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Oil Change Instructions for Women and Men by 87ECO5
Started on: 03-07-2000 10:13 AM
Replies: 1
Last post by: fiero56 on 03-07-2000 10:32 AM
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Report this Post03-07-2000 10:13 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 87ECO5Send a Private Message to 87ECO5Direct Link to This Post
Kinda large ... sorry, but funny too. Hope it doesn't offend anyone!


1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.


1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992) in the left breast.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car

[This message has been edited by 87ECO5 (edited 03-07-2000).]

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Report this Post03-07-2000 10:32 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fiero56Send a Private Message to fiero56Direct Link to This Post
Good one, Scott!

How's this one?

Car Parking(Women)
The smallest curbside space sudessfully reversed into by a women was one of 19.36m--equivalent to three standard parking spaces--by Mrs. Caroline Wizz(GB) drving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12 October 1993. She started the maneuver at 11:15a.m. in Ropergate, Ponterfract, and sucessfully parked within three feet of the curb eight hours and 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and the two adjoining car, as well as shop frontage and two lampposts.

[This message has been edited by fiero56 (edited 03-07-2000).]

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