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Something funny... by Cliff Pennock
Started on: 03-02-2000 06:31 PM
Replies: 6
Last post by: stimpy on 03-07-2000 08:08 PM
Cliff Pennock
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Report this Post03-02-2000 06:31 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Cliff PennockClick Here to visit Cliff Pennock's HomePageClick Here to Email Cliff PennockSend a Private Message to Cliff PennockDirect Link to This Post
So this guy in a big expensive Mercedes was driving on the highway when he spotted a beaten-down Yugo with car-trouble. He pulled over and asked what was wrong. The guy with the Yugo told him it just suddenly stopped and whatever he tried, he couldn't get it going again. The man in the Mercedes offered him a tow to the nearest gas station which the man in the Yugo gladly accepted.

"I'll drive as careful as I can, but just in case, if you want me to stop - just flash your headlights" the man in the Mercedes said. So there they went, on the highway doing 40mph when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, they were overtaken by a Fiero with incredible speed. "No steenkin' Fiero is passing me!" the guy in the Mercedes said to himself - and he stepped on it.

A mile down the highway, two police officers were just writing somebody a ticket when the cars passed them. One officer looked up to the other, only to seem him baffled with amazement.

"What happened to you?" he asked.
"I just saw the darnest thing... A Fiero, doing at least 120mph, closely followed by a Mercedes. And behind him a Yugo - flashing his lights, trying to get past!"

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RFMike
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Report this Post03-02-2000 07:05 PM Click Here to See the Profile for RFMikeClick Here to Email RFMikeSend a Private Message to RFMikeDirect Link to This Post
Good one!
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Monkeyman
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Report this Post03-02-2000 09:08 PM Click Here to See the Profile for MonkeymanSend a Private Message to MonkeymanDirect Link to This Post
Hahaha. Even better than the cow picture.
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Gokart
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Report this Post03-02-2000 09:55 PM Click Here to See the Profile for GokartSend a Private Message to GokartDirect Link to This Post
Like it! Plus the Mercedes would lose even without Yugo tied behind! LOL
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Patrick's Dad
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Report this Post03-06-2000 08:23 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Patrick's DadClick Here to visit Patrick's Dad's HomePageClick Here to Email Patrick's DadSend a Private Message to Patrick's DadDirect Link to This Post
Speaking of Mercedes, got this one a couple of days ago....

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on
the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 120, 140.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his licence without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

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mrfixit58
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Report this Post03-07-2000 05:23 PM Click Here to See the Profile for mrfixit58Click Here to Email mrfixit58Send a Private Message to mrfixit58Direct Link to This Post
While were on the subject of funnies...

Subject: oil change


This goes out to all the sweaty men.


Oil Changing Instructions:


Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil
change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.


Men:

1. Go to auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil
lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to
auto parts store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to
gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains
onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

29. Begin cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992) in
the left boob.

32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil
spilled during step 2.
40. Drive car


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stimpy
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Report this Post03-07-2000 08:08 PM Click Here to See the Profile for stimpyClick Here to Email stimpySend a Private Message to stimpyDirect Link to This Post
I AM LAUGHING SOOO FREAKIN HARD!!!!!
How many of us remember the now-infamous Wal-Mart oil change post? THIS is exactly the reason I drop the $30 to have someone else screw with it!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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