As a "workingman", I looked at the world everyday with a kind of detachment.
I saw pictures of a crestfallen family standing by their home that had just been destroyed by a flood, a smouldering hole of ripped bits of metal where a hundred souls ended a flight, and a desert woman wailing her sorrow upon the lifeless corpse that was once her joyfull son, and I was distantly saddened, as I grumbled under my breath about the unpleasent taste of my sugarless Pepsi One. Those pictures lasted only seconds in my mind as they were replaced with the more prominate issues at hand, such as what I needed to get done at work tomorrow, and how it would affect someone's bowling score if I did not get those actions done.
No, truth-be-told I was far more concerned with how peoples reactions to my failure at accomplishing those tasks would fall on my ears, then I was on how it affected them at all.
Concerned only with things that touched me, and those close to me.
My little World that I had drawn in around me, that stretched only as far as the imaginary control I thought I had over it.
I just kept my head down, rose every morning, and brought home the cash.
And looked around with a dulled mind & glassed-over eyes.

Now that I have removed that "millstone" from around my neck, I am seeing more then just the ground in front of me.
I find it was easy to call the world ugly when I didn't have to look at it.
And I does me no kindness to realize I had underestimated the heartbreaking reality of it.

I have been getting out in the world during the day and just setting and watching.
I thought I was just "unwinding", but it seem I find myself "researching" some unknown thing.
Everywhere I sit and watch, people seem to be "running on rails".
They walk by each other, almost seeming to "forcefield" each other.
The stare at some imaginary point on the ground some distance ahead of them, eyes snatching sideways glances at each other in darting "fight or flight" motions.
You can feel the mistrust.
They seem to be waiting for something to explode in a mental sense.

I watch and I think how sad.
We were once such friendly & outgoing types of creatures, with so much joy & creativity, now seemingly reduced to battle-torn refugees, always on the verge of a panic-stricken "duck & cover".
I know we still love, I know we still care and help and laugh and wonder and rejoice.
But it all seems so muted, so colorless, so temporary, so fleeting.
People do not seem happy.

I know it isn't the World that has changed, it's me.
I am seeing more clearly.
My mind is unclogging, becoming freer of thought.
And with it I feel emotion comming back.
Unfotunatly, it is mostly saddness.
Not a despair mind you, or a crushing kind of hurt, just saddness.
The way you feel when you see a stray pet limping across the street, alone and beaten, scurrying for a safe place to curl up, if just for a minute.
A helpless kind of saddness, knowing that the aquired mistrust will not allow you to help.
The heartbreaking kind of saddness that comes with knowing that somethings just end up not ending up ok.

I see those same pictures from before, and I seem to feel them.
For that moment I'm in that loss, in that horror, in that pain.
I know these people.
These people belong to me.
For that small moment I am not separated from them.
They are me.

I find myself shortly weeping here & there.
I cannot full-out cry, as I am forever stuck in the programming of my father.
Girls & pussies cry.
My Fathers son is neither.
Just ask him.
No matter how outdated that programming is, it is rooted solid.
Expressed only in a restrained weep.

This of course will pass for me.
I will get busy with moving, get busy with my life again, and tunnel-vision myself into a workingman life again.
I will get on with getting-on, none the worse for wear.
And I will forget all this.

But I hope I don't forget.
As sad as it is for me to see in this way, I hope I don't forget the sorrow of this new-found remote connection I am expirencing with the world around me.

Very well written! You seem to have a talent for creative and insightful expression.
That alone could carry you through the rough spots and might someday prove to be quite lucrative.

I was going to post something deep and thoughtful, but my philosophy is failing me right now.

That is so true on so many levels, but unlike the author(which is a mystery, I make no assumptions as to who wrote it, or who it was intended for) I have never been isolated, hardened, or otherwise detached from the world and it's suffering. I feel the sadness, but I also feel the hope. The hope that one day, we will all be happy and joyous together. We will one day be the outgoing and friendly creatures we are supposed to be. The world is not as it once was, and it never will be again. I do not wish for a utopia. That only brings about sameness and dull shades of gray of acceptance without enthusiasm.

quote Originally posted by Rallaster: That is so true on so many levels, but unlike the author(which is a mystery, I make no assumptions as to who wrote it, or who it was intended for)

It never occured to me to sign it.
Just sharing some thoughts.

Get a job!

quote Originally posted by Boondawg: I hope I don't forget. .

I hope you don't either Boonie.
I have felt that perspective, and been workin the whole time, I don't think you will forget.
You are right, unclogging your mind, seeing thru the clouds, it is good, it is important.

Oh boy... on a BB so I didn't get a chance to read through all of that(yet) but yeah, you feel this way after a few DAYS? Wait till you're a month away from youir old job... you might look up and notice there's a SKY up there!

Working for a long time does tend to make you reduce your vision somewhat (like a fish in an aquarium)

Good luck w/ this time of youur life!

quote Originally posted by pokeyfiero: Get a job!

No sh!t !

When does the road trip start Boonie?

Steve

------------------
Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 05-13-2010).]

...so says the man sitting across from me, as he types blankly into the computer screen.

Getting old sucks, doesn't it I know it was more about 'jobs' and your new path in life, but it also is applicable to 'retirement'.

( and yea, reading on a phone was difficult )

Boonie, I still say you need to live in this area. Life in "The Breakdown lane" we call it. Too bad there are no jobs around here.

Slow living, and with summer coming on it's just gonna get slower.

Brad

You haven't left yet, Boonie? (GRIN)

I know, shame shame for wanting "instant gratification" for pictures of a trip that hasn't taken place yet.

now that you are no longer in your isolation bubble - you can see everyone else's isolation bubble

yes - the reality of the suburban life......

Should have been a writer boonie, that was excellent! I really wish I could express emotions like that onto print, but mine just usually end up very confusing. I know I've said it before, but good luck with everything in your future!