So, my daughter has gone her entire life without my wife and I ever mentioning anything about race... not once, never. More than half her friends are black, in particular the one girl that she always lets do her hair, and they share the same first name. I've never, ever, ever said anything about race, or even posed a mention to her that some people have darker skin than she does.

Her school is celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King all last week, and the week before. I thought nothing of it, as MLK is absolutely one of my favorite historical Republicans. The school unfortunately focused quite a bit on the history of slavery, why I have no God damned idea. I don't know all of what was discussed at school, but she gave me bits and pieces.

I was shocked the other day... I was watching a show with my daughter that I know I shouldn't be showing her (but mommy was working late). We were watching "Infested!" which showed a couple who were battling a bee infestation (she didn't have a nightmare). In any case, the couple was a white man, and a black girl. My daughter pointed to them and said... "Daddy, they're not supposed to be together." When she said that, I was kind of hoping maybe it wasn't because of what I thought she was thinking. So I asked her why... and she said... "Because she has a darker color skin..."

I was furious... absolutely furious. Not at her, but in whatever crap her school was teaching her. I didn't make it a "thing" and instead just said to her "No, that's silly... that doesn't mean anything..." I'm not trying to air my personal crap with you guys, so much as I'm afraid that her school's "diversity training" is now making my daughter less diverse, where as she never once looked at another child and even thought twice about the fact that some have lighter or darker skin than her. Just infuriates me.

quote Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: I was furious... absolutely furious. Not at her, but in whatever crap her school was teaching her.

Todd, I somehow doubt your daughter lives in a vacuum where it's either her parents or her teachers that she exclusively hears anything from. No other students in her school?

I like the idea of a perfect kind of world where skin color don't mean nothin'.
But that is not the world we have.
And it breaks our hearts to think that our kids are starting to get glimpses into the one we do have, as they are beginning to start to interact with it.
Some of it's still kinda' ulgy.

But that is the world we all come into.
Hopefully we are getting better, but we seem to still have a long way to go.

quote Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: The school unfortunately focused quite a bit on the history of slavery, why I have no God damned idea. . . .

[This message has been edited by rinselberg (edited 01-27-2013).]

My mom raised us in a little fantasy world. we believed in Santa and the Easter bunny much later than we should have. The world was wooooonnnnderful. But not really. While I appreciate anyone wants to protect their children, they cannot exist in that fantasy world forever. Kids are being forced to grow up way sooner nowadays, and that stinks.

As to why they spent time on slavery.. probably because to understand why MLK was a civil rights leader, you have to know why his people were being discriminated against. It explains why he had to struggle.. and its not really proof that what she said was something that was actually taught. It could have very well come from other kids. Did you ask if a teacher specifically said that or where that notion came from?

As long as people insist on making themselves separate, even if it's somehow to "celebrate" something genetic that they have no control over, there will always be separation.

quote Originally posted by Patrick: Todd, I somehow doubt your daughter lives in a vacuum where it's either her parents or her teachers that she exclusively hears anything from. No other students in her school?

No, she certainly doesn't, but other than her school, she doesn't really get any outside influences other than maybe television. I know there's one kid in her school that's kind of a jerk to the other kids... he was held back... how that happens in Kindergarten, I'm not sure...

I do know that they were discussing basically the fact that blacks were slaves in the early history of the United States. I doubt seriously that they went into too much detail, I mean, this are young kids... but they obviously discussed it at least enough to the point where she was able to understand what they're talking about. I think it's awesome that she is learning at such a young age about our great American leaders... but I really think there could have been a better way to portray Dr. King's message than focusing on the fact that it was "just" about race... because I don't really think it was. His message was that everyone is created equal... whether that was race, or gender (for that matter). I just really didn't want it this way... and it makes me upset to hear these things.

quote Originally posted by Boondawg: I like the idea of a perfect kind of world where skin color don't mean nothin'. But that is not the world we have. And it breaks our hearts to think that our kids are starting to get glimpses into the one we do have, as they are beginning to start to interact with it. Some of it's still kinda' ulgy. But that is the world we all come into. Hopefully we are getting better, but we seem to still have a long way to go.

You're right Boonie, but as adults, we've made skin color apparently mean something. For my daughter, until today, it was NEVER EVER something she even thought to mention. Never, ever in my life has she said a single thing to either my wife or myself about skin color, or the differences between any of her friends. I know I've harped on this a few times before... and I really kind of hoped that this would never become something. I'm just really upset because I had hoped in a perfect world, she would grow up to being an adult and just never really thinking twice about it. I mean, she has two "aunts" that live together... maybe she doesn't get that yet either... I don't know, but this just wasn't how I had hoped it would turn out. I figured maybe one day she might ask me... "Daddy, why do some of my friends have darker skin than I do..." not... "They aren't supposed to be together..."

I have lived with racism all of my life. Sorry Todd.

quote Originally posted by tbone42: My mom raised us in a little fantasy world. we believed in Santa and the Easter bunny much later than we should have. The world was wooooonnnnderful. But not really. While I appreciate anyone wants to protect their children, they cannot exist in that fantasy world forever. Kids are being forced to grow up way sooner nowadays, and that stinks. As to why they spent time on slavery.. probably because to understand why MLK was a civil rights leader, you have to know why his people were being discriminated against. It explains why he had to struggle.. and its not really proof that what she said was something that was actually taught. It could have very well come from other kids. Did you ask if a teacher specifically said that or where that notion came from?

Well, I don't presume to think that her teacher told her that "they're not supposed to be together", I just assumed perhaps that the school might have focused on the fact that everyone in the class "looks different" and again, probably assuming that they then went into the discussion how "because" people are different, that this is why slavery happened or something. Honestly, not sure how I should approach it. Really, my wife deals with this stuff, but the last thing I want to do is make this a thing.

There is one kid who's a little older and kind of a trouble-maker... but I really have no idea that he would have said anything, I'm just assuming here.

Anyway, I doubt a teacher would have said that, in particular because her teachers are also black and I know they adore her... so either she came to the conclusion that "different" means incompatible (somehow in her head), or another kid said it... I dunno...

It's a bit annoying, but at a certain age, kids will notice those things. If the school is talking about slavery, they probably also went into the whites only/black only fountains etc. Your job is to enforce that there's no reason for racism now, and explain how that was the past and we've grown so much since then. She'd have encountered it at some point no matter what though. If it wasn't school lessons, it would be a classmate. If it wasn't a classmate, it would be some guy in CVS using a bad word toward her friend that was of color, or towards her. Unfortunately racism does still exist. It's our job to attempt to help it to die, but it's just not dead yet. There are some inbred folks out there who can't grow up get over things. I really think it's age though. Kids pick up on things. I remember the first time I noticed the differences in skintone. I was in a shopping center and started just looking around. I started seeing the physical differences between different races and started asking the questions then. I can't remember what age I was. Probably 6-10 or so.

As much as we'd like to shelter our kids from stupidity, sometimes we can't. I wouldnt make too much out of it. I'd just tell her in the past people looked down on other people for no real reasons other then skin color, but she's so lucky that she is living at a time when that's done with and anyone can be friends, married etc. I'd just praise how much has changed and kinda leave it at that. Good luck. I'm not looking forward to those questions either- becuase once you tell her that, then the "why" questions will begin...

[This message has been edited by smartaxel (edited 01-26-2013).]

quote Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: My daughter pointed to them and said... "Daddy, they're not supposed to be together."

Have you asked her where she got such an idea?

quote Originally posted by smartaxel: It's a bit annoying, but at a certain age, kids will notice those things. If the school is talking about slavery, they probably also went into the whites only/black only fountains etc. Your job is to enforce that there's no reason for racism now, and explain how that was the past and we've grown so much since then. She'd have encountered it at some point no matter what though. If it wasn't school lessons, it would be a classmate. If it wasn't a classmate, it would be some guy in CVS using a bad word toward her friend that was of color, or towards her. Unfortunately racism does still exist. It's our job to attempt to help it to die, but it's just not dead yet. There are some inbred folks out there who can't grow up get over things. I really think it's age though. Kids pick up on things. I remember the first time I noticed the differences in skintone. I was in a shopping center and started just looking around. I started seeing the physical differences between different races and started asking the questions then. I can't remember what age I was. Probably 6-10 or so. As much as we'd like to shelter our kids from stupidity, sometimes we can't. I wouldnt make too much out of it. I'd just tell her in the past people looked down on other people for no real reasons other then skin color, but she's so lucky that she is living at a time when that's done with and anyone can be friends, married etc. I'd just praise how much has changed and kinda leave it at that. Good luck. I'm not looking forward to those questions either- becuase once you tell her that, then the "why" questions will begin...

It's surprising really because she was born in South Florida which is a very diverse area... as far as "colors" go... you've got the whole pallet of shades from the darkest Haitian, to the whitest ashkenazi jewish Russian. I mean, my mom is kinda dark too as a Hispanic, so I just assumed maybe she thought it was how much time you spent in the sun... hahah.. oh well.

quote Originally posted by Zeb: Have you asked her where she got such an idea?

Kinda-sorta... I didn't go into too much detail beyond what she asked me because I didn't want to make it a "thing." I know at least for most kids... when you start focusing on something... they do too, and that's not something you want. This becomes more apparent when you say something you shouldn't have, like a bad word. They'll repeat it because it's something you obviously said with emphesis. If you then tell them never to say it, they'll then repeat it every chance they get. If you just say it's a bad word and then not focus on it anymore, you'll never hear them say it again.

Find some famous married couple who are of mixed races, I can’t think of any right now but I know there are a crap load of them and show her that it is just small minded people who think that they should not be together.

Tell her that all those old ways of thinking are wrong now; just like they were wrong then but sadly they are part of our history.

Then call the damned school and find out just what the MLK studies were about and why your kid got that impression. She just might have gotten that impression from the way the teacher explained it to her and he/she may be saying something the wrong way or just be a racist.
Steve

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quote Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: MLK is absolutely one of my favorite historical Republicans. The school unfortunately focused quite a bit on the history of slavery, why I have no God damned idea. I don't know all of what was discussed at school, but she gave me bits and pieces. I was furious... absolutely furious.

It's only going to get worse, Todd...

quote Eventually stated by Todd's daughter: Daddy, my BFF is a liberal.

...

Kids pick up a lot on their own. When my older boy was younger, about two or three, he identified other kids that he met and played with by the color of their shirts, as in, "That's my red friend, and that's my green friend." Until one boy he played with, who had darker skin (and a red shirt); "that's my brown friend."

You said that half of her friends "have darker skin than she does." They don't live in a vacuum, either. They likely hear much more than she does, and they may talk with her about it, because she is different. She accepts them and loves them for who they are.

She may also have been testing you.

quote Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: he was held back... how that happens in Kindergarten, I'm not sure...

Depends. Not knowing the circumstances around it you'd be guessing. I can tell you it was probably at parental request as the school my daughter went to wouldn't do it otherwise. Our daughter has cerebral palsy and hypothyroidism. While the hypothyroidism was and is being treated, she was mentally slower than other kids her age. We felt she was not ready for 1st grade since she was still having problems with numbers and spelling her colors amoung other things. If she would have went on to first grade we felt it would discourage her as she would have had even more trouble keeping up with the other kids. Fast forward now to 7th grade and a 3.75 GPA.

Every kid who watches Sesame Street has seen the skits that go, "one of these things is not like the others". It could be something as simple as that. There doesn't have to be a "bad" kid or teacher. Kids will voice ideas whether or not they've heard them before. That's how our surroundings are explored. Adults still do it, although with a bit more tact or cunning.

Jonathan