In all honesty, you need to record everything. Everything. Do not post damning material, texts are legal fodder, and be mindful of what you say and write here and everywhere you are.
Good luck. Stay positive. This is not the end of your world, only a part of it. What happens today will affect you later, but there is a later to look forward to.
Thanks for being a great forum member.
Edit: Be polite to her no matter what. Be the better man. You got this.
[This message has been edited by Tony Kania (edited 11-18-2019).]
Generally, small waves cause less erosion than big ones, try to not cause any big waves that will make it more difficult in the future to rebuild (your life).
I never thought it would turn out this way. There are no children involved. I'm 22 years old. She is Korean, over there now. Not a US citizen. I'm numb.
Do not stay numb. Be you. Hold onto the things that are you.
Staying active can make things like this easier for some. I find that going out to my garage, or even going to work can take my mind off of the things that irk me.
I never thought it would turn out this way. There are no children involved. I'm 22 years old. She is Korean, over there now. Not a US citizen. I'm numb.
Lots of servicemen marriages to foreign nationals don't work out...the wife has to be fully committed to leaving her home nation and becoming an American for it to work and that is asking a lot....for someone to give up most of what they have lived as and for their whole lives. Good luck with it.
My best friend who is 35 was married since 25. I warned him years ago , the woman "didnt want kids" that alone should have been a red flag. I'm forwarding him the advice on here
I never thought it would turn out this way. There are no children involved. I'm 22 years old. She is Korean, over there now. Not a US citizen. I'm numb.
The exact same thing happened to my Brother, as well as quite a few service men I have known throughout my life. From that viewpoint, it seems like a bad idea to me. But the one thing I will never dissect is Love. Love is love.
The best you can do is hold your head up, keep your character, and push ever forward. The things we learn now can do nothing but make us better prepared for the future. Nobody goes away empty-handed.
"Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the World is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it." ~ J.K. Rowling
Originally posted by rbell2915:I never thought it would turn out this way. There are no children involved. I'm 22 years old. She is Korean, over there now. Not a US citizen. I'm numb.
Are both of you wanting to divorce? Either way, close all accounts that both of you have access to immediately. Does she want anything? If no, go to a lawyer to run out the paperwork. If you are still connected to the military, I am sure there some that have experience with your exact situation. Be as happy as you can that it ended early if it had to end. There are many very nice women in the world, many in the town that you settle down in. You are not alone! For you and everyone else, some type of pre-marriage counseling will get your % of success much higher.
For you and everyone else, some type of pre-marriage counseling will get your % of success much higher.
Although not that "type" of guy, I have heard some people say counseling brought up things the couple never would have considered on their own. Good advice!
Are both of you wanting to divorce? Either way, close all accounts that both of you have access to immediately. Does she want anything? If no, go to a lawyer to run out the paperwork. If you are still connected to the military, I am sure there some that have experience with your exact situation. Be as happy as you can that it ended early if it had to end. There are many very nice women in the world, many in the town that you settle down in. You are not alone! For you and everyone else, some type of pre-marriage counseling will get your % of success much higher.
I don't find any of these the least bit comical. No matter what my wife ever did/does I still don't want to hurt her. I guess I view love differently.
Good luck rbell. I guess if it is a done deal, better sooner rather than latter. If you want to reach out via PM feel free, for what little I may have.
Great advice already pouring in here. One thing I'd like to add, which I suggest to anyone getting out of a long-term relationship, is to set a period of time during which you will not date or develop a relationship with a potential girlfriend, let's say 3 months or longer. Why? New relationships distract from and paper over the past. You should use this time to heal your spirit, to learn from your experience, find joy in other areas of life that perhaps you have neglected, etc. Full disclosure -- none of the people I have suggested this to have taken that advice (but it worked for me when I did it.)
First I say never marry anyone not a US citizen. From what I see, my brother married Korean twice, they only marry to get a free pass to the US. He divorced both right after he got back both times. For those that worked out, fine for you. I got married in the Air Force to an Okla girl. I was married for about 7 years until she started hard drugs. I gave her one warning, and left the next week. Best thing I ever done. Guy she married after that shot himself in the head after 2 years. Im the smart one, I walked away. Back then women ALWAYS got any kids, so no fight. However I didnt actually get the divorce myself.When she said she needed one to get married, i told her Id sign it, but she paid for it. I wasnt wasting a dime on her. We had some debt for cars and house, and leaving to come back to Ohio and having to look for a job, I just filed bankruptcy and cleared out all the debts. I kept the car and she got nothing else except child support. She got her clothes and the kids. Ive been happy as hell for last 45 years. She did call me out of the blue about 5-10 years ago to see if id take her back....and I hung up before she finished the sentence. Much better to date till i die.
Originally posted by ls3mach:I don't find any of these the least bit comical.
I did not intend to say this was humor. People can be horrible. Some say I am cold, I say I use my intellect. I still love every girl I dated. Each was special to me in their own way, just not a fit or the timing was wrong for us to be a couple. If I was to have to consider remarrying again, I would insist on pre marriage counseling because it would put us years ahead into a better relationship. Divorce turns love into a financial transaction, a big one. That is the time to bring in a professional. A fairly long time ago my wife asked me what I would do if we were going to divorce. I told it, not a problem, we are both intelligent, I would offer you a fair split of the assets and ask you to approve or counter and submit the paperwork to a lawyer. She then asked would I not be upset? Nope, things must of gone bad enough that it is the better choice.
22 years old, our original poster. You have time man, no real problem once you can adjust your mind to the loss. Maybe like me, you can still love a person that is no longer going to be in your life. You get to keep your good memories, it is your choice to hang on to the not so good ones.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE 22! You haven't even begun to figure out what you really want out of life. Trust me! I'm 35 and an entirely different person than I was at 22. If I could talk to my 22 year old self I would simply just beat my ass ruthlessly without saying a word.
Does it suck? Sure. You'll feel lonely etc, but that's simply breaking up. Use this as a GROWING opportunity. Find something to distract you/concentrate on; possibly an educational goal or something else.
Life moves on. You'll find someone else and you'll look back at this time and kick yourself for not using it more productively.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE 22! You haven't even begun to figure out what you really want out of life. Trust me! I'm 35 and an entirely different person than I was at 22. If I could talk to my 22 year old self I would simply just beat my ass ruthlessly without saying a word.
Does it suck? Sure. You'll feel lonely etc, but that's simply breaking up. Use this as a GROWING opportunity. Find something to distract you/concentrate on; possibly an educational goal or something else.
Life moves on. You'll find someone else and you'll look back at this time and kick yourself for not using it more productively.
All the best,
I am the same age as you and love the same woman as I did at 22. I am 100% a different person. Life has had more ups and downs than I hope many of you will ever experience. My 22 year old self is long gone. Can't say that I'd whip on him, I'd probably offer him guidance to get to the outcome smoother.
I read about your divorce and we have similar stories to tell but mine had a happy ending. My first wife was Korean, we had a wonderful child and wife number one became a naturalized citizen.
Eight years later after three Vietnam tours, she became a raving mad woman. I was awarded my child after my first wife and became a single father.
Four years later, I married a young US soldier whom I learned was a more wonderful person than anyone I could imagine and we became inseparable. Unfortunately, my second wife passed away two years ago from ovarian cancer and we had 38 years of marital bliss.
Upshot, my first wife was a mistake, the same as for many GIs, and wife number two is now a wonderful memory.
I am not saying that Korean women are not good women but language, customs and social mores make it difficult for many women to move to the US and many can't acclimate to our way of life.
I wish you luck with your wife or if it comes to it, your soon to be ex-wife.
[This message has been edited by starlightcoupe (edited 11-25-2019).]
