We've all dealt with emotionally immature people: They get defensive at the slightest criticism, they constantly deflect blame, and then they try to guilt you into feeling sorry for them.
Emotional immaturity is a growing problem, and whether it's in your personal or professional life, communicating with them can be a real struggle.
As experts on the psychology of communication, we know that if you're not careful, you can also easily run the risk of seeming emotionally immature to others. Why? A lot of us automatically use certain emotionally immature phrases without even thinking about it.
Here's a list of the most common ones to avoid:
1. 'It's not my fault.' People who are emotionally immature often won't take responsibility for their own actions when something goes wrong. So what do they do? They extricate themselves from situations by immediately stating that they are not to blame.
2. 'If you hadn't done that, it wouldn't have happened.' An emotionally immature person will do everything in their power to not take responsibility for their actions, and a common tactic is to make it seem like you, or literally anyone else, is in the wrong — not them.
3. 'I don't need to explain myself to you.' You can almost imagine a little kid saying this one. This phrase is a way for them to avoid any true accountability or genuine communication with the person they are engaging with.
4. 'You're overreacting.' This is a combo of gaslighting — trying to make others believe a false reality — and shifting the blame again. The message they're sending: You're the problem, not me. Another toxic phrase in this vein is "you're being too sensitive."
5. 'Yeah, whatever.' People use that simple "whatever," often with a shrug, to say, "I'm done discussing this." It's an emotionally immature method to shut down the paths of communication and figuratively walk away from any further discussion.
6. 'What are you talking about? I never said that!' Here we go again with the gaslighting. People who are emotionally immature rewrite reality, both for themselves and, possibly more importantly, for others. When someone says something like this, they're typically trying to evade responsibility and make you think something else happened.
7. 'It's your problem, not mine.' In this case, emotionally immature people walk away from any complicated issue by throwing it onto someone else and dismissing any and all responsibility. It's the perfect example of transference.
8. 'You're making such a big deal out of nothing!' Another example of invalidating other people, and one that is used in both personal and professional relationships. By saying phrases like this, an emotionally immature person is dismissing the other person's concerns and opinions, and belittling their reaction.
9. 'You're talking about the past.' Yes, it's usually best to focus on the future. But emotionally immature people will often accuse people who bring up their mistakes of harping on the past. They don't want to learn from their mistakes and they don't want an honest discussion about whatever is happening. They want to move on without addressing the issue.
10. 'I was just joking!' Here's an example of how emotionally immature people passive-aggressively avoid taking responsibility for what they say. It might sound like they're trying to smooth things over, but it's actually more of a way of critiquing someone, then distancing themselves from their statement.
11. 'You always'/'You never...' Emotionally immature people often use broad generalizations. Instead of engaging in constructive honest conversation or using specific examples, they will issue an accusatory blanket statement and use that to avoid any further discussion.
12. 'But everyone does it!' If there's one phrase that really sounds like a kid said it, it's this one. How many of us used "but all the kids are doing it" argument trying — usually in vain — to get our parents to allow us to do something? But emotionally immature adults use it, too.
They'll pull out the time-honored "everyone's doing it" argument as a justification for something they want to do or already have done. Of course, they're blameless if they've done something wrong, they were just going along with the crowd, after all.
Have to admit I'm probably guilty of using a couple of these in my life (maybe more than a couple). Some are used in different variation frequently, if you read this forum enough, you'll see them. But, normally as an excuse for what was said in response to be challenged.
Rams
[This message has been edited by blackrams (edited 02-12-2025).]
