GRANDMA IN COURT

Lawyers should never ask a Louisiana grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.'

That one is pretty good!

bump

Good 1.
Thanks for sharing!
-JT

I had a grandmother like that, not shy about telling what you were doing wrong.

True story:

At her funeral, the six oldest grandsons of her six sons were asked to be pallbearers (including me). After we got done loading the casket into the hearse, one of my cousins turned to me and said, "well, do you think grandma would have thought we did it right?" And without thinking, I replied, "well, you know grandma - if we did it wrong, she would have got up and TOLD us!"

We all fell out laughing, and had to wait a couple minutes before returning to the church.

quote Originally posted by ktthecarguy: I had a grandmother like that, not shy about telling what you were doing wrong. True story: At her funeral, the six oldest grandsons of her six sons were asked to be pallbearers (including me). After we got done loading the casket into the hearse, one of my cousins turned to me and said, "well, do you think grandma would have thought we did it right?" And without thinking, I replied, "well, you know grandma - if we did it wrong, she would have got up and TOLD us!" We all fell out laughing, and had to wait a couple minutes before returning to the church.

That's funny. Thanks for sharing. For reasons I don't always understand, most folks only mourn at funerals, I on the other hand believe we should be celebrating the life of the one we've just lost. Not suggesting a party, but remember the good times.


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Ron

It's the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us the freedom of the press.
It's the Soldier, not the poet,
Who has given us the freedom of speech.
It's the Soldier, not the politicians
That ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
It's the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag.

[This message has been edited by blackrams (edited 01-10-2008).]

quote Originally posted by blackrams: That's funny. Thanks for sharing. For reasons I don't always understand, most folks only mourn at funerals, I on the other hand believe we should be celebrating the life of the one we've just lost. Not suggesting a party, but remember the good times.

That's a good way to look at it.
The Irish have a nice tradition - the wake. Get ripped and tell funny stories about the deceased. If you think about it, it's not really about being disrespectful, it's about remembering all the good times shared with someone who has passed on, and what a good life they led.

The only problem is, my grandma wouldn't have liked it - she was a tee-totaler. To this day, we still don't have booze at any family parties. And she's been gone 15 years! That was one tough old lady!