Time for me to pour my heart out.

I just gotta tell somebody.

I doubt I will stay with my girllong. Almost everytime we talk now it's
an argument. Why? Because she is too damn jealous. She puts NO effort
into this relationship. She has too much of an attitude.

She tells me she loves me and she never wants to lose me, but she does
NOTHING to keep me. She accuses me of doing things I don't. She is
snappy everytime I mention another girls name. She doesn't TRY to be
interested in my interests. I even tried hers, watching musicals,
listening to her music, going places she likes. She just basically shows NO interest in when I talk about my interests. She just blows it off.

What do I DO? I love her, i do. But all she does is drive me away with her attitude.
I'm inching closer to breaking it off. It's getting hard to deal with
this crap.

I think I am realizing she is not for me. I made a list of pros and
cons of her:
------------------------------------------------
PROS:

Caring
Loving
Faithfull
Likes me for me, not physical appeareance.
----------------------------------------------
CONS:

Possesive
Quiet
Naive to the world (hard to talk to, create subjects)
Disinterested in what i say
Emotional
Sometimes boring
Jealous
Not much in common
Extremely un-active, no intitiative.
------------------------------------

?? I don't know what to do. I have shared so much with her, I know I
love her and I can't think of not calling her my girlfriend. And I'm afraid of that " you odn't know what you got till it's gone."

I also really don't wanna be alone, but that's not really a big deal. I just feel we aren't compatible.

One of the #1 things on my list of what I look for in a girl is the ability to communicate. Unfortunatley she is the LEAST communicative person the world.

So guys, whaddya think?

Well, don't know the girl so it would be unfair to pass judgement on her... BUT as I look through your list of pros and cons, I see a lot of contridiction. You state that she is loving and caring, then state that she is possesive and aloof (don't talk much). I don't want to turn this in to a religious discussion, but I think the very best description of the qualities of love is in the Bible in 1 Corinthians ch 13. (No flames from the agnosts until after ya read it, ok?)

I think that a lot of people stay in relationships because a) they don't want to be alone, which is insecurity and b) they don't want to hurt the other person, which is codependance. Neither one of these situations are at all healthy. Unless you both are absolutely in love, why lead her on to think it's more then sex?

"She is snappy when I mention another girls name."

I thought all guys knew that mentioning one girl to another is a bad idea!

The best thing to do is just to talk it out, tell her if things go on this way, you dont feel like continuing the relationship. If she really never wants to lose you, things will change.

I think that I can qualify as having experience in this field...

If you really feel like you can't be around her anymore, then you need to get out of the relationship. I just did it, and it is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. As long as you have some good friends, and I mean good friends, not just acquaintances, you'll get through everything all right. Spend some time with them, and try not to dwell on the relationship too much. Find something to occupy your time with; I'm sure that the Fiero will appreciate all those things you never had time to do! Plus, you're usually left with some extra cash since you don't have to go out and pay for two. Go out on a few dates, and try not to latch onto the first person you see. I'm 29 and haven't had this much of a good time since my early twenties. The first few weeks can be tough, just make sure you eat, even though you may not feel like it.

It is possible to be unhappy, yet comfortable in a relationship. Don't confuse these two. Actually, I forgot what a blast it was to go out on a date! You find yourself saying all those nice things, dressing up really nice, endless talking and having a good time! Especially in the first few months of a relationship, where everything is nice. Too bad they never stay that way!

Whatever you do, don't let anyone put restrictions on what you can and cannot do. I had a girl who would get pissed when I got a car, when I spent money on anything but her, and make me feel bad when I didn't want to "conform" to the way she expected me to behave. You don't realize it when it slowly starts, and before you know it you are doing something you realy don't want to do. Be careful out there.

My best advice is to take an hour or two by yourself and evaluate how you feel, not how it will impact her. If you decide that you are not happy, then by all means get out. Stand your ground once you make a decision, though. It's all too easy to give in when she stars to cry and wants you to stay with her. Wrong reason, IMHO. Stick to your decision and be strong.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

John

quote It is possible to be unhappy, yet comfortable in a relationship. Don't confuse these two. Actually, I forgot what a blast it was to go out on a date! You find yourself saying all those nice things, dressing up really nice, endless talking and having a good time! Especially in the first few months of a relationship, where everything is nice. Too bad they never stay that way!

OMG, that is so dang true. No matter who I get with, things change. Maybe I expect too much from her...

Note; ALL advice from anywhere should be taken "with a grain of salt"

Just the fact that your con list is longer than your pro list is an indicator that you are ready to move on to new horizons.

Question might be, how do YOU remove a bandaid? Do you peel it off slow and usually painfully, or do you yank it off and get over it?

Ultimatly, no one can tell you what you should do, you have to search your own heart and do what it tells you.

Just my.002

Yup, and I know that fully. I just always like to see other people's opinions and what they would do.

But ultimately I have to make the decision.

Have you said to her exactly what you wrote here????? Does she know that you are almost ready to move on??? Maybe she has all these "cons" because she is trying to tell YOU something!?

Good Communication is definately a BIG priority in a relationship! Both people have to be able to KNOW what they are feeling and COMMUNICATE those feelings.

"The first few weeks can be tough, just make sure you eat, even though you may not feel like it."

How true. today was the first day I ate anything after feeling like crap for 2 days. The last time this happened, I went over 4 days with nothing but a bit of water.

I've never had any success in a relationship, so the closest I've come to feeling like this, is being in love with a girl... and having her just want to be good friends. which is exactly what's happening with Jill. Talking with another girl I sorta like last night definitely helped though.

Not trying to give any advice here, just letting ya know that most people go through this at least once.. and the last time I got really depressed about a girl, I met with some Fiero friends the next morning and had a great time hanging out with them. so yeah, friends are very important in times like these.

good luck.. I hope it all works out for you.

I have read thru all the previous advice given to you and I can't think of anything that hasn't been said already.
Just follow you instincts. You Quoted" you don't know what you got til it's gone" (which is from Cinderella's 2nd album, 3rd song) But sometimes you gotta "Listen to your Heart" (Roxette). If you decide to end it Everyone knows "Love Hurts" (Nazareth) But sometimes you just have to tell them "Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away" (Motley Crue) Then "Take The Long Way Home" (Supertramp). "Love is a Battlefield" (Pat Benetar) and you need to decide what you want to get thru it all. "Communication" (Power Station) is very important, without it, it's a "Grand Illusion" (Styx)

Can you tell I'm a music nut too?
Do I read way too much into music or what.

I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, 3 1/2 hours away. We have been together for a year, eventhough the physical contact is very little. Everytime we talk on the phone, its just hard to put it down. She does have problems with her life, she has a daughter, and trying to get herself adjusted to her environment. She would understand if i ever would leave, or met someone else. But it would hurt her the most, because i am everything to her.

Ask your girlfriend, if she trusts you. For me, my trust varies, because she is so far away from me and i worry about her. See what your girlfriend says to you about it, tell her your always with her and shes the only one you love. Trust is a big factor in a relationship, ask her what is she afraid of, did someone leave her, cheat on her before?

She's got to share your interests with you, then its just no fun being with her after a while. Honey, do you want to go to a fiero show with me, uh is it in a mall? No. well then, i dont want to go. She should want to go anyplace with you and share your interests, she should say, im just glad to be with you now. It is an early sign in a relationship if shes controlling you, she is the only one benefitting from the relationship.

There were a lot of girls i liked in highschool, mostly based on physical attraction. You shouldn't change yourself for them to like you. All the pretty ones, seemed that they were selfish. You dont want to put yourself in a low position to make someone happy.

If you need more advise, you can try loveline, its on mtv, at nights, also on the radio.

All women are insane! That's a fact.

I'll drink to that! hehe

I agree!!!!

I really think that men and women are two completely different species, sometimes. Maybe it's some kind of cruel joke from the guy upstairs.....

You know how people say that <insert female anatomy here> drives men crazy? Whel just think about what it does to women, because they're attached to it!

I'm done for today!

John

quote Originally posted by FieroGT: ...I really think that men and women are two completely different species, sometimes. Maybe it's some kind of cruel joke from the guy upstairs..... John

Yes I agree with you on ONLY THAT, FieroGT...

burdell1~~~~What are you thinking?? It is MEN who make us this way!!!!

Seriously though... We really do think differently! There are times I really wonder if you guys came from a different planet. I guess that is what makes marriage fun and exciting. It is one he!! of a roller coaster ride! And for some reason, I LOVE IT!!

(Love ya, Coconut)

Kristina

Awww, that's cute.... I would normally say something sarcastic, but I think everything has been said. Judging from what you've said, she's NOT going to change. So it comes down to this: Deal with it or leave.

I guess I am a biased opinion cause my girlfriend dumped me not too long ago for no good reason whatsoever......

I am sure not one to give advice. I am losing my mind.

Hey, we've got one honest man in the room!

Hey Homicidal...don't get homicidal over this. Just my coupla Aussie dollars worth...

After too many lengthy relationships and 1 failed marraige here is what I learned;

*Be honest but tactful...ALWAYS!

*Pride, Mucho and ego/vanity are true relationship killers. If you have any excess of these, work on 'em. Don't need to be a puss; Just a man!

*If you find it hard to apologize and you know you should...grow some cahoneys and say it!! Don't expect to get a treat for it!

*You do generally need some common ground; small talk only lasts so long.

*You are never obligated to sacrifice who YOU are for someone else; Neither is she!

*Do you know who you are?? This is kinda important. Takes time amigo...some things only time can teach. Additionally, does she know who she is...self assured or kinda flakey?

*Are you comfortable being out of a relationship? All I mean is don't be in a relationship just to be in one, or to get layed regular. This does NOT work!

*If you treat her with respect for who she is, and are sincere in your attempts to make her happy and she does not respond in a sincere, like manner...DUMP HER! I know that sounds cold but at this point you would need to be really serious about her because somethin's not jivin'. You do need to be committed; it's hard work sometimes and that committment is usually what gets you through.

I tip toed around my ex wife on constant egg shells and absolutely nothing I could do would make her happy. I felt totally obligated to stay 'cause, well, we were married. What a waste of time, and mutual misery for an inevitable break up anyway. So I left...really hard thing for me to do too. I stuck it out and found myself in the process. I used that to decide who was right for me and I now have the most awesome woman in the world!! We spend a lot of time together too. At one point she worked for me and we spent 1 whole year on the road together. 24 & 7! And I'm not easy to work for! We had our moments but neither of us can stay mad at each other for long. One of us usually busts up laughing and it's over. Been together 3 yrs & married 1; I have absolutely NO DOUBT this is the woman I want to spend my life with! I NEVER thought I'd say that! Another thing to bare in mind...no matter how bad you guys are getting along, if it's love, that statement will be stuck in your heart and your mind; "She's the MOST awesome girl in the world", right along with "she's a pain in the butt!" It's a fine line after all!

Hope I didn't confuse you. Good Luck and keep fighting the good fight. Just make sure you know what your fighting.

Ozzy

I still say women suck

Women suck... but then again, why do I want one so bad?

cause some of them swallow

I've never actually been in a relationship.. (Well.. not exactly anyway, not gonna add any details though) There's someone I've been stuck on for a long time, unfortunately (for me anyway) she was always in one relationship or another. We've always been friends, very good friends, she knows I like her but has never shown an interest other than being good friends. (Erm.... not that I know what to look for anyway) Late last year she moved out of town (mainly to get away from who she was with) and we keep in touch, she's visited a couple of times.

Anyway, my two bits are (now that I have that off my chest) that I just want to forget about it. Between work, my Fiero, and computer games I've pretty well cut myself off from a lot of people. (Mind you, the people I used to hang around with all moved out of town too)

One more thing to keep in mind, make sure youre not falling into the grass is always greener syndrom. I've been tempted more than once to go play with someone else bucause initially we hit it off, but you do have to think of the repercusions <sp>. as for Homocidial. If it feels like it's time to leave, just leave and don't drag it out only makes it worse down the road.

Fierospeeder -- LMFAO!!!