DRIVING GUIDE TO WINNIPEG
mostly appreciated by Winnipeggers
(this is tongue-in-cheek humor)
1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is WIN-A-PEG, not VIN-A-PEG or WIN-A-PIG.
2. Winnipeg has its own version of traffic rules. Never forget that downtown Winnipeg is composed in large part of one way streets. The only way to get out of the center of town is to turn around and start over when you reach the river.
3. Buying a Winnipeg street map is a waste of money since the termination or continuation of any street is entirely at
the discretion of the Works Department of the City. Eg: Salter, Isabel, Balmoral, Colony, Memorial, Osborne, Dunkirk.
You've gone two miles on the same road and the name changes seven times.
4. Portage has no beginning and no end.
5. All directions start with, "Go down Portage."
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, there's no chance you're from Winnipeg. Yellow lights are for sissies.
7. Lagimodiere Blvd can only be pronounced by a native Winnipegger, so do not attempt the phonetic pronunciation.
People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (And let's not forget Noter Dayme! And of course, Portidge.)
8. The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m.
Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
9. Construction on the Winnipeg streets in summer is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
(Especially those dopey-looking city workers holding up signs in traffic that say in big orange letters "SLOW".
I always want to yell, "You don't really need to advertise, buddy!"
10. Many bizarre sights can be explained simply by realizing "Oh, we're in Transcona!"
11. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.
13. Bingo, Bugs (especially mosquitos), and Perogies are a way of life. Deal with it.
14. Asking directions will help you get acquainted with numerous happy-to-help residents.
It may not be any help at all for finding the address you seek.
15. Never honk your horn at another car in traffic. The bumper sticker that reads,
"Keep honking, I'm reloading." is considered a fair warning.
16. Exit and entry ramps on the Perimeter are just the recommended way of entering and exiting,
feel free to exit at any grassy point you wish.
17. All drivers frightened of heights, stay clear of Charleswood and its ten-foot ditches.
Believe me when I say you won't get out without a hundred-dollar towing bill.
18. Yes, one of the traffic lights on McPhillips actually does have a U-turn signal on it.
It was not warped by dump of snow last winter.
19. If you are not familiar with the corners of Portage & Main and Confusion Corner, don't ever, ever try to figure them out while
driving through these intersections. You will be pushed in the direction in which the most number of cars are heading. Majority rules.
20. The Bell Hotel is NOT a classy high-rise with luxurious suites within. If you see/hear about the Bell,
just keep on driving or change the subject. You don't need to know anymore than this.
21. Whether or not you are on McPhillips, U-turns are perfectly legit at major intersections.
If you see this happen in other cities, take a look at the vehicle's license plate. Chances are, they are from Manitoba.
22. And yes, the light standards at Pembina & Chancellor Matheson/Bison Drive have both a red light and an upward
pointing arrow illuminated at the same time. Go with the green and ignore the red...just like every other intersection.
PS - grew up there - hasn't changed much 
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Fiero Fiesta - July 24, 2005 - Calgary, Alberta <--- click this LINK
3.4L S/C 87 GT www.fierosound.com
2002/2003/2004 World of Wheels Winner &
Multiple IASCA Stereo Award Winner
[This message has been edited by fierosound (edited 04-29-2005).]
