I was already isolated inside because of drug-induced Lupus (Dr. prescribed Omeprazole for Hiatal hernia) Can't be out in the sun (Burned back of neck 15 minutes exposure to fluorescent light) Now my new dog (14 months old) had a luxated patella so I had to have her surgisized....She is stuck in her crate for at least 4 weeks.
So I was in the store and thought of a certain part of our situation, and then came home and drew up a cartoon- some of my friends liked it;
If anyone else has any funny stories/jokes/cartoons, let's PLEASE see them!
I also have some health nags, which will pass or not. Much like life. I needed a haircut but was hospitalized. Some three weeks later, I escaped and wanted a hair cut. from an ole' fashioned, elderly, barber. His clienteil is older too. All the "at risk" folks, violating self isolation.
We were quipping. I mentioned that if there is a long line, or a group of people trying to score a product, start coughing and sneezing and watch the line thin.
All this social distancing, conserving food. Eating food that can be stored for a long time. You know the kind, those cans of beans that you have been neglecting in the back of the pantry have come to haunt you. Let me tell you there is no more powerful tool for social distancing than a good fart. So scarf down those cans of beans, eat that cabbage that no one wanted at the store. Trust me you wont have any issues with people invading your space. Plus if your woman sticks around you know its love. (or its the fact she is eating the same food)
Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The hoover was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together
Not my original work but, I’ve got the symptoms.... Rams 🤪
The World : You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny. COVID-19 : What do you mean I'm funny? The World : It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy. [laughs] COVID-19 : What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What? The World : It's just, you know. You're just funny, it's... funny, you know the way you tell the story and everything. COVID-19 : [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What's funny about it? USA : COVID-19 no, you got it all wrong. COVID-19 : Oh, oh, USA. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how? The World : Jus... COVID-19 : What? The World : Just... ya know... you're funny. COVID-19 : You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little ****ed up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to ****in' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? The World : Just... you know, how you tell the story, what? COVID-19 : No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the **** am I funny, what the **** is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny! The World : [long pause] Get the **** out of here, COVID-19! COVID-19 : [everyone laughs] Ya mother****er! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. USA, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, The World. You may fold under questioning.
This seems so "on point" that I think of it as actually too serious for this Comic Relief thread, but I can't help thinking about Public Service Announcements from the U.S. Treasury Department, that are (likely) going to be airing on the major cable TV channels and broadcast networks in the very near future.
How business owners and other Americans can access the financial power of the new $2T (2 Trillion Dollar) COVID-19 National Economic Stimulus and Bailout Plan.