Yup--I disinherited myself (from my inheritance anyway). I'm on pretty good terms with my folks, which is surprising considering the differences in our values and life outlook.
I'd rather see my brother and Sister get the inheritance, than have the courts take a big chunk (or all) of my share and give it to my ex (and I know damn well she would have lawyers all over me like flies on dog crap)............so I made sure there is nothing to take.
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09:32 PM
84fiero123 Member
Posts: 29950 From: farmington, maine usa Registered: Oct 2004
Dad died long before my Mom, and when she died all she had was a run down house in arm pit Worcester, Massachusetts. Wasn’t worth $110, K and that had to be split between me and four siblings so it wasn’t worth the trouble for me. As I was the executor to her estate. It was not worth the 2 years of my life.
Hope your not feeling down about it, if you are it’s not worth it. No matter how much the money is, you have a great life from what I have seen.
You care for your family and others. You have a lot of friends here, and I’m sure in Spain. From what I have seen you care more for and about other people than you do about your own well being.
You are an artist in many ways, with your metal work, music, auto work.
I know this may not help but don’t let what your Dad thinks of you bother you.
We think you are one hell of a guy, I find my friends more important to me now days because I see more of them than my family.
I have 2 brothers and one sister that have never been to my home here in 11 years. My other sister has been here many times. Some how we have all drifted apart. 4 to 5 hours is all the drive would take for my brothers or other sister to come visit, yet they never do.
------------------ technology is great when it works and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't. Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.
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10:24 PM
Brian Lamberts Member
Posts: 2691 From: TUCSON AZ USA Registered: Feb 2003
My dad disinherited my little sister. My brother and I told him that if that was the case he could disinherit us, too. Quite a moment in the family history. . .a few years later he put her back in his will and made an effort to patch things up. Shocked the sh** out of him, tho, when we did that.
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11:46 PM
htexans1 Member
Posts: 9115 From: Clear Lake City/Houston TX Registered: Sep 2001
I wasnt disinherited, but if I was, I could care less. If I didnt earn it, i dont need it, the headaches it causes or the lawyers that come with it. S. Williams
------------------ 1988 Fiero Formula T-tops CJB 143 of 1252 "factory T-top cars"
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11:59 PM
Aug 18th, 2006
sostock Member
Posts: 5907 From: Grain Valley, MO Registered: May 2005
My dad had a small estate (by todays standards.) It was enough for a downpayment on a house. It wasn't the money, tho. It was that my dad was being a SH** about my sister, who despite having a pretty decent education lived like a crack whore. She eventually worked things out and became a pretty decent person. It's pretty easy to lose faith in someone--a lot harder to keep loving your kids inspite of some of the awful things they may do. That was the message we hammered into my dad, I think he was eventually glad he changed his mind and made up.
No, not any more Steve. After 2 years of agony, and feeling pretty ill, I have decided to cut the ties that bind.And I am tasting 'mental' freedom from being manipulated by money-obsessed family for the first time in my adult life!! My wonderful wife has spent a great deal of time convincing me that she couldn't care a hoot about my parents' money, and she married me for ME, not my family's perceived wealth. I knew that anyway, and that wasn't the problem for me.But indoctrination over many years by my Father, that I must toe his 'line' in life, or be left out of any inheritance that I would receive, is a hard thing to break. I have taken away from my Father, the one weapon he had over me.My Mum understood me, and my 'artistic' temperament. I am so much like her, and her Father, in many ways..and my Father has made it clear over the years how much he felt contempt for him.That same contempt lay very shallowly under the surface, toward me. He hates that I am an 'irresponsible musician'.He hates that I would consider giving away anything that I own, to help others.'Frittering it away' is his terminology.I am willing to bet I have had more pleasure in life giving things to people, than all his money has given him.I bet he has never experienced the warm feeling you get, when you give away something you REALLY need, to somebody who may need it more, without wanting, or expecting, any payback down the line.Or regret for that giving. That is my concept of genuine generosity, and it has afforded me a lot of pleasure throughout my life. So, the reason for my post is to celebrate my happiness, not my regret, at being 'free'.Free to be me, and not a clone of how he thinks I should be.Or wants me to be.It is his loss, not mine.And I have just begun to understand that. He never took the time to discover the 'real' me, and perhaps enjoy the side of me he chose to despise and /or ignore.Maybe he will come to recognise that , and try to understand, before it is too late.I doubt it, unfortunately.After 15 years of being with me, Ellie knows me better than anybody else. And she loves me for being the way I am.God bless her!! If I am good enough for her, then I am good enough . .... full stop...Here's to the rest of Life, starting now!! Nick
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12:30 AM
AusFiero Member
Posts: 11513 From: Dapto NSW Australia Registered: Feb 2001
Congrats on your newfound freedom I'm sure that you will find that by throwing off the chains and being yourself is like a burden lifting from you. I wish you well in your new life as a free man.
Joe
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12:47 AM
Shyster Member
Posts: 1085 From: Conroe, TX, USA Registered: Aug 2005
"You have cause for many feelings, . . . anger, indignation, regret, grief. Theodor Reik, who has done some brilliant anatomizations of love, declares that its ending is in none of these things: if it is, there is a good possibility that some or one or all of them were there all along. It is ended with indifference --- really ended with real indifference. This is one of the saddest things I know. And in all my life, I have found one writer, once, who was able to describe the exact moment when it came, and it is therefore the saddest writing I have ever read."
T. H. Sturgeon, quoted by Harlan Ellison in "Dangerous Visions" (1967 (C) by Harlan Ellison) (Doubleday & Co.) [The writing Ted Sturgeon referred to was #20 of "Twenty Love Poems based on the Spanish of Pablo Neruda," by Christofer Logue. (Songs, Hutchinson & Co., London, 1959.]
Nick, you've reached that river in Egypt, but you haven't yet grown beyond the problem. (Else we would not be 'discoursing' in this thread.) One day, you will wake up and realize that you're not dependent on your father's approval, but it won't matter to you any longer because you will have other things to do.
By now, Zwerver has shown you that you can experience unconditional love. Ellie has shown you that you can be loved for what you are as a human being. Your father cannot control your value to others, or to yourself. These things take time, and I wish you well.
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02:40 AM
Boondawg Member
Posts: 38235 From: Displaced Alaskan Registered: Jun 2003
I wasnt disinherited, but if I was, I could care less. If I didnt earn it, i dont need it, the headaches it causes or the lawyers that come with it. S. Williams
I informed them I wanted nothing. I want no part of that nightmare. Carion leaves a bad taste in my minds mouth.
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02:54 AM
Fieros_Forever Member
Posts: 950 From: Alabama, United States Registered: Oct 2002
I'm the sole heir to rather large estate(my parents owned several businesses plus life insurance), and my Father threatens to disinherit me all of the time.
I'm the sole heir to rather large estate(my parents owned several businesses plus life insurance), and my Father threatens to disinherit me all of the time.
-FF 1986 Fiero 2M6
Fieros_Forever....Watch out is surely the right smiley there.I went through life hearing it, yet never believing that somebody so close to you could actually CONTEMPLATE wielding that threat.But, because He DID, the potential was actually there, and I found out that money was more important to him than his own son.Unfortuneately, he chose to carry out the first part of the threat, using my Mother's passing.THAT is where the pain stemmed from.If he had left Mum to do as SHE wished with her estate, and then used his own to 'punish' me, I wouldn't have cared less.Honestly.But he manipulated his own wife, to his own ends.That is the root of it all.Hence the pain over the last two years, which is when my Mum passed away, and his actions were revealed. It isn't as if I have been a thief, or a rapist, or a murderer.Or a cheat or violent. Or a drunk, or drug-user.No. I just wanted to be what I WANTED to be.And be happy doing it. I never ever found the strength to throw off his chains and put 100% into anything I did, because subconsciously, I felt guilty that Dad wouldn't approve. I was betraying my Father, I suppose., and so by NOT doing things 100%, I was lessening the impact of kicking over the traces. I would be a liar to say I hadn't considered the fact that I would one day be able to relax a bit, and not kill myself with work, when my parents were gone., so long as I did my best. That wasn't wishing them gone, by any means.Perish the thought.Maybe my Father was right, saying that I had the brains and intelligence to be successful in the type of work he wanted for me. But that would have meant being unhappy all my life.I have never, for one minute, regretted my fulfilling my ambition to be an Entertainer, and the fact that the remuneration thereby was far less than had I continued to become an architect, or a Bank Manager, or a teacher. I have the qualifications to have been able to do all of those careers.But I didn't have the DESIRE to be any of them. And so,even if I had applied myself, and done as my Father wanted, I would have been miserable.A square peg in a round hole. The worst part is, he has now dangled the same promise in front of MY children, and MY wife, without my consent.Whether it was done to hurt me, punish me, or whatever, I can't forgive that.He has left my share of my brothers and my inheritance to them, upon my death. That is usurping my position as husband and Father. Shyster, you are a very perceptive person. The journey has just begun.Those words you quoted, and the text, are very very touching.Thanks for that . And so now what? I am going to go on being 'Nick'.But with a burden taken from my shoulders and mind. And finally, I thank God for giving me this medium, to be able to open my heart to many people who are intelligent, experienced, and caring.10 years ago, I would not have believed I would be able to share my heartfelt, and personal pain with strangers.... But, many of you aren't, any more. Jstricker, I have no doubt you will read this.Thanks for being who YOU are too Now my connection seems to be in a better state, I will try to be in touch more. Thanks for being there, ALL of you. Nick
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07:26 AM
hugh Member
Posts: 5563 From: Clementon,NJ,USA Registered: Jun 2000
You know, thias is an intresting thread. I am an only child, and I have a good relationship with my parents. I know I will receive everything. Now with my parents, they were relatively poor starting out. They laid out a plan and lived modestly. They did well and saved their money and retired quite early. And it was udnerstood that they worked hard and saved so they could retire and they planned on spending that money. I was epxected to plan for my own future. Don't get me wrong, they got my savings started and helped me along the way to insure I was in ood financial health. So now at 32 (ok 32 in less than a week) I have my retirment pretty mcuh secured. It's a great feeling. I've told my parents many times, I'd much rather have them around for a long time to come than their money. I hope they get get to spend every last dime.. and then some.
Originally posted by fierofetish: The deal was, as long as we kept everything up to date as long as She lived, then the outstanding mortgage would be settled by my inheritance.Well, my Father has made sure that won't happen....It is just that my two brothers just received their $150.000 inheritances each at Christmas..
Sounds like he has something against you personally since he gave your brothers their inheritance. He can't be too bad of a guy if he set up a trust fund for your Wife and Sons.
quote
Originally posted by fierofetish: Zwerver's sickness depleted our funds
quote
Originally posted by fierofetish: I am going to prove to my Father that I can manage without his blood money..and manage well.
Depleted funds, needing to prove yourself to your Father....although I don't know the whole story, these sound like possible valid reasons to withhold / delay an inheritance. It would be interesting to hear your Fathers / Brothers sides of the story.
If you are bringing up the subject again, deep down inside it MUST still be on your mind. It is very difficult to let this kind of stuff go...
Tim
[This message has been edited by FrugalFiero (edited 08-19-2006).]
One of my Uncles who is fairly wealthy, but only because he screws over everyone... Well I used to be best buds with him. I never could understand why his own kids hated him, why most of his family hated him. To me he was a god. I lived with him for a year when I was 15, I have worked with and for him for much of my life, he was more like a dad to me than any of my 3 other dads. (Yea confusing I know, my mom could REALLY pick them) But I suspect allt he good times we had were simply because I had nothing to offer him finacially. I was the main benefactor in his will, now I just wish him dead. Slowly, agonizingly, dead.
Fast Forward a few years. MY wife and I moved back to Canada, but when we did we could not afford to bring MOST of our stuff with us. So we left it in a storage locker in Tennessee. The things in there were our entire lives. All our pictures, legal papers, furniture, belongings. And my wife's most prized collection of Salt and Pepper Shakers, as well as my life long and VERY VERY large collection of Rare and old Zippos. My wife had nearly 1500 Salt and Pepper sets, and I had well over 8k Zippo lighters.
One day I get a call from my dear sweet Uncle, he offers to help us save some cash by storing all our stuff at his house. "I have plenty of room Randy, and I will love to help you and your wife out" he says. So I of coarse say yes, as Frank was my favorite Uncle and I loved him dearly. He goes and gets the stuff from storage and takes it to his house. Then immediately after taking it, his entire attitude changed. He called wanting me to pay him now for moving it!!! I never ASKED him to do this in the first place, and I had no money to give him at the moment. We talked about it, and he changed his tone again, and said he was just kidding, but he would like if I paid for his gas. Ok no problem I can do that. Well next thing I know I get a call from my mom, Frank has sold EVERYTHING we owned. all of it. What he did not sell he burned.
Our wedding photos, our entire pasts, obliterated all because of a psychotic Uncle that I was foolish enough to love. So the last time I saw him, I kicked him in the nuts, broke his nose and told him to take me off his calling list, his will, and out of his life.
It still tears my wife and I both up when we think of what all we lost, and it still causes problems in our marriage from time to time. But we are better off for never having to deal with that SOB again.
Tim, I read your post the first time, and re-read it now. It would be impossible to go through the whole shebang here, and I doubt very much I could do it all in a book .I understand your comments entirely. Seen by an analytical outsider, I can see how it might look to you.I would just say this now, with the relevance of why I posted again... Last month, my middle brother went back to the UK to sort out tax liabilites etc on the Fund. My Father appointed my MIDDLE brother, rather than my elder brother, for one very simple reason. My middle brother is even MORE dependant on my parents money than I ever will be..and my father knew that. My eldest brother is a multi-millionaire, who doesn't need anybody's money, and so would not hesitate to stand up to my Father if he thought he was doing wrong, or being unfair.My Father has made it easy to manipulate me, or at least try,by being able to manipulate my middle brother by threats of disinheritance.Well, I have just told them both to leave me alone, and not keep taunting me.My brother was meant to inform me, as co executive of my 'inheritance'' of any and all relevant information, during a visit to the UK from Canada last month. He has been back in Canada for 10 days now, after a 4 week stay.No word for all that time.I believe he is charging my inheritance fund for his 7 trips over the last 18 months, but they won't confirm or deny that.Whilst he is in the UK, he spends 75% of his time visiting antique Fairs to purchase porcelain for his eBay shop.The income from the Fund, which stands at £85.000, should yield a return of around 4.75%...around £4250 gross.Or 6450 euros. I have been told it WOULD have been around 1450 euros over the WHOLE year, payable at year's end.They are now refusing to send me ANY of it, because The UK Inland Revenue won't release it without INCOME TAX being deducted in the UK.That is BS!!! I haven't worked, or paid income tax in the UK for 23 years!! I am a Spanish legal resident, paying my taxes here.So, I told them to pay the money into a Building Society account I have in the UK.They won't do that either, saying I have to live in the UK to have an account there.More BS!! So, I have told them to do as I ask, or shut up about it.My Spanish Bank has confirmed I am right..my English Building Society says it is legal...and now, because I have tied them up and run rings around them, they have become incommunicado.I have forbidden them to reinvest the interest back into the Fund, because the interest is MINE. If they go ahead and do that, I have a very good friend in the UK who is a Barrister, and would take them on for free.I chose to discontinue any communication with them.It was all one way anyway. I have never had a phonecall for the last two years from either of them.I had to always get in touch with them. No more.My pride is worth a lot more than 1450 euros, or even 6500 a year. Flick them. I hope it chokes them both.Now perhaps things are a little clearer? I wanted to, and became, a musician.My Father hated it, and now he is trying to pay me back.No way will I accept delivery. Nick
quote
Originally posted by FrugalFiero:
The following comments are mine from this previous post https://www.fiero.nl/forum/Archives/Archive-000003/HTML/20060811-6-040815.html by Fierofetish: Depleted funds, needing to prove yourself to your Father....although I don't know the whole story, these sound like possible valid reasons to withhold / delay an inheritance. It would be interesting to hear your Fathers / Brothers sides of the story.
If you are bringing up the subject again, deep down inside it MUST still be on your mind. It is very difficult to let this kind of stuff go...
Tim
------------------ fierofetish.PFF'S self-confessed Snowbird!! Growing old is harder than growing up. Responsibility: the solution for our World's Dilemmas.. Yahoo messenger:nickcannspain MSN Messenger-nicholascann@hotmail.com
[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 08-19-2006).]
Tim, I read your post the first time, and re-read it now. It would be impossible to go through the whole shebang here, and I doubt very much I could do it all in a book .I understand your comments entirely. Seen by an analytical outsider, I can see how it might look to you. Nick
Nick, you may be 100% correct but no matter how much you tell me about this subject, it is still ALL your side of the story. As an "analytical outsider" I would need to hear BOTH sides of the story from all involved parties to form a factual opinion. Therein lies the problem with an outsider "choosing sides" in any conflict.
Understood, and accepted.It does all go back a long way, in fact to my Father's obsession to be like my Great Grandfather (my Father's grandfather), and events that occured then.Next was my Father and his Mother..and then The War (WW11).. then my brother's girlfriend,when I was 15: my girlfriend and my brother when I was 20..sibling rivalry...and molestation....hell, I think I might just go ahead and write the book It would take about 1000 pages, and years to write.....and probably not worth reading, to anybody else!! I have decided to leave it all alone, and concentrate on doing the best I can for the rest of my life with Ellie.I am sixty next February, and time to take control.I am honestly, HONESTLY feeling a lot happier since I got my mind around everything it involves.Taken the initiative over the control of my own destiny, which I should have done long ago.The only real loser now is my Father, and in a very, very tiny way, my brother.But it is patently clear it doesn't bother them..so why let it bother me? Thanks for your interest, and comments and replies Nick Nick
------------------ fierofetish.PFF'S self-confessed Snowbird!! Growing old is harder than growing up. Responsibility: the solution for our World's Dilemmas.. Yahoo messenger:nickcannspain MSN Messenger-nicholascann@hotmail.com
..actually, I disinherited myself, if that is possible 
