"I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas!" This is mine ! sung to "have a holly Jolly christmas" and "Twas the night before Christmas"

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
On that yolly holiday
I’ll go in the red like a knucklehead
Cuz I'll squander all my pay.

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
Shopping sure drives me berserk
On the day before, I rush in a store
Like a pure bewildered yerk.

I look at nightgowns for my wife
Those black ones trimmed in red
But I won’t know her size and so
She'll get a carpet sweeper instead.

Oh I yust go nuts at Christmas
When each kid hangs up his sock
It's a time for kids to flip their lids
While their papa goes in hock.

On the night before Christmas
It's still in the house
My family is sleeping
So I'm quiet like a mouse.

I look at my watch and midnight is near
I think I'll sneak off for a cold glass of beer
Down at the corner the crowd is so merry
I end up by drinking about 12 Tom & Yerry

I get to bed late and gee whiz how I'm sleeping
When on to my bed those darn kids they come leaping
They sit on my face and they yump on my belly
And I'm quivering all over like a bowl full of yelly.

They scream Merry Christmas, and my poor wife and me
We stumble downstairs and she lights up the tree
My head is exploding, my mouth tastes like a pickle
I step on a skate and fall on a tricycle.

Yust before Christmas dinner I relax to a point
Then relatives start swarming all over the yoint
On Christmas I hug and I kiss my wife's mother
The rest of the year we don't speak to each other.

After dinner my Aunt and my wife's Uncle Louie
Get into an argument; they're both awful screwy
Then all my wife's family say Louie is right
And my goofy relations, they yoin in the fight.

Back in the corner the radio is playing
And over the racket Gabriel Heater is saying
"Peace on earth everybody and good will toward men"
And yust at that moment someone slugs Uncle Ben.

They all run outside whooping so the neighbors will hear
Oh, I'm so glad Merry Christmas comes yust once a year.

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
But I still have lots of fun
Yust the same as you, I enyoy it too

Merry Christmas Everyone!

[This message has been edited by skidpro1 (edited 11-21-2004).]

Here's my favorite. http://load.pquinn.com/binaries/fries/

Kris

gotta love the Grinch!!!!

"You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch..."

come on now... sing along!

Janell

I had a kid working for me once, I heard him singing something wierd real soft. He was sing your a mean one Mr. Rick! He was singing it about me! LOL

My all time fav chirtmas song is the dolly song. I don't know who sings it or if that is the correct name., or I would post the lyrics. It is a little girl singing about what she wants for chistmas. She wants a dolly that can sing and dance and all sorts of things. It is hilarious!

2 words, Cheech & Chong

------------------
...Perfection....

Ren & Stimpy's entire Christmas album!

Adam Sandler X-mas/hanukkah songs are great. The eight crazy nights soundtrack is really funny

Angie

"Twelve pains of Christmas" I forget who sings it but it's my favorite.

McKenzie Brothers, Twelve days Of Christmas (...and BEER)

Any Christmas song by Gary Hoey (Ho Ho Hoey) Not humerous, but excellent non-traditional renditions of traditional Christmas songs.

[This message has been edited by Taijiguy (edited 11-23-2004).]

Good ol' Mr. Garrison singing "Merry F---ing Christmas" on the "Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics" CD. Every time I hear that song I laugh out loud. "Buddhists Daoists Krishnas and all you atheists too!/Merry F---ing Christmas/to you!"

Ed

Weird Al- The Night Santa went Crazy
And O Holy Night by Erik Cartman

Download both, both laugh out loud funny!

12 pains of Christmas

Redneck 12 Days of Christmas-
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT

Rusty Chevrolet -
Dashing through the snow
In my rusty Chevrolet
Down the road I go
Sliding all the way
I need new piston rings
I need some new snow tires
My car is held together
By a piece of chicken wire

Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke
The door just blew away
I light a match to see the dash
And then I start to pray
The frame is bent, the muffler went
The radio, it's OK
Oh what fun it is to drive
This rusty Chevrolet

I went to the IGA
To get some Christmas cheer
I just passed up my left front tire
And it's getting hard to steer
Skidding down the highway
Right past the Negaunee Cops
I had to drag my swampers
To get the car to stop

Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke
The door just blew away
I light a match to see the dash
And then I start to pray
The frame is bent, the muffler went
The radio, it's OK
Oh what fun it is to drive
This rusty Chevrolet

Bounching through the snowdrifts
In a big blue cloud of smoke
People laugh as I drive by
I wonder what's the joke
I got to get to ShopCo
To pick up the layaway
Cause Santa Claus is coming soon
In his big old rusty sleigh

Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke
The door just blew away
I light a match to see the dash
And then I start to pray
The frame is bent, the muffler went
The radio, it's OK
Oh what fun it is to drive
This rusty Chevrolet

I think I saw this one in a Kinky Friedman book. Don't know who sings it.
(you know-sang like "Walkin in a Winter Wonderland)

Lacy things, the wife is missing
Didn't ask for her permission
I'm wearing her clothes, her silk pantyhose
Walking 'round in women's underwear

In the stores, there's a teddy,
With little straps, like spaghetti
It hold me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walking 'round in women's underwear

In the office, there's a guy named Melvin
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown,
He'll say are you ready, we'll say -Whoa, man!
At least until the wife is out of town.

Later on, if you wanna
We can dress, like Madonna
Put on some eyeshade, and join the parade,
Walkin 'round in women's underwear

Lacy things, missing
Didn't ask permission
I'm wearing her clothes, silk pantyhose
I'm walking around in women's underwear

quote Originally posted by maryjane: I think I saw this one in a Kinky Friedman book. Don't know who sings it. (you know-sang like "Walkin in a Winter Wonderland)

Its Bob Rivers
http://www.lyricsbox.com/bob-rivers-lyrics-f4h3v.html

I like "I am Santa Claus" (sung to the tune of "I am Iron Man" by Ozzy)

I Am Santa Claus
by Bob Rivers

Album : I Am Santa Claus

I am Santa Claus

Ho ho ho ho ho

Flying Through the snow
Can you hear him ho ho ho
He's so full of cheer
only has to work one day a year

Children in their beds
Visions of sugar plums fill their heads
So many kids out there
Santa must be a billionare

Red suit, boots of black
Big sack of toys hanging off his back
How much does he weigh
How do the reindeer pull his sleigh

Nobody sees him
as he travels the world

Leaving his presents
for the good boys and girls

Ho ho ho ho ho

Sees every move you make
Better be good for goodness sake
Leave him cookies and beer
He'll be back to your house first next year

I am Santa Claus

Ho ho ho ho ho

I don't have the lyrics and am shocked that nobody else mentioned the all time best chirstmas song.

Grandma got runover by a reindeer!!!!

we used to scream the lyrics when we were kids (and we lived with our grandparents too). I think they hated the song.

------------------

87 Fiero GT 3.1 w/ 5 speed