To help give some one with a drug problem another opportunity to succeed, would you?
Last night I received a call from a friend whom I've known since 6th grade (college sophomore now), lately he has been getting into some trouble. He started smoking weed when we were seniors which wasn't a big deal, alot of kids did it. Well once he started he became an idiot so I quit hanging out with him. During freshman year of college he accumulated a small police record of drug paraphernalia, possession of an illegal substance and a few others. After those I quit talking to him to get myself away from that kind of trouble, he said he stopped so Ive been close friends with him again. This morning I get a call, his parents searched his room and guess what? A pipe and a few grams of weed. They told him he has until tonight to get out. The kid has no job, no home, and has his priorities mixed up. I picked him up to talk to him and the only thing he wanted to take was his clothes and pipe. Nope not taking you in if you even wanna try to stop. So I have him calling me constantly because he realized all of his drug friends aren't there when he needs them, so he want to live here for a little bit. I'm leaving real short here to go to boot-camp and I don't even want to risk screwing anything up. I've referred him to my recruiter and took him to a staffing agency.... My parents don't want to take him in because well, he's a burn out and I see their side. We just don't know yet because if we can get him on his feet it might be worth it but if he doesn't we have a bum living here....

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You don't want him living with you as long as he hasn't kicked the habit. He will only cause you trouble.

As I see it, it is your place so you get to decide if you will tolerate weed around or not....BUT, OTOH--you (or his parents or any one else) dont get to tell him how to live his life. Its his choice and no-one else's.

I personally wont buy weed, I just dont care enough about it to waste my hard-earned cash on it. However, if I am somewhere and its going around, yeh I will take a couple hits, and over the years I have had to kick more than a few people out of my life over it being an issue with them. They can either accept me as I am, or GTFO.

I guess what I am sayin is you can choose to either accept him, or reject him as he is....but you aint never gonna change him into something he isnt.

classic peter pan syndrome
doesnt wanna grow up
his priorities are mixed up - yes. unfortunately, he needs a dad 10 years ago. a guide to adulthood. and, if you are asking - are you willing? he needs basicly someone to schedule his days, with chores, tasks, accomplishments & self improvement. basicly do what should have been done while he was in high school. build his self worth & self reliance. and - it certainly doesnt sound like you have the time to do what needs to be done. he will wallow in self pity, and wonder why people are so mean, while you grow and become more powerful than you ever imagined.

quote Originally posted by avengador1: You don't want him living with you as long as he hasn't kicked the habit. He will only cause you trouble.

Until he hits rock bottom he will not change. He wants a place to hang out to get stoned. Let him go to California where he can do all the drugs he wants and become that states problem.

Well the drug charges dq him from armed forces which he just informed me of. I offered to take him to a rehab facility where he can clean up and at least have a place to sleep and possibly a half way house... his respons; "Uhhhh, how about no."
Its amazing, he turning away all my help but will take the free living one. He thinks he can get an apartment with out a job because "I have 3k in my bank account, some one will rent me an apartment" he thinks I'm not telling the truth to him for telling him they won't.
I just told him I can't help you any more. Done, washing it away from my hands.

lol - and I betcha that 3k in the bank was given to him too.
so, between drugs, apt & daily expenses - he's got the rest of the summer....yay
he probably thinks the $3k is a fortune too.....

ignore him... he can't be helped at this point. Cut the connection and be done with him, for now. He will return and then you can ask him if he is ready to quit.... if not, cut the connection again.

You should do this--IF, you want to see what misery is for a human being.

Done it--(tried it) 3 different times with 3 different friends/relatives--4 times if ya count my 1st wife and mother of my children. Failed each time. Drugs are stronger evidently, than all else. 1 is dead. 1 wanders the country as a vagabond with outstanding warrants in 1/2 dozen states-some misdemeanor--some felony including auto theft, 1 is now in the wilds of N. Calif living the life of a crack/weed hooker--the other fell completely off the radar, presumably dead or in prison. All, lost custody of their children.

Walk away from him--he has to change on his own--period.

Weed is not a drug.
I like to drink.
What's the difference ?
Please, take no offense. I am posting to help.

quote Originally posted by cliffw: Weed is not a drug. I like to drink. What's the difference ? Please, take no offense. I am posting to help.

Well I left some others out, he enjoys doing acid, he just did it again about 2 nights ago.
Yea I just cut him off completely.

No offence taken at all, its a matter of it being an illegal substance.

As for as the 3k he did work for it, he just quit is job 2 weeks ago because "its too hard"

What he really means is, "Work isn't as easy as sitting around on drugs of some kind".
It ain't supposed to be--that's why it's called 'work'.

quote Originally posted by Fiero_Fan_88: No offence taken at all, its a matter of it being an illegal substance.

Yeah, speeding is illegal too. At times, speeding is dangerous. Other times it is a revenue source.
Acid and other drugs, yeah, bad trip (pun intended). You are helping by cutting him off. However, since you have known this friend since the 6^th grade, I would think of him more of like family. As I do with the few friends I still know from the 6^th grade. You can't just abandon him. He needs good friends. Unfortunately for him, you have obligations with boot camp. You will need every ounce of your energy and mind for yourself. Try to reach out and encourage him. Also to scold him as he will more likely take it from you.
I have a lot going on right now but will try to put more thought towards your friend.

quote Originally posted by cliffw: Also to scold him as he will more likely take it from you.

That's putting it mildly. I predict the "friend" robs him blind if he's allowed to move in.

Best to cut the ties ASAP.

quote Originally posted by css9450: That's putting it mildly. I predict the "friend" robs him blind if he's allowed to move in. Best to cut the ties ASAP.

Yep, took everything not tied down in 2 of my "adventures in humanitarian endeavors".

quote Originally posted by cliffw: You can't just abandon him. He needs good friends. Unfortunately for him, you have obligations with boot camp. You will need every ounce of your energy and mind for yourself. Try to reach out and encourage him. Also to scold him as he will more likely take it from you.

Ive offered to help in any way I can besides letting him live here, asked around to find him a bed, gave him a recruiters number as a last resort, offered to take him to rehab, even took him to a staffing agency to get a job. There is not much more I can do, Im actually the one that picked him up when his parents were throwing him out, when I scolded him the only response I received was "I don't need a 2nd dad telling me what to do"

[This message has been edited by Fiero_Fan_88 (edited 07-28-2010).]

quote Originally posted by Fiero_Fan_88: ... There is not much more I can do, Im actually the one that picked him up when his parents were throwing him out, when I scolded him the only response I received was "I don't need a 2nd dad telling me what to do"

And your response should have been "GTF out of my car."

quote Originally posted by Fiero_Fan_88: Ive offered to help in any way I can besides letting him live here, asked around to find him a bed, gave him a recruiters number as a last resort, offered to take him to rehab, even took him to a staffing agency to get a job. There is not much more I can do, Im actually the one that picked him up when his parents were throwing him out, when I scolded him the only response I received was "I don't need a 2nd dad telling me what to do"

Yeah but, .....
... in a year or two, maybe less, you could be a powerful positive influence.
Many who live that type of life get tired of it. He will need help.

quote Originally posted by Fiero_Fan_88: Ive offered to help in any way I can besides letting him live here, asked around to find him a bed, gave him a recruiters number as a last resort, offered to take him to rehab, even took him to a staffing agency to get a job. There is not much more I can do, Im actually the one that picked him up when his parents were throwing him out, when I scolded him the only response I received was "I don't need a 2nd dad telling me what to do"

Walk away. As with Don, I've been there, done that. It was my son's ex-girlfriend, who got caught up in meth. My wife and I tried to help...offered to get her to rehab, help her with finances, etc. During this time, her grandmother in Idaho died. She was very close to her, and wanted to go back for the funeral, but had no car. She couldn't rent one...no real job, no credit card, etc., so I rented one for her. It cost me $250. She promised to pay me back as soon as she got back...she offered to pay up front, but I told her to keep the money in case she needed it for her trip, and she could pay me back when she got back. Needless to say, once she got back, she ducked us every time we tried to get in touch with her. Never saw a penny of the money she owed me...but I count myself lucky that's ALL that I lost. Had we let her come live with us...no telling what she would have stolen to feed her habit.

She is now off the stuff, and clean....but she had to hit rock bottom before she finally got help. I'm thinking that's what has to happen with your friend, from the sound of it....and he's not anywhere near rock bottom yet. It's nice to be able to help a friend....but you have to know when what you're dealing with is beyond your capabilities.

quote Originally posted by Old Lar: Until he hits rock bottom he will not change. He wants a place to hang out to get stoned. Let him go to California where he can do all the drugs he wants and become that states problem.

Even then, some still don't learn.

Its hard to watch a friend self destruct, but often times you really cant help them as hard as you try, and end up being an enabler by accident.

Cliffw...for Pete's SAKE!! Weed is not a drug? It is as much of a drug as is alcohol. BOTH are debilitating, after a while. What the heck are you running from, my Friend?
PLEASE...accept they are drugs, and do you NO good, only harm. You know why the 'Authorities ' don't condemn alcohol? because it earns them a fortune, and they are even MORE dependent on alcohol to make up the loss of tax income from tobacco. And they condemn weed because they make NOTHING from it...but give them a while .. and I won't be surprised if it becomes legal...and they start to tax it...and then the adverts for weed will start on the Media....and more and more will start to 'escape' what real life is all about...TOUGH. Just as you know it is. You work hard, VERY hard. You are still young, and invincible. maybe you will remain invincible.. I certainly hope so
Nick

quote Originally posted by cliffw: Weed is not a drug. I like to drink. What's the difference ? Please, take no offense. I am posting to help.

Run away and let him seek help himself. All you will do is support him while he still does it. First thing you know if you let him move in, is stuff starting to disappear so he can finance his habit.

quote Originally posted by fierofetish: Cliffw...for Pete's SAKE!! Weed is not a drug? It is as much of a drug as is alcohol. BOTH are debilitating, after a while. What the heck are you running from, my Friend?

Running from ?
Weed is not a drug. It is a plant. Alcohol is man made but even it is not classified as a drug.
Did you notice the word classified ?
Heh, I laugh sometimes when a news report depicts a marijauana bust with a logo of a syringe.

cliff, I am smart enough, and I KNOW you are, to know that Weed is a drug, and so is alcohol.if you ain't runnin', then why are you hidin'???? I don't give a rat's behind for 'classification', simply because it is a bunch of biased crap !
Nick
From Wiki (as if you need a quote, my friend )
"A drug, broadly speaking, is any substance that, when absorbed into the body of a living organism, alters normal bodily function"

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 07-28-2010).]

Nick--my friend.
Denial, is part and parcel of any substance abuse. Semantics, anectodal excuses, examples of comparitivly few successes--all part of it.

If you truly cherish him as a friend, I would offer to drive him to rebab. Anything beyond that.... no. Drugs are a personal choice, and for those that don't believe marijuana isn't a gateway drug, you now see the proof that it is. I have little sympathy for addicts.

No

I have bad habits, I'm sure we all do. The minute they start effecting other people they have to stop.
Supporting yourself is important, more important than having a good time.

Well He refuses rehab so I managed to find him a place to live at that will take care of him, including monthly test.
Washing my hands of it. I'm done.
His parents told him if he quits smoking then they will pay for his schooling and all... he said no im leaving.
So when I dropped him off I told him when he stops being so self centered and learns to think about the harm he does to others then go ahead and find me.

quote Originally posted by rogergarrison: Run away and let him seek help himself. All you will do is support him while he still does it. First thing you know if you let him move in, is stuff starting to disappear so he can finance his habit.

I am sorry but I MUST AGREE WITH ROGER. Let him help himself. Tough Love is whats called for here. If he wants help, he will find it on his own.

Look at Darlene's thread for the problems she is having with a "Friend in the house" [fierogirlsmom here on PFF]

quote Originally posted by Fiero_Fan_88: Washing my hands of it. I'm done. His parents told him if he quits smoking then they will pay for his schooling and all... he said no im leaving.

He sounds like he's nowhere near ready to accept help. Same as his earlier comment "I don't need a 2nd dad telling me what to do".

You're better off walking away ASAP.