.

[This message has been edited by nitroheadz28 (edited 11-23-2012).]

I'll PM you in a bit.

[This message has been edited by FieroRumor (edited 03-06-2011).]

Eh... aren't we all in the same boat nowadays?

The best thing I can say, if you are the only one in her life don't give up on her and go to her if she needs you.
and whatever is binding you to your house will understand if your trying to save someones' life...

Well I spoke with her tonight. 100% decided on death and intends on departing shortly.

I'm a train wreck, but I'll do all I can to keep someone alive.

Ive dealt with people hell bent on killing me and then them self. Call the cops and have a welfare check done. Say she is a harm to her self. The cops will show and take her to the hospital. In california its called a 5150. I dont know what it is called out there. Dont take your time to post here ( I did and next thing I know guns are being pulled). CALL NOW.

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: He said there was nothing he could do for her. WTF kind of doctor is that!?!?!

Just as there are good mechanics and bad mechanics, there are also good doctors and bad doctors. My girlfriend is a shrink. She sacrifices her own well-being trying to do the best for her patients. It appears that the doctor you're girlfriend was seeing unfortunately doesn't give a hoot, or perhaps there's more to the story and your girlfriend was refusing to cooperate with his prescribed treatment. (Patients can't just stop taking anti-psychotic medication as they see fit.)

At any rate, it sounds like some kind of immediate intervention is now required. Dial 911.

[This message has been edited by Patrick (edited 03-07-2011).]

This might appear to be very blunt, but I have to say it
1. Is substance abuse involved on her part?
2. You say you are subject to very deep depression yourself, by your own admission. Some might say that 'you have to have been there yourself, to help somebody else'. That is true, very true. 'Walk a mile in my shoes' is very apt at times. BUT, and it is a BIG but....if you are still suffering from bouts of severe depression yourself, I doubt very much you will be able to help constructively with HER depression, when you have a hard time dealing with your own.

You know what Patrick said is very true. I doubt a Doctor would risk being struck off for dereliction of duty, even a very bad one, although some do. I think the lady in question may well be telling the Doctor the same as she is telling you. She obviously is determined NOT TO BE HELPED, and what can a Doctor do then? He cannot force her against her will to undergo treatment. How do you even know she took the medicine? You only have the word of somebody who is in a self-destructive psychotic state of mind.
There is also another difficult point to bring up here, and sorry if it hurts, but it should be said .

Many people who are in your position, dealing with somebody who is totally alone in life other than yourself, have a dilemma to face. Are you wanting to save somebody from ending their life, because if they DO do so, YOU assume the guilt for her having taken her own life...even if she really did not have anything to live for, and was 100% convinced of that? In other words, she is happy to end her life, but you feel like you failed her in preventing her from ending it all if she succeeds.

Would you be happy within yourself if you DO prevent her from ending her life of misery, only for her to continue being increasingly miserable as a result? There ARE many people who cry out for help, and need and want that help. But I believe there are those who will go on to suffer even MORE, and end up doing it totally alone.

There are undoubtedly people who are so unhappy with their life, and are unable to do anything about it, that want to die. So perhaps 'we' are being almost selfish in our own desire to succeed in 'helping', when all we really are doing is prolonging their misery?
Because we will feel better about our-SELVES because we stopped them from ending it all.

I often think to myself, WHY do we believe we know better than the actual person who is so distressed?
Now, having said all that, I want to go on and say 'Do your best for the lady...but get somebody who is better set up to be able to help her, and not emotionally involved'. If you are able to delegate all that professional attention to somebody who CAN do so, you can help in other ways, to help her get better. Be there for her, if you are strong enough in your own life to be there constructively.
But more important than anything...don't let HER sadness and despair drag YOU down too. If she DOES get to end it all, you have to be sure you are in a position to continue with YOUR life and its problems, with no guilt. Yes you will be sad, and tormented. But as long as you know within yourself you did your very best FOR HER, and THEN you, you will be able to cope with everything you feel. Otherwise you will just step straight into her vacant shoes of Life.
Nick


Nick

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 03-08-2011).]

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: This is the only place that I really come for advice apart from a few good friends seeing as you guys are some of the most intelligent and down to earth people that exist. I'm reaching out to you guys, anything you can give me to try to at least get her to tone down her thoughts would be appreciated. She has completely lost interest in everything in life, I mean everything. She has no family, no health insurance, a crappy job, her beloved beautiful cat kept her alive for some time but now she is even ready to leave him behind. She needs to see that there are good things in life. Her view of the world is completely destroyed by scumbags who betrayed her, she can't come to terms with the fact that money is such a huge factor in life and how people in general live for such petty and material things. She feels incredibly alone, I'm pretty much all shes got here. We don't get to spend nearly enough time with each other because I have a situation that holds me prisoner to my house. I also want to add, that the last therapist who she was seeing- prescribed her a new medication which made everything much worse for her. He promised her that he would help and she trusted him. She went back to him a few days ago to tell him that the medication gave her sever side effects and that she stopped it. He said there was nothing he could do for her. WTF kind of doctor is that!?!?! You might as well tell a suicidal person to go kill themselves, I was shocked!! I hope thats enough background, and sorry for the essay.

Nitro, I really wish I could be of more help, but I have no experience at all when it comes to depression. I understand of course that if it's an imbalance, then I don't know how much of this can help, but I find that doing things that you like to do, like hobbies and such, will take her mind away. So as not to make this political... not everyone believs the world revolves around money. You need some of it to survive, but "having stuff" comes with all it's own problems. My wife and I cut back on our spending and paid off debt we had. For two years, we didn't spend money on anything other than essentials, so we didn't have a spending budget unless it was for food / home supplies.

We found that not having money, really wasn't a damper at all! We started visiting all of the natural parks here in South Florida. It's a great way to get exercise, and it's really, really nice to just walk around and enjoy nature. Most of the natural parks around here are set up for walking, biking, and often have a lot of "exibits" of sorts... areas where they have special plants or foliage, or a look-out tower, or whatever it is. You'll be amazed at how much stuff there is out there for you to enjoy that doesn't cost you anything. I think some parks charge $1 per person, per entry, on the weekend... but if you don't mind just spending a buck... it's really worth it.

I know that excercise and diet play a MAJOR role in allowing the body to produce the proper chemicals needed to maintain a healthy mind and body in terms of regulation (including mood and psychology). I don't know what kind of physical shape you guys are in, but regardless of whether or not you're in bad shape (temporarily) or physically fit... any time is a great time to start exercising. It's free... it costs nothing to run and exercise. As I said, many of the parks here in South Florida are set up with running / hiking trails. If you guys started to go to these on a regular basis, I guarantee to you within a couple weeks time, BOTH of you guys would feel like a new person.

Trust me on this. As far as food goes, try to eat healthier too... I don't know a whole lot about this stuff when it comes to food, but I DO know there is a HUGE science behind healthy eating as it relates to the mind. I encourage you to do some research in that area.

The one thing I always tell myself is that every day, is the day that you can change yourself. You just have to motivate yourself to do so...

Hope that helps a little...

------------------
Todd,
2008 Jeep Patriot Limited 4x2
2002 Ford Explorer Sport 2dr 4x2
2002 Ford Crown Victoria LX
1987 Pontiac Fiero SE / V6
1973 Volkswagen Type-2 Transporter

Her thoughts might be caused by the very medicaltion she is using. She needs to consult her doctor right away to change the prescription she is on to another medicine or to adjust her dose. It is obviously not working. You need to act on this ASAP! If you suspect she really is going to try and go through with this call the police and let them know. They will be able to place her under protective custody so she can't harm herself.

It could very well be atmosphere. Every winter i hit a severe depression and it somehow subsides once spring hits. Meds are not a cure nor are they even helpful in most cases of depression. You would have to find the root cause and correct that. If it's not correctable then change of atmosphere is in order... a mini-vacation if you will.

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: Well I spoke with her tonight. 100% decided on death and intends on departing shortly. I'm a train wreck, but I'll do all I can to keep someone alive.

Deal with the immediate issue. If you believe she intends to do herself harm, call 911 and tell them exactly that. Once her safety is ensured, she (and you) can begin to work through what brought her to this point, but the first thing must be to ensure her safety.

You haven't posted in almost 12 hours, so please let us know how she and you are doing when you get a chance.

There are many posts in this thread on another site, which have both sides of the argument as to whether a third party have the RIGHT to force somebody to stay alive, when they have obviously chosen NOT to.
If you DO click on the link, pay special attention to the post near the top from Mercurialred. It , amongst others, puts a perspective on one side. There are others that put the opposite.
I just get a nagging worry in the back of my head, that we are usurping somebody ELSE'S rights, for our OWN peace of mind, by interfering, or preventing them making their OWN choice. Now that IS selfish, IMHO.
I am not advocating reading it to regard it as a means of deciding, but simply to see this terrible predicament from BOTH sides, because we aren't seeing both sides here.
http://www.drug3k.com/forum...e-is-selfish-523.htm
If you think I am terribly wrong for posting this, I will remove it immediately. There are far too many reasons for somebody to take their own life to address them all, or even one, successfully, as lay persons, and decide if it is wrong or right.
I only want to help. Honestly
Nick.

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 03-08-2011).]

I would recommend you look into Dr. Amen. He is very good and his approach makes sense:

http://www.google.com/#q=dr...&fp=39acbb16608a1f3c

Maybe someone just needs to put it in to perspective for her? She is young, has a whole life ahead of her where she will be leaving those harmful memories in the dust and making new, good memories. She has someone that obviously cares about her, and you gotta go through bad stuff in life. Its part of it. If it was all peaches and cream, you would never be able to appreciate what is good without knowing what is bad.

I personally think someone that young has little or no understanding and patience about life... she needs to give herself more time to find things that are good and worth living for. Life is not a microwave dinner, it takes time and waiting for something that is good. I was right there when I was a teenager.. but the beauty of problems are that you learn from those mistakes and the problem eventually goes away. There's a lot of good things that can come her way as well, and will.. but she needs to be patient and strong to get to them. Help her with that, you may be the only one she will listen to (no pressure, right?) but she needs to hear those kind of things from a friend.

Wellbrutren (spelling?) is supposed to be good.

quote Originally posted by 87antuzzi: Ive dealt with people hell bent on killing me and then them self. Call the cops and have a welfare check done. Say she is a harm to her self. The cops will show and take her to the hospital. In california its called a 5150. I dont know what it is called out there. Dont take your time to post here ( I did and next thing I know guns are being pulled). CALL NOW.

This and what Avengador said. You can't just start and stop most mood drugs serious consequences.

This is frustrating.

Hard to change your mind when you feel so low.

Wish money wasn't so tight. a little cruise would be nice. get away from 'reality' for a week.. eat food. get lots of sun. relax.

The lack of money makes things worse. Not that being rich automatically make you happy, but at least you have OPTIONS...

You have to be careful about yourself. Depressed people around depressed people is not a good formula.

You have to make sure your lifeboat doesn't sink before you can rescue others. It's not uncommon for a drowning swimmer to take a strong swimmer down with him.

It's not weak to make sure you don't overextend yourself. It's just smart.

There are professionals who should be dealing with this. Trained and skilled.

and yeah bottom line is it sucks no matter what you do or don't do.

.

[This message has been edited by nitroheadz28 (edited 11-23-2012).]

Just saw this post. Wish I had some advice. All I can say is that the perspective she (and you) really need that will help you cope with everything won't come for another couple of decades. All I can say is the cliche'd responses like Hang in there and Keep on keep'in on. Sorry I can't be more help.

I think you need a new girlfriend. Quit waisting your time. You can't change people who don't want to change. Sorry if I sound harsh,but it's true. Don't let her pull you into her world where there is sorrow and grief. Let her go. Or live in a world where your depressed all the time because another person brings you down. You only live once. Look out for number one, your not any one's savior and some people just can't be helped no matter how hard you try.

quote She stopped seeing doctors entirely. She won't go, has no interest in helping herself at this point.

This is very bad and it will affect her mental stability. She was on medication and now she isn't. That is not very good at all because her body was dependant on this medication to keep her balanced. She really needs to see her doctor and explain why she stopped taking her meds. No wonder she is having suicide thoughts. She isn't in her "right" mind now.
Does she have any family? Maybe they can get her committed and treated if you don't want to do it. Someone needs to do something now before she does something stupid.

[This message has been edited by avengador1 (edited 03-07-2011).]

Check you PM's nitro.

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: -Patrick: You are absolutely right, I'm just so disappointed that it had to happen to her of all people. Its the doctor, shes a very honest person and hasn't lied to me. I'm sorry but if the side effects were that bad, then she needs to be off of those meds.

Nitro, I'm afraid you missed the most important point of my post. It's not up to the patients to decide when and how to quit taking these anti-psychotic medications. We're not taking about taking aspirins here! When mentally ill people go off their meds suddenly, they go crazy. They need to either taper off under medical supervision and/or be prescribed some other medication. They just can't stop cold turkey on their own.

My girlfriend (the psychiatrist) sees this all the time. It's pretty frustrating/devastating for a doctor when their patients think they know best, and then end up much sicker... or dead.

quote Originally posted by Patrick: Patients can't just stop taking anti-psychotic medication as they see fit.

.

[This message has been edited by nitroheadz28 (edited 11-23-2012).]

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: -Fetish/ Nick: That was a great reply!!!! I read it briefly when I was in school but I wish you had kept it! Lots of great points, I really appreciate your time and advice! .

Well then, I put them back for you to read again
Nick

One of my ex-wives (#3, actually ) regularly suffered from what was diagnosed as "Seasonal Affective Disorder"......basically she hit the dumps HARD during the winter months. She was prescribed medication but refused to take pharmaceuticals so she took a more holistic approach. She used St. John's Wort instead and it definitely made a difference in her behavior.....that and the addition of "sunlight" bulbs in all of the light fixtures in the house.

It's worth a shot anyway.

What I'm about to post, I post with the utmost of respect,

your only help and hope is Jesus. Both for you and your girlfriend.


Without the Lord in your life, psychology, counseling, etc will never work... trust me.

Please read all of these for a start to help:

http://www.gotquestions.org/Does-God-exist.html
http://www.gotquestions.org/is-God-evil.html
http://www.gotquestions.org/who-is-Jesus.html
http://www.gotquestions.org...sus-resurrected.html
http://www.gotquestions.org...ve-resurrection.html
http://www.gotquestions.org/Jesus-only-way.html
http://www.gotquestions.org/way-truth-life.html
http://www.gotquestions.org...trine-salvation.html
http://www.gotquestions.org/way-of-salvation.html
http://www.gotquestions.org/true-gospel.html

I need to add something to this conversation, and I mean it very respectfully, and very seriously.

There is a type of person called a "fixer"...
"I can fix that. I can help that person. I can change that person."

I was in a very similar situation as you with my ex-GF... She suffered from severe depression, schizophrenia and a few other items...
And for the longest time, I thought I could "fix" her..

You can't. I couldn't. It is not possible.
The most you can do is be supportive, and watch her closely. Be there for her. And if it gets to be too much, I understand.
I would never wish anything bad on another person, but if she does something drastic, you will blame yourself for it...
That is because you are a fixer.. Be supportive of her, but don't hesitate to call the police if she becomes a danger to herself or others.

I spent several weeks in the hospital psychiatric ward for a suicide attempt myself... And honestly, I hated every minute of it... But it helped me.
A lot.

As stated earlier, she should not decide when she is done with her meds...
You can speak with her doctor about it, but her doctor can't share details with you.
Just call the doctor and let him/her know... (One of her previous if you have to)...

I have seen a court order medication for someone who refused to take it...
She felt she didn't need it, but she was a danger to others due to her psychopathic behavior... (She came to my house, broke in, took my dog and went for a "walk". She returned the dog three days later saying she just wanted some exercise.)
When the court ordered the meds, she was required to appear at the hospital every day at a certain time, or face jail. The pills were administered at the time.

I can't help you on the side effects issues, or the horrible doctor who said he couldn't help...

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: This latest med she was on was high dose (I believe 50mg) but she only took it for a few days. I am considering breaking things off with her. I don't think I can help her, she doesn't want mine. This situation is making my depression that much worse, and she has decided on what she wants to do. Things have been really tense the last few weeks with us, I lost my temper twice recently and said some things that hurt her. Shes been ice cold to me and shows no signs of possible forgiveness, she doesn't want to meet or anything.

Based on this I'd say get authorities involved as Antuzzi said. Then go on with your life, and let her go on with hers, you did help.

While she obviously means something to you, I have agree with what a couple have said before; you are guessingly best off moving on. It might seem like a mean/terrible/heartless approach, but if she doesn't want yours or any others help, then what more is left to do? You can't FORCE her to get better.

Look at it from this horrible metephor: If a homeless man with a gun says he will shoot you if you go anywhere near him. You WANT to help him, give him some money, clothes, food, whatever, but you can't. No matter what you do, he will not allow it. He doesn't want your help. It doesn't matter that he NEEDS it, he doesn't WANT it. Your GF seems to be there same way. Doesn't want help, isn't willing to look for it. Not to sound offensive, but it sounds like she is already dead/withered inside. Some people don't handle stress as well as others. Some will get shizz thrown at them from every direction and will hold their head high through it, others will crumble. Willpower IMO is a huge factor.

While not as bad as this case, depression runs in my family. My Mother has it, and me, my brother, and my sister have it. I have chosen not to use medication, although I have been heavily suggested I should. I have never attempted suicide, but I will say that without my strong will to go on (and a loving woman), I would've been dead and gone a long time ago.

Sorry ranting a bit. It might sound cruel, but some people are just too far gone. It sounds to me like she has lost everything, and then some. It sounds like anything she might have lived for is gone. Even though as outside observers we can see more, perhaps she cannot.

Ask her if you are worth living for. If she cannot bring herself to stay on the side of living to be with you, then she really is lost.

Goodluck, I wish you the best in these troubled times

Dave

------------------
BAZOOKAFIERO's Junk

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

quote Originally posted by 1985FieroGT: What I'm about to post, I post with the utmost of respect, your only help and hope is Jesus. Both for you and your girlfriend. Without the Lord in your life, psychology, counseling, etc will never work... trust me.

Give it a break. You are out of your league here.

quote Originally posted by Patrick: Give it a break. You are out of your league here.

He just was trying to help, I think... "Religion" DOES help some people find solace...(among other things)...but I don't honestly think Religion's gonna 'help" this girl.

[This message has been edited by FieroRumor (edited 03-08-2011).]

quote Originally posted by FieroRumor: ...but I don't honestly think Religion's gonna 'help" this girl.

Exactly. More crazy talk isn't going to help the situation.

quote Originally posted by Patrick: Give it a break. You are out of your league here.

I beg to differ.

This verse is for you (Revelation 21:8):

But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

quote Originally posted by 1985FieroGT: This verse is for you (Revelation 21:8): But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.

Nice.

So how many of those labels have you attached to me?

.

[This message has been edited by nitroheadz28 (edited 11-23-2012).]

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: I just don't know anymore....

Women are tough to figure out at the best of times.

Seems to me this woman doesn't want a relationship with you. Fine, move on. Honestly, you're probably better off.

If you're still worried about her being suicidal, call the authorities. Flowers were nice, but this woman requires help.

Take it from a guy who was kinda/sort of dealing with the same thing you are right now. I was dating a girl a number of years ago (17) she was 16. Now myself. I Get a small case of winter depression. When its cold out or snow on the ground i dont see it at beautiful i see it as a pain in the a$$ and i dont like doing ANYTHING in the winter unless it involves partying or chillin with my friends or makin money. My fieros are pretty much put on hold for the winter because as i said in dont like doing anything. Now during the summer I'm a ball of energy. (this is why i want to move somewhere warm all year around) But onto my old girlfriend. She had almost the same problems your girlfriend. She had thoughts of suicide she was always depressed she never wanted to do anything. She was a gorgeous girl and i dont know why she dident see what i saw in her She was one of those emo types. But I got so sick of her being so negative about herself I went to my buddy and got the key to his mountain house for 2 weeks. We got in the car drove up there and spent 2 weeks with each other. Made her feel special in all kinds of different ways which I'm not at liberty to discuss on a family friendly forum and spent the whole 2 weeks with her. Her parents litterley told me she came back a whole different person. Dunno what caused us to split up but it happend.... Havent heard from her in years but last i heard she ended up right back where she started.

quote Originally posted by nitroheadz28: Sigh, please back the religion out of the thread- no offense. Neither of us is suffering because of a lack of Jesus or god or whomever. No she will not try to live just to be with me. She told me she won't live for another person. I was actually planning on breaking up with her this morning... But I somehow did a 180* and ended up buying flowers and some treats to surprise her when she came home from work. Guess what, I stood there in front of her apartment for 2 hours. When she finally did decide to reply to my calls and texts, she said she wasn't on her way home cause it was womens day. So I left the flowers with her next door neighbor and left. These are the texts I got when she got home: -Thank you they are beautiful but this is not ok I'm sorry after all but thank you very much. -The timing is bad. ^ I just don't know anymore....

"The Timing is Bad"..?

Listen, You don't want her to off herself, heck I don't think ANY of US want her to, but one thing YOU don't want, is a "partner" who knows they can treat you like sh*t, and you'll take it. Most women want a guy they can respect...
Ok, no need to blow up what happened yesterday into a big deal, but either this chick is gonna off herself, find a way to heal herself, and you will end up happy w/ her , or or one day, she'll rip your heart out and stomp on it when she decides you eiher aren't good enough for her, she's "outgrown you" You "remind her of her "old life" , or discovers she likes chicks, or finds some "bad boy" guy who "makes her crazy" (usually a guy who's a "rebel", living in his parents basement)

Be supportave, but don't be too much of a crutch, she needs to firm up her legs. You can help, but she in the end needs to be able to live with herself.

You already know this...

Hope I don't sound like an ass here...

Maybe you can figure out some fun stuff to do with her which makes her look forward to *something* on the horizon. Little things, and one or two BIG things.
5 bucks a week saved can add up to a nice trip...