UPDATE: Even though I knew the risk of my son not taking me seriously from now on, I called him last night and apologized. I had as long of a conversation with him as I could afford with my cell phone. I explained to him mostly what you guys have said all along. That I forget what it was like to be a 17 year young man, and taking away his social life was completely wrong. At his age, his social life is very important. I also acknowledged to him that I shouldn't have taken his relationship away from him. How will he ever learn to have a mature relationship, if I never let him try and fail? I told him I was sorry for being so hard on him and that from now on I would not make rash decisions when I am angry. From now on, I will wait a day or more to calm down first. It is sometimes hard distinguishing between Army life, and home life. Over here, I'm expected to be tough on my guys, so that they stay focused and alive.

As for the babysitting issue, I grew up watching my two younger brothers from the time I was 13 until I left home at 18. My mom worked 65 hours a week to keep us going, and I admire her for that. This is not a new concept for responsible teenagers to look after siblings when needed. It actually helps them learn some responsibility. The difference is that I had to do it all the time, my son only does it on an as needed basis. Plus, I forgot to mention, he was paid to watch his brother. It was a way for him to make a little extra money since he wasn't getting many hours at his work. This was no different than hiring a teenage babysitter.

Now comes the hard part. Telling my wife that I want to loosen the leash after she just told him what the punishments would be. She will be very angry with me, but for all of our sakes, it needs to be done.

P.S. My son asked me on the phone how much his closet door costs. I asked him why and he said there's a small hole in it now. He said, "You pissed me off and I punched it." He again asked me how much it costs. I told him not to worry about the closet door, that I had my share of punching walls when I was younger too. Then there was a short silence and I said, "You dumbass.". We both started laughing. I then told him, "I wish you would've broke your hand. Never mind, then I'd have to paid for that too!". He's like, "You have insurance!" I know that conversation doesn't sound real funny typed on a screen, but it was priceless and we both had a good laugh over it. It felt good to hear him laugh again.

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: From now on, I will wait a day or more to calm down first.

You can actually use this to your advantage. Waiting for a punishment can be harder than getting it, .

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: Then there was a short silence and I said, "You dumbass.". We both started laughing. I know that conversation doesn't sound real funny typed on a screen, but it was priceless and we both had a good laugh over it. It felt good to hear him laugh again.

WONDERFUL! Just...WONDERFUL..on both YOUR part, and also the maturity your young man showed in dealing with a miscreant Father
Come home safely to your son and family, Hulki.
God Bless you all.
Nick

Glad to hear that you have figured stuff out. Sounds like things between you and your son will be different (for the better) from now on.

Zach

You're a good dad. I wish my dad had been willing to do that kind of thing.

Well, my heart and my intentions for my son might have been in the right place. But my actions surely were not.

Thanks to you guys and your advice, I can hopefully right this wrong.

It is really good to hear this. Isn't it amazing how our children help us to grow up? Parenting is not an easy task and there are no set, easy answers. Just do your best and hope for the best.
Larry

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: UPDATE: Even though I knew the risk of my son not taking me seriously from now on, I called him last night and apologized. I had as long of a conversation with him as I could afford with my cell phone. I explained to him mostly what you guys have said all along. That I forget what it was like to be a 17 year young man, and taking away his social life was completely wrong. At his age, his social life is very important. I also acknowledged to him that I shouldn't have taken his relationship away from him. How will he ever learn to have a mature relationship, if I never let him try and fail? I told him I was sorry for being so hard on him and that from now on I would not make rash decisions when I am angry. From now on, I will wait a day or more to calm down first. It is sometimes hard distinguishing between Army life, and home life. Over here, I'm expected to be tough on my guys, so that they stay focused and alive.

This is probably the best thing you could have done, in my opinion. You're showing your son that you, too, are human, that you can also make mistakes, that you're man enough to admit it, and that you can apologize and be sorry for those mistakes. You're also showing him, by telling him what you did, that you respect him, and as more than just a child. I think you went a long way in patching things up with him, and maybe even building a stronger relationship between the two of you.

quote Now comes the hard part. Telling my wife that I want to loosen the leash after she just told him what the punishments would be. She will be very angry with me, but for all of our sakes, it needs to be done.

Do with her as you've done with your son. Tell her how you feel, and why you want to loosen that leash. Be calm and cool, just as you're going to do with your son from now on.

quote P.S. My son asked me on the phone how much his closet door costs. I asked him why and he said there's a small hole in it now. He said, "You pissed me off and I punched it." He again asked me how much it costs. I told him not to worry about the closet door, that I had my share of punching walls when I was younger too. Then there was a short silence and I said, "You dumbass.". We both started laughing. I then told him, "I wish you would've broke your hand. Never mind, then I'd have to paid for that too!". He's like, "You have insurance!" I know that conversation doesn't sound real funny typed on a screen, but it was priceless and we both had a good laugh over it. It felt good to hear him laugh again.

I think you handled this excellently. You didn't get mad...you told him you understood...and then, you interjected a bit of humor to clear the air. He in turn manned up...he asked how much it would cost to replace the door. That's showing some responsibility. I think, if you stick to the plan, you and your son will do fine. You DO need to remember, though, that you ARE, first and foremost, his father, and he needs to learn to respect that. There will be times when you do need to hold him accountable for his actions. But that's not to say that the two of you can't be friends, too.

Looks like you gain a lot of your son's confidence in you back. I have that type of conversation with my son all the time. At least he isn't breaking doors. LOL

Not me.

I was just as perfect a kid as I am an adult.

John Stricker

quote Originally posted by litespd: I don't know about that, John. I think Chris turned out pretty well. I know he's done some stupid stuff....but all in all, you've got a pretty good kid there. And haven't we all done stupid stuff when we were that age?

quote Originally posted by litespd: Do with her as you've done with your son. Tell her how you feel, and why you want to loosen that leash. Be calm and cool, just as you're going to do with your son from now on.

Mmm, I just would probably avoid telling her you got advice from this motley bunch...you could lose ALL credibility with her. LOL

quote Originally posted by Taijiguy: Mmm, I just would probably avoid telling her you got advice from this motley bunch...you could lose ALL credibility with her. LOL

agreed.


as for the door, yea, i think we all did that at one time or the other...

Well, I talked to my son tonight about what my wife and I came up with. We agreed that we would give him his phone back, his computer back, and his social life back. I also told him we would not limit his text time as long as his grades stayed where they should be, but at 10:00 he has to turn the phone off for the night. We raised his bedtime up to 10:30, which I know is still early, but if he stays up much later than that, he is a zombie the whole next day unless he gets to sleep in until 9:00. Unfortunately he has to get up at 5:45 for school, so he can't stay up much later than that.

The talk with my wife went excellent. I admitted to her that I made a mistake and that from now on I would take a day or more cooling off before we discuss punishments. Her and I grew from my mistake a little too.

Now the bad part. I fear that he may have lost his girlfriend over this. In her mood on her MySpace page, she always had the date they started going out. Yesterday she removed the date, and put that she missed Braden. I talked to my son about this, and he said this Braden guy was a friend of hers from another school district. I asked him what he thought of her putting that on her MySpace page, and he said she would never cheat on him, because she said she wouldn't. He also said she wouldn't lie to him. I told him that they have only been together for two months, he has no idea what she's capable of. But I ended it right there, I have to let him figure this out on his own. It sucks, because if something is happening, it's my fault. But what kind of girl who was "in love" finds another love interest the next day??? My son is naive, but I told him the only thing I can do in regards to his relationship is give advice. I told him he has to handle his own relationship, make his own mistakes, and learn from them. That's the only way he's going to learn how to have a mature relationship. He's worried, but I told him that I am there for him if he needs advice and/or someone to talk to. I REALLY hope I didn't screw this up for him. I feel bad enough for him already.

Hulki..they are teenagers!! Teenagers fall in and out of love as often as the moon changes to new!! If she didn't want to wait ...ah forget that!! OF COURSE she didn't want to wait!! Children/teens are, more often than not, in love with BEING in love!!! Seventeen..... twenty-five (optimum age for successful relationships ) ..eight years? I don't think so Hulki...I REALLY don't think so!! Console yourself, if you NEED to, with the reality that people very rarely marry their first sweetheart, and stay married.
You really didn't want your boy to marry a flippertygibbet now, did ya??????
Nick

hey Hulki.
are you in Adder/Talill or delta? im a sergeant now woohoo!

quote Originally posted by fierofetish: Hulki..they are teenagers!! Teenagers fall in and out of love as often as the moon changes to new!! If she didn't want to wait ...ah forget that!! OF COURSE she didn't want to wait!! Children/teens are, more often than not, in love with BEING in love!!! Seventeen..... twenty-five (optimum age for successful relationships ) ..eight years? I don't think so Hulki...I REALLY don't think so!! Console yourself, if you NEED to, with the reality that people very rarely marry their first sweetheart, and stay married. You really didn't want your boy to marry a flippertygibbet now, did ya?????? Nick

Hey, I'm 17. My plan with that is to keep away from them girls. Nothing but drama. I have done ok without a single relationship for 17 years, so I think I'll be fine for another 8 or so.
Oh and By the way, I'm an Odd-ball in this Generation. I rarely text or use my cell phone much at all. I spend my time with my Turbo 3.4 Project.

If I had to raise kids in this day and age I think I would just go ahead a cut my own throat.

quote Originally posted by ghost187x: hey Hulki. are you in Adder/Talill or delta? im a sergeant now woohoo!

I'm at Delta, "The FOB of choice". Although I don't know who would choose to come to this FOB, they would have to be out of their mind. Congrats on the promotion, and welcome to the NCO corps!!!!

Tell your son to not get too seriously involved in a relationship or attached to any girl right now. He'll have plenty of time to do that later in life, once he has a career going. Women will be more serious and mature by then too. Tell him he is going to experience some heartache in his life and these early relationships are going to be part of that.

quote Originally posted by avengador1: Tell your son to not get too seriously involved in a relationship or attached to any girl right now. He'll have plenty of time to do that later in life, once he has a career going. Women will be more serious and mature by then too. Tell him he is going to experience some heartache in his life and these early relationships are going to be part of that.

summary: have fun, but play it safe.

quote Originally posted by avengador1: Tell your son to not get too seriously involved in a relationship or attached to any girl right now. He'll have plenty of time to do that later in life, once he has a career going. Women will be more serious and mature by then too. Tell him he is going to experience some heartache in his life and these early relationships are going to be part of that.

Don't you know that at the ripe old age of 17 kids know everything there is to know about life and the world? At least that's what mine thinks. I have repeatedly told him all of the same that you posted, and this is a playback of what he heard:

Dad: "Kevin, I'd like to talk to you, son."
Kevin: "Sure, dad. What's up?."
Dad: "Well, you need no not get so seriously involved with these girls, there will..........blah........blah.........blah."

That's where he stops listening.

Tell him if he must have sex he BETTER use protection and make damn sure the girl is of consent age.