Hey guys, I've been racking my brain because as of late I found that almost all of my personal friends from high school and that I grew up with have stopped talking to me. I've tried to reach out and they don't reciprocate. It drives me nuts because I never did anything on a personal level against anyone. but what makes it more frustrating is when people suddenly go off the radar and they don't respond to any attempts to reach out. Or in a few cases I have tried to reach out and they respond with hostility for no reason.
Had a very close friend whose wife died, we were as close as could be, like brothers. After she died he quit responding after a while with no warning. Then moved away without telling anyone. He stayed in contact with some colleagues at work but none of his close friends like me. I finally tracked him down but after I tracked him down he told me to never contact him again and that he would not respond to any messages and that I should move on with my life. It was really hot and I felt completely blindsided. It was extremely upsetting and I couldn't make any sense of it. I finally emailed him again out of anger and told him that I deserve more respect than that and I don't understand why he thinks its okay to treat people that way, and then told me that I misinterpreted how close of friends we really were. This is a guy that I used to hang out with every weekend, went on double dates, went camping with, and much more. I watched his kids and house on a regular basis.
You don't get any closer than that, so his response was truly bizarre. Then my so called best friend from high school. I played music with him in my band for years and years, I went to his wedding a few years back. 4 months after the wedding, my wife and I was going through a rough patch. We had separated. Instead of checking up on me like a friend would do, he started consoling my wife. Then when his newlywed wife is out of town he started drunk texting my wife hitting on her and making passes at her and tried to invite himself over for drinks.
My wife decided to send his wife those messages and let her know what had happened. I myself had nothing to do with it, and found out after the fact. He knows I had nothing to do with it as well. Not once did he ever try to reach out to me or apologize. I let three years go by and recently tried to reach out to him and make amends, as you know my health has not been good.
I didn't want to feel like I was hanging on to any sort of anger issues so I've really tried to do the forgive and forget thing and close the book on any loose ends. His response simply stated he did not read my message and deleted it instantly and to never contact him or his family again. I don't understand his behavior and I was very hurt by it. To add insult to injury, all of our associated friends have quit talking to me all together and nobody will respond to me at all. I have found myself disabled, alone and left completely confused as to how I became such an outcast with an entire group of people I once considered to be very close friends.
Never really kept in touch with old high school friends, most never stayed in touch with me. I got a job, married and had kids. most of the people I knew as friends in high school were, to put it bluntly a bunch of waste products, drunks and drug addicts. Even after joining classmate.com just out of curiosity only one of many friends even said hi, most just blew up from pictures they posted. But I did belong to the class of '73 so it was a lot longer ago for me than you. Never been to a class reunion, none of those people ever interested me enough to want to keep in touch to be honest, we all went our separate ways, one of my good friends I did find out through classmates did real well, how I have no idea he was a bigger drunk than me. How he ever got into college was beyond me because he really wasn't that into school.
Life changes, work, wives and kids become our lives and most of that crap that happened back in high school was just kids stuff, at least to me. Besides I have been to a lot of those very peoples funerals since, some not long after graduation. Hey it was the early 70s, sex drug and rock and roll dude ! And we all lived that way until we grew up, it took longer for some than others, myself included.
But I think your friend may have had to explain to his wife just what he was doing when confronted by your wife that he was trying to get into her pants. That right there is what I think made that friend so distant to you.
Steve
------------------ Technology is great when it works, and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't
Nick, I know nothing of you other than what I see on this forum. Though you've got a few negative strikes in your ratings bar, nothing negative comes to mind on my part, so what I'm saying is to try to help and not to put you down.
With such a broad spectrum of your friends and acquaintances having the same reaction toward you, I would do some self-searching. If you're a person of faith, talk with your Pastor, Chaplain, or head of your center of worship. If you're still on speaking terms with any of those who've shunned you, ask them point blank what the problem is. Be prepared for what they say and don't react with anger. Just listen. Remember, you're trying to fix a problem and anger and arguing with them about their perception of what's wrong will only serve to separate you more.
If you are an alcohol or substance abuser, seek help. I have walked away from three close friendships due to alcohol and one of them was my very closest friend. His wife and daughter abandoned him and he eventually died from it. He just wouldn't seek help. Though I do enjoy an alcoholic beverage occasionally, I have no use for those who make it a major part of their life.
Again, I'm not criticizing you, just trying to offer some help.
To me is sounds like they were just using you and were never really friends to begin with. The people I consider friends are the ones I have not spoken to in years, but I can call them or visit and it's like no time has past. Forget them and get some real friends.
Sam Weber: Hey, Nick? You know, we go back a long way, and I'm not gonna piss that away 'cause you're higher than a kite.
Nick: Wrong, a long time ago we knew each other for a short period of time; you don't know anything about me. It was easy back then. No one had a cushier berth than we did. It's not surprising our friendship could survive that. It's only out there in the real world that it gets tough.
Early life, you go to different schools , and usually only retain one or a few friends during each shift. And then you have a few coworkers you are friendly with. Sometimes you find a few good friends that way...but as you move through jobs, most of those are quarterly email "howdys" and an occasional hangout at a local watering hole...
Most folks don't have much time as they get older, especially if they get married and have kids. And some folks change inside,find God, find the bottle,find their sexuality, find their political leanings, find a new personality(persona), and some of their old friends just don't fit with their new life...and sometimes, green eyes are involved...or they just weren't that close to begin with.
The interwebs is a mixed bag, it allows folks to "make peace" with the past in ways not possible before, also allows people to bug people who didn't wish to hear from that person ever again... And it also allows folks to minimally stay connected with old friends without doing any actual face to face. If they live far away from each other, it's just like catching up on the phone, minus the voice (unless they use face time, which adds both face and voice.)
Humans are social creatures, but they are also cruel creatures at times. They say hate is taught, but if you watch little kids, they do some awful things to each other, do they learn this by watching "teenage" shows which involve shunning and exclusion?or are they just little shits?
Sorry about that...just watching some adults acting like kids in a playground and that popped into my brain.
It's good to have at least one good friend.
It's also interesting to review how you have reacted to your friends when they have confided things with you. Were you actually supportive, or were you more dismissive?
I remember going to a party once and a whole bunch of people who I used to occasionally hang out(a decade earlier) with didn't recognize me, it was sobering to discover how little I meant to them, when I remembered my interactions with them so vividly.
But, I realized that the persona I wore when I was with them was such a small slice of myself, why WOULD they remember the specifics?
Also, when you find a soulmate, you just don't care about all the rest of the crap out there in the world...it's like when one of your friends gets "totally into a girl" (archer:PHRASING!) and you have all become "chopped liver". You stop bothering to even ask JOHNIFFER if they want to go anywhere...
Don't let it bother you. It is kinda sometimes hard to find good close friends as you get older though...
Nick, I know nothing of you other than what I see on this forum. Though you've got a few negative strikes in your ratings bar, nothing negative comes to mind on my part, so what I'm saying is to try to help and not to put you down.
With such a broad spectrum of your friends and acquaintances having the same reaction toward you, I would do some self-searching. If you're a person of faith, talk with your Pastor, Chaplain, or head of your center of worship. If you're still on speaking terms with any of those who've shunned you, ask them point blank what the problem is. Be prepared for what they say and don't react with anger. Just listen. Remember, you're trying to fix a problem and anger and arguing with them about their perception of what's wrong will only serve to separate you more.
If you are an alcohol or substance abuser, seek help. I have walked away from three close friendships due to alcohol and one of them was my very closest friend. His wife and daughter abandoned him and he eventually died from it. He just wouldn't seek help. Though I do enjoy an alcoholic beverage occasionally, I have no use for those who make it a major part of their life.
Again, I'm not criticizing you, just trying to offer some help.
No, I dont abuse substances, I dont even drink anymore.
My friend whos wife died, I give him a pass on account to being messed up after that. Being friends with me may be a constant reminder.
This other guy, He wronged me deeply and I decided to forgive. He still has the audacity to act this way, so it pisses me off. I have known these people since highschool, so its not just past friends, they were constant contacts.
I guess this can sum up his character real quick though. Despite him trying to hook up with my wife, a few years before my wife through me a surprise party. He told herhe decided to not be my friend anymore. SHe said why?...He stated because I havn't gone to his bands shows......I was the father of a toddler who stayed home chronically sick with the kid. The kid got up at 6am, so going to a midnight show was not in the cards for me. Also, I have a hard time getting out to public places like that as sick as I have been.
So apparently my crime is becoming chronically ill, becoming a father, and not being able to go out to the bars till 2 am like the old days. When he pulled the shady crap, the other "circle of friends" gave him a pass and tried to act as if it was "blown out f proportion" as if he didnt do it. to put it bluntly, I saw the text messages, they were legit and validated by my carrier, but others decided to dismiss this.
Then one of them quit talking to me because I defended myself when he demeaned me for being on disability and basically called me leech on society for becoming disabled.
Sad to say....many of these people obviously were not true friends, and it sucks I wasted so many of my years with them.
Becoming ill should never be a "crime" but some asct as if your scum when you do.
To me is sounds like they were just using you and were never really friends to begin with. The people I consider friends are the ones I have not spoken to in years, but I can call them or visit and it's like no time has past. Forget them and get some real friends.
I agree, this is exactly how our friendship was until he did what he did. I tried to be the bigger man and forgive him. He slapped my hand away. oh well.
I'm sure your not going to like it but the only lifetime friendship that I care about is my wife. If my wife was to die, I'd probably move away and leave everyone behind just so I wouldn't be haunted by it every time I was around somebody that knew us.
People evolve and create new friendships. Your so called friend doesn't need you in his life right now and has made this quite clear. Maybe you remind him of past mistakes he has made and is afraid you might tell others about these. I know stuff about friends that would severely damage their present relationships. I still am in contact with them, but on a limited basis, and that is by my choice. It's time for you to move on and nurture the present friendships you have.
I'm sure your not going to like it but the only lifetime friendship that I care about is my wife. If my wife was to die, I'd probably move away and leave everyone behind just so I wouldn't be haunted by it every time I was around somebody that knew us.
So I'm "entitled" because it bothers me that someone I was close with like a brother up and left without warning and was hostile when trying to find out if they are ok?...wow..ok..
its not normal to treat people that way. If you want to cut everyone out and try to block the world off to "forget" fine, but others lost someone too. It was hard on others as well. At the very least, people who have been there through thick and thin deserve some sort of courtesy. I was very close with him and his wife. So was my wife. We went out together on a regular basis. We became cops together. I helped raise his kids. When his wife died, we were crushed as well. We were also there to help pick up the pieces, I helped him with the kids, etc. Then one day, he vanished. I was worried about him, so I tracked him down. When I found him, he responded with anger and hostility and said to never contact him again. This made no sense and was like being blind sided. The last conversation we had he told he was going to get married again and then nothing.
I dont care who you are or what has happened, people deserve to be treated with respect. You don't piss on those who have been there every time in when you are in need of help. If he were to politely explain why he acted this way, fine, that at least could be reasonable and understood. However, using people to help you in time of need and then leaving without a word to anyone and becoming hostile, rude and vile to those who only sought you out to make sure you were ok is not acceptable behavior. THAT is the attitude of someone with entitlement.
[This message has been edited by NickD3.4 (edited 07-13-2015).]
Went through that with my best friend whom I grew up with, later on in life I found out he was arrested and useing alcohol and drugs.I was just about to post this same question, because, Im going through this again....Says he'll call me later and doesnt.Doesnt answer any of my calls (caller ID), but when I use a seperate phone he answeres...my situation is not as extreme as yours, but I think its related to drugs.I allso think the other friends of yours, who cut you out of their life, are his drug buddies.
[This message has been edited by James Bond 007 (edited 07-14-2015).]
I have. I personally can't spend my time worrying about what other people do or don't do. I have also stopped talking to people for various reasons. I never volunteer an excuse, quiet frankly, I don't have to.
Maybe there are bigger things for you to worry about, like your family, your health, your happiness.
"Friends" come and go. WHY they "disappear" is sometimes a mystery - other times not. Sometimes it's outside influences.
I've had friends who disappear once a new GF is on the scene. The last time I saw one buddy was a few months before last Xmas when we met up for Pizza. I could see he had become a vegetarian (he confirmed when I queried his order of vegetarian pizza) due to his GF's influence and was taking allergy shots that made him feel sick at the time because she has cats and wants him to move in with her. Since then, he didn't respond to a "Merry Xmas" email I sent him (how much trouble is it to Reply "you too"??) and won't respond to phone messages either.
Obviously, I must be on her "banned" list for some reason.
007 gave a sound theory. Even if it's not drugs, when someone decides you're different from they are, in the right (or wrong) way, they'll wall themselves off from you. Maybe you represent too much of what they wished they were, feel they can't be, and the reminder bothers them too much to stand being around you.
Just a thought...who knows without hearing from the person who's doing the shutting out.
I was more or less interested in whether others here have experienced this. sometimes I cant explain it. WHn it comes to my "best friend" so to speak....We were close as could be. We wrote music together, played in a band together, etc..I am close with his family and have been for a long time. I had just gone to his wedding, and for some odd reason, he began drunk texting my wife and making comments like " I should of given it to you good back in the day"...he then tired to invite himself over for drinks etc. My wife was really upset and didn't know what to do, so eh forwarded the messages to his newlywed wife. He freaked out after that and obviously fed her some BS. I had nothing to do with any of this, but was really hurt that he would stab me in the back like this. SImply put, my health is not good. I have some major surgeries coming up and the surgeon told me i'm a high risk patient. If things were to happen, I don't want to leave this earth holding on to anger and pain. I decided to forgive and reach out to him to let him know I am past it, and I hold no anger toward him. He never once tried to contact me when that happened, which shows his cowardice.
I admit though, his response hurt. he said " I deleted your message immediately and didn't read it. My wife will do the same, don't contact me or my family again".
I was surprised he responded as if I did something to him!
I think it comes down to this...he fed his wife some BS. If he were to allow me to come back into his life in anyway, the truth of what happened would risk coming out somehow, or he is scared of this. He is probably doing this out of fear to run from what he did. It's just too bad that he allowed such a petty thing destroy the friendship. However, it's become more clear he always took and rarely gave back. I don't have many friends left. The good ones I had, I lost two in the same year 2 years ago, may they rest in peace. One was Ken Peterson, a member on this forum.
The ones still alive betrayed me. It just sucks to give so much to another and then be **** on. My problem is I put so much loyalty into my friendships, which I feel is good, but sets me up for disappointment as well.
Obviously my case is not unique from the post here. Oh well, people suck huh?....Im just cleaning up my lose ends while im still here.
Originally posted by NickD3.4: its not normal to treat people that way. If you want to cut everyone out and try to block the world off to "forget" fine, but others lost someone too.
This = entitlement. He doesn't owe you anything, the type of relationship you want out of old high school relationships is not healthy and pretty often behaviour I see from addicts who never grew up.
Obviously this hurt your feeling but you need to let this connection go and focus on the people still around you.
[This message has been edited by jmbishop (edited 07-13-2015).]
The problem I have is that all my close friends are dead, where I went to school the class of 72 only has a small hand full of survivors. All my old neighborhood friends are gone also. My best friend that I had after I married (he married on of my old girl friends) past 4yrs ago. All that's left is my wife.
jmbishop, my Nick-name for you is going to be Mr. Harsh.
Yes Nick, I have had friends cut me out suddenly, and then make excuses for years that they had some other thing going on. They were never hostile but, maybe for good reason in their mind. My cousin, common friends, said that I was psycho and scared the crap out of them. Well, the last time we were together, some guys came out of their way to be in our path and one of them pulled a knife, it looked like a mugging to me. I took all 3 of them down decisively, hard enough that they groaned on the ground before scurrying away. One of my friends even said, "Oh **** , did you see that guy had a knife.". I was like, "Yea, why else would I attack 3 guys". Somehow that got me expelled from the group. My cousin, who was the common friend, was dating the woman that he would later marry and was not there. He was impressed but not surprised, I had tried to protect one of my friends from him years ago but, he just would not listen.
[This message has been edited by FriendGregory (edited 07-13-2015).]
My god, friends come and go.. in your life time you'll be lucky to have one or 2 friends that you know you'll be able to count on,, now, or 30 years down the line.. GROW UP.. get over it.. Is your life that stagnet that friends from back in high school still matter ? it's great if they still keep in touch, but who cares if they don't.. move on..
I have connected with friends from high school and even before that.. on face book, but if they tomorrow stopped replying , no loss.. it's not that high on the important list.. if they stay in contact great if not, no loss.. Again friends come and go.. move on and make some new ones..
I will tell you this, it isn't worth sweating over it.. as soon as I walked off the staging with my diploma , that chapter closed and a new one started, and didn't talk to anyone on a regular basis , if we ran into each other, we'd shoot the crap, but not say, we should hang out sometime.. or keep in touch.. everyone had moved on.. started a new part of their life, and have current friends that fit their life now, not what fit when in high school, as people change as they grow up.. crap they did then, they not do now, interest have changed, hobbies change, life changes, people you got high with or drank with, partied with, talked about who you'd want to bone, played sports with, really don't have anything in common with each other 10 years or more down the line.. and people you didn't even talk to back then can be the ones that have things in common with now..
or it could just be you!!! don't know you, so take that for what you paid for it..
[This message has been edited by E.Furgal (edited 07-13-2015).]
I keep in mild contact with some high school graduates I still know, and occasionally a dinner. I have friends for 20 years too, just find other things to do and dont stay in touch. I like being self sufficient and operate on my own. I have lots of friends, mostly girls, I stay in touch with all the time. I just go on with my life if people want to go another way. What I really hate is the best buddies you dont hear from for 15 years suddenly show up to be best friends again because they wrecked their car. I dont cut them any deals.
Hey guys, I've been racking my brain because as of late I found that almost all of my personal friends from high school and that I grew up with have stopped talking to me.
<snip>
I'm going to make a couple of comments... generalizations mostly, about people that I've stopped talking to, and others who have stopped talking to me. There are a variety of reasons, so you can kind of pick and choose on which fit you and which do not.
There are many reasons why people, or friends, grow apart. There were several friends that I kept in contact with after high school... but I can honestly say right now that if one of us died, the rest of us might not know about it. I still occasionally keep in touch, maybe talk to one of them over e-mail every few years... but the reality is that as we get older, our priorities in life change. We have greater responsibilities in life, and sometimes the "old life" that you guys used to have in common, is no longer a commonality. So... the friendship becomes something that requires far more effort than is worth the time for one or both people. It sounds bad... but if no one is on the same wave-length, then you guys don't really have much in common anymore except for fond memories. Pushing the friendship in a place it no longer will go, can only hurt those old memories and possibly invalidate them. It's best just to let things move on when they do.
I've certainly stopped talking to people as a result of this, but I've also had people stop talking to me because of this as well. Maybe I'm not as successful as they are, or maybe they aren't as successful as I am, and we are just in a different place... again, no existing commonality.
What you need to figure out is, which one of these people are you?
Are you the Debbie-downer of the group that's always focusing on their own problems that's bringing everyone else down? Are you the friend that has been outgrown, or have you outgrown your own friends? Are you the friend who's always asking for help too much or only calls when they need something?
Again, not putting any labels on you, but I'm just putting things into generic perspective...
I've been fortunate that I've been able to retain several friendships that have lasted decades. And I'm talking about friends, not acquaintances. Big difference. I'm a firm believer that there's no friend like an old friend.
Anyway, I've only lost the friendship of one person that mattered to me. Without going into the drama, a third person concocted some hurtful BS that unfortunately my friend took to heart... and dropped me like a hot potato after a decade of being close friends. I wasn't totally caught off-guard by his behavior, only because he had done the same thing to his own siblings years previously. I tried to contact him directly and through his wife, but no luck. He wouldn't talk to me. Yes, at some point you just need to move on... but man oh man, it created an acute sense of frustration when an opportunity was never given to discuss what the hell this (fabricated) problem was supposed to be.
I've had friends move away, get new jobs, etc, and not stay in touch. I've also been the one who leaves and doesn't stay in touch. There are many varied reasons why these things happen. That's just part of life.
Now chug on over to mamby-pamby land, and find some self-confidence, you jackwagon!
I've been fortunate that I've been able to retain several friendships that have lasted decades. And I'm talking about friends, not acquaintances. Big difference. I'm a firm believer that there's no friend like an old friend.
You tell a compelling story. And it's hard to add what others have chimed in with. Very good insight. Over the years I've noticed that you appear to be a caring individual and care what others think of you. On this aspect of things you need to go what I call "Vulcan". Approach this situation with a logical mind and keep emotions out of it. If these people don't want to associate with you then how does that affect your daily life? Don't let it bother you. Look at the "friend" that wanted to diddle your wife. Eff him! I don't know why you would want to make amends with him. He should be wanting to make amends with you. What if in a weak moment your wife succumbed to that. Where would have that have left you. The guy is a dirt bag and you should not want anything to do with him. Keep those poison people out of your life. With friends like that who needs enemies.
I think you are going through a retrospection phase in your life. Retrospection has its place. In order to understand where you are you have to know where you come from. But don't allow that to invade your life with negative thoughts about yourself. Your posting, seems to me like you are second guessing yourself. Don't do that. We are not perfect and most all of us have made mistakes here and there. That is where the retrospection can turn into a positive and can learn from that. But the past is the past. Leave it there. It's where it belongs.
I've had friends move away, get new jobs, etc, and not stay in touch. I've also been the one who leaves and doesn't stay in touch. There are many varied reasons why these things happen. That's just part of life.
Pretty much.
I have lived in 4 states now and even in those states multiple cities. I have met so many people along the way, and in each stop I make, I make great friends. I have friends from middle school that I still talk to and I recently was a groomsman in a wedding for a brother of one. I have friends from high school that will be mine. I have college friends that will never go away. I have friends from each job location. Each time I met people that became brothers, and each time I moved to a new place I never reached out. I don't really feel the need to. I know each of these people I could call at any time and have them help me out. But at the same time... we've changed and grown apart over the years, and that's okay.
Nick, you sound like a buddy of mine from childhood. He stayed in that city all the way up, and made new friends but never replaced me as his best friend. I replaced him as a best friend when I moved away in 7th grade. Don't take offense, just hear me out. I love Zach (friend). Seriously, would do anything for him. Because we grew up together until middle school! And went through so much. We have stayed in touch, but only due to his efforts, as like I said, I moved on. I have a very busy life. He works at a bar and then goes home and works out. He calls me to chat. I don't want to chat. I run out of excuses to tell him. I don't want to hang out either. We are wildly different than we used to be. He's immature. At the end of the day, if he really needed something, I'd be there. But when he calls, I don't answer. I ignore messages from him. Why? It's the same thing every time. Reminiscing and talking about what I'm doing. What is he doing? The same thing. I can utilize my time better than him. It really sucks, and I hate that I treat him this way! But what else am I supposed to do?
Some others, they were similar. High school friends, they thought we were best friends. Sure, we hung out every day, but it wasn't too deep. I never considered them best friends. They want to hang out all the time. Sorry... I don't. I have better stuff to do when I am only home for 2 weeks a year. I don't want to be rude, but I've had to be with some (usually women) that just can't seem to take a hint.
Move on man. They have their reasons, and that's all you need to know. Go make new friends.
This = entitlement. He doesn't owe you anything, the type of relationship you want out of old high school relationships is not healthy and pretty often behaviour I see from addicts who never grew up.
Obviously this hurt your feeling but you need to let this connection go and focus on the people still around you.
you have no idea what your talking about on this issue. Your making alot of assumptions based on very little knowledge. One i knew since high school, as in we were constant friends actively over 15 years,
for for the other person, he came later but close none the less. My relationship has nothing to do with highschool itself. Also, because someone I knew since high school acts like an ass and im frustrated with it means "im an addict who never grew up"?....and other "owes me nothing". BS. If you have someone who has always been there for you through hell and high water and you want to disappear, they sure as hell are too owed something in regards of at the very minimum respect. You think its ok to disrespect those that put you first and helped you out through life? That attitude right there is just plain selfish bullshit. THAT is entitlement. Expecting to be shown respect as a human being and friend for caring is not entitlement. If you think its ok to take from others and drop them like garbage and treat them as such good luck to you. .what planet are you living on?
[This message has been edited by NickD3.4 (edited 07-13-2015).]
My god, friends come and go.. in your life time you'll be lucky to have one or 2 friends that you know you'll be able to count on,, now, or 30 years down the line.. GROW UP.. get over it.. Is your life that stagnet that friends from back in high school still matter ? it's great if they still keep in touch, but who cares if they don't.. move on..
I have connected with friends from high school and even before that.. on face book, but if they tomorrow stopped replying , no loss.. it's not that high on the important list.. if they stay in contact great if not, no loss.. Again friends come and go.. move on and make some new ones..
I will tell you this, it isn't worth sweating over it.. as soon as I walked off the staging with my diploma , that chapter closed and a new one started, and didn't talk to anyone on a regular basis , if we ran into each other, we'd shoot the crap, but not say, we should hang out sometime.. or keep in touch.. everyone had moved on.. started a new part of their life, and have current friends that fit their life now, not what fit when in high school, as people change as they grow up.. crap they did then, they not do now, interest have changed, hobbies change, life changes, people you got high with or drank with, partied with, talked about who you'd want to bone, played sports with, really don't have anything in common with each other 10 years or more down the line.. and people you didn't even talk to back then can be the ones that have things in common with now..
or it could just be you!!! don't know you, so take that for what you paid for it..
OMG...as always you have a severe reading and comprehension problem. I could give two shits about people i knew back in highschool. This is hardly like someone I reached out to out of the blue after years and years since graduation. Of course, to know this you would have to have ACTUALLY read the post. I have known this PERSON SINCE HIGH SCHOOL! I we were family. went on trips, played music, was at eachothers weddings, etc. This was one my one close friends of MANY years until recently after what he pulled.
As far as you....piss off. Literally damn near every time I post in here you show up and run your mouth with insults. You were attacking me and my profession before you knew anything about me. I said it once and Ill say it again. You can go **** yourself. You contribute nothing constructive ever. Its funny, you say you left high school behind and yet you act just like a punk jock teenager who loves to run their mouth and tear down others. this forum would be better off without self righteous pieces of trash like you. The only one here that needs to "grow up" is you, the loud mouth moron who likes to hear himself talk. take you BS attitude somewhere else.
[This message has been edited by NickD3.4 (edited 07-13-2015).]
In case anyone is confused, im not talking about old high school contacts. Could care less. Im talking about a tight group of people I have known dating all the way back to high school. Big difference.
Also, I came on here to have a constructive and respectful conversation. If you want to come on here and berate me or run your mouth like some internet tough guy talking **** . Take it somewhere else, Im not interested. If you feel the need to come on here and spend time and energy to put me down and run your mouth talking **** , how sad and pathetic for you. I came on here to get some actual real world viewpoints by those mature enough to be an adult about it and respectful. NOt listen to some juvenile internet troll who gets off pushing other down and kicking them in the side because it builds them up and makes them feel superior. take your little penis syndrome over to facebook. There are plenty of turds just like you on there to keep you company.
This forum used to be a respectable place, but these "new comers" with their arrogant and smug attitudes and complete disrespect for others and those who have been here for a long time are turning Pennocks into a trash can.
Truly pathetic and unfortunate.
[This message has been edited by NickD3.4 (edited 07-13-2015).]
Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: I'm going to make a couple of comments... generalizations mostly, about people that I've stopped talking to, and others who have stopped talking to me. There are a variety of reasons, so you can kind of pick and choose on which fit you and which do not.
There are many reasons why people, or friends, grow apart. There were several friends that I kept in contact with after high school... but I can honestly say right now that if one of us died, the rest of us might not know about it. I still occasionally keep in touch, maybe talk to one of them over e-mail every few years... but the reality is that as we get older, our priorities in life change. We have greater responsibilities in life, and sometimes the "old life" that you guys used to have in common, is no longer a commonality. So... the friendship becomes something that requires far more effort than is worth the time for one or both people. It sounds bad... but if no one is on the same wave-length, then you guys don't really have much in common anymore except for fond memories. Pushing the friendship in a place it no longer will go, can only hurt those old memories and possibly invalidate them. It's best just to let things move on when they do.
I've certainly stopped talking to people as a result of this, but I've also had people stop talking to me because of this as well. Maybe I'm not as successful as they are, or maybe they aren't as successful as I am, and we are just in a different place... again, no existing commonality.
What you need to figure out is, which one of these people are you?
Are you the Debbie-downer of the group that's always focusing on their own problems that's bringing everyone else down? Are you the friend that has been outgrown, or have you outgrown your own friends? Are you the friend who's always asking for help too much or only calls when they need something?
Again, not putting any labels on you, but I'm just putting things into generic perspective...
This was a well thought out post and I appreciate it.
Literally, though I don't fit into any of these other than perhaps out growing them. I was the first to get married, have kids, etc.
Literally, I was always there and am always there for my friends. two of my closest friends turn their back on me for two different reasons.
One, I spoke to almost everyday. He called me, I called him, we had a close bond. His wife who I was friends with as well, suddenly died. He asked me to help him with the kids, which I did. I did everything I could to help him through that terrible time. He suddenly went off the radar. When I reached out to make sire he was ok, he responded with hostility. Did this hurt? yes.....I loved him like a brother. He chose to stay in touch with his department buddies while cutting all hi close friends out. I had already lost a good friend to death, but it may as well been both of them.
The second friend, we were extremely close. I was basically Adopted by his family. We were as close as brothers as well. I have very few people i'm close with like him their far and few between. When I became sick, I couldn't go out to his concerts anymore. He took issue with that. What killed our long time close friendship for good was going behind my back and trying to hook up with my wife.I let it sit for 3 years and then decided to try and be the better man and tell him its ok, I forgive him and if he wanted to ever reach out he could.
his response was to never contact him again.
So....yeah...it hurt. Im human.... I had two very close friends treat me like **** and I was wanting to know what causes someone to act this way. I decided to ask others here if they had similar experiences. I wanted to hear others experiences in life. Those who can't seem to come on the forum without being a force for negativity have a real issue.
[This message has been edited by NickD3.4 (edited 07-13-2015).]
I've been fortunate that I've been able to retain several friendships that have lasted decades. And I'm talking about friends, not acquaintances. Big difference. I'm a firm believer that there's no friend like an old friend.
Anyway, I've only lost the friendship of one person that mattered to me. Without going into the drama, a third person concocted some hurtful BS that unfortunately my friend took to heart... and dropped me like a hot potato after a decade of being close friends. I wasn't totally caught off-guard by his behavior, only because he had done the same thing to his own siblings years previously. I tried to contact him directly and through his wife, but no luck. He wouldn't talk to me. Yes, at some point you just need to move on... but man oh man, it created an acute sense of frustration when an opportunity was never given to discuss what the hell this (fabricated) problem was supposed to be.
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. ^^^^^^^I am NOT talking about acquaintances. Also, the frustration from not even being able to speak to someone is maddening.
You tell a compelling story. And it's hard to add what others have chimed in with. Very good insight. Over the years I've noticed that you appear to be a caring individual and care what others think of you. On this aspect of things you need to go what I call "Vulcan". Approach this situation with a logical mind and keep emotions out of it. If these people don't want to associate with you then how does that affect your daily life? Don't let it bother you. Look at the "friend" that wanted to diddle your wife. Eff him! I don't know why you would want to make amends with him. He should be wanting to make amends with you. What if in a weak moment your wife succumbed to that. Where would have that have left you. The guy is a dirt bag and you should not want anything to do with him. Keep those poison people out of your life. With friends like that who needs enemies.
I think you are going through a retrospection phase in your life. Retrospection has its place. In order to understand where you are you have to know where you come from. But don't allow that to invade your life with negative thoughts about yourself. Your posting, seems to me like you are second guessing yourself. Don't do that. We are not perfect and most all of us have made mistakes here and there. That is where the retrospection can turn into a positive and can learn from that. But the past is the past. Leave it there. It's where it belongs.
I appreciate it. Yeah I do care, but t be blunt, this is why I am where I am. I almost died last year, im very lucky to be alive. I have been near death a few times since. My health problems have almost put me in the ground 3 times. I am no headed for some major surgeries and the DR warned me Im high risk. This is the only reason I reached out.
SO....with that said, I wanted to rid my self of any anger I was hanging on to. This is why I reached out to make amendments. I'm making peace with it all.
Anyone who wants to ridicule me for that, (not you) can go to hell.
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. ^^^^^^^I am NOT talking about acquaintances. Also, the frustration from not even being able to speak to someone is maddening.
Nick, I posted what I did as I felt I had somewhat of an idea what you were/are going through with those friends. Yes, it is rather upsetting to be totally rebuffed for no apparent (actual) reason by someone who was once quite close. I dunno... people are just weird.
