sorry... I don't. I have better stuff to do when I am only home for 2 weeks a year. I don't want to be rude, but I've had to be with some (usually women) that just can't seem to take a hint.
Move on man. They have their reasons, and that's all you need to know. Go make new friends.
Don't worry Brennan, I forwarded this message to Zach, he's gonna stop calling you so much now. You're welcome.
How's your mouth doing?
[This message has been edited by ls3mach (edited 07-16-2015).]
In case anyone is confused, im not talking about old high school contacts. Could care less. Im talking about a tight group of people I have known dating all the way back to high school. Big difference.
Also, I came on here to have a constructive and respectful conversation. If you want to come on here and berate me or run your mouth like some internet tough guy talking **** . Take it somewhere else, Im not interested. If you feel the need to come on here and spend time and energy to put me down and run your mouth talking **** , how sad and pathetic for you. I came on here to get some actual real world viewpoints by those mature enough to be an adult about it and respectful. NOt listen to some juvenile internet troll who gets off pushing other down and kicking them in the side because it builds them up and makes them feel superior. take your little penis syndrome over to facebook. There are plenty of turds just like you on there to keep you company.
This forum used to be a respectable place, but these "new comers" with their arrogant and smug attitudes and complete disrespect for others and those who have been here for a long time are turning Pennocks into a trash can.
Truly pathetic and unfortunate.
Honestly after reading through the thread, most of the comments are constructive, it just seems you don't like what they are building. I don't know if entitlement was the word I'd use, but close enough. Your reaction really isn't helping your case to prove otherwise.
In regards to the guy who tried to pick up your wife. I've done some stupid stuff drunk. I am reminded of an analogy I heard in Madmen from Roger Sterling. Anyway, he owes you the apology, not the other way around. I had someone come onto Jenny. It cost me a lot more than my friendship (from high school I might add). I don't have any ill will towards him, but there will never be a situation where he and I will ever be friends. He told some mutual friends (my friends he had been introduced to) of his actions, I don't think any of them speak to him anymore either. I would NEVER have mentioned it to anyone, as it hurt me, but he volunteered the information. When asked by my friends, I said be his friend or don't, that's your business. I followed up with, he isn't welcome around me, I won't be over if he is, and you are never to relay any stories involving him to me. Haven't heard from or about him in over 2 years. Worth everything it cost me.
It sounds like you are a wouldbe. Meaning would be anyone's (insert whatever). Focus on yourself. Don't worry about everyone else. Make new friends. Make some less shitty friends. Stop being a doormat. I am sure you will take this as hateful, it wasn't, but do what you want with it.
EDIT:
Forgot a point. Looking through the thread. Almost everyone who has responded has been here as long or longer than you . The first 5 post are from people who have been here YEARS. TDA used to have another NIC.
[This message has been edited by ls3mach (edited 07-16-2015).]
Honestly after reading through the thread, most of the comments are constructive, it just seems you don't like what they are building. I don't know if entitlement was the word I'd use, but close enough. Your reaction really isn't helping your case to prove otherwise.
In regards to the guy who tried to pick up your wife. I've done some stupid stuff drunk. I am reminded of an analogy I heard in Madmen from Roger Sterling. Anyway, he owes you the apology, not the other way around. I had someone come onto Jenny. It cost me a lot more than my friendship (from high school I might add). I don't have any ill will towards him, but there will never be a situation where he and I will ever be friends. He told some mutual friends (my friends he had been introduced to) of his actions, I don't think any of them speak to him anymore either. I would NEVER have mentioned it to anyone, as it hurt me, but he volunteered the information. When asked by my friends, I said be his friend or don't, that's your business. I followed up with, he isn't welcome around me, I won't be over if he is, and you are never to relay any stories involving him to me. Haven't heard from or about him in over 2 years. Worth everything it cost me.
It sounds like you are a wouldbe. Meaning would be anyone's (insert whatever). Focus on yourself. Don't worry about everyone else. Make new friends. Make some less shitty friends. Stop being a doormat. I am sure you will take this as hateful, it wasn't, but do what you want with it.
EDIT:
Forgot a point. Looking through the thread. Almost everyone who has responded has been here as long or longer than you . The first 5 post are from people who have been here YEARS. TDA used to have another NIC.
commenting on how I "should" feel about a close friend disrespecting me and stating it's entitled is arrogant and presumptuous. Especially considering it's a complex and close relationship with much history. To feel I deserve to be shown equal respect by someone that I was very close with and always helped out is extremely reasonable and at the very least am deserving of such. I have EVERY right to feel that way and to ridicule me for having what is a normal and reasonable expectation is flat out Bullshit. It also has nothing to do with what I asked in the original post, and is nothing more than taking liberty to take gutter snipes at me. I asked if others had similar experiences. Some here were able to read and respond to the question while others confused it with an opportunity to play Dr. Phil with a condescending attitude.
My post was specifically about another member. 2 1/2 years is hardly that long, and telling someone to "grow up, get over it and move one while ridiculing them and calling them stagnant" is NOT constructive. They failed to read the post correctly, made assumptions, and was more interested in making personal attacks then behaving like an adult. This individual has attacked me in similar fashion many times before and has a history of doing this. So much so that other members in past posts condemned him for doing so and demanded apologies, of course none ever came. Not that I owe you an explanation, but there is much here you are simply not aware of.
commenting on how I "should" feel about a close friend disrespecting me and stating it's entitled is arrogant and presumptuous. Especially considering it's a complex and close relationship with much history. To feel I deserve to be shown equal respect by someone that I was very close with and always helped out is extremely reasonable and at the very least am deserving of such. I have EVERY right to feel that way and to ridicule me for having what is a normal and reasonable expectation is flat out Bullshit. It also has nothing to do with what I asked in the original post, and is nothing more than taking liberty to take gutter snipes at me. I asked if others had similar experiences. Some here were able to read and respond to the question while others confused it with an opportunity to play Dr. Phil with a condescending attitude.
My post was specifically about another member. 2 1/2 years is hardly that long, and telling someone to "grow up, get over it and move one while ridiculing them and calling them stagnant" is NOT constructive. They failed to read the post correctly, made assumptions, and was more interested in making personal attacks then behaving like an adult. This individual has attacked me in similar fashion many times before and has a history of doing this. So much so that other members in past posts condemned him for doing so and demanded apologies, of course none ever came. Not that I owe you an explanation, but there is much here you are simply not aware of.
I'm not going to attempt to speak for other people or dissect what they said.
Long and short. No one owes you **** . It doesn't matter how long you've known someone or how close you were. You are an adult. You seem to be the only one who has the problem here. Sounds like the other guy is happy without you in their life. Rejection hurts. Suck it up buttercup.If I cut contact with someone and they keep pushing, they can expect a VPO or the like. I don't need to be harassed. If I don't want someone around me whatever the reason, that is MY business. The fact that you can't cope with him going away likely isn't making him lose a drop of sleep. He made his choice. Move on. Worry about more important things. Sounds like your health would be a good place to put your efforts into, not a friendship of someone who doesn't want to be around you.
People change, and they change rather quickly--from what we thought we knew them to be, to 'something' else. Often-that 'something else' simply doesn't include us.
Do we ever really know someone, sure we call them friends but every relationship starts with an agenda. The only exception is blood and you cant choose family only if you want to associate with them. I reconnected with a high school friend recently, he is very much an exaggerated copy of who he was in high school. He didn't want to meet with me and made a lot of excuses. I didn't push and just sat drinking beer and he eventually showed up. After meeting him I realize that the people that I knew back then were just that people to hang with. I had one close friend and she has moved on, I wish she would talk to me but we didn't leave on good grounds.
Pick your friends well, take care of them and if they move on then you just have to let them.
This probably doesn't help and I didn't read all of your posts. I just felt like sharing. Jake
LS3, You made some really good helpful points in your reply. I wish you had left it at that. Why the negative part of your post? I actually changed you from a positive to a neutral on your rating. I'm going to change it back because there was probably a reason why I gave you a positive to begin with. Anyway, no hard feelings. I just don't understand why any of you guys felt it necessary to respond so negatively when Nick is obviously just hurt an asking for some understanding and advice. Is it because he has offended some of you in previous posts? I have some red in my bar and I wasn't even aware of it until I reached enough ratings for it to show. I wish that I knew why I got the red. I've had differences of opinion from time to time and I post them but I have very good friends that I have differences with and I welcome other viewpoints that help me widen my views. Starting to ramble. I do that.
LS3, You made some really good helpful points in your reply. I wish you had left it at that. Why the negative part of your post? I actually changed you from a positive to a neutral on your rating. I'm going to change it back because there was probably a reason why I gave you a positive to begin with. Anyway, no hard feelings. I just don't understand why any of you guys felt it necessary to respond so negatively when Nick is obviously just hurt an asking for some understanding and advice. Is it because he has offended some of you in previous posts? I have some red in my bar and I wasn't even aware of it until I reached enough ratings for it to show. I wish that I knew why I got the red. I've had differences of opinion from time to time and I post them but I have very good friends that I have differences with and I welcome other viewpoints that help me widen my views. Starting to ramble. I do that.
I know he is hurt by the other guys actions. I lost my best bud over some trivial nonsense myself. His family thought we were bad influences on each other (not drugs or anything) and he decided to devote his attentions to his family. I personally just want my friends to be happy, even if it's not with me. I'm not trying to rub dirt in his wounds, but it is out of his hands. Best to just play the hand that was dealt to you and enjoy what parts of life you can.
I'm not going to attempt to speak for other people or dissect what they said.
Long and short. No one owes you **** . It doesn't matter how long you've known someone or how close you were. You are an adult. You seem to be the only one who has the problem here. Sounds like the other guy is happy without you in their life. Rejection hurts. Suck it up buttercup.If I cut contact with someone and they keep pushing, they can expect a VPO or the like. I don't need to be harassed. If I don't want someone around me whatever the reason, that is MY business. The fact that you can't cope with him going away likely isn't making him lose a drop of sleep. He made his choice. Move on. Worry about more important things. Sounds like your health would be a good place to put your efforts into, not a friendship of someone who doesn't want to be around you.
Tough love 101.
Again, that's just bullshit. The first time I reached out and got disrespect all I asked was wtf? Just because I expected some respect and decency doesnt warrant that kind of treatment. I don't who you are, anybody that close fall of the radar and respond that way is going to make you ask wtf...why? I don't buy into all this tough guy persona bs. If you spent 11 years close with someone and went through all that, and them out of the blue pissed on you and disrespectfully and hurt you, any logical normal person is going to ask why? again, I came on here and asked if anyone has ever had this happen? not hey, lecture with your tugh guy bullshit. Just because I am able to admit hurt and was seeking some sort of logic doesn't make me entitled in any way.
Btw, I disagree. Anyone spend a decade being a good friend in your life and supporting you, who at the very least owe them respect. THAT IS being an adult. acting like you don't owe anyone **** ever and can do whateverand treat people how ever you want because your "an adult" us just flat out BS. It's selfish and self centered. Period.
people change and move on from things in life.. Does not mean it has anything to do with you personally. My best friend for the majority of my life (since jr high) just suddenly stopped talking to me one day about 5 years ago. No warning, no explanation. One day we where hanging out like normal, no problems or arguments, then he went home that night, and iv never spoken or seen him since.
People do weird things, even those you thought you knew.. Stuff happens in peoples personal lives..
I wouldn't take it to heart, just leave them alone if that's what they wish, and make some new friends.
I'm not going to attempt to speak for other people or dissect what they said.
Long and short. No one owes you **** . It doesn't matter how long you've known someone or how close you were. You are an adult. You seem to be the only one who has the problem here. Sounds like the other guy is happy without you in their life. Rejection hurts. Suck it up buttercup.If I cut contact with someone and they keep pushing, they can expect a VPO or the like. I don't need to be harassed. If I don't want someone around me whatever the reason, that is MY business. The fact that you can't cope with him going away likely isn't making him lose a drop of sleep. He made his choice. Move on. Worry about more important things. Sounds like your health would be a good place to put your efforts into, not a friendship of someone who doesn't want to be around you.
Tough love 101.
About sums it up perfectly.
Some people believe that others owe them something, just because they did something or was part of something in the past.
Some feel entitled to suck benefits from taxpayers, some feel people owe them something for being friends at one time, or a lay because they once hooked up. Who knows.
But Is3mach is right. Nobody owes anybody an explanation, reason or anything else if they choose to defriend or break up with you. Leave them alone.
I'm starting to see a pattern of sulking desperate dependency coming from this NickD3.4 dude. Like he trying to suck some life from others into an empty glass of himself.
So....yeah...it hurt. Im human.... I had two very close friends treat me like **** and I was wanting to know what causes someone to act this way. I decided to ask others here if they had similar experiences. I wanted to hear others experiences in life. Those who can't seem to come on the forum without being a force for negativity have a real issue.
Yeah... I know. Honestly, it can hurt... but the best thing you can do is move on... and if there was anything about you or anything you did... try to learn from it. I always try to keep an open mind about my expectations for myself. Sometimes criticism you might get from someone is retarded... other times, they may have a legitimate point... and it's important to learn. Always try to better yourself.
people change and move on from things in life.. Does not mean it has anything to do with you personally. My best friend for the majority of my life (since jr high) just suddenly stopped talking to me one day about 5 years ago. No warning, no explanation. One day we where hanging out like normal, no problems or arguments, then he went home that night, and iv never spoken or seen him since.
People do weird things, even those you thought you knew.. Stuff happens in peoples personal lives..
I wouldn't take it to heart, just leave them alone if that's what they wish, and make some new friends.
that's really weird. you were hanging out and starting the next day he just blew you off....seems odd.
