Anyone else have a narcissistic boss? I can't just up and quit right now because if I do, he'll make sure I don't get a job in the area. So I have to find a way to deal with it until I can get all of my ducks in a row. Forgoet about a rational discussion with him because he's not a rational man. Ging to the authorities reporting abuses doesn't work either. He's has too many friends in high places. So I have no choice but to find a way to cope until a have a leg to stand on and can move away. Any suggestions?
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
His wife passed away early August of last year from cancer. But he was a butthead before then. After being married to her for 24 years, he waited all of three months before he started messing around with other women. I'm not good at BS'n so I can't even suck up to him. I can't bring myself to do something as degrading as that. He's taken a lot from me, but my dignity won't be one of them.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
Originally posted by whadeduck: How Do You Deal With A Narcissist?
What results do you want? I got fired twice last week by the same boss. Because I challenged his narcistic a$$. I would not have done that but I could see that it was after work alcohol inspired. Next day I was prepared to go but he did not "remind" me I was fired. As I thought. It depends on your vocation I guess, your experienxce, and your financial situation. I suppose the job market also and your experiance. I got fired for telling them to "go to hell" with a little more ellaboration. Funny how that can work. You are not thought of as "the b* itch " any more. Until you get your ducks in a row, (what I do), is position myself for another job witthout burning that bridge. It's called sucking a$$ which can be done tactictly with an attitude. And....it depends on your job. Is it just a paycheck ?
[This message has been edited by cliffw (edited 02-16-2006).]
The field I'm in, civil construction, is a small world. That's why I may not be able to stay in the area if I'm no longer working here. He'll make sure that everyone known to the company knows of my downfalls. Real or imagined. Whatever it would take at the time to get his way. I watched him do it to one of our former employees. I like what I do. I'm kind of a combination of a cost estimator, project manager, and in-house engineer. It's his presence that makes it almost unbearable to go to work every day. What I want to do is finish my engineering degree and join a firm. Unfortunately, I can't do that here because none of the local schools have an accredited program in Civil Engineering. I'd like to try and make it so that he gives me a recommendation for a job instead of following me around badmouthing me. I know enough to know that my future employer would be more likely to believe a business leader than a possibly disgruntled employee. I wouldn't put it past him to attempt to block the sale of my house, or at least try to discourage people from buying it, slander my reputation to attempt to hinder future employment, or even go so far as to drum up false charges all to make sure he keeps me here. Even if it's against my will. That is why I want to have my ducks in a row before I make any serious move. I'm kind of second-in-command where I am. I run the show while he is unavailable. Which lately involves him napping for hours on a couch in his office. So I'm definately not going to advance any in the company. Don't want to run things either. I suppose I'm just looking for ways to keep me from "losing it" until I can get things straight and get out of Dodge. I'm not into vengence. Besides, with only the three of us in the office and the other all out in the field, it wouldn't take long to figure out who did what. Just want a way to maintain my sanity if anyone else has gone through this. I've been reading up on narcissism and it's scary. Really no cure. Any reasonable advice would be greatly appreicated. Although I can't say the idea of "hired-help" doesn't seem tempting. j/k
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
[This message has been edited by whadeduck (edited 02-16-2006).]
Pray for him. Tell him that you're doing it. Narcissism usually comes from a place of insecurity and self doubt. If he feels threatened by you, he will act out towards you. If you come from a place of true compassion and sincerely hope the best for him, that energy should return to you. At the very least, it should make you feel better.
Thanks for the link avengador. Unfortunately, that kind of stuff won't work on a narcissist. From what I've been reading, there's really nothing that can be done. Narcissism is so deeply rooted that nothing seems to get through to them. I appreciate the sentiment though. One of these days I'll go bowling again and take my frustration out on the pins.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
[This message has been edited by whadeduck (edited 02-16-2006).]
Pray for him. Tell him that you're doing it. Narcissism usually comes from a place of insecurity and self doubt. If he feels threatened by you, he will act out towards you. If you come from a place of true compassion and sincerely hope the best for him, that energy should return to you. At the very least, it should make you feel better.
Someone said that to me once.. just made me a bigger dick, cause I knew it wasn't out of 'true compassion', and this wouldn't be either.
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11:48 PM
Feb 17th, 2006
Patrick Member
Posts: 39151 From: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada Registered: Apr 99
Narcissism is so deeply rooted that nothing seems to get through to them.
You got that right. My girlfriend's ex-husband (and unfortunately also the father of her two kids) is a true narcissistic b*st*rd. These guys believe that in each and every situation, they are the Alpha male, that the world revolves around them. There is no way these guys will ever change. It’s what they’ve been from a very young age, it’s what they are today, it’s what they’ll always be. There is no reasoning with them, there is no compromise. The only solution is maintaining distance.
So many women get completely conned by these pricks. My girlfriend is no exception. She should’ve known better being a psychiatrist and all, but these guys are SO good at being deceitful. So good at telling women what they want to hear, just as long as it’s to their advantage...
You got that right. My girlfriend's ex-husband (and unfortunately also the father of her two kids) is a true narcissistic b*st*rd. These guys believe that in each and every situation, they are the Alpha male, that the world revolves around them. There is no way these guys will ever change. It’s what they’ve been from a very young age, it’s what they are today, it’s what they’ll always be. There is no reasoning with them, there is no compromise. The only solution is maintaining distance.
So many women get completely conned by these pricks. My girlfriend is no exception. She should’ve known better being a psychiatrist and all, but these guys are SO good at being deceitful. So good at telling women what they want to hear, just as long as it’s to their advantage...
So much I keep reading about narcissisism just describes my boss to a tee. He's survived brain cancer, his step brother's murder, and his wife's recent passing. To most, these would be life-changing, humbling situations. Unfortunately, for a narcissist, it only fuels the external Ego. I started working for this guy over twelve years ago and didn't see it. Maybe the narcissism was in it's infancy or there was something still keeping it it check to a certain degree. When I started working there, he really did seem like a good guy. He wasn't the greedy, self-inflated, non-empatheitc, egomaniacal jerk that he is today. You're right about being deceitful. He tells people what they want to hear. Including our best customers. When he doesn't follow through with the promise, I'm the one who ends up appologising for him. He's actually told me lately that, if he tells me to do something to make sure to leave his name out of it and tell people that I'm doing whatever out of my own free will. I do this sometimes to use his name because it'll carry more weight than mine and maybe get a better response. But he wants his name left out of almost everything unless there's some credit to be given. Then he's right there. One of my difficulties is that he has enough people buying the whole "God's-gift-to-the-world" thing that I don't stand a chance going up against him. Ruining my professional carreer is not something I want to risk dong. I reckon I'll just have to keep on keeping on, get my ducks in a row, and save myself eventually or I'll "go down with the ship." There's a growing population of people who have seen past his external facade and don't want to work with or for him. Both customers and vendors. So it seems like it's just a matter of time before his condition causes things to implode. So I don't really want to be around when it happens. I don't want to be around because he'll most likely make me take the fall for it. He'll do that out of my convenience of being in the office across the hall like he seems to do frequently. Anyway, I'll keep people up to date on things. Both the seriousness and sometimes humor of it all. Thanks for listening.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
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06:21 AM
84fiero123 Member
Posts: 29950 From: farmington, maine usa Registered: Oct 2004
I worked for a company, welding/fabrication firm that made products, Staircases, and other things. 2 days into the job that I was told would always be indoors, in the shop, the engineer (narcissist) asked me if I would mind going 100 mile to a place we had built a crane for. I would get mileage to drill some misaligned holes. From then on I was sent everywhere they needed something fixed. After working for the company for 2 weeks I found that these were not things we had done but things he had screwed up. I was never in the shop more than 1 or 2 days a week, working construction it really didn’t bother me cause I was getting paid mileage and a premium for my work. I was being used as a trouble shooter so to speak. The problem was every time I was sent out he (the narcissist) would blame all the mistakes made, over costs, delayed finish date on the people I was working with. He had farm welders, steel wasn’t delivered on time, we made the mistakes. These were some of the best welder/fabricators I had ever worked with. One of the guys that got hired the same day I did wanted to buy the company, a young guy 25 or so. We went to a school to install some stair cases. The nut, (the narcissist) had decided to use some stair pans for the job from another job we had an overrun on. His fault. The stairs were made with a different rise than the ones for this project. This made one big cluster fuk, if you are an engineer you know what I’m talking about. One stair case was a 6” rise to the platform, the next in that 6 1/2”. Obviously not to code. Well the guy that wanted to buy the company and I went 200 miles to the job, a grade school. Only to find this out when we got there. We stayed in a motel for a couple of days, we had 2 different stairways to put in, only to find that we had to cut one stairway apart to make one that was useable and get the kids one they could use. We cut the other runners out at night when everyone else was gone. Put them in my cargo van, way over loaded. I brought them back to the shop the next day. Doing 45 mph all the way back. The kid still bought the company and the first thing he did was fire the jerk. But he had so many projects to finish from this guy that it ran the company into the ground and he lost his shirt. Get away, get as far away from this guy as you possibly can. He will bring you down with him.
My ex was a narcissist and I can tell you there is no dealing with one. About all you can do is recognize the tactics of a narcissist and be prepared for them. You will NEVER have your ducks in a row with a narcissist, they will head you off at the pass every time. You are not good enough, you cant meaure up to common standards are the halmarks of a narcissist. Narcissists also use third parties as a means of controlling a victim hense the "friends in high places". What you can do is agree with him and his assessments of you., it may difuse his attacks but it will work on your self esteem. The ultimate goal of a narcissist is total dominence over you. The way to avoid it is to leave the environment.
Hopefully, if I ever finish my degree and get licensed, I'll never be like some of these people we work with. Never willing to field-adjust a design and quick to blame everyone else for mistakes they made. Or at least the company they work for. If I make a mistake, I take responsibility for it and try to keep it from happening again. I listen to the ideas of others. Especially if they're the guys crawling in the holes doing the work and all I'm doing is drawing up a plan I think should work. It's very irritating to work with people like that. I'm glad I don't drink. If I did, I'd probably be ripped almost every night. lol
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
My ex was a narcissist and I can tell you there is no dealing with one. About all you can do is recognize the tactics of a narcissist and be prepared for them. You will NEVER have your ducks in a row with a narcissist, they will head you off at the pass every time. You are not good enough, you cant meaure up to common standards are the halmarks of a narcissist. Narcissists also use third parties as a means of controlling a victim hense the "friends in high places". What you can do is agree with him and his assessments of you., it may difuse his attacks but it will work on your self esteem. The ultimate goal of a narcissist is total dominence over you. The way to avoid it is to leave the environment.
Now having recognized that there's no way it's going to get better, my plan is to leave. But I need to try to put up my own shield of protection to protect my career and reputation. I'm slowly getting my ducks in a row when I have time. Lately, that's not a lot because of the hours he has me put in. But I'm one of those people who needs to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I don't want to get caught unpreppared and risk having him ruin my life. So I need to maintain my patience for the moment.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
Someone said that to me once.. just made me a bigger dick, cause I knew it wasn't out of 'true compassion', and this wouldn't be either.
See, it's not about changing the other man, it's about changing yourself. If you can bring yourself to "pray" for your enemies, however that manifests itself, you're releasing control of the situation to your higher power, whatever that might be, and therefore giving yourself permission to not have to worry about it anymore. Sure, if you go around acting sanctimonious just to try to make the other guy feel small, it will likely backfire on you. But be sincere and change your thought paradigm, and you'll find the change comes from within.
Is becoming consumed with bitterness and vengeance really the better plan?
I feel for you, just keep focused on the goal of leaving and do what it takes. Put resumes out there, answer want ads, do some interviews then give em notice ASAP. Trust me, the guy has you working your ass off to prevent you from leaving so you need to really dig deep. Narcissistic people have ways of controlling others without them even realizing it. If he catches onto you just tell him you are always looking for something better and it's no big deal. Not many people can argue with that, not even a narcissist.
quote
Originally posted by whadeduck: Now having recognized that there's no way it's going to get better, my plan is to leave. But I need to try to put up my own shield of protection to protect my career and reputation. I'm slowly getting my ducks in a row when I have time. Lately, that's not a lot because of the hours he has me put in. But I'm one of those people who needs to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I don't want to get caught unpreppared and risk having him ruin my life. So I need to maintain my patience for the moment.
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12:17 PM
jstricker Member
Posts: 12956 From: Russell, KS USA Registered: Apr 2002
Interesting that you should link to John Ousterhout's web pages. I've known John for probably close to 15 years. He lives in Iowa now after moving there from Oregon. Click the back and read about Captain "Zoom" Jim Campbell. It makes for interesting reading.
John Stricker
quote
Originally posted by Patrick:
You got that right. My girlfriend's ex-husband (and unfortunately also the father of her two kids) is a true narcissistic b*st*rd.
Get a small voice recorder. Record everything he says. Might not be admissable in court, but get some of his faux pas on tape..maybe a small video camera could catch him sleeping on the office couch? Attack is the best form of defence. Get him on his own terms.Any form of aural or visual evidence will back you up when you need it.Remimds me of when I was working in Portugal, and booked a ferry home to the UK from Spain. Got the tickets etc...drove all the way to Santander in N. Spain, arrived 2 hours ealier than stated embarcation time, to find the boat had sailed earlier than I was informed.I recorded my conversation with the clerk at Santander, and got her to say all sorts of things she shouldn't. I was told I would have to pay the fare again, because it was my fault I didn't know the time had changed.After 45 minutes of arguing the toss, I demanded to speak to a Manager. He came out, and was very offhand...until I took out the mini recorder, put it on the counter, and played it back..they tried to grab the recorder!! Ha!! I then told them I was sending it to the Sun newspaper, and turned around to walk away. By the time I reached the door, he came after me, said that my ticket would be honoured, and they would foot the bill for the hotel I would need for two days, until the next sailing.Wouldn't have stood up in court, but it sure put the frighteners on those two errr....people. Nick
Beats relying on a fictional character every time..
When I say "pray", you can define that in any manner that is applicable to you. If you believe that God is your higher self, that is just as valid as any traditional Judeo-Christian messiah. Every man has a hole in their soul that is the size of the truth, and it is that common search for truth that unites us, not whatever we find that we call truth. It is the intent that defines true prayer and meditation, not the recipient of our prayers.
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04:08 PM
Patrick Member
Posts: 39151 From: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada Registered: Apr 99
I started working for this guy over twelve years ago and didn't see it. Maybe the narcissism was in it's infancy or there was something still keeping it it check to a certain degree. When I started working there, he really did seem like a good guy.
Yes, these guys are so smooth. My girlfriend's ex-husband can be very charming to anyone who meets him for the first time, and probably for the second and third time as well. However, given enough time, observant individuals start to pick up on certain quirks which don't seem quite right.
Unfortunately, many women convince themselves that they've finally met their Prince Charming, and therefore become blinded to the lies and deceit. After they’ve been used and abused and eventually discover the truth, these women are usually absolutely devastated. It's tough when they discover that "the love of their life" (and for some, the father of their children) has been screwing around with half a dozen (or more) other women the whole friggen time...
[This message has been edited by Patrick (edited 02-17-2006).]
That's what makes my boss dangerous. He's got enough people convinced that he'd this great guy that I don't stand a chance to stand against him. I do hope he gets better. But from everything I've been reading lately, that's not going to happen. I don't hope he dies, gets sick, or injured. I only wish that he'd see the light so to speak. In the meantime, I need to get away from him so as not to get sucked in to his fatnasy world and have my life ruined. I know he's had a major effect on my life in a negative way but it's only been recently that it's been bad enough that I've come to the conclusion that it's time to go. I only hope I can get out before it's too late. I have so much work to do before I'll be prepared enough to face him and tell him what my plans are. But patience should prevail. I'm really beginning to see just how naive I am about the world and the people in it. It's just really registering that my boss is disturbed in a way. You hear about it. You watch it on TV and in the movies. But I suppose it's not something you're ever prepared for when it faces you for real.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
[This message has been edited by whadeduck (edited 02-17-2006).]
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11:25 PM
Patrick Member
Posts: 39151 From: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada Registered: Apr 99
Interesting that you should link to John Ousterhout's web pages. I've known John for probably close to 15 years. He lives in Iowa now after moving there from Oregon. Click the back and read about Captain "Zoom" Jim Campbell. It makes for interesting reading.
Here's something from a link on John's site:
quote
Those who have watched the Campbell saga may have noticed the cyclical nature of his activities: Campbell appears, inspires a bunch of people to help him, things go well for a while. Then doubt arises in this inner circle, questions arise publicly, Campbell starts accusing the questioners of illegal activities, and eventually his accusations become flights of fantasy ("terrorists," "engaging in a vendetta", etc.) that become VERY obvious to the casual observer, driving his support base down to a deluded few.
Yep, sounds all too familiar. Whenever there's a problem, whatever it is, someone else is always to blame.
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11:44 PM
Patrick Member
Posts: 39151 From: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada Registered: Apr 99
Yup. That sounds like him. Always making sure to belittle people too. Whatever anyone has done, he's done it ten times better. Or if you did something he'll respond to it by making it no big deal or you probably didn't do it as well as he could. I've stopped teeling him anything about my life away from work. What little of it there is anyway.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
The incurable optimist in me keeps thinking he still might change.
In his mind, there is absolutely no reason to change. He is a god among men. We are the ones who need to change, to better appreciate his exploits and skills.
Yeah, and from what I've been reading, if a therapist or psychologist gets a hold of someone like my boss, they get nothing but anger and aggression thrown back at them for even insenuating that there's something wrong with them. You're right. He is sick and I kind of feel sorry for him in a way because he doesn't know it. I've read about the outcomes of most narcissists and it's usually not pleasant. They usually implode and then regress to nothingness.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
There are 2 kinds. Those who have been there done that-- and those who only think they have because they read about what others did and feel that makes them qualified to claim they have or can do it all. The 1st kind, you have to accept. They've walked the walk, so they have to be put up with as they truely do know what they are speaking of. Usually good people who are willing and able to teach others everything they know, without talking down to anyone.
The 2nd kind, has really came on the scene strongly since the advent of the internet. God's gift to the industrialzed world. Wannabes. Power hungry. Dangerous in certain situations. Avoid these know-it-alls--they'll get you killed. "The World According To ( enter his name here )". You have to be carefull in dealing with them. #1, you have to be right--and be able to prove it. Everytime-or keep your mouth shut. 'Thinking' you're right won't suffice at all. Expose their soft underbelly of incompetence. Do this in front of their peers and superiors at your own risk, tho it has worked well for me thru out the years. I know when to keep my mouth shut--most of the time.
I know a couple of them at work, & relish being able to put them in their place on a weekly basis. What they are doing now is the pinnacle of their life's accomplishments. They supervise making inexpensive store fixtures from the cheapest material known to man--particle board and mdf. They will not, and cannot rise above this, and I remind them they will go to their grave in this condition and have to explain to their Maker how they spent the life He gave them. God: "You Did What???!!!" Don: "How you think that's gonna play out Bill?" Bill: "You aren't seeing the big picture here Don." Don: "Oh, I see the big picture alright, I just can't see the microscopic, miniscule picture you are looking at. The sun won't explode if we don't get this done today or your way, and no one will die if we don't make this shipping date. Fact is, on Sat night, when this place is all locked up and empty of people, should the ground open up, swallow this place whole, then close back up around it, the world will little care nor long remember we were even here-other than the geological oddity of it. The world will keep right on spinning around, and GDP won't waver one 10000th of a percentage point. In 30 days, everyone here will have a new job elsewhere, probably making more money than they do here, and get on with their lives--except you of course. It will strike you hard--you have nothing else to fall back on. For you, this is it. That's the big picture--now which picture are you looking at again?"
They set up little power indulgent schemes to make themselves feel important. Case in point: We have some items our supply guy didn't have access to. He has to get the key from someone else--one of the mucky mucks. (power trip) Supply guy is retired USAF, with a security clearance rated pretty close to the top. Retired as an E-8 or E-9 I believe. I know him well and know some of what he did. 'Some' because a lot of it is classified even today. When I needed some of this stuff, and he told me he "wasn't authorized", I couldn't believe it. I went to the mucky mucks and said "Are you telling me we have a guy who 10 years ago was NCOIC of security at Cheyene Mountain, and previous to that guarded our nuclear capabilities in Germany, literally held the fate of the world in his hands and the lives of millions, and you don't think you can trust hm with a little bit of rubber goods? You people are nuts--give him the key." Supply guy now disburses everything.
These are my supervisrs I'm speaking of and to. I'm old, and I make more money than they do and they know it. I don't care what they think of me, but they think highly of me. Go figure.
Guess you've guessed I consider myself a narcisists of the 1st type. I think it comes from being a combat Marine early in my life. Except for my family, everything since that active duty time in my life has been anti-climatic. Kinda hard to overshadow that title.
[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 02-18-2006).]
I think my boss is kind of a combination of the two. He just THINKS he's been there and done that. It's amazing how the stories he tells have changed to reflect his greatness. Even the ones that I was actually there for. He can take a conversation that we had over a table with another contractor and turn it into a great battle over three days that not even women and children were spared and only he, thanks to his supreme intellilect and knowledge, was able to save the day and go down in the history books. Now don't get me wrong, he is the owner of a company that has gone from being about $120K in the hole to doing about three million a year. This is with about fifteen employees. Not bad. We all work very hard and we probably do twice the work as some other companies in the same field. But if you ask him, he's the only one who does anything and the rest of us are all incompitent morons who couldn't so much as tie our shoes in the morning were it not for his guidance. He never gives anyone else any credit and only uses hindsight to assess the situation and tell everyone what should have been done. His typical day starts at about 6:30am at the office where he sits in his H2 and demands that we all stand outside of it while addresses the rest of us and tells us how the day is to go. This is expected in the freezing cold and even when it's pouring rain. We're not allowed to make him get out of the vehicle and have to walk into the shop where all of this can easily be done while maybe staying out of the rain. I watched him throw a fit one day because some of the guys refused to stand out there in the rain next to his vehicle. He eventually did have to go into the shop but he had an attitude the rest of day about it. I reckon they weren't feeding that Ego. Anyway, after we get the instructions for the day, he disappears for about the next two hours or so. Between rumors, eye witnesses and such, we believe he goes and has a nice long liesurely breakfast surrounded by the locals who think very highly of him. He then eventually returns to the office, that's where I spend most of my time, and, after about thirty minutes or so, lays down on a couch in his office and takes a nap. These range anywhere from thirty minutes to over an hour. If he's not sleeping, he may be reading the paper, watching TV, or talking to his friends and family on the phone. He either then goes out and gets his lunch or has it brought to him, eats, then, most of them time, lays down for another nap. The afternoon naps are the longer ones, ranging anywhere from an hour up to four. I don't think he's sleeping too heavily other than when he's snoaring and sounding like a sick walrus, because he holds his cell phone on him and will answer that. His office is right across the hall from mine and I can tell that someone asks him what he's doing. His response is that he's "doing paperwork." During all of this "paperwork" myself and one other employee in the office are busting our butts trying to keep things going. All of this is fine and he can do this because he's the boss. It's his company. But there's one BIG problem with all of it. He expects you to run his company his way exactly the way he would. But he refuses to tell you how he wants it run and so you're left to guess at what he'd want done. Even if the end result was what he wanted, you were still supposed to follow the exact steps he wanted to get to that conlusion. Again though, he refuses to tell you what those steps are and says that he shouldn't have to tell you how it should be done. To top that off, even if something comes out perfectly, to him, he would have done it differently and it would have come out ten times better than perfect. And even when he never had a hand on something that went well, he'll be the first one to speak up and say how he's glad he did what he did and was able to once again save the world. All while throwing in a few coments here and there belitteling the employees that did accomplish the task. I've gone on long enough. I think my fingers are a little shorter and they're kind of sore. Just helps sometimes to get this stuff out. Sorry about the rant. But it is nice to talk to other who have gone through or are going through the same thing.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
[This message has been edited by whadeduck (edited 02-18-2006).]
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12:54 PM
TennT Member
Posts: 1523 From: Humboldt, Tenn Registered: Nov 2002
. His typical day starts at about 6:30am at the office where he sits in his H2 and demands that we all stand outside of it while addresses the rest of us and tells us how the day is to go. This is expected in the freezing cold and even when it's pouring rain. We're not allowed to make him get out of the vehicle and have to walk into the shop where all of this can easily be done while maybe staying out of the rain. I watched him throw a fit one day because some of the guys refused to stand out there in the rain next to his vehicle. He eventually did have to go into the shop but he had an attitude the rest of day about it.
ARE YOU SZCHITZIN ME??? You mean there aren't any other jobs around? You'd better leave before he indoctrinates you with bad work habits and personal esteem. Call this power mad jerk the Hitler he is. I can't believe you put up with this sh.. I mean, enough is enough. I don't know how old you are but you don't need to waste your future there unless you think you are getting some sort of valuable lesson in running a business, and I doubt that. I have watched a relative stay in a position because he felt that was all he could do and he's still in a rut. I've watched his attitude about life fall to nothing. You don't have to leave on bad terms, just leave. Come up with a reason. I bet the little cronies he hangs with know what a dip he is. How many come to see him? Doesn't matter. Daily planning in the rain like Marine boot camp is bull. Get out of there. T.
uh, no offense about the Marine comment, MJ. I actually haven't met a Marine I didn't like.
[This message has been edited by TennT (edited 02-18-2006).]
Wow- and I thought I worked with some dip poohs. Sounds like he doesn't even have the sense to come in out of the rain. Anyone can be a manager. (look at McDonalds) It takes a little more to be a leader, and you can always tell the difference between the two. A manager may work somewhere 20 years and no one would follow them anywhere else they go.
A leader always has followers, because they have earned the respect of those who work with and for them.
Basically your guy just needs his butt soundly kicked--in the rain.
[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 02-18-2006).]
Yeah. that I know. Unfortunately he's got enough important people fooled into thinking he's a great guy that, if I leave and try to find something around here, he pull whatever strings he needs to to make sure that won't happen. He may not, but I've watched him do it before to other former employees. So I need to make sure all of my bases are covered before I make my move. Truth is, I want to finish my engineering degree and work for a firm and that's something that's not possible around here. So he can't really say anything about me wanting to better myself. However, when threatened with my leaving, he may do something else and do whatever he thinks is neccessary to keep me there. He really is a butthead and I just have to work around that. For the moment anyway. Oh and as far as the Marine part, his step-father was an ex-Marine TI and used to play for the Rams. Nothing against the Marines but I wonder sometimes if that's where he gets some of his traits from. Maybe his step-father made no destinction between his family and his troops.
------------------ Whade' "The Duck Formerly Known As Wade" Duck '87 GT Auto '88 Ferrario
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04:58 PM
El Guapo Member
Posts: 278 From: Wernersville, PA Registered: May 2005
Power is something that is loaned. It can be revoked at any time. Thats what alot of narcissistic leaders don't understand. That said, no job or career is worth getting stressed out and wearing yourself down over. Do you have any co workers that are friends that you can trust? Use them as references and write up a good resume. In interviews, it is ok to let a potential future employer know about problems with a former boss, as long as you have some extreme examples ( things that would make ANYONE change jobs, as it seems you have) and don't go overboard and sound like you're whining. Ask the future employer to call your references (co workers) and ask them for examples of your work. Tell them your boss rarely came out of the office and knows little about what you did on a regular basis. Many Human Resources people who do the hiring are in the same boat and will be able to relate to this. When I was in the army I had a narcissistic squad leader who destroyed my self esteem and the ability to do my job effectively. Know how? I let him. In hindsight I had many oppurtunities to get myself out of the situation, but my own "I will not be defeated by this guy" attitude got in the way. It took me years to overcome the subconcious psychological damage caused by him (and my own ego). Get yourself out of the situation. Even if you need to start at the bottom again, remember happiness and your personal well being are more important than money and position.
Narcissism is so deeply rooted that nothing seems to get through to them. I appreciate the sentiment though. One of these days I'll go bowling again and take my frustration out on the pins. 
