I am ****ing done. I cannot take it any longer. I have reached my breaking point.
Tony
Edit:
Without going into detail, I am not ok. Very far from suicidal, but not ok. I can NEVER do anything to end my chances at life. I can see why many of you thought that after my post. Last night I may have been reaching out. Thanks to many of you, I am a better person. I won't forget that.
Tony
[This message has been edited by Tony Kania (edited 03-18-2012).]
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12:45 AM
PFF
System Bot
Patrick Member
Posts: 38888 From: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada Registered: Apr 99
Hmmm... so is this an example of the "nice Jeffery" you were posting about a few days ago?
Quite uncalled for.
Did I mess up your play to be a hero? So sorry.
And no, it isn't nice Jeffery. You killed him.
I think it is a pussy move to post on an Internet forum what looks all to me like a suicide note, and expect that strangers are going to make it all better. If he can't figure out that a child is worth enduring everything, then all I can do is help nudge him into that way of thinking.
And Patrick, go **** yourself.
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06:19 AM
84fiero123 Member
Posts: 29950 From: farmington, maine usa Registered: Oct 2004
if it is his crazy ass neighbor then he should just go beat someones ass and get it over with, assult charges suck but its either that or (clearly whats happening) lose your mind.
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10:26 AM
Boondawg Member
Posts: 38235 From: Displaced Alaskan Registered: Jun 2003
Tony, I just had a talk at work with a young man who felt very much the same way. I told him and I will tell you; you just gotta' pick yourself up and push forward. Why? Becouse L I F E is all there is. It is supposed to be hard. That's what it is. The problem is that we get too wrapped up in me. All we see is us. We need to look larger. Throw out the egocentric. Dwelling on yourself, what you feel, what you want, why everything happens to you. It's a self-pittying nowhere game.
Increase your scope. Fight the World. Put your head directly in the game and spit "You AIN'T gonna' beat me. You just aint. I WILL NOT buckle. Come on, shizz-for-life, lets DO THIS." Get hard.
And here's why; Becouse there may very well only be 2 things to The Game. 1. Life - Living. 2. Death - Nothingness.
And as bad as life can get, nothingness is the worse. It's nothingness. So even if you gotta' be a total azzhole in life, just to make it work, it is STILL better then being nothingness. So go be an azzhole. Who cares? And who cares about who cares?
The chunk of the World, Life, & Time that you are standing in right now is YOURS. STAND in it. Work it. Use it. Fight it. Beat it's ****ing ass.
Smack it square 'cross the face and tell it "I OWN you beeatch. You WILL succumb. You will bend to my will or I will BEND you to it. I got shizz ta' do and i'll be damned if you are gonna' stop me. Just try it, fuggface. You WILL NOT win."
You gotta' get mean. It's trying to do you. No way, nooooooooooooo way. Not gonna' happen. Do IT, first.
We are MEN. We OWN this sh!t . It don't own us. So act like an owner. And run this sh!t . Drive it hard and drive it till the wheels fall off. Then kick it to the curb and grab you another one.
[This message has been edited by Boondawg (edited 03-18-2012).]
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10:33 AM
82-T/A [At Work] Member
Posts: 25393 From: Florida USA Registered: Aug 2002
if it is his crazy ass neighbor then he should just go beat someones ass and get it over with, assult charges suck but its either that or (clearly whats happening) lose your mind.
No, that's hte last thing he should do because if you remember, the crazy neighbor has a restraining order on him.
I have a feeling this might have something to do with his child... I'm wondering if perhaps it's gotten so bad that they ended up taking his little boy away.
Only thing I can say is that the boy shouldn't grown up alone... so if you're reading this Tony... your boy probably won't grow up will without having known his dad. You don't want him to grow up without a father.
oh ya restraining order.... damn, well if the neighbor has one on him and the neighbor is the one violating it doesnt that mean that the neighbor would goto jail?
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12:04 PM
Formula88 Member
Posts: 53788 From: Raleigh NC Registered: Jan 2001
This has everything to do with my experiences since moving here to be with Amy. This town, as beautiful as it is, has not been kind to me. Amy, her family, her ex's family, neighbor boy, and just folks taking from me. It seems the harder that I try, the worse it has become. A seperation is necessary.
I do have some great friends that I made here in Washington. I need to listen to them more.
I also have made friends with many, many of you here. I apologize for the manic posting last evening. It was uncalled for. When written, I did not realiize how it would be taken by you folks.
Involving everything in my life at the moment, I would not do one single thing to have me taken away from Benjamin. Period.
Benjamin. He will grow up with me. With all going on, I (we) do our best to keep his world innocent. He did not bring me into his world. We brought him into ours. Benjamin is so very much not the issue here. The frickin' adults are.
Thanks to those that have made a positive post. To the poster that immediately thought that his input was necessary to crush me, another human, I still wish the best for your dogs, but hope that you, as you like to put it, GO **** YOURSELF! Enjoy that life. You have earned all that you deserve.
Tony Kania
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12:19 PM
Boondawg Member
Posts: 38235 From: Displaced Alaskan Registered: Jun 2003
Great start! You are totally correct, SCREW it ALL!
As in, don't take life so seriously. It's not a permanent condition. (Bravo for you for deciding to stick it out.) But you have to realize you don't control the world. You're just one man. You cannot, and will never, get it all perfect.
Pare down the list of things to what matters. The list should be very short. Two, maybe four, entries. Screw everything else. Write it down on a small piece of paper and carry it with you. When someone or something bothers you, take out that list. Check it. 99.9% of daily junk won't be on that list. Then say, "Sorry, you're NOT on my list of stuff to worry about."
And go on about your day.
Fight the GOOD fight, not EVERY fight.
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12:35 PM
WhiteDevil88 Member
Posts: 8518 From: Coastal California Registered: Mar 2007
Originally posted by Tony Kania: To the poster that immediately thought that his input was necessary to crush me, another human, I still wish the best for your dogs, but hope that you, as you like to put it, GO **** YOURSELF! Enjoy that life. You have earned all that you deserve.
Tony Kania
Are you crushed? You don't seem crushed. You seem angry. Anger is good. Depression sucks. Would you rather hate yourself or hate me? I don't care if you hate me, but your kid would feel awfully guilty if you let him grow up without you. Your attention grab was tacky, you let people who actually do care about you worry all night. Me, I've stopped caring about attention seekers who hold others emotionally hostage. But I have watched my niece grow up without a dad because he gave up and died rather then face a little tribulation. If I saved some other kid from growing up with guilt of daddy offing himself by directing your anger at me, then I feel good.
Zeb... Thank you for that piece of advice. The only thing on my list at this moment is Benjamin. And it is a glorious list.
Boonie... That was the nicest thing that you have ever said to me. I need to redirect my anger at life. It needs a wake up call. I have never been a pussy, but I have faltered. I know an amazing amount of things. All from mistakes. I find myself making some of those mistakes again, and need advice/input.
82/TA... I would love to buy you a beer. Thank you for being such a great forum member. You always extend your hand.
RWDPLZ... Thank you.
Ah heck, this would take forever... Thanks again for the advice, and kind words folks. I often have that "I can do anything" attitude. There are times when it bites me.
I will let you all in on a little secret. I suffer from depression. It comes and goes. I have been able to contain it for about 10 years or so, and over the past several years I can feel it creeping back up. Hence the reason for some of my irradic posts. I have sought help, and am currently taking medication. It is embarrassing, but I need to always be honest with myself, and others. I would rather let you all know, than to keep secrets. My honesty has bitten me here, but what you read, is what you get. And i hope that what you get will be an improved, better version of myself here soon. This medication takes up to 6 weeks to become effective. Over the past month i have needed to maintain until then. That, and with all new meds, it takes monitoring by the Dr. An adjustment was made last Friday, but won't obviously take effect for a bit here. I can wait.
If anyone has anything to ask, please do so? I do not want to keep you in the dark.
I have, and continue to console a few members here. Their issues are a secret only between them and myself. Quite often I can help others, but not myself. So, my reasoning for reaching out to you all.
Tony
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01:55 PM
Patrick Member
Posts: 38888 From: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada Registered: Apr 99
Boonie... That was the nicest thing that you have ever said to me. I need to redirect my anger at life. It needs a wake up call. I have never been a pussy, but I have faltered. I know an amazing amount of things. All from mistakes. I find myself making some of those mistakes again, and need advice/input.
Tony
Well, I don't know hardly nothing about you, but I DO care about you.
And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you do onto one of the least of these my brothers, you do onto me.’
Thank you Doni. You changed me forever with your words and wisdom in the past. It is not forgotten. Thank you for making me be a better person. While I may falter on ocassion, I seriously think about your words quite often.
I am going to survive just fine. I have spent a good part of the morning talking to folks. I am talked out at the moment.
Tony
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02:31 PM
Toddster Member
Posts: 20871 From: Roswell, Georgia Registered: May 2001
You are going to be ok. I have enough exposure to people who self harm to know that people who are serious about harming themselves to make flashy displays for attention and sympathy. If you believe that posting suicide notes are going to bring nothing but concern for your well being, then you do not understand the effect that trigger would have on people who have survived suicides in their family. Also a little history. We used to have a guy who posted that he was going to kill himself, and he actually took pills and booze so he could say he was serious. Of course he did it where he knew an EMT friend of his parks his ambulance. He didn't care that the whole situation would adversely affect someone else, but I actually gave a **** and called New York from California to get emergency services looking for him. You know what I got for my troubles? I get assholes like Nick rolling that in my face that I only did something to keep from being banned. So can you understand why a little reverse psychology was a gift? I really don't care about you any more or less then any other grown up who should be able to handle their crisis'. Apparently you couldn't last night, and I sympathize. Don't expect coddling from me when you start talking about self harm. You'll get what you need from me, and sometimes that is a foot in the ass, figuratively speaking.
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02:47 PM
WhiteDevil88 Member
Posts: 8518 From: Coastal California Registered: Mar 2007
You keep saying that it is a suicide note. I reiterated earlier on that, and apologized for that misconception. It was not, and still is not meant as a suicide attempt. I am sorry that you believe that Jeff. You, of all people here, know me best.
Still sorry about Rascal. I still believe that he is in great care with you.
Tony
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03:14 PM
rogergarrison Member
Posts: 49601 From: A Western Caribbean Island/ Columbus, Ohio Registered: Apr 99
Of course it wasn't a suicide note. It was a plea for sympathy and attention. You got your attention from me, and I am sympathetic. But when you have a kid, you aren't important anymore. You should live for your kids. Some people like Toddster will walk out on a wife and two toddlers, I don't believe that is acceptable. If you don't think I coddled you enough, tough tit. I wouldnt do it someone who doesn't stalk me and start flame threads about me, or call me a criminal, so I certainly won't for you. I don't know why you would think that you deserve coddling from anyone, but you must be on crack if you think that I am going to be the one.
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I need to redirect my anger at life. It needs a wake up call. I have never been a pussy, but I have faltered. I know an amazing amount of things. All from mistakes. 
Thank you.
