When she goes on a break he makes her call and leave the phone on, is that just ****ed up or what? I have never been in a controlling relationship like that. Just wierd
The fact that she picked this guy out to have a child with says something about her. No one can "make" her do something. If she gets out of this situation she will more than likely repeat the same scenario with someone else. Statistics show that women who get with abusers continually get with the same type of person an average of seven times.
I want to thank everyone who has posted in this thread. Between my own research and the posts I feel better about this and hope that I can help her through this. I know it will work out, that she will not have to worry about her child and if God willing one day perhaps we can even have something between us.
Perhaps. But she will have to sort this out before anything could happen. I just wanted everyone to know it wasn't my child. Yes it is someone I am interested in and I know more than I have shared in this thread but because I dont want to share things that are hurtful I left it out.
Just know she has had a very difficult life. No support system when she was growing up. I know what this is like and associate with her more than I admit. Very hard child hood and is only concerned about her child right now.
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-28-2015).]
Well not really thickens but opened to the light. Try and tell me you didn't already know Don.
This isn't the first time this has happened. I seen it enough times already.
The one constant in the universe if there is one has got to be that Men are dumb. I have always loved the old joke. I'm trading in my 44 year old wife for two 22 year olds!
I think I what I find funny in the joke isn't the same as most though.
Well not really thickens but opened to the light. Try and tell me you didn't already know Don.
This isn't the first time this has happened. I seen it enough times already.
The one constant in the universe if there is one has got to be that Men are dumb. I have always loved the old joke. I'm trading in my 44 year old wife for two 22 year olds!
I think I what I find funny in the joke isn't the same as most though.
Or three
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-28-2015).]
I pretty much expected you guys to put this together from the other threads. Yes she is someone that I would like to have a relationship with. But she has to sort this out and I dont know how to help her. So be kind this is someone I care about.
Bottom line there isnt anything there until she sorts this out and she is stuck. I cant get into it but she is stuck. But there is light, some of the posts here and the information I have read and past on to her.
But I am going to cool it for now and see how it goes. Be at piece
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-28-2015).]
When she goes on a break he makes her call and leave the phone on, is that just ****ed up or what? I have never been in a controlling relationship like that. Just wierd
SHOE ON OTHER FOOT, DID SHE GIVE HIM A REASON TO LOOSE TRUST? and stuck around because she said sorry sorry, and then there is the kid..
I pretty much expected you guys to put this together from the other threads. Yes she is someone that I would like to have a relationship with. But she has to sort this out and I dont know how to help her. So be kind this is someone I care about.
Bottom line there isnt anything there until she sorts this out and she is stuck. I cant get into it but she is stuck. But there is light, some of the posts here and the information I have read and past on to her.
But I am going to cool it for now and see how it goes. Be at piece
OMG.. you really want a trainwreck for a girlfriend..??
BRB (walking over to my small table, takes off towel and sit before the crystal ball in the center of said table.)
Stares into crystal ball and see's O/P stuck with said train wreck and child #2 is in the oven..
I figured it was a stary eyed guy,
In his mind Burns the picture of a girl Lost in time Just one lie had changed his world His dreams were gone And she won't be back again This time he's sure She's playin' a game, playin'
Mind games, mind games She was playin' with his heart Mind games, never change And it's tearin' him apart
In her eyes There's a hurt that just won't heal And she cries For the love she's lost and her heart No longer feels the fire She can never get it back again Wounds never heal At night, she remembers the pain Remembers the pain of
Mind games, mind games He was playin' with her heart Mind games, never change And it's tearin' her apart
Mind games, mind games How were they to know that They were caught up in this game That hurts so bad?
As the years go by They see the mistakes they've made Now they're payin' the price All the games they played They should have known it from the start It's the game of broken hearts Yes, it's gone And it won't be back again
Late at night Time after time They remember the pain Remember the pain, playin'
Mind games, they're all the same It's the game of broken hearts Mind games, never change And it's tearin' them apart
Mind games, mind games How were they to know that They were caught up in this game That hurts so bad?
Caught up in this game That hurts so bad Caught up in this game That hurts so bad.
The right one would be single.. not have a b/f news flash buddy, she is just setting the hook, so go tell her, that you'll catch her fall when she decides to dump b/f all she needs is a person to shack up with.. she's fishing and has one nip'n on the bait..
The right one would be single.. not have a b/f news flash buddy, she is just setting the hook, so go tell her, that you'll catch her fall when she decides to dump b/f all she needs is a person to shack up with.. she's fishing and has one nip'n on the bait..
I can tell that this has you really broken up
If you read that's what I am doing, trying to help her sort her life out then and only then would there be something. And to tell the truth she is probably more hesitate about me than I am about her.
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-29-2015).]
While I am of sound mind I would ask that any decent man come to my aid and kick the **** out of me if I ever destroy my life chasing after a waitress with a kid and a husband that is a felon. I beg you.
While I am of sound mind I would ask that any decent man come to my aid and kick the **** out of me if I ever destroy my life chasing after a waitress with a kid and a husband that is a felon. I beg you.
Well one doesn't have to do with the other just timing. Perhaps bad timing but it is what it is.
Beside you would have to meet her to understand. People are not always what they seem. Products of an environment that they cant always control. If it works out I will update everyone or I will let you all know who the new muse is
Thanks everyone for the replies I believe this thread has ran its course.
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-29-2015).]
Been my experience in life, that things generally are indeed exactly or very very close to what they seem (mental incapacitatons or influences excepted). This girl, or the young hulahoop dancer, or the female athlete--or any of the other 20ish yr olds you've been posting for the last year---all the same.
Been my experience in life, that things generally are indeed exactly or very very close to what they seem (mental incapacitatons or influences excepted). This girl, or the young hulahoop dancer, or the female athlete--or any of the other 20ish yr olds you've been posting for the last year---all the same.
Why not start with Legal Services? She very likely qualifies for free representation but if not, at least a free consultation. Then she will have a better idea of what to expect in court and how to prepare. Would prolly also gain access to the different programs and benefits that she needs.
[This message has been edited by Boostdreamer (edited 12-30-2015).]
I had a buddy in the Army who had a girlfriend with several kids and a similar story. She was madly in love with him until he survived Desert Storm. She didn't expect to see him again so she was just after government benefits for a soldier's widow and dependents.
This is NOT how healthy romantic relationships start. Pass the info to her, offer your prayers and best wishes, then TELL HER you are backing out. Tell her to call you in a year or so when she has her life worked out. You will then be able to see what she has been able to accomplish with the state's help and bad dad out of the way.
Did she get her own place? Has she stayed employed? Has she lost custody? Is she swimming in debt? These are the things you need to find out LATER. She needs a chance to face her responsibilities and deal with them. That is the only way to give her a chance to grow into a woman, a mother, and possibly someone's adult companion.
Did she get her own place? Has she stayed employed? Has she lost custody? Is she swimming in debt? These are the things you need to find out LATER. She needs a chance to face her responsibilities and deal with them. That is the only way to give her a chance to grow into a woman, a mother, and possibly someone's adult companion.
She got fired due to bad management. I was there when it happened and the entire situation was way out of control. She had a customer get out of line. Then was asked to stay and not get paid for her time. She said no but management didn't see it that way and said she was drunk. She had two glasses of wine in an 8 hour shift and the manager gave her both of them. She was upset because someone got out of line and management wouldn't do anything about it. Was asked to do something she wasn't comfortable doing. Not the first time. She doesn't have any debt right now but is using up her savings. She does have custody. She has no family here and very little family out of state. She needs out of the current environment then she will be able to grow, but right now she is scared and feels stuck.
I have gave her advice but told her I needed a commitment or I wouldn't be able to keep this up. She needs to decide for herself what she is going to do. That was today. No one can force someone to help themselves, I can only guide her and give her as much support as you can give someone in a text message. Haven't seen her in a couple of weeks.
I have gave her advice but told her I needed a commitment or I wouldn't be able to keep this up. She needs to decide for herself what she is going to do.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way because I'm sure you want to help this girl but... It SOUNDS like you are trying to take advantage of this girl and her bad situation. It SOUNDS like you're telling her to dump dad and replace him with you or the money will stop flowing. It SOUNDS like you are going to be the new "controlling" influence in her life. It SOUNDS like you are not giving her much of a choice in making her decision. It SOUNDS like you are telling her to hurry up and choose you.
YOU DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP TO START LIKE THIS!!!! Whatever you planned to do for her, do it AND WALK AWAY. Whatever you planned to spend on her, give her the money and tell her what you would like her to do with the money (lawyer, apartment, etc) AND WALK AWAY. Do for her gladly and freely with no strings and let her take your advice and resources and manage them how she sees fit. If you stay on this path she will eventually see you as the trap. The guy with the money. The guy that she "owes" so she feels obligated to stay with you. That is not what you want. That will not be what she wants. You will both be miserable and it will affect the child in a negative way. Walk away.
Tell her to call you on New Years Eve next year then get caught up and go from there. Now is definitely NOT the time.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way because I'm sure you want to help this girl but... It SOUNDS like you are trying to take advantage of this girl and her bad situation. It SOUNDS like you're telling her to dump dad and replace him with you or the money will stop flowing. It SOUNDS like you are going to be the new "controlling" influence in her life. It SOUNDS like you are not giving her much of a choice in making her decision. It SOUNDS like you are telling her to hurry up and choose you.
YOU DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP TO START LIKE THIS!!!! Whatever you planned to do for her, do it AND WALK AWAY. Whatever you planned to spend on her, give her the money and tell her what you would like her to do with the money (lawyer, apartment, etc) AND WALK AWAY. Do for her gladly and freely with no strings and let her take your advice and resources and manage them how she sees fit. If you stay on this path she will eventually see you as the trap. The guy with the money. The guy that she "owes" so she feels obligated to stay with you. That is not what you want. That will not be what she wants. You will both be miserable and it will affect the child in a negative way. Walk away.
Tell her to call you on New Years Eve next year then get caught up and go from there. Now is definitely NOT the time.
I hear you.. its not a trap and I walked away tonight if she comes back then its meant to be it will happen
I do understand that everyone is trying to look out for me. But why when things are difficult is it the correct thing to run away? If we ran away from everything that is hard or on the surface seems like something is not right where will we be? There must be a lot of people living alone in houses full of cats.
Opportunity never comes wrapped up with a bow. It requires work and sacrifice. It also takes the ability to stand back up when it goes wrong but if you never try then sure you will never fail but then you always have the cats
The short answer is that people act differently under stress. Right now, her WHOLE LIFE is pegging the stress meter. That means she isn't thinking clearly or acting normally. She is pre-occupied with developing a strategy to simply SURVIVE! You don't want to wake up one morning when things calm down and she looks around and realizes that her attraction to you was based on the escape route you provided.
The short answer is that people act differently under stress. Right now, her WHOLE LIFE is pegging the stress meter. That means she isn't thinking clearly or acting normally. She is pre-occupied with developing a strategy to simply SURVIVE! You don't want to wake up one morning when things calm down and she looks around and realizes that her attraction to you was based on the escape route you provided.
Other than not sure if she wanted to stay where she was her home life was something she was able to live with. I wont lie I do think she sees a better life with me but isn't that the point? She had a good paying job and was able to keep up and actually save money. Her man is a big child and I am not. Well mostly.
Pretty sure she will have a job at a local restaurant soon. Tending bar at a nice clean family place.
Then its just give us some time to figure things out. We are not jumping into anything, giving it time for things to develop. If she was just interested in a sugar daddy pretty sure she would be jumping into bed with me already. Right now we are just talking and taking it slow. Both of us need to sort some things out. We are not running off or anything stupid.
Thanks Boostdreamer for your input I do take this serious
Originally posted by Jake_Dragon: Other than not sure if she wanted to stay where she was her home life was something she was able to live with. I wont lie I do think she sees a better life with me but isn't that the point? She had a good paying job and was able to keep up and actually save money. Her man is a big child and I am not. Well mostly.
Pretty sure she will have a job at a local restaurant soon. Tending bar at a nice clean family place.
Then its just give us some time to figure things out. We are not jumping into anything, giving it time for things to develop. If she was just interested in a sugar daddy pretty sure she would be jumping into bed with me already. Right now we are just talking and taking it slow. Both of us need to sort some things out. We are not running off or anything stupid.
Thanks Boostdreamer for your input I do take this serious
Rebound relationships are like rebound sex, great at first but rarely last long. Men never leave unless there is someone waiting.
Be honest with yourself, I could care less if you tell us the truth, hell if you did it would probably be a first here. But be honest would you have finally called it quits on your marriage if she wasn't there? How long have you known her and about what's been happening in her life?
Been there and done that, I was the rebound king of relationships. for a decade, it was great, at first but is this who you want to spend a lot of time with for a long time or just for the sex. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong if it's just for the sex, hell sex is fun, exercise, (at least that's what my cardiologist tells me).
Help her if that's what you want to do, just don't expect it to last long, you are going from one family to another, (Been there, done that, even hers mine and ours).
Just my experiences over my 20s and your mileage my vary. One thing you might want to think about as well is if you ex gets wind of this, if she doesn't know already it may set you up to go to the cleaners if she so wants.
Good luck no matter what you do and have fun. Ah to be 20 again and know what I know now, the mistakes I would never have made.
Rebound relationships are like rebound sex, great at first but rarely last long. Men never leave unless there is someone waiting.
Be honest with yourself, I could care less if you tell us the truth, hell if you did it would probably be a first here. But be honest would you have finally called it quits on your marriage if she wasn't there? How long have you known her and about what's been happening in her life?
Been there and done that, I was the rebound king of relationships. for a decade, it was great, at first but is this who you want to spend a lot of time with for a long time or just for the sex. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong if it's just for the sex, hell sex is fun, exercise, (at least that's what my cardiologist tells me).
Help her if that's what you want to do, just don't expect it to last long, you are going from one family to another, (Been there, done that, even hers mine and ours).
Just my experiences over my 20s and your mileage my vary. One thing you might want to think about as well is if you ex gets wind of this, if she doesn't know already it may set you up to go to the cleaners if she so wants.
Good luck no matter what you do and have fun. Ah to be 20 again and know what I know now, the mistakes I would never have made.
Steve
Steve yes I would have ended my marriage, it was already going to happen. I don't want to go into it too much just yet but once the paper work is done and settled I will share in a Just divorced thread. Perhaps someone could learn from it and avoid the pit falls we fell into over the last 10 years.
I knew it was over when she was late one night and I just went to bed. When I looked her in the face I only see a friend and not someone I am in love with and I just don't want to live like this anymore. We fight all the time and when I ask her to stop she will keep at me until I am mad and yelling at her. People that care about each other do not do that. She filled up the kitchen with Christmas presents. You couldn't see the floor. Not one of them was mine. Christmas eve she gave me a $20 for Star Wars tickets (half of it was for her ticket) and an IOU Do you think that is love? I had her big gift and did give it to her but none of the small gifts. Took them back. She put some of those gifts on a credit card after I told her not to use it again. Long story but there is a history of abuse. So time after time I have let things go, sucked it up and paid off the debt, dealt with the fact that we have no savings. Well I just cant do it anymore. When you trust someone and they go behind your back and do something when they promised they wouldn't. Could we make it last a little longer? Probably but then we would end up hating each other. I would rather leave while we can still be friends. While we can still be adults and not ruin each other in a long battle over stuff that just doesn't mean that much to me anymore.
There is a long list of things and once this is done I will share and hope help someone else see the signs.
But this other woman was not the cause of my marriage falling apart. I have had to answer that question more than I care for and I tell the same story.
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 01-02-2016).]
So summarize My friend has custody of her Child. She will be moving back home to be close to family where she has a support system and people that care. At this time we are just going to be good friends. I have no expectations of anything else.
I am also moving back to Ohio for the same reason, I need to be close to my family. My niece is having a baby and I want to be included in everyone's life. Its hard being so far away and I want to do this while I am still able to get a good job and have time to work for retirement.
So with that lets close this thread and move on, I am sure I will have some more drama in a couple of months...
the mistakes I would never have made. 
