A man was walking down the street and he met a small boy. The man asked what was his name. The boy replied, 'six and seven-eighths.' The man asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and he shrugged and replied, 'they just picked it out of a hat.'
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08:37 AM
jimbolaya Member
Posts: 10652 From: Virginia Beach, Virginia Registered: Feb 2007
so a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants and says arrrr bar tender give me a drink. The bar tender looks at him funny and says you realize you have a steering wheel down you pants? the pirate says arrr it be driving me nuts!
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05:02 PM
CheshireGrin Member
Posts: 693 From: Windsor,Ontario,Canada Registered: Oct 2006
Miss Jones, the beautiful, young and winsome village spinster, was also the church bell-ringer. One Sunday, during the sermon, there was a loud scream, and a clanging from the belfry. The reverend, as he was addressing the congregation, was the only one who couldn´t help but see what had happened. Thinking quickly, he announced ' ladies and gentlemen, especally the gentlemen, I have to inform you that Miss Jones has had an unfortunate accident, and has caught her leg in the Bell rope, which has whisked her, upside down, into the air,where she is currently suspended. I feel I should warn you that, should anybody be taken with the urge to turn around and witness Miss Jones' sad, and embarrassing predicament, hanging upside in mid air with her skirt draped over her head, The Good Lord will strike you blind for ever'. Gilroy, the village gamekeeper whispers to his pal the village poacher, ' Hell, that's got to be worth risking one eye for!!', as he turned around with one hand over his right eye Nick
A wife comes down one morning, to find her husband Paddy poring over an atlas, with the newspaper lying beside it. She asks him what he is up to, and Paddy says 'Hell Woman! I bin outta work for 3 years, and ya keep moanin' at me ta get a job!! So that is what I am doing!!' his wife asks 'Why the atlas?' He replies 'well, the newspaper headline says that there are 'thousands of jobs in Jeopardy'...so I'm looking to see where jeopardy is!!'
A newspaper head line reads 'POPULATION EXPLOSION!! THE BIRTHRATE HAS INCREASED THIS YEAR BY 35%!! THIS MEANS A WOMAN IS HAVING A BABY EVERY THREE MINUTES!!THIS WOMAN MUST BE FOUND!!!
[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 06-07-2008).]
Woman walks into the barn to find her husband with his pants down and he's behind a heifer. He turns and sees her, then without missing a beat, he says:"One word out of you to anyone and I'll tell em all which of you is better."
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09:11 PM
Wolfhound Member
Posts: 5317 From: Opelika , Alabama, USA Registered: Oct 1999
This was sent to me tonight............. If you want to find out who is more faithful and loving, you dog or your wife, try locking them both in the trunk of your car for an hour, then see who is happier to see you when you open the lid.
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12:27 AM
FieroAurora Member
Posts: 1262 From: North Olmsted Ohio Registered: Mar 2004
A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order. So's the rest of the house. He takes his aspirins and notices a note on the table:
Honey, Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. I Love you.
He goes to the kitchen. Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper await him. His son is also at the table, eating. The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."
Confused, the man asks, "So why is everything in order and so clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,
"LADY, GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF OF ME! I'M MARRIED!"
