it's not like me to post on something like this. I am still a newbie and don't know many of you very well, but I think my current situation might help some but let you see this from a slightly different angle.

I will be 30 this year, and I normally prefer to date guys that are close to my own age, or older. The younger guys tend to be insecure, and always competing. When we date, if I look at another guy, they tend to freak, when I still don't even see us as in a relationship. Relationships take TIME, and WORK.

I recently started seeing a younger guy. He is 19, so we are only 10 years apart, but that is still a pretty big gap. Normally, I would not even give him a chance, but I decided to sit and talk with him for a while, and I started seeing that he is a LOT more mature than I was expecting. In some ways, he is even more mature than me. This REALLY impressed me. I have decided that if he WANTS to date me, then I will let him make that decision. My mind is made up. I do like him, and yes, I could see myself falling in love with him.

While we were there talking, I let him know that the most important thing to me is communication. If he is not willing to talk to me and let me know what is going on with him, then it will NEVER work. There will always be doubts. There will always be suspiscions. I will not tolerate lying to me. I have been there, and don't want to go through with that again.

If you really love this girl, and you think that there could be something serious, then sit down with her and talk to her about it. Women love that stuff. Let her know how you feel, but also let her know that there has to be COMMUNICATION, and some BOUNDRIES. If boundries are not set then you are doomed to fail. If communication is not good and equal then you are doomed to fail.

An example of this is CHEATING. Cheating can kill a relationship faster than anything else. The way I see it, is if the person I am with wants to see someone else, then it means they are missing something in their life and are looking for a way to supplement this. If the communication is open and we have an open dialogue, then we can talk about this and find out what it is, and we can change what they feel is missing. Many marriges and relationships could be salvaged if people would just turn off the TV (or computer) and talk heart to heart.

I hope this helps you some. I know this is almost the same situation, but I wanted you to see this from a somewhat different angle seeing that I am gay.

Dont worry about it its not worth the trouble.....

Seriously... young girls are dumb, immature, and essentially have ADD.....
Their love is ephemeral and fleeting, and they will ultimately move on to the new, shiny, most intriguing thing once they get bored.

Thats what I always count on.

After they date guys their own age, get dumped on, cheated on and generally abused. They run to me because I treat them well and with respect. I dont ever put any conditions on the relationship. Were both free to do whatever else we want as long as we treat each other well. I actually find most of them a lot more mentally mature than most of the guys they initially go out with. A few have moved on to be registered nurses, one owns her own computer consulting company with 30 employees, a few already own their own homes. All before their 25-30. No wouldnt even consider going out with a giggly, careless under 18 girl. I have known a few 16 and 17 year olds that really have a head on their shoulders and ambition though.

[This message has been edited by rogergarrison (edited 07-22-2008).]

I can give you two good examples.

My grandfather married a woman 30 years younger. He outlived her by 29 years.

My uncle married a woman 26 years younger. She outlived him.

So far as I know they were both happy together. It all depends on the person and believe me when I say it depends on your relative health.

Good luck

Arn

.

[This message has been edited by JazzMan (edited 12-04-2008).]

one thing im most nervous about in regard to dating the girl i mentioned (17), is the meeting of the parents. Fact is that many (dare i say all) fathers would probably look at me and think im some pervert for going out with her, even though im only 4 years older. 21 sounds old compared to 17 if you think about it. 17 you think: Highschool, teen, young etc.. 21 starts to sound like: Technically an "adult" (though mentally, i doubt us guys should ever be considered "adult" lol), working full time etc.. Also were both on opposite sides of the "legal consent" age, and while it shouldn't be an issue, to the father, i have a feeling it will be. I know in time id be accepted (id hope), but till then, i dont wanna be looked at as a creap or something. Thoughts?

kawana, ive been in your shoes before...

i guess dont get too attached too early or you might get hurt

i'm 24 and my husband is 32. we met when i was 19. i've never really noticed our age difference (except for my smart a$$ little comments like "I guess I'm too young to remember THAT", etc.) i think it all depends on the couple.

My advice? Chloroform and a rag. They have a tendency to never shut up.

If you are over 21 and over the going out and partying at the bar everynight stage, never ever date(a serious relationship anyways) a girl under 21. It doesn't matter how tame they are, just about everyone of them will want to go out and live it up, eventually. And if you aren't prepared to go out with her or don't trust her......... bad things, man. Bad things

Now if you are older and you want to shoot loads with a barely legal and have a no commitment relationship, have a ball!

Okay, so advice? I don't suppose Roger could write a book and make a bundle, huh?

1. Don't tell her how mature she is compared to other girls her age right away. That's good for the end of the second date...if you want that second date.
2. Going Dutch? Maybe on the first date. And gifts, even insignificant things like flowers, booze, books you discussed the young guys forget that stuff. "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."
3. Lingere is not a gift for her. Duh.
4. For crying out loud, don't talk about yourself. Ask her all the questions and flatter her. She's not into you, she's into herself.
5. After a couple dates, get her out of her comfort zone. A day trip. A play. That sort of thing.
6. Don't talk about previous relationships.
7. Compliment her enthusiasm, don't criticize her lack of experience.
8. Send her cards. I don't know why, they just think those are trophies to post at work.
9. Politely flatter her friends, but don't go overboard. The other girls will tell her you're creepy, the guys will try to mock you.
10. Make her laugh. That gets ugly guys more tail better than beer.

quote Originally posted by USFiero: Okay, so advice? I don't suppose Roger could write a book and make a bundle, huh? 1. Don't tell her how mature she is compared to other girls her age right away. That's good for the end of the second date...if you want that second date. 2. Going Dutch? Maybe on the first date. And gifts, even insignificant things like flowers, booze, books you discussed the young guys forget that stuff. "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." 3. Lingere is not a gift for her. Duh. 4. For crying out loud, don't talk about yourself. Ask her all the questions and flatter her. She's not into you, she's into herself. 5. After a couple dates, get her out of her comfort zone. A day trip. A play. That sort of thing. 6. Don't talk about previous relationships. 7. Compliment her enthusiasm, don't criticize her lack of experience. 8. Send her cards. I don't know why, they just think those are trophies to post at work. 9. Politely flatter her friends, but don't go overboard. The other girls will tell her you're creepy, the guys will try to mock you. 10. Make her laugh. That gets ugly guys more tail better than beer.

Most of that works fine. I pour complements, lots of flowers and little gifts (trinkets, not major buys). I NEVER go dutch myself. I ALWAYS pay unless shes taking me out for a birthday or whatever...period. Even if we go somewhere as a 3some, i pick up the other girls check too. I find taking a new girl somewhere fun and asking her to bring a friend eases the first date (like a boat or plane ride). And yes some of their friends are going to call you creepy, but there usually ones I dont like either so who cares.

quote Originally posted by rogergarrison: Most of that works fine.... I NEVER go dutch myself. I ALWAYS pay unless shes taking me out for a birthday or whatever.... i pick up the other girls check too. I find taking a new girl somewhere fun and asking her to bring a friend eases the first date (like a boat or plane ride). And yes some of their friends are going to call you creepy... who cares.

From the MAN himself. Consider yourself blessed, my son; go forth and be fruitful (whatever).

oh, and add: Don't be a cheap tipper. It sounds expensive dating younger girls - and it is. And oh, so worth it. You are doing them a favor as well - just don't ever say that out loud.
More DO NOTS: DO NOT pay her rent, car repairs, vet bills, cell phone bill, etc. Don't sign any legal documents, not even as a witness. You might as well be married and divorced. That's not dating.
DO NOT ask to meet her friends and/or family.
DO NOT buy her a puppy.

[This message has been edited by USFiero (edited 07-23-2008).]

Really, I dont know if I should be asking for advice or giving advice here. Some of you guys, the things you say, makes me wonder. Really!!!

I am very conservative about the girls I date. And, I might add selective. I am taking my time, since I have a few more weeks.

I will keep you updated. Sounds like other here could use some advice. Maybe we need a Dating Advice Section?

.

[This message has been edited by JazzMan (edited 12-04-2008).]

As long as both parties are old enough and mature enough to make decisions for themselves, then I don't really see age should be a deterrent. Ultimately, we should do what makes us happy. I've dated girls a few years younger than myself... I don't think there are necessarily any advantages to it. Disadvantages might be differences in life experience, expectations, how others perceive your relationship (everyone feels their opinion needs to be heard), family/friend support, and maybe how well you relate to one another. But really, age aside, hurtles exist in any relationship. Good people are not exactly falling from the skies, so if you find one worth investing time in, then I say go for it. If it works out, and makes you happy, then who cares what others may think. I'd just enter it the same as any other relationship... eyes open, and one day at a time.

Well, its been over a month since I posted this and if interested I can post a update. Would anyone be interested?

Go for it. I'll live my life vicariously through your stories and just keep picking up chicks in a bar. I'm only 22, that's good enough for now.

quote Originally posted by RotrexFiero: Well, its been over a month since I posted this and if interested I can post a update. Would anyone be interested?

Sure, why not. Kinda odd that you wouldnt just spit it out, do I sense something juicy?

From experience, I can say that most 20 year old girls have an image in their mind about what a relationship is supposed to be like. Most don't get a clue that real life is different , and they need to think about what makes them truly happy , and what they want from a relationship until about four years later. I was always mature for my age also. I was 24 before I started to know the kind of man I should be looking for. I married a 43 year old man when I was 18. It lasted for a total of 2 years. I met Don when I was 28. I felt truly confident by then that I could make an informed decision about who would make me happy. If you want something more from this girl than a fling, I would suggest that you find out if she has her own opinions about what a relationship means to her, and what they are. Find out if she has thougt about what she wants to do independently of the relationship. In otherwords , find out where she is in her life. Your old enough to decide if where she is at is a comfortable place for you too. Sorry if i'm wrong, but I didn't see any advice from a womans point of view. If one of you is a woman then again, sorry. Good luck vindaloo.

Jane

[This message has been edited by calamityjane (edited 08-28-2008).]

Need pics of these younger girls...

My gf for 2 years. Weve both moved on. Im in young 50s. Current one is same age as her.

Let's look at this both mathmatically, and subsequently biologically...

You are 40ish...
She is 20ish...

Now, imagine that you are 20 years younger...

Okay...got it/the picture?!

Okay...now I want you to imagine that she is 20 years younger...

Okay...do you have that picture?!

What one could conclude here mathmatically, as well as biologically, is a situation, where you would then be dating sperm.

But who am I to judge...

Hit it now, with a frantic, passionate, fever! After all...she is legal.

I'd be a little leary about dating sperm though. Could lead you into a severe case of pedophilea...but I'm no lawyer...

------------------

"The PRE10DR"

I'm not touching this one. (post deleted).

Well, where to begin? First, why do people think that the only reason a older guy would be interested in a younger girl is for sex? I know, I know, but I am not like that.

I approached this all very smart. Not to boast but I have masters in psychology and so I took this all very carefully. I waited five weeks before I saw her outside work, but I was talking with her daily at work. Like many mentioned, young girls can be emotionally fleeting, change their minds, and wonder off to chase some other guy. This girl did not do that, despite efforts of other boys to court and lure her. She maintained a very mature, professional rapport with me, but there was rumor that she had a crush on me. She is no ordinary girl. Both her parents have advanced degrees, father is a attorney, and mother a psychologist. She reads Hemingway, Steinbeck, and Salinger amoung others. We started talking about literature and she insisted that I read East of Eden, which I did. She is gifted, attends a private college, and is a high honor student. We have met outside of work, had lunch, and I took her for a ride on my motorcycle. We have gone shopping together, and she has been at my house. Nothing funny, and I only hug her when I see and when she leaves. That is all. We have both have expressed being very "fond" of one another, and are building a strong relationship. We are pacing each other. Meaning, we both are aware that this is something that has to be taken slowly, for her sake and also mine. There is much at stake, her innocence and also my own feelings. I dont want to be hurt, believe it or not. She senses this and has been responsive. So we have developed a closeness, have practiced being transperant and been sensitive to each others needs in conversations. Sounds complicated but when two people can connect on this level the rest just comes so easy. But, understand it could end or stop progressing at any point, if the other gives the sign, and in the least we can remain with what we have already built. So in the least I can have a really cool friend (not sperm or whatever some idiot above said). But, I secretly am I hoping for more? Sure, I could end up with an amazing girlfriend, or possibly wife. Are there obstacles? You bet, as I am sure her family will have something to say and so will mine. But, as I know and many of you have expressed, there are always obstacles. There are so many which is why divorce is so high and I personally have avoided marriage.

Listen, all relationships should be approached this way. Carefully. Thomas Moore, if you like to read, writes about this kind of stuff. There is more to male-female relationships then just sex, but you have the opportunity to find someone very special that will compliment yourself, make you greater then you exist on your own.

So, the reason I posted this was to show others this can be done. I mean you dont have to go after girls like a tiger taking down an elk. So if you where looking for some hot sex story or how I nailed her in the passenger seat of the Fiero, I am sorry to dissappoint. Everything is okay here. I thank those who said to go ahead a try, because I need the support at the time. But, I have only myself to thank for being "smart" about this. I believe that has made all the difference.

Let me guess--she's reading this over your shoulder as you type?

And, you have a bright prosperous future as a script writer for the Lifetime channel.

[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 08-28-2008).]

quote Originally posted by RotrexFiero: But, I have only myself to thank for being "smart" about this. I believe that has made all the difference.

...

You make it sound like a done deal. Might be a tad early to be patting yourself on the back.

Seriously though, I wish you the best of luck.

quote Originally posted by maryjane: Let me guess--she's reading this over your shoulder as you type? And, you have a bright prosperous future as a script writer for the Lifetime channel.

Sounds like he has things well in hand. Evidently you know that women respect a man more if they don't just pounce on her like a lion taking down an elk, because you didn't just pounce on me. That's what set you apart from most men in my eyes. That and the fact that conversation was easy and interesting between us. Have you been secretly watching lifetime all these years Don? That's so sweet.

Jane

Yeah sure-you know it. Lifetime= [where's that barf smilie when I need it].

quote Originally posted by rogergarrison: My gf for 2 years. Weve both moved on. Im in young 50s. Current one is same age as her.

You dirty old man...god bless you!

[This message has been edited by Maloso (edited 08-29-2008).]

Maybe shes just a dirty girl.... ...trying to take 'advantage' of her elders....LOL