I only know one person i would be interested in dating, and she has a child. NOT ASKING YOU WHAT YOU THINK I SHOULD DO. just asking what YOU would do. not what you think is best. what you WOULD do, not what you think you/I SHOULD do. Just curious

I do. I'm 24 and she's 31. She has kids and I have no problem with it, even took her son to Carlisle with the Short Bus Crew.



=D

is it weird that i think you look older than you are, and she looks younger than she is..? lol...

just to give my own input, the chick i know is gunna be 18 soon, and has a kid that just turned 2. if i ended up dating her my whole family would prolly FREAK (cept my moms side maybe...they are all freakin weirdos lol), but i personally dont care. until we got tight i wouldnt have to deal with the kid anyways, and i think most chicks are like that (dont introduce kid to BF until its serious). and if we got serious, id be happy to help with the kid.

(id prefer yall DONT start a discussion based on my situation... i just wanted to give my input. feel free to comment on my opinions tho)

Me? No, probably not. I don't do well with kids. Perhaps in the future I would, but not me, not now.

Dated one, and married her--became the mother of my 3 children, as I became the father of all 4. (she is deceased now)

[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 08-01-2010).]

Well here's the deal with dating women with kids. If she's cool about it, goes on dates only when the kid is taken care of, doesn't force the child upon you.. blah blah.. You're pretty well good to go. The only time I'd worry is if the girl is trying to push the kid on me and do all kinds of stuff immediately/too soon. Her kids only "knew of" me because she's my older sister's friend. So they didn't know we were dating for about 3 months in and even then it was taken slow. It's already been almost a year and now we're pretty good to go. I occasionally go somewhere with her and the kiddies but I'm still not forced into anything or paying for everything that kind of deal.

As for your family? Eff'em. You can't let them stop you from having a relationship that could be a very good one. They have a right to intervene when you're being abused or taken advantage of.

quote Originally posted by N3M3S1S: As for your family? Eff'em. You can't let them stop you from having a relationship that could be a very good one. They have a right to intervene when you're being abused or taken advantage of.

i couldnt care less what my family thinks lol, i just wanted to mention that theyd freak. my longest relationship was with a chick who was black+native american+white, and a lot of my family is pretty racist.

and yeah, i agree. if it seemed like your only purpose (or main purpose) was to take care of the kid, there is a problem. havig a kid wouldnt stop me from dating a girl, but how SHE handles the situation definitely could

quote Originally posted by faaaaq: but how SHE handles the situation definitely could

Exactly. You may have a problem with her only being 18. A lot of 18 year old mothers aren't exactly the most experienced in the mothering department and are still learning. So she could see stars and think you could be a new daddy, want to party, or it could go well and it's all gravy. Either way I wouldn't let the fact that a girl has a kid ruin a possible relationship, unless she has more than 3 each with a different father. lol

I have dated and still date women with children. It all depends on how she handles her child/children. It also gives me an idea of what kind of mother she is which comes in handy to know before you marry a woman.

When a woman already has a child you can see if her relationship with the child is healthy or not. Does her child run around completely uncontrolled? Does the child run the house? Does she neglect her child? Is her parenting style similar to how you would do it? Do you approve of how she disciplines (or lack of) her child? Does the 8 year old still sleep in mom's bed (big red flag)? Does her world revolve around the child (another big red flag)? Does the child respect her?

For myself, the being 18 with a 2 year old is the issue. My buddy "rescued" a girl/mother with son and a few years later somehow blamed him for her being cheated out of a chance to party as a young adult. His experience spoiled me to the idea as she abandoned him and their children. On the other hand, if the kid was a 18 year old daughter, I might consider dating both.

quote Originally posted by FriendGregory: For myself, the being 18 with a 2 year old is the issue. My buddy "rescued" a girl/mother with son and a few years later somehow blamed him for her being cheated out of a chance to party as a young adult. His experience spoiled me to the idea as she abandoned him and their children. On the other hand, if the kid was a 18 year old daughter, I might consider dating both.

mom and daughter is icky lol. but like i said, please avoid discussion my situation. i will answer your comment tho... she isnt in a situation where she needs rescuing or anything. TBH i dont even know if she or her family or whoever has custody, or who does. i just know she has him from sometime, till wednesday. then gets him back sometime after wednesday, till the wednesday after she got him. rinse and repeat lol

I would.... MAYBE.

I only date Christian women. It's not that I have a prejudice, it's simply that I need someone to help ME out when I fall. The relationship needs to be edifying. And how can someone who doesn't share my love for Christ build me up in my relationship with Christ?

So if she has a kid, I know that she didn't save herself for marriage (which is what I'm doing). That's really not a big issue as long as she has genuinely repented AND forgiven herself.

Therefore, it creates a few obstacles that need to be "tested" before I give myself an "okay".

I need to ask myself how she handles being a mother. How does she treat her kid? Is she living a life for God? Is she willing to accept the fact that I'm NOT the child's father, but also willing to let me take that role if we get married?

Personally, I love kids. I would find immense joy in taking a kid in as my own and raising him/her as my child. But the woman really needs to be the woman for me, I cannot go into the relationship with the idea that I will be a father.

So to answer your question, yes I would. There are just some things that I would have to consider. Again, it's not that there IS a problem, but there are still some issues to be addressed.

Yes
You know they put out. LOL

Ok now that I have that out of my system, yes but it would depend on the woman. She would have to be pretty special. Just telling you she has a kid is a big step in the right direction.
A date is just that, you have no responsibility for this person or her child other than getting her home safe after the date.

No.Never....again
Nick

I have in the past, but no--never again.

It may sound selfish, but I am really not interested in sacrificing and doing without myself for the sake of somebody else's responsibility, plus I dont really have the patience for children anymore. Kids are great--so long as they are 250 yards away and somebody else's problem

I did in the past, we even had a kid together. Would I do it again?
Sure, if Melanie died. Other than that no. But I like kids. Hell I have grandkids.

And to theBDub that is an arrogant statement and presumptuous. That doesn’t mean she isn’t a Christian woman. She could be a widow.
Never say never.

Steve


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Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 08-01-2010).]

I've dated a few, but at my age, the children were adults.

ABSOLUTELY, in fact the women that I have been seeing for awhile now actually has three. Honestly though before it happened, I never would of thought that I would end up with someone with kids. But while there have been some rough crazy times dealing with the jackass ex husband, I still don't regret the decision I made. We have tons of fun and have known each other for a long time, she is very much my soulmate and the kids are great as well. She didn't force them on me but rather I found myself asking to spend sometime with them since they are a huge part of her life and now mine as well. So basically what I'm saying is don't rule it out, it could be the best decision you ever made

I'm gonna say no in this case. My youngest daughter had a son her senior year in high school. She is 22 now, lives with us while she goes to college with the grandson. She hasn't dated many men, but doing so distracts her from paying full attention to her son - she is already divided between school and work - and when he meets these guys, it's hard on him when the relationship ends or cools off. Right now he has my wife and me for backup support, but it can't be influencing healthy attitudes towards relationships. If she/he were older, it might be better. But not with young kids involved. And an 18 year old girl is not going to be capable of making mature decisions - not because their immature (which they are in spite of giving birth) they simply haven't had enough time on the earth to make intelligent decisions based on a lack of experience... let alone things that are going to affect their child. Even if your goal was marriage I would be very cautious with any 18 year old.

quote Originally posted by theBDub: I would.... MAYBE. I only date Christian women. It's not that I have a prejudice, it's simply that I need someone to help ME out when I fall. The relationship needs to be edifying. And how can someone who doesn't share my love for Christ build me up in my relationship with Christ? So if she has a kid, I know that she didn't save herself for marriage (which is what I'm doing). That's really not a big issue as long as she has genuinely repented AND forgiven herself. Therefore, it creates a few obstacles that need to be "tested" before I give myself an "okay". I need to ask myself how she handles being a mother. How does she treat her kid? Is she living a life for God? Is she willing to accept the fact that I'm NOT the child's father, but also willing to let me take that role if we get married? Personally, I love kids. I would find immense joy in taking a kid in as my own and raising him/her as my child. But the woman really needs to be the woman for me, I cannot go into the relationship with the idea that I will be a father. So to answer your question, yes I would. There are just some things that I would have to consider. Again, it's not that there IS a problem, but there are still some issues to be addressed.

That's an interesting take.

I would say no, but that's probably because I'm still pretty young yet. 84fiero123 brought up an interesting point, I guess if she were a widow, I would have no problems. I actually really want kids.

I think this is one of those things that very much depends on the situation. I'ld still be inclined though to say generally no.

I would, and did.We had our first date 20 years ago yesterday, and have been married for just under 17 years. And now that child is going to give us our first grandchild. As long as you agree on the rules of raising a child things will be just fine. My only issue was jealousy. All I could wish for is that the child was mine. Although she is closer to me than she is to her dad.

Rich

Hmm.. I probably would, simply because I know the girl I would date. It's all very situational dependent.

No.

One of my good friends married a woman with two kids from her previous marriage. They now have a child from their marriage, to add to his instant family, and are very happy. He also gets along very good with the kids from the previous marriage and treats them like his own. They met when they were in their thirties.

Depends on how hot the child is...

(JOKING!!!!!)

I might, but it really depends on how close the bio dad still is with bio mom.

I know of two guys who made some baaaad choices. It is nice when a guy steps in and becomes 'dad" though...

quote Originally posted by FieroRumor: Depends on how hot the child is... (JOKING!!!!!) I might, but it really depends on how close the bio dad still is with bio mom. I know of two guys who made some baaaad choices. It is nice when a guy steps in and becomes 'dad" though...

How does a thought like that even go through your mind?

Hell, most of the women I date already have grandchildren!

Honestly, just be careful, heed the warnings from some of the posts above and don't let the wrong head do the thinking.

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I was gonna post some joke about only until my wife found out, but then I saw you post that she is 18 with a 2 year old.

Run brother, run.

I'm not joking, and it sounds wrong, but a 2 year old kid at her age is a bad sign. (unless there are "Circumstances)

Brad

[This message has been edited by twofatguys (edited 08-01-2010).]

I don't mind dating MILFs, as long as they aren't looking to use me as a second source of income. Actually, if a woman around my age does NOT have kids, it means there's probably something wrong with her.

I would... A did... and we celebtated our 24th wedding anniversary this last month. Small mistakes mad as a teen do not make a person bad or indicate that they will always make mistakes.

quote Originally posted by MidEngineManiac: It may sound selfish, but I am really not interested in sacrificing and doing without myself for the sake of somebody else's responsibility, plus I dont really have the patience for children anymore. Kids are great--so long as they are 250 yards away and somebody else's problem

^^ NO, and MEM said the reason that I won't as well as I could. ^^

-FF
1986 Fiero 2M6

[This message has been edited by Fieros_Forever (edited 08-01-2010).]

quote Originally posted by 84fiero123: I did in the past, we even had a kid together. Would I do it again? Sure, if Melanie died. Other than that no. But I like kids. Hell I have grandkids. And to theBDub that is an arrogant statement and presumptuous. That doesn’t mean she isn’t a Christian woman. She could be a widow. Never say never. Steve

That's why I DIDN'T say never.. Read my post.

And I'm 19. For my case, about one in every million women I met my age would have a kid who was born after marriage and the husband died.

Date? Yes. Marry? Yes.

Caveats:

If dating in your vocabulary means a prelude to marriage, then take a look at finances, compatibility, maturity, readiness to be a father figure but not a father and the other things that it takes to make a marriage work.

If dating in your vocabulary means a prelude to shack up, don't do it. A child doesn't need to see his/her mother in bed with a man not her father.

If dating in your vocabulary means going out to have a good time, an occasional roll in the hay, trips to faraway and exciting places, working on your Fiero with her, a roll in the hay (did I mention a roll in the hay?) then have fun but remember the above rules. And for God's sake, use birth control.

Your Dad

I don't go for girls just for sex so...lol

quote Originally posted by theBDub: That's why I DIDN'T say never.. Read my post. And I'm 19. For my case, about one in every million women I met my age.

address please.
I wanna know where you hang out to meet a million women.

Having been here myself, I would say that the one trait needed to making a successful go of a relationship with a woman who has kids from a previous relationship, would be a strong sense of unselfishness.
And the absense of jelousy.

quote Originally posted by maryjane: address please. I wanna know where you hang out to meet a million women.

they all have the same last name

.jpg

quote Originally posted by fierofetish: No.Never....again Nick

Nick,
In your case, I think you'd be dating women with grandchildren.

Ron

quote Originally posted by faaaaq: I only know one person i would be interested in dating, and she has a child. NOT ASKING YOU WHAT YOU THINK I SHOULD DO. just asking what YOU would do. not what you think is best. what you WOULD do, not what you think you/I SHOULD do. Just curious

If we have similar opinions on how kids should be dealt with, then who cares? If you don't have similar opinions, then its not even worth starting.

I would.

I did.

25 years married last September. Child in question is now a great 30 year old man, who just got married himself, and bought a house.

Was it tough? Yes, absolutely. BioDad was, and still is, a jerk. recently divorced his 4th or 5th wife. Would never allow him to call me Dad. That was OK with both of us. Went through hostile pickups/dropoffs, expensive custody battle, and all sorts of unpleasantness. Before we were married, I thought about dumping her, but I couldn't do it to him.

Are you SURE you wan to get involved to that level? How would you as a small child have felt about you Mom dating some guy? And how would you want him to treat you?