Okay, I'll try to make this as short as possible. I am a 34 year old father of three. I have three kids, a boy 17, a girl 13, and another boy 7. The two oldest are from my wife and her ex-husband's previous marriage, but they are my kids. I don't distinguish between them. Anyway, this is about my 17 year old. I have been in his life since he was 8 years old, and he never really was much of an affectionate child, but he was always happy, always well-mannered, and always a good boy. Fast forward to about two months ago. He got involved with a girl who is friends with his ex-girlfriend. One night, they went to a carnival together, and he came back home after. Kevin (my son) jumps on MySpace to tell the world about going to the carnival with Mandy (the girl). In all this excitement, Kevin doesn't set his alarm clock for the next day, so he can get Darion (my youngest son) ready for day camp. Kevin was supposed to get him up and ready and get a water bottle for Darion to take with him before Darion's ride showed up to take him to camp. My wife is at work during this time mind you. My wife gets a call from Kevin that morning and asks her if she knows where Darion is. My wife is like, "What? You are supposed to be watching him and getting him ready for camp". My wife starts frantically calling to make sure Darion went with his ride, which thankfully, he did.

Because of that inexcusable mistake, Kevin was grounded for three months. No phone, no computer, no friends, no nothing except work and home. He was not to be talking to this girl, either. I come to find out about two weeks into this, that he has been sending her messages on MS. I question him about it, he confesses to it, and we pretty much just let it go. Then he starts having her come into his work so he can talk to her instead. I find out about it and put an end to that.

Fast forward to a month into this grounding. I come home on leave from Iraq and it's a happy time. My wife and I decide to let him off his grounding. I made him promise to not disrespect us again by not breaking the rules. He asks this girl out, and he is immediately infatuated with her. He gets that way with every girlfriend, he smothers them right from day one.

So he has projects coming due at school that he just now decides to tell us about and they are big ones. He hasn't even started them. I tell him that I want him to limit his texting to her to one hour a day. He acts like the world is going to end, and says that's not enough. So I start digging into the phone records. He has a curfew of 10:30 because of how early he has to get up in the mornings. I start looking at the phone bill and he texts her from the time he gets up, until the time he gets to school, gets out of school and texts her right away until he leaves for work. He comes home from work and texts her until it's time for bed. This is an everyday routine.

BUT, looking through the phone records I see that he's now been texting her up until 11:00 which is half an hour after he's supposed to be sleeping. My wife and I found out about this, and I confronted him. His reply was "Yeah, I know it was wrong." But he did it anyway. The thing is before she came along two months ago, my son has always been a straight shooter. Always on the honor roll, always well-behaved, good work ethics, etc. NEVER to this day has he lied to me once. But now I feel he did lie because he told me he would obey the rules, and he just decided now that it doesn't matter if he does or not.

For his punishment, we took his phone away, his computer away, and he's not allowed to talk to her until he gets his three big projects for school and Boy Scouts done, which are all due December at the latest. The Boy Scout project will get him his Eagle Scout rank and get him a $1000 scholarship.

Do you think this punishment was too harsh or unfair?

Iam not a parent but being just 22 years old, I have gone through what your kid has gone through pretty recently.
So I offer some advice.
Your way of punishment isnt unfair or harsh but I may suggest:

I would make sure that he wouldnt need the computer to finish his projects, Just put a limit on IM, Email stuff like that. I would give a time limit of one to two hours of computer time.

One thing that I would look out for is the make sure that he isnt rushing to finish up the projects. I used to do this when my parents would take away things that I really liked. In turn he may get a bad grade and be in even more trouble.

Keep his moral up. Taking away his whole life (Just based on how you descibed that situation) can really bring a kid down. Making him not wanting to do anything at all. Maybe as he gets stuff done, give back a privilege, starting from smallest to biggest. Giving him something to look forward too.

This stuff may not even be an issue with your kid, every kid is different. Hope this helps you out a little bit, Iam sure you will hear more from parents that can offer more advice.

Zach

You are only 22 years old?? You have a VERY wise head on your shoulders
Hulki..17 years old? Grounded for 2 months? I am surprised he didn't kick off big time over that! I understand your point of view, but at 17 years of age he is almost grown, but not yet an adult.You aren't waging a war on HIM, but his HORMONES!!
Take him to a deprived neighbourhood. Show him what happens to drop-outs...because if he COULD, he would drop out of everything just to be with this girl...and the next...and the next..and the...
My advice? Don't engender resentment...nurture understanding Difficult for you I know, what with being a step-dad and in the Forces.
But then..we all have different ways of dealing
Nick

i would say that if hes doin alright in school and boy scouts, he knows what hes doing. im the same way, with the eagle scout project and never doing homework at home, but i end up getting it done by the deadline, the homework in homeroom, and everything is fine and dandy. also, if you take away his comp. privileges, hows he supposed to stay updated with PFF?!!?

quote Originally posted by grkboy707: hows he supposed to stay updated with PFF?!!?

He has never been on PFF. He's into DSMs. Believe me, I tried to get him into Fieros, just wasn't there.

Everyone, I thank you for your words. Zach, you are wise beyond your years, it's incredible. As for his computer, he will have access to it when it's needed for assignments, but nothing more. I hope that he doesn't rush to get projects done, because he's grounded until November whether he gets them done or not, and he knows this.

I hate that word step-father. I don't consider myself that, and thankfully he doesn't either. What is really difficult here is how he went from the most well-adjusted, respectable kid in the world up until two months ago, and now he's this guy. He showed absolutely no remorse for his actions, and I fully believe in November, if this girl sticks around until then, that he will be right back to these mistakes.

Some of this is my fault though. I was hard on him growing up because I could see the bright future ahead of him, so I was always riding him to keep him motivated. Sometimes I was very tough on him though, and said hurtful words to him that I should have never said. I always apologized, but that scars a kid. And I think he has self-esteem issues because of it. Looking back, I really was a bonehead of a dad at times.

A three month grounding for more or less not getting up on time? Yes, I know he did not get his brother ready for camp, and his brother left on his own, but three months? I too have three kids 15, 13, 11 so I know how it goes. That much time being grounded at 17 you are lucky he still comes home at night. Staying up an extra half an hour is not that big of a crime my 15 year old does not even have a bed time and she is on the principle list honor role every quarter. My daughter also texts her butt off and I really do not like it, but the more that you become restrictive at that age the more secretive and sneaky they become. I would rather have her text than talk because at least she can get other stuff done between texts. I do make her stop for dinner and such. Spend more time doing dad and son stuff with your son it will distracted him from the girl a bit. I have had my share of boy problems with my girl and you just got to get them doing other fun activities.

Sean

[This message has been edited by cunninghamsean (edited 09-10-2009).]

Not too harsh, if those three projects could cause him to go to summer school or severely affect his academic career. If he said he KNEW it was past 10:30, and kept texting, and he knew he would lose the privilege, then his actions moved your hand.

The only compromise I could see is it he set up an alarm that would tell him it was 10:28 which meant 'start ending the conversation" and then 10:30 = turn off phone. (or have the phone auto-turnoff at 10:30).

Being 17 and having to tell a girl "My parents want me to stop texting now" might be embarassing, but tough noogies. It's not like you said "NO texting during the week". 1 hour of texting should be enough... are they long distance from each other? Why not TALK?

Don't get me wrong, I remember being 17. No texting back then, but there was note writing and phones and whatnot...

When my kid is 17, I'll probably need a remote-shutoff for his texting implant or something...

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: Because of that inexcusable mistake, Kevin was grounded for three months. No phone, no computer, no friends, no nothing except work and home.

That was too much, in my opinion. May have even led to his next infraction (which should be no excuse). He needs to know he has rules and needs to man up to those rules.
Question(s) ?
Why three months ? Were there previous infractions ? Did he realize there was a prescribed penalty ?
I am a choices and consequences type guy. The consequences need to be known though. Also, I have found that it helps to have ...., him or an employee (whatever the discipline case may be), suggest the next course of action. It makes them more likely to follow the solution. Also, more likely to think about their actions before hand. It gives them control over their behavior to a more responsible degree.
My thoughts on this are rough, as in not polished. I will think a little more on it.
By the way, congrats on your new truck, thanks for what you do for me, and, take care.

[This message has been edited by cliffw (edited 09-10-2009).]

I always went the other way with punishments with my daughter
I would add chores - especially the messy ones. there is always something that needs a good cleaning out.
guess who de-carboned my pistons on my last rebuild...
but - holy sheep dip - 3 months grounding for waking late?! and, being working parents - grounding really was impossible to enforce for us.

We as parents all have to determine what is and isn't acceptable. We have to also determine what the punishment is for breaking the rules is going to be. Were you too harsh? Not my call but, I do believe in making the punishment equivalent to the crime. Our children are different, we live in different locals. We may not have the same values. One thing I do know for sure, as he progresses through this time in his life, girls are a distraction you can not eliminate even by grounding. (I remember being that age. )

What I will say is communication with your youngsters is the key.

When my children were going through the maturing process, texting was becoming a real problem but, we felt it was important that our teenagers have a cell phone. We wanted to be able to get hold of them and wanted them to be able to get hold of us when necessary. My answer was to block texting on the cell until they started meeting our standards. When one of my kids starting visiting sites on the internet that I felt was inappropriate, we moved the computer to a location that could be viewed by anyone in the area. Might not have stopped it but, it sure slowed it down.

Sounds like you've got a good kid that's going through some growing pains. It also sounds like you're trying to be a good parent, I salute you, your wife and your efforts.
Before making any decisions, always try to put yourself into his position and think about his perspective. You were where he is at one time. This may not change anything but, by discussing it with him, he'll have a better perspective of your position.

Edited: What every you decide to do, punishment must be enforceable and realistic. If you can't enforce the punishment you just gave you teenager another opportunity. Maturity and self discipline are learned through the hard knocks of life. Kind of like teaching your dog to sit and stay, if you get him to sit and then walk away, he isn't too concerned about the stay part, you won't know till later.

Ron

[This message has been edited by blackrams (edited 09-10-2009).]

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: Because of that inexcusable mistake, Kevin was grounded for three months. No phone, no computer, no friends, no nothing except work and home. He was not to be talking to this girl, either.

I'd have to side with the folks that said this was too harsh. Granted, he does deserve some kind of punishment, but in my opinion, the punishment was way beyond the offense. I have two kids, who are now 29 and 25. I had my go arounds with both of them, and they were grounded. But, their groundings usually were for a week or two, and they were still able to talk to their friends on the phone (within reason), use the computer (this was before MySpace, Facebook, or Twitter), and if they had a significant other, they could talk to them on the phone (again, within reason), but they couldn't have anyone over.

You have to realize that your son is at the age where he's going to be "testing the limits"....and he'll look for every loophole that he can find. He's 17...and in his mind, he's an adult. To him, the groundings, taking away the phone and computer, etc., are things you would do to punish a child. I think you were on the right track in trying to limit his use of those items, but even then, it's hard to do.

It's a fine line we walk as parents. My advice to you is this....when things like this happen, take a day or so to think about what his offense was, and what you realistically need to do for punishment. Then, sit down with him, and explain what you've decided will be his punishment, but more importantly, why you came to that decision. If you dole out punishment while you're still angry, you'll end up giving him more than what he really deserves...and that could, in turn, cause him to do the things you've forbidden him to....talking to his girlfriend, texting, etc.

Just an opinion from a dad who has "been there, done that".

quote Originally posted by litespd: Just an opinion from a dad who has "been there, done that".

Well, whatever you did hasn't worked on John Stricker.

Ron

quote Originally posted by cliffw: That was too much, in my opinion. May have even led to his next infraction (which should be no excuse). He needs to know he has rules and needs to man up to those rules. Question(s) ? Why three months ? Were there previous infractions ? Did he realize there was a prescribed penalty ? I am a choices and consequences type guy. The consequences need to be known though. Also, I have found that it helps to have ...., him or an employee (whatever the discipline case may be), suggest the next course of action. It makes them more likely to follow the solution. Also, more likely to think about their actions before hand. It gives them control over their behavior to a more responsible degree. My thoughts on this are rough, as in not polished. I will think a little more on it. By the way, congrats on your new truck, thanks for what you do for me, and, take care.

I got to agree. My first thought was "Three MONTHS??!!" Especially for something as simple as forgetting to set his alarm clock. Who hasn't done that? I recognize that he had a responsibility to get his younger brother taken care of and that as a result of him not setting the alarm he didn't do that. But frankly, I think that's a lot of responsibility to lay on a 17 year old in the first place. I'd say you're damn lucky if he's only slipped up on that the one time. It sounds like overall you've done a pretty good job of bringing him up, but you might have gotten over-zealous with the three month punishment, and that could have set off this whole other chain of events. I recognize too that there's a girl involved. Who of us hasn't done totally stupid things for the affections of a woman? I think forbidding him from talking to her is also pretty extreme. I can assure you, if my dad had tried that with me as a kid, he would have been setting me up to violate his rules. There's no way in hell I would have stopped talking to her, are you kidding?

Just as a suggestion, instead of punishing him for being an infatuated 17 year old guy whose hormones are on fire, maybe this is an opportunity to educate him in adult relationships. How many of us ever get a real education in that from our folks? I never did. Maybe this is you chance to usher him into a a new stage in his life. Teach him how to handle what he's feeling, and to practice some self restraint in his relationship with her. Not through rules and overly harsh punishment, but through education. Share with him the wisdom of your experiences and see if he won't self manage a little.

I say cut the kid a break, he's 17 and your job is almost over. Don't over-react if he breaks the rules a little. A 10:30 bedtime at 17? C'mon, that really seems reasonable? At 17 he's got enough energy to power a freight train. From what you've said it seems to me as if the poor kid has no breathing room. He takes care of a younger brother, does well in school, is successful in Boy Scouts, holds a job, and isn't on drugs. As far as I can tell, you're pretty fortunate if all you have to worry about is him staying up later than you want him to.

I suppose my biggest suggestion is to pick your battles. If you bust his nuts over stupid little rules that he probably shouldn't have in the first place, you're probably just going to invite more rebellion until you have a real problem on your hands.

quote Originally posted by blackrams: Well, whatever you did hasn't worked on John Stricker. Ron

He always was the black sheep of the family...

Three months is too much.

Complete restriction from his computer and phone is too much.

Telling him to stop talking to his girlfriend, priceless.


Just kiddiing! That can't work and like someone else said, it will only ensure that he breaks this rule and it will teach him TO break rules. I'd say for him to take his phone when he leaves but turn it in to mom when he gets home. No cell phone when he is with an adult. He may need it for emergencies when alone.

Give his computer back but set it up on the kitchen floor. Restrict his time on it. He can be watched and it will be embarrassing for him. Tell him if he wants to act like a kid, he can play on the kitchen floor like one.

Have him bring this girl to your home for social time there. He will be supervised and the time controlled.

If the bedtime becomes an issue, remove his bedroom door and put a sheet up. You'll be able to see if any lights are on.

For a kid who has done so well, this punishment does not seem progressive. It is too much too soon. You can always get tougher but like you said, it is hard to take something back.

These are just suggestions of what you could do differently. Your specific situation may call for better alternatives.

------------------
Jonathan
1987 SE wrecked parts car
1985 SE parts car 23K miles

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: <snip> Some of this is my fault though. I was hard on him growing up because I could see the bright future ahead of him, so I was always riding him to keep him motivated. Sometimes I was very tough on him though, and said hurtful words to him that I should have never said. I always apologized, but that scars a kid. And I think he has self-esteem issues because of it. Looking back, I really was a bonehead of a dad at times.

If you haven't already, you can always tell him this. Although, it doesn't really appear as though you're backing off from being tough on him to me. Remorse for something you're still doing isn't genuine. As difficult as it is, you can't live his life for him. you have to let him make his own mistakes. How else will he ever learn?

Mmm, and having someone riding your back isn't motivating, it's tiring. And at the first possible opportunity, you buck that person off. You could be finding that out right now.

I hope I'm not coming off as too harsh or anything, just being honest as to how it looks to me.

I need to explain a little further. The reason that his grounding was for so long was because he woke up and didn't know where my youngest was. He had no clue if he had been picked up for camp or not. The reason we panicked and got angry is because there has been a car driving around where we live that just stops and stares at kids. The police have not caught the person to be able to figure out what they are doing. In this world nowadays, you can't take anything for granted. We were unable to verify my youngest child's whereabouts for 30 minutes.

As far as the grounding goes, he only served one month of it. We let him off early.

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: We were unable to verify my youngest child's whereabouts for 30 minutes. As far as the grounding goes, he only served one month of it. We let him off early.

Yeah, I know and I feel for ya but, who's responsibility is it? Is it really his or one that he has been asked to cover? Yeah, he screwed up and I'm not suggesting he shouldn't pay the piper but...................................................

Don't take this as a slam on you or Mom, not intended that way at all, I'm just putting myself in his postion.

Ron

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF:

I need to explain a little further. The reason we panicked and got angry is because there has been a car driving around where we live that just stops and stares at kids. The police have not caught the person to be able to figure out what they are doing. In this world nowadays, you can't take anything for granted. QUOTE]


I witnessed that one day. A guy was seemingly following me around as I delivered mail. When I got close, he would speed away. Next street, he'd come back and watch from a distance. I called my supervisor to see if there were any inspectors in the area. He didn't know of anything going on so he came out and we watched for him. We chased him down and blocked him in and confronted him. It turns out he was working for the City assessing properties! He car was not marked in any official way and it spooked me.

------------------
Jonathan
1987 SE wrecked parts car
1985 SE parts car 23K miles

I appreciate all the advice from you guys. It seems I have overreacted quite a bit here. I should have taken an extra day as was suggested in here and reflected on this instead of punishing right away. My problem is painfully obvious to me that I'm trying to hold on way too long, and I'm possibly driving him away in the process. It really is hard though when I look at him, and I see that 8 year old boy staring back at me. Letting go is REALLY hard, I've never had to do this before.

Unfortunately, the punishment I gave him is also hurting me. His phone and his MySpace were my only real way to talk to him since I am over here, and now I have no way to talk to him unless I wait in line and call home. This SUCKS.

quote Originally posted by Boostdreamer: Three months is too much. Complete restriction from his computer and phone is too much. Telling him to stop talking to his girlfriend, priceless. Just kiddiing! That can't work and like someone else said, it will only ensure that he breaks this rule and it will teach him TO break rules. I'd say for him to take his phone when he leaves but turn it in to mom when he gets home. No cell phone when he is with an adult. He may need it for emergencies when alone. Give his computer back but set it up on the kitchen floor. Restrict his time on it. He can be watched and it will be embarrassing for him. Tell him if he wants to act like a kid, he can play on the kitchen floor like one. Have him bring this girl to your home for social time there. He will be supervised and the time controlled. If the bedtime becomes an issue, remove his bedroom door and put a sheet up. You'll be able to see if any lights are on. For a kid who has done so well, this punishment does not seem progressive. It is too much too soon. You can always get tougher but like you said, it is hard to take something back. These are just suggestions of what you could do differently. Your specific situation may call for better alternatives.

^^^ All of this is excellent advice.

IMHO, you threw a brick at a mosquito.

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: Letting go is REALLY hard, I've never had to do this before. Unfortunately, the punishment I gave him is also hurting me. His phone and his MySpace were my only real way to talk to him since I am over here, and now I have no way to talk to him unless I wait in line and call home. This SUCKS.

I'm not going to say you did anything wrong or acted too quickly but, it was good advice. And yes, giving them the freedom to screw up is hard but, it's gonna happen whether you give it or he takes it. (Remember when you were that age.) Let it be a two way street with you attempting to guide him through some of the tougher parts. BTW, I sincerely appreciate your position and acknowledge that your sacrifice is making it tougher on you and your family. Thanks for all you're doing.

Ron

[This message has been edited by blackrams (edited 09-10-2009).]

Still am.

I'm not going to offer advice here. I have some things I can say, but I'll be the first to admit I suck at this parenting thing. If I said anything at all, I'd recommend you do the exact opposite.

John Stricker

quote Originally posted by litespd: He always was the black sheep of the family...

Thank you Ron. It's very hard to sit back and wait for your kids to screw up.

First of all he shouldn't have been made responsible for his younger brother, that is your job as a parent. Pawning off this responsibility on a teenager is just asking for problems. Secondly the punishment was way too harsh. You have lost his trust in you and you in him. The first thing you should have done is nothing. You need to keep a cool head and discuss the situation with him, not fly off the handle and put him in Gitmo. The worst part is that his friends are probably telling him to disobey you now. If he knows he is going to get punished, why not have a good time and stay out longer before the punishment starts.
The kid is 17 and is almost an adult legally. You should start to treat him like he is one. I have never had to ground or beat my son. He is 18 now and has always been a straight A student. This does not mean he hasn't been rebellious, he has. I just sit him down and have a man to man conversation with him. As a matter of fact he listens to me more than he would his mother, because I show him I respect him and he knows when I really am mad at him.
Don't smother your son and don't punish him so harshly. Speak to him and explain the facts of life to him. Get his input. Right now his hormones are causing him to not think as clearly as he should and you need to clear things up for him.
You need to rebuild your relationship with him and punishment is not the answer. It will only make him want to have less to do with you.

I want to personally thank everyone in here for your advice. I am starting to realize the fact that I am driving him away by doing this. There will still be some limits, but I am going to talk to my wife about letting this leash out a little bit. It was completely wrong of me to separate him from him social life completely, even though his girlfriend is a big distraction. I sometimes forget what it was like to be that age, and I didn't have any limitations whatsoever.

I really wish I had you guys beside me nudging my arm when I let my emotions govern my parenting. Thanks you guys! I am going to try to right this wrong, and will probably gain his trust back in me in the process.

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: but I am going to talk to my wife about letting this leash out a little bit.

You do what ever you think is best but, leave us or me out of the discussion with the wife, I've got my own problems to deal with and I don't need your wife mad at me to.

Ron

I can see why he seems so well balanced. You aren't a bad guy or bad father, you just want to look out for him, and that makes you a bit tougher than might be necessary. But, it seems like you're objective about things too. Acknowledging that you might have been hard on him shows me a lot personally. And I bet if you sit him down and talk to him and explain what you might have come to realize, he will probably appreciate it. Especially if in the same sentence you're letting him know that you're going to let him have some independence. I hope you'll keep us up on how this whole thing plays out.

On my phone, not gunna read everyones responses

But wow, you are being wayyy too hard on him

He does well in school and is totally straight up with you about everything

Give him a freakin' break

Not the frist dam time he's had to make THAT particular disclaimer, I'm betting.



John Stricker

quote Originally posted by blackrams: You do what ever you think is best but, leave us or me out of the discussion with the wife, I've got my own problems to deal with and I don't need your wife mad at me to. Ron

quote Originally posted by Hulki U. My-BFF: I am starting to realize the fact that I am driving him away by doing this.

Don't be too hard on yourself. My Dad was a tyrant and yes, he did drive me away. However, his upbringing served me well and I am thankful for it. Don't worry about driving your son away. A man needs to stand on his own to realize that he is a man. That is when he will really begin to adopt his own values. You will be pleasantly surprised to see that they likely will mirror yours.

quote Originally posted by jstricker: Not the frist dam time he's had to make THAT particular disclaimer, I'm betting. John Stricker

Appparently your wife had that little talk with ya?

Ron

quote Originally posted by avengador1: First of all he shouldn't have been made responsible for his younger brother, that is your job as a parent. Pawning off this responsibility on a teenager is just asking for problems. Secondly the punishment was way too harsh. You have lost his trust in you and you in him. The first thing you should have done is nothing. You need to keep a cool head and discuss the situation with him, not fly off the handle and put him in Gitmo. The worst part is that his friends are probably telling him to disobey you now. If he knows he is going to get punished, why not have a good time and stay out longer before the punishment starts. The kid is 17 and is almost an adult legally. You should start to treat him like he is one. I have never had to ground or beat my son. He is 18 now and has always been a straight A student. This does not mean he hasn't been rebellious, he has. I just sit him down and have a man to man conversation with him. As a matter of fact he listens to me more than he would his mother, because I show him I respect him and he knows when I really am mad at him. Don't smother your son and don't punish him so harshly. Speak to him and explain the facts of life to him. Get his input. Right now his hormones are causing him to not think as clearly as he should and you need to clear things up for him. You need to rebuild your relationship with him and punishment is not the answer. It will only make him want to have less to do with you.

WTF I basicly agree with avengador1
your 17 year old is not the parent of the younger child
he over slept but then did the right thing by checking what was going on
you have grounded him for checking and that ain't right
the young kid is YOUR and the wifes duty not his

then you did worse by trying to end his relationship with his girl friend
see shakespear's romo and jewlie for how bad that can go
10;30 for a 17 year old is nuts too

when my oldest was 17 he had a live in girl friend
it was we allowed her or she was on the street and he would have followed her
btw her parents knew she was with him at our house
they agreed it was better then her runing away and being on the street
we allso took in a guy buddy of his with the same deal but gave him his own room

the army does run on tight rules
but familys run on love not time curfews

------------------
Question wonder and be wierd
are you kind?

Yes, she did.

I was meaning to ask, why is it whenever she mentions you the word "little" comes up?



John STricker

quote Originally posted by blackrams: Appparently your wife had that little talk with ya? Ron

I have a question:

Was the younger child punished for not waking up the older brother, or for leaving the house without telling the brother or calling the parents? Seems to me he shouldn't have left the house without someone knowing. I know it was a planned pickup, but still. Also, did neither of you think to call to make sure everyone was ready that morning? I would think leaving a 17yr old to tend to his little brother might deserve a checkup.

L8r,

Kevin

wow, if i was that 17yr old, i would have been out of that house and living with a friend by now....

i didnt have a "curfew" at 17, i still managed to wakeup for school, or was still up to goto school, worked, and did Civil air once a week(we were called to find lost boy scouts alot... kinda sad actually), when my kids get to that age, they wont have a curfew either... and IMO making a 17yr old responsible for getting the younger kid ready for day camp, well, thats just asking for trouble, everyone knows teenagers oversleep time to time...

really tho, if your boys on the right road, not getting locked up, or brought home drunk by the cops, lighten up on him... just my opinion.

A three month grounding is a little harsh. Cancel the phone texting option on his phone. A computer is almost a necessity in today's education, so limiting acsess may be hard, but blocking internet service on that computer may be an option.

I'd say that a 17 year old, if he is a responsible teen, should be able to look after his younger sibling. In another year, he'll be able to vote for Obama's health care option and join the worker's life, pay taxes and be considered an adult.

At 18 he gets to sign up for selective service too.

quote Originally posted by hookdonspeed: kinda sad actually), when my kids get to that age, they wont have a curfew either... and IMO making a 17yr old responsible for getting the younger kid ready for day camp, well, thats just asking for trouble,

Every situation and child is slightly different. We all rear our children based on a combination to how both parents were reared. This assumes a two parent family. When your kids get to that age, then come back and tell us how good foresight is versus hindsight. Not flaming you, just making a point, till you walk in the other guy's shoes, you really haven't been there.

Ron

[This message has been edited by blackrams (edited 09-10-2009).]