HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton".
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you. "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham
Clinton?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better?

GOOD - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi.
**********************

I take no credit for this feel good technique, a friend shared it with me.

Ron

Ahhh, Feel better already... Thanks!

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch.

What they did take, however, was "a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder." (That, at least, is the way the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, "That it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time."

Later, Nathan stood in front of the numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago."

The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said:

"Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."

(not a chance in hades they'd leave the rolex!)

wow. What the ****?

thats something that definetly made my day.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cocaine.asp

Good story though.

quote Originally posted by blackrams: HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK 1. Open a new file in your computer. 2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton". 3. Send it to the Recycle Bin. 4. Empty the Recycle Bin. 5. Your PC will ask you. "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?" 6. Firmly Click "Yes." 7. Feel better? GOOD - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi. ********************** I take no credit for this feel good technique, a friend shared it with me. Ron

I thought it worked, then I kept on seeing her on TV and hearing her on the radio.

quote Originally posted by Rainman: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cocaine.asp Good story though.

Didn't realize it was purported to be a real news story--was sent to me with a group of jokes. This one included:

A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist.

The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up, and eyes it critically.

'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.

'Six pence,' says the pharmacist.

'How much for a new one?'

'Ten pence,' says the pharmacist.

The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton bandanna, places it in his sporran and marches out the door of the pharmacy, kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the pharmacist hears a great shout go up, followed by an even greater shout.

The Scot walks back into the pharmacy, and again speaks to the pharmacist.

'The regiment has taken a vote,' the Scot says. 'We'll have a new one.'