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Relationship advice..... this sucks! by GT Bastard
Started on: 01-27-2000 07:11 PM
Replies: 35
Last post by: Phaeton on 03-02-2000 03:19 AM
GT Bastard
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Report this Post01-27-2000 07:11 PM Click Here to See the Profile for GT BastardClick Here to visit GT Bastard's HomePageClick Here to Email GT BastardSend a Private Message to GT BastardDirect Link to This Post
My girlfriend and I have lived together for about a year now, and we get along well, but I don't feel like it's going anywhere. Furthurmore, I've started to become interested in other chicks and there's just too many things that annoy me about her it seems. I think we should break up before this drags on any longer because I don't want to hurt her. The thing is, when I brought it up, she was totally devistated. I mean, I've never seen someone cry like that! I felt like sh*t the whole evening. She just keeps saying "we can work it out" or "I don't want you out of my life" and lots of stuff that basically means the same thing... The horrible part is, she lives with me still, and I don't know what to do. It's already become really wierd to be living with someone you're trying to break up with because she keeps trying to patch things up. We split rent, so I can't ask her to leave... I feel sh*tty about the whole situation because she's a nice girl, but I don't think she's right for me. Any advice is appreciated!
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Report this Post01-27-2000 07:55 PM Click Here to See the Profile for SpyderSend a Private Message to SpyderDirect Link to This Post
If you are not happy, end it. You have one very very short life. Live Life, and be happy!
Easier said than done, but why spend the rest of your life miserable.
But remember, the grass is always greener on the other side.
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Report this Post01-27-2000 09:32 PM Click Here to See the Profile for BENGAL4Click Here to Email BENGAL4Send a Private Message to BENGAL4Direct Link to This Post
What makes it tough is that you are living in a marriage relationship without the commitment of marriage. That's why your girlfriend is devestated. I am married and there are alot of times that I would just like to chuck it and leave, but I don't because I am commited to my wife. There are alot of things that my wife does that bugs me and I'm sure there are alot of things that I do that does the same. Before you give up, sit down and make a list of the good and the bad about your girlfriend and I'm sure the good will outweigh the bad. Just my .02 worth. Good luck.
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Eddie.H
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Report this Post01-27-2000 10:13 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Eddie.HClick Here to Email Eddie.HSend a Private Message to Eddie.HDirect Link to This Post
Hay gt If she is good to you and you trust her I would give it time. do you recall being single and how much that sucked its cool for a short time but with in 6 months youll wish you had her back .I almost lost my wife for the same way you are thinking I dumped her to to go after some other chicks but all I did was waste time that I could have been working things out with her and money I could have saved . Rather then spending it in a bar to go home alone any way Lets face IT you do not always get the girl. Do not let infatuation mess you up. As for not always getting along welcome to the club. They are here to make men crazy thats why god gave us fieros. Also if you dump a girl every time you that infatuation go,s away youll never get the right girl .What I am saying is stick it out for as long as you can it cant hurt. Trust me it gets better give it time PS if hurts you to hurt her then I would think that you mUst likely have some thing cars come easy good girls do not GOOD LUCK EDDIE
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GT Bastard
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Report this Post01-27-2000 10:21 PM Click Here to See the Profile for GT BastardClick Here to visit GT Bastard's HomePageClick Here to Email GT BastardSend a Private Message to GT BastardDirect Link to This Post
Man, now I'm really confused! Maybe I am too hasty, but I've put a lot of thought into the situation. I keep thinking that I'm only 19 and I haven't done anything yet. I've thought about just living apart from here for awhile again, but then I'd look like a complete idiot in front of her parents(whom I respect.) I value everyone's opinion on this though, please keep them coming.

-jeff

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batboy
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Report this Post01-27-2000 11:10 PM Click Here to See the Profile for batboyClick Here to Email batboySend a Private Message to batboyDirect Link to This Post
Yeah, when I was your age, I treated my girlfriends like crap too. A couple of them were madly in love with me too. Sure wish I had a lady who cared about me now. I'd never let her go or do anything to hurt her.
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Phaeton
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Report this Post01-27-2000 11:12 PM Click Here to See the Profile for PhaetonSend a Private Message to PhaetonDirect Link to This Post
19 years old is a long time ago for me. You may know what you should do but to quote another 'life is very very short'. Maybe this is the best thing you'll ever get but if you need go go out and be sure then do it. Not knowing will plague your life and you will give in and go for it at some point, possibly a time much worse than now.
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Report this Post01-28-2000 01:34 AM Click Here to See the Profile for StandardClick Here to visit Standard's HomePageClick Here to Email StandardSend a Private Message to StandardDirect Link to This Post
I'm in the same boat with ya, man. I'm a year younger and am not living with my g/f but we've been going out for a year and 2 months now, and I feel that the relationship has stopped dead in it's tracks... but I know that if I try to break up with her she will be destroyed.. she thinks that she has found the one, and her search is over. I just don't see it that way. She goes to college about 2 1/2 hours away from me, and everytime she has to say goodbye she just cries and cries. There's a lot of things about her that have been getting on my nerves lately..
I think you should just sit down with her and have a long talk. Tell her how you feel and try to work it out. I don't know how you are about x-girlfriends, but you could tell her that even if you break up, you won't be out of her life.. but if she's not willing to talk about it or try to change then I'd run. I might try the same thing, but sometimes a guaranteed.. well, let's just say the hormone-driven part of me would be sad if I stopped going out with here..
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GT Bastard
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Report this Post01-28-2000 02:02 AM Click Here to See the Profile for GT BastardClick Here to visit GT Bastard's HomePageClick Here to Email GT BastardSend a Private Message to GT BastardDirect Link to This Post
"she thinks that she has found the one, and her search is over. "

That's exactly what she seems like, and I can't stand to see her cry. I'm just afraid I'll regret it later on. Hell, I don't know... I don't want to make decisions like this, you know?

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Report this Post01-28-2000 02:21 AM Click Here to See the Profile for StandardClick Here to visit Standard's HomePageClick Here to Email StandardSend a Private Message to StandardDirect Link to This Post
Yeah, I know what you mean. I was going to say something soul-shattering and completley meaningful after that but my train of thought just exploded and scattered across the country side... oh well, that's what I get for trying to think at 1:20 in the morning. Good luck, man.
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Patrick
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Report this Post01-28-2000 02:47 AM Click Here to See the Profile for PatrickClick Here to Email PatrickSend a Private Message to PatrickDirect Link to This Post

I'm definitely no Casanova, but I've broken a few hearts in my time (only because I've been around for awhile). There's nothing worse than seeing someone you care very much about reduced to tears, but you can't have the fear of that stop you from doing what is best for YOU.

I'm probably an odd case, but I'm 44 years old and I still haven't found a woman yet that I could spend the rest of my life with. Maybe I'm too much of a loner. I've managed to stay friends with some of my ex-girlfriends, but that can lead to problems as well. Even at my "advanced" age I'm clueless when it comes to women.

GT, there's some good advice in this thread, but only you can determine what the best course of action is.

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Report this Post01-28-2000 03:12 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Cliff PennockClick Here to visit Cliff Pennock's HomePageClick Here to Email Cliff PennockSend a Private Message to Cliff PennockDirect Link to This Post
Dunno, but hearing you can't stand to see her cry tells me you do care for her. I'm with Eddie on this one. Although you think you're better off being single, you'll regret your decision after a couple of months. I guess you'll have to try to imagine how life would be without her. Not just for a couple of days, but for the rest of your life.
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Report this Post01-28-2000 04:37 AM Click Here to See the Profile for dogtiredClick Here to Email dogtiredSend a Private Message to dogtiredDirect Link to This Post
Do I have the Answer!
OK Just sign over your Fiero over to me. Then you will not be able to leave her
Now when you tell her what is happening with your car, (now MY car) and you start crying, you can continue and tell her how confused you are with your relationship with her. Now she starts crying
BUT all is not lost With you crying, you will not see how much she is And also she will see how sensetieve you are (big HUG time) and making up is so much FUN You will be glad you gave me your CAR!
Isn't it great how these things work out?? Good LUCK. Let me know where to pick up the car
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Report this Post01-28-2000 07:51 AM Click Here to See the Profile for BOILERMAKERClick Here to Email BOILERMAKERSend a Private Message to BOILERMAKERDirect Link to This Post
Advice it good and helpful in starting down the "right" (hopefully) road, but the final decision has to be made by you. You have to go with your gut and heart. Remember it isn't just you in the relationship and you have to keep her informed also. It's better to break something off than to string her along and make her think that things are going OK.

I'm married and have one of the best women around. Sure, she drives me nuts every once in a while and I feel like she has no brains sometimes, but then I remember why I married her and things just seem to work themselves out.

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Report this Post01-28-2000 02:55 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Richard ParnellClick Here to Email Richard ParnellSend a Private Message to Richard ParnellDirect Link to This Post
Love is nice but nineteen is way too young to settle down. It's a big world out there. Go check it out first. If you really have something still between one another it will survive a few years. Believe me, I've been through the same sort of thing and didn't get married until I was in my thirties then I married the girl I had met 10 years earlier.
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Report this Post01-28-2000 05:00 PM Click Here to See the Profile for SpeedPhreakClick Here to visit SpeedPhreak's HomePageClick Here to Email SpeedPhreakSend a Private Message to SpeedPhreakDirect Link to This Post
for the most part i agree that 19 is too young. but i also must disagree. when i was 19 i fell in love (i know it was love because 5 years later it still hurts to think about her) with one of the most beautiful women in the world... literally. she was signed with a modeling agency in denver. n e way. i felt she was getting to close & it was freaking me out. i mean i was 19 & i have this chick telling me she wants to have my babies...whooa. then i had the outside influence of my step family (they didnt like her cause she wasnt white) & an exgirl friend turned (what i thought) very good friend (whom just wanted me back). so i broke up with her...i cried when i broke up with her...& im a tommy tough guy..i never cry...not even at funerals. but i cried when i broke her heart.

since then ive had a lot of fun that u could only have being single. ive been with plenty of chicks (no moral flames please) trying to replace her... only 1 came close, but i still used Guyana as my measuring stick. as a matter of fact she is my ruler to this day. there have been ones as pretty, some smarter, funnier, or what ever...but none had everything she had & im afraid none never will.

my point is... i would trade all of my experiances..even my motorcycle (u have no idea what it means to me)... to get her back.

either way you are screwed....stay & you will wonder if u would have found someone better... leave & wonder what it would have been like to stay with her.

u could ask a thousand people what to do, but only u can make the final decision. i wish i never asked n e 1 what to do.

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Monkeyman
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Report this Post01-28-2000 09:13 PM Click Here to See the Profile for MonkeymanSend a Private Message to MonkeymanDirect Link to This Post
"If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it."

I'm not sure if that's exactly the way it was told to me, but it's close enough.

I married for the 1st time when I was 22 (I think). That didn't work out. The 2nd time I tried marrying my ex-high school sweetheart. That didn't work out either. This time I waited until I was a little older (30 when I tied the knot) and found the "right" woman. We fight and argue sometimes (usually because I'm such an a**hole) but I wouldn't trade my Monkeygirl for all the money in the world!!! I'm not sure what this has to do with your situation. I think I'm a little tireder than I thought. Best of Luck!!

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GT Bastard
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Report this Post01-28-2000 11:08 PM Click Here to See the Profile for GT BastardClick Here to visit GT Bastard's HomePageClick Here to Email GT BastardSend a Private Message to GT BastardDirect Link to This Post
All this has really got me thinking. I'm almost wondering what she'd say to: "what if we moved into different apartments and tried seeing other people?" I dunno though, I'll think she would totally flip... I think that would be a good compromise though. Still isn't easy..
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Report this Post01-29-2000 12:10 AM Click Here to See the Profile for StandardClick Here to visit Standard's HomePageClick Here to Email StandardSend a Private Message to StandardDirect Link to This Post
I'm guessing that that phrase would translate to "I want to break up with you" if she heard it... If you say that I'm betting that she'll flip and break down pretty quick.. It definatly is not easy, but once you make a decision make sure you hold firm to it.
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Monkeyman
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Report this Post01-29-2000 10:06 AM Click Here to See the Profile for MonkeymanSend a Private Message to MonkeymanDirect Link to This Post
I'm a little more awake this morning. I agree with what Standard said. Don't get wishy-washy.
If you feel strongly about her, do sit down alone (at 1st) and decide if you want to leave because you just don't want her anymore or if you're just getting a little bored. If you're getting bored, try spicing things up before you bail. When was the last time you two actually went out on a date (with each other)?? My wife and I were talking the other night (no problems here, though) and we realized that we had never actually been out on a date with each other. Last night we went out to dinner together then came home a watched a rented movie (as opposed to one we just happened to find while surfing the channels). It was GREAT! Also, try to remember the reasons why you got hooked up with her in the 1st place. Has she changed or you? People change in their relationships. Sometimes that's growth and sometimes it's growing apart. Has anyone suggested seeing a marraige counselor (I know you aren't married, but that really doesn't matter.) If you're living together it's really the same thing. Be totally honest with yourself, too. If you hooked up with her just for the sex (it happens--at least it did to me the 1st time around.) maybe you DO need to move on. It's hard to base a relationship on sex alone no matter how good it is. I think I'll shut up now. That'll be $100, please. (Hey! Counseling isn't cheap!)
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Report this Post01-29-2000 11:44 AM Click Here to See the Profile for batboyClick Here to Email batboySend a Private Message to batboyDirect Link to This Post
19 is a little young to be in a committed relationship. If you do decide to split up, temporarily or permanently, don't mention that part about wanting to see other people. That will just make things worse and hurt her more. Tell her you need some space to mature or anything in the world else except the idea you might be chasing after other women soon. Trust me on this one. If you're not careful the "dividing up the property and one person moving out" part of breaking up can become a living hell. It's best to try and remain rational about the entire situation because she might not be all the time. Remember, sometimes a person doesn't appreciate what they have, until they don't have it anymore.
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Report this Post01-29-2000 05:09 PM Click Here to See the Profile for la9Click Here to Email la9Send a Private Message to la9Direct Link to This Post
Since you already told her you were thinking of breaking up and since you don't know what to do. You better be careful because this is the time women end up pregnant, pal. Be careful and very afraid, very afraid.

Also remember nice guys finish last.

[This message has been edited by la9 (edited 01-29-2000).]

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Monkeyman
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Report this Post01-29-2000 07:54 PM Click Here to See the Profile for MonkeymanSend a Private Message to MonkeymanDirect Link to This Post
la9 has got a very good point. That was one of the main reasons I got married the 1st time. My ex (thank God!) got pregnant (she said she was taking her birth control pills even after we discussed breaking up) and I thought I was doing the right, responsible thing by marrying her. (The other reason was because of the outstanding sex. Sorry, but I don't know any other way of putting it.) Turns out she had to go very soon. What a bi***! My point (if I really had one) was to be very, very careful. Tie a knot in it for a while. No reason to get horizontal with her if you might be breaking up anyway. Sex is meant for 2 caring people who love each other and are committed to each other. (It took me a long time to realize this.) I'm not saying that you don't love her or care about her. I think/hope you know what I'm trying to say.
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Monkeyman
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Report this Post01-29-2000 07:59 PM Click Here to See the Profile for MonkeymanSend a Private Message to MonkeymanDirect Link to This Post

Monkeyman

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I need to clarify some thing. I'm thanking God that my 1st wife is now an ex and that she got pregnant. I only say that because I love my son and wouldn't trade him for the world. It was a bad time to get pregnant, though. I mean she got pregnant not me. Not that I could get pregnant. q3298753q4y tq93ayp98gqp9yg93q58yv0987yp-1090 uyhf-9v 89tgy39re
I think I'm going insane. Anyone care to join me?
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Report this Post01-30-2000 03:42 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fierospeederClick Here to visit fierospeeder's HomePageClick Here to Email fierospeederSend a Private Message to fierospeederDirect Link to This Post
monkeyman is da kewlest
but anyway

First talk to her, say i dont like some things that you do or i want to do things with my friends and party while im still young. Has she had many boyfriends? For the reason you are the one she wants to be with forever and wake up with you. I can tell you still care about her, but you have to decide if you want other women because of their physical apperence or just because their personality is better. Tell her your still young and you dont want a serious relationship, and getting married to young is wrong unless your growing up during the 14th century. You dont want her nagging when your married why you bought another fiero making it your 25th.
good luck

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GT Bastard
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Report this Post01-30-2000 04:06 PM Click Here to See the Profile for GT BastardClick Here to visit GT Bastard's HomePageClick Here to Email GT BastardSend a Private Message to GT BastardDirect Link to This Post
Thanks again for all your responses guys... I'm still deciding, but it looks like we'll be living apart for awhile(or maybe forever.)
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Greg Piet
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Report this Post01-31-2000 08:54 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Greg PietClick Here to visit Greg Piet's HomePageClick Here to Email Greg PietSend a Private Message to Greg PietDirect Link to This Post
One reason to keep the girlfriend so there is someone to pump the brakes when you need to bleed the brakes in your fiero!
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Report this Post02-01-2000 08:19 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Eddie.HClick Here to Email Eddie.HSend a Private Message to Eddie.HDirect Link to This Post
GT I met my wife when I was 16 I am 31 now and have two kids and one on the way in march. BE CAUSE OF MY WIFE I already have a new home three cars had money tell my dad past away (i had too help out my mom with money) YOU cant think just because your 19 she is not the one if you think that I would say your wrong .I would hate to see any one lose out on what I have not just her my (wife) but the life I have because of her . I always check out other women like 7 of 9 but thats it . Six fun monthS thats about all you get out of a new relationship then its the same old sh!t all over.BUT BIG BUT IF YOU stick it out for a little time you"ll see how will you can get along but you must get to that point frist Eddie
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kel
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Report this Post02-28-2000 11:08 PM Click Here to See the Profile for kelClick Here to Email kelSend a Private Message to kelDirect Link to This Post
GT Bastard
I know this is a little late (we women are known for that) but thought I'd offer you a woman's perspective. I have to warn you though, my husband says I'm not very conventional.
God, you are so young!!! You have plenty of time to find the right girl! If you are having serious doubts to your ability to stay faithful to this girl you are with now...please do her and yourself a favor and try to end it in a civil manner. Ultimately, cheating (if that's what it would come to) hurts a woman alot more than breaking up does! I don't think any man likes to bring his girlfriend to tears, but please, if you're not ready to commit, they'll be many more tears to come.
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Report this Post02-28-2000 11:54 PM Click Here to See the Profile for ShinerClick Here to Email ShinerSend a Private Message to ShinerDirect Link to This Post
Somebody (he was pretty drunk at the time, I think) told me "Women are like busses: this one might not the the one you want to ride, but it will still get you were you want to go" I don't really know what that means, or how it is relative to this discussion, but think about it. Or not.

At least you get some action. I don't get any action. Never have. And I am 18. And I mean NO action. You know how I deal with this situation?? I get loaded and listen to The Band. I am not even ugly either, nor do I have a bad personality. I just don't treat girls like a piece of meat, and I don't act like an ******* . Now THAT is why I don't get any action. Okay, I think I have made my point. Or not.

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Monkeyman
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Report this Post02-29-2000 06:23 AM Click Here to See the Profile for MonkeymanSend a Private Message to MonkeymanDirect Link to This Post
Nothing like riding the fence, huh, Shiner? Be careful you don't hit your nuts on the fence post!
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Report this Post03-01-2000 01:00 AM Click Here to See the Profile for StandardClick Here to visit Standard's HomePageClick Here to Email StandardSend a Private Message to StandardDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by Monkeyman:
Be careful you don't hit your nuts on the fence post!

Now that is advice everybody can use! well, except maybe kel..

[This message has been edited by Standard (edited 03-01-2000).]

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Shiner
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Report this Post03-01-2000 01:48 AM Click Here to See the Profile for ShinerClick Here to Email ShinerSend a Private Message to ShinerDirect Link to This Post
Uh, maybe I am too young or something, but I don't get it! What does my post have to do with riding a fence? I used to slide down banisters when I was younger, and I did hit my nuts a couple of times on the big knob thing at the end. lol
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kel
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Report this Post03-02-2000 01:18 AM Click Here to See the Profile for kelClick Here to Email kelSend a Private Message to kelDirect Link to This Post
Shiner,
I was kind of wondering the same thing! Your reply made me LOL!
Standard,
I'm glad you put that little disclaimer on there!
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Standard
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Report this Post03-02-2000 02:27 AM Click Here to See the Profile for StandardClick Here to visit Standard's HomePageClick Here to Email StandardSend a Private Message to StandardDirect Link to This Post
Kel - No problem!

Shiner - I think it might have something to do with what you said.. or not

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Phaeton
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Posts: 1437
From: Interior Alaska
Registered: Dec 1999


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Report this Post03-02-2000 03:19 AM Click Here to See the Profile for PhaetonSend a Private Message to PhaetonDirect Link to This Post
I was in a city for awhile. Once I got on the wrong bus and ended up in a place I did not want to go to. Not sure if that is what your drunk friend meant or not. I stay out of cities now.
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