Alright, after sitting for nearly five years, the 2m4's back. When I parked it, the starter was iffy and the alternator was on its way out. Fast forward to yesterday. Replaced the starter in ~45-ish minutes (the short bolt was stuck, got it though!), did an oil/filter change while it was up, and drained/replaced the bad gas. It took a bit of cranking and pumping the throttle, but it started. Now it starts first time every time. Problem is, it seems that the alt's seized up. (If I let it run, that belt begins to squeal and smoke.) Will be replacing the alternator today and taking her on a check ride. Brakes seem okay. (I still have ~1/2-inch of pad left on all four corners. Rotors were all pretty much new when I parked it. Hydraulics seem fine, as when the car was running, pedal still had minimal travel needed to squeeze the pots. E-brake isn't binding either, which was my biggest fear.) Interior needs a little cleaning before I'll deal with it for 9 hours. I have to figure out why I'm not getting voltage to my cig lighter socket. (Radio and dome lights are fine, so it's not the fuse.) Also - going to replace both belts when I have the alternator off. Otherwise, the ol' gal's in great shape for having sat. No rot/rust in any of the usual areas. The frame is immaculate. The cradle is completely rust-free from what I can see. And there's no visible corrosion on the transmission.
Once she gets to NC, she's likely going to sit again. But this time, not nearly for as long, seeing as I'm doing an engine/trans swap, suspension, brakes, body and interior. Now that I have a garage again, and tools again, I'll actually be able to work on her. I cannot describe how happy this makes me.
Alternator was easy to change. Belts on the other hand made me wish it had a real tensioner rather than the two-belt system it had. Many curses were muttered trying to rotate the AC Compressor toward the back of the car. Seriously. I cannot wait to motor-swap her.
As far as being a hillbilly, I am not. :P Born in NC, raised in NY, got halfway into an electrical engineering degree before moving to computer science for college up here in the north. Annnd now I live solidly in suburbia outside Raleigh. Which, working on the Fiero might piss off my HOA a bit, but if it's in my garage, they can honestly suck it. What they can't see won't be their business.
She made it. I wasn't expecting otherwise, but the more she ran, the better it got. White smoke from the bad gas went away as I replaced it with good gas. Rough running also disappeared when the gas was replaced. There's a nasty vibration at 60 mph that disappears at 65+.
In any case, she's getting a teardown and full workover. Cleaning, replacing anything that needs, and repairing what I can. I can't wait.