today my grandfather was put in a nursing home.

my grandmother has been taking care of him for the past few years. he had a stoke in the 80's then developed Parkinson's disease over the last decade. everything was goin well until my grandma fell last week and was unable to take care of him. all the family (aunt and uncles) got disturbed from their lives when somebody had to come over and feed, shower, change his diaper, etc.

so they decided to admit him to a nursing home. my grandma will be well soon but they decided that it was too much for her to handle. probably right...i don't know.

so here is a man, served his country in ww2, raised four kids, and some grand kids too, worked his whole life, and is reduced to...living out his last years in a nusring home. bunch of old ladies and insane people that nobody cares about as company.

his mind is still there, he's just lost almost every other function.

what a crappy way to go.

so...burn out fast? or fade away?

Sounds like he made that decision for himself. You might want to do more for him but in the end you just have to let life take its path.

I think just caring for him (and about him) is more than most people can hope for. You're doing all you can and there is nothing more you can do.

Hopefully he got the payback in his lifetime for all of the good he did.

TK

[This message has been edited by TK (edited 09-24-2006).]

If he's at all close to you do him and you a favor and visit him. Visit him a LOT. Especially if his mind is still there. Ask him questions about the family. Ask him questions about his childhood and what he remembers. Take a tape recorder because you're going to be laughing and crying so often you won't be able to remember it accurately, much less write it down.

On Father's day 2004 we put my grandmother in long term care. I am her guardian and power of attorney. Since then, my wife and/or I have visited her 6 days a week. Every week. For almost 2.5 years. We've missed a few, when we went to Osage Beach was one of the few days we missed, but not many. A lot of people ask me why/how we do it. I just look at them and shake my head. I've gotten to know her better the last two plus years than I knew her the entire previous 47. Nobody else visits her with any regularity and when she's gone, I'll have my memories and they'll have..............what??

John Stricker

quote Originally posted by sostock: today my grandfather was put in a nursing home. my grandmother has been taking care of him for the past few years. he had a stoke in the 80's then developed Parkinson's disease over the last decade. everything was goin well until my grandma fell last week and was unable to take care of him. all the family (aunt and uncles) got disturbed from their lives when somebody had to come over and feed, shower, change his diaper, etc. so they decided to admit him to a nursing home. my grandma will be well soon but they decided that it was too much for her to handle. probably right...i don't know. so here is a man, served his country in ww2, raised four kids, and some grand kids too, worked his whole life, and is reduced to...living out his last years in a nusring home. bunch of old ladies and insane people that nobody cares about as company. his mind is still there, he's just lost almost every other function. what a crappy way to go. so...burn out fast? or fade away?

thanks John, i can still get stories from my grandma but my grandfather has gone the point of no return. he had the stroke, then the parkinson's took away his legs, his left arm, his whole upper body, he eats through a tube now. his throat is usless. i was fortunate enough to get some good war stories out of him a few years ago.

i dunno, not a pitty party on me, but its sad to see someone who you grew up with, somebody who you admired, somebody who taught you the facts of life, (like it or not) be so humiliated.

i guess i'm fortunate that i've never lost anybody close to me. i guess its a blessing that you can live so long to see your great grandchildren.

quote Originally posted by jstricker: On Father's day 2004 we put my grandmother in long term care. I am her guardian and power of attorney. Since then, my wife and/or I have visited her 6 days a week. Every week. For almost 2.5 years.

You're a good guy, John. I doubt very many of us could be that dedicated. I'll be honest, I couldn't do it.

I'd rather off myself than live as an invalid in a care home. I realize that this isn't an option for some because of religious convictions, but I feel no such restriction.

So instead of just the two original options (as stated in the thread heading), I believe there should be a third one, euthanasia. To die with dignity...

Please don't think that I'm bringing this up just to be inflammatory. That's not my intention at all. However, as this HUGE baby-boomer generation ages (and at age 50, I'm at the tail-end of it), some hard choices are going to have to be made. Society will simply not have the resources to warehouse them all as their bodies and/or minds begin to fail.

I'm planning on going in a fiery explosion of some variety. Before my body begins to fail on me.

Whether it's a nitromethane-fuelled drag car engine detonating between my legs at the track, or a stoichiometric mix of powdered flour in the air at a dutch flour-mill, a boom is the best way to go. (Yes, at the right mixture, flour is highly explosive.) Quick, painless, and sure to make the 10pm news.

WAY better than slowly losing my functions day by day until I'm completely helpless. No, thank you!

Steve

My grandma was sideswiped by a semi probably 10 years ago? She was paralyzed from the waist down, she has been in a nursing home ever since. I try to visit often...sometimes I don't swing by for a few weeks, other times I'm there 2-3 times a week. Visit as often as you can and spend some time with him. It will mean alot to him if you do so. You're wrong about the 'bunch of old ladies and insane people that nobody cares about' comment, there are some people up there like that...but I guess it depends on the nursing home. The home my grandma has been in for the past year or so has been very good so far and always seems to have quite a few visitors .

On a seperate note, I'd like to go quickly....

I and a friend both take care of elderly relatives. I know how hard it is, my friend even more so as his mother is bed ridden. It's tough, real tough. But I don't think a nursing home for our loved ones will ever be an option for either Kirk or myself.

Get some of his WWII "war stories" on tape if at all possible. These men need to be able if they wish to set down their accomplishments for future generations to know what "the greatest generation" wnet through
S. Williams

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1988 Fiero Formula T-tops
CJB 143 of 1252 "factory T-top cars"

Nursing homes are not all bad. It depends on the people who work there. Both of my parents had to go into a nursing home during their final years because it was just too much for us to properly care for them. My father had Alzheimer's and my mother was paralyzed from a stroke.

The nursing home put them in a room together, even though Alzheimer's patients were supposed to go into a separate secure wing (so they can't wander off). Yeah, it's a bit institutional, but look beyond the walls and paint and look at the people. The people at the home my parents were in really cared about what they were doing. One of my sisters or I would visit pretty much every day, so if they weren't getting proper care, we'd have known.

And get this. My dad was always an avid golfer. They had a little kids golf set that you could putt with and my dad loved putting around with it. They found out how much he loved golf, and they built him his own putting green outside his window!!! No charge. No one asked. They just did it.

When they passed away, several of the nurses came to the funerals because these weren't just patients to them - they were friends.

If you don't like the place they're at, find another one. Some of them are little more than people warehouses, but there are places that really do care. One thing that sets some apart from others is animals. Our nursing home had several birds, some cats, and a couple dogs that were pretty much free to roam the halls (well, the birds were in cages). They'd go in and play with their people and then go down the hall to find someone else. You'd be amazed how beneficial this is.