You think English is easy???

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow..

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


So, now that we run through all that, why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

Ron

quote Originally posted by blackrams: So, now that we run through all that, why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

Because, .....
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... the UAW has nothing to do with quick.

You can blame the "Buick" thing on the Scottish. The company was named after its founder, David Buick, a Scotsman.

As for everything else, English is a hodge-podge of different languages (Latin, Greek, German, and French, to name a few). So there are bound to be inconsistencies.

i pronounced and read all of those things correctly... xP

i do understand your point tho. i think i remember my English teachers and Spanish teachers all saying that English is one of the harder languages to learn since we have so many rules and whatnot that dont make sense, or arent really true, or arent ALWAYS true, etc

The interesting thing would be to try to use those words in a way that you could not tell which meaning they ment.

Like: "Her face was as fragle as lace, broken by a single tear."

I just made that one up, but you get where i'm going.

[This message has been edited by Boondawg (edited 04-22-2010).]

quote Originally posted by Boondawg: The interesting thing would be to try to use those words in a way that you could not tell which meaning they ment. Like: "Her face was as fragle as lace, broken by a single tear." I just made that one up, but you get where i'm going.

Sorry, Boonie but where ever you're leading, I'm not going. Last time I tried to follow you, I was lost for days.
The wife couldn't even find me and she always knows where I am, what I'm doing and what I'm thinking.
At least that's what she tells me.

Ron

Well, when you get down to it, modern English is a bastardization of the most common languages spoken in recent history. That said, when you mix multiple cultures and dialects you will have some conflicts. Think of the old elementary school rhyme "I before E, except after C - unless sounded like 'A' as in neighbor or Weigh..." ... Its a bit weird, isn't it?

quote Originally posted by blackrams: Sorry, Boonie but where ever you're leading, I'm not going. Last time I tried to follow you, I was lost for days. The wife couldn't even find me and she always knows where I am, what I'm doing and what I'm thinking. At least that's what she tells me. Ron

Hey don't blame me.
Just becouse I stop along the way to munch a few "freerange" mushrooms don't nessisarily mean it's group lunchtime.
At THAT point, it's every purple unicorn gumdrop lizard for himself!

See, when with me, the rule is, follow, but at a distance.
Sheet been know to get ALL kinds of sideways rather quickly.
AND DON'T EAT OR SMOKE THE FAUNA!

I before E except after C..... weird

quote Originally posted by skuzzbomer: Think of the old elementary school rhyme "I before E, except after C - unless sounded like 'A' as in neighbor or Weigh..." ... Its a bit weird, isn't it?

if i had been taught THAT specific one, it would have saved much confusion lol. we were always just taught "I before E, except after C." no mention of the exceptions unless we happened upon them and someone noticed they didnt fit the rule. later on in highschool, teachers would simply mention that the rule doesnt always apply, they gave no rhyme or reason tho lol, not even an example or amendment to the rule :P

It could be worse, we could be speaking German.

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

quote Originally posted by faaaaq: i pronounced and read all of those things correctly... xP i do understand your point tho. i think i remember my English teachers and Spanish teachers all saying that English is one of the harder languages to learn since we have so many rules and whatnot that dont make sense, or arent really true, or arent ALWAYS true, etc

The toolbox of MY trade consists of only 26 letters.
How hard can that be?
And I also know how to use capitals and punctuation correctly.
They taught that in the public schools I attended in between my day jobs of killing dinosaurs and fighting the Cro Magnon.
A task that apparently has yet to be completed.

"I had no choice but to help my uncle jack off a horse."

"I had no choice but to help my Uncle Jack off OF a horse."

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[This message has been edited by NEPTUNE (edited 04-22-2010).]

quote Originally posted by NEPTUNE: The toolbox of MY trade consists of only 26 letters. How hard can that be? And I also know how to use capitals and punctuation correctly. They taught that in the public schools I attended in between my day job of killing dinosaurs and fighting the Cro Magnon. A task that apparently I have yet to complete.

there is no need to attack me (if that is what you are doing). first off, capitalization is overrated and unneeded unless writing a formal paper. second, i know punctuation likely FAR better than you (unless you are a professional writer lol). the difference is. when i am typing and having a conversation, i type how i talk (ie, caps words i put emphasis on, comma at pauses, etc). when typing a formal paper or letter, i type well beyond a standard college level, in both grammar and spelling.

quote Originally posted by faaaaq: there is no need to attack me (if that is what you are doing). first off, capitalization is overrated and unneeded unless writing a formal paper. second, i know punctuation likely FAR better than you (unless you are a professional writer lol). the difference is. when i am typing and having a conversation, i type how i talk (ie, caps words i put emphasis on, comma at pauses, etc). when typing a formal paper or letter, i type well beyond a standard college level, in both grammar and spelling.

tipe and spel any wa u like, unles u want peple to tak u serius.
its a free country.

[This message has been edited by NEPTUNE (edited 04-22-2010).]

quote Originally posted by blackrams: ... 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. ....

Both "row"s sound the same - roe. Unless the point was the difference between the "ow" in "how" and "row."

Why do I feel like I'm on The Electric Company?

There was no read/reed - read/red combo....

quote Originally posted by NEPTUNE: tipe and spel any wa u like, unles u want peple to tak u serius. its a free country.

using widely accepted shortened versions of a few words, and not capitalizing the first word in every sentence...yeah, THAT'LL surely make nobody take me seriously :P. honestly, i think people who type like they are turning in a grad paper get taken less seriously, at least by me. Grammar Nazis also are seldom taken seriously :P

quote Originally posted by faaaaq: using widely accepted shortened versions of a few words, and not capitalizing the first word in every sentence...yeah, THAT'LL surely make nobody take me seriously :

Yes, it will.
(resume' into trash can)
I already don't.


Your choice, your call.
Best wishes to you, wherever you wind up.

[This message has been edited by NEPTUNE (edited 04-22-2010).]

quote Originally posted by NEPTUNE: "I had no choice but to help my uncle jack off a horse." "I had no choice but to help my Uncle Jack off OF a horse."

Either way, I sure would like to party with your uncle!

quote Originally posted by faaaaq: there is no need to attack me (if that is what you are doing). first off, capitalization is overrated and unneeded unless writing a formal paper. second, i know punctuation likely FAR better than you (unless you are a professional writer lol). the difference is. when i am typing and having a conversation, i type how i talk (ie, caps words i put emphasis on, comma at pauses, etc). when typing a formal paper or letter, i type well beyond a standard college level, in both grammar and spelling.

I agree with Neptune.

I definitely won't take you seriously the way you type. I won't even read what you say if it is in a sloppy manner.
:Sloppy type = sloppy mind = sloppy structure=sloppy ideas and conclusions.
Tells me you basically don't care enough. There is no shortage of opinions so I will pick the ones I feel I get the most from. Wasting my time on the sloppy and inarticulate is not on my list of things to do.

quote Originally posted by NEPTUNE: "I had no choice but to help my uncle jack off a horse."

I read a news story yesterday about some people from WA state who do just well, that.

I read a story about people in WA state who were accused of doing exactly, well, that.

[This message has been edited by htexans1 (edited 04-22-2010).]

quote Originally posted by pokeyfiero: I won't even read what you say if it is in a sloppy manner. Wasting my time on the sloppy and inarticulate is not on my list of things to do.

I hope I don't fall in that category.

quote Originally posted by Boondawg: Either way, I sure would like to party with your uncle!

Let me guess: you told your wife the horse suit was for Halloween?

hehe

quote Originally posted by Blacktree: Let me guess: you told your wife the horse suit was for Halloween? hehe

and she is the one in front, right?.........

quote Originally posted by blackrams: ... quicksand can work slowly...

Unless you're the one who's stuck in it.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx

After reading all of the replies posted, I have but one thing to say, Ron.....

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...You've got WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much time on your hands.

(in Elmer Fudd voice) Because nobody wants to dwive a bwick!

Talk about a unhealthy fascination with something.

quote Originally posted by cliffw: Because, ..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... wait for it ...... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... the UAW has nothing to do with quick.

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and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.