A little humor to end your week.


At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building... EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER NEEDED -- POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY.

A retired Marine pilot named "Ace," drunk and with a ragged dirty look and smelling of last night's rounds, strolled by the building and saw the sign. He went into the building to apply for the position.

Aghast at his appearance, the director wondered how to send him away but, to be fair, he gave him a glass of wine to taste.

The old Marine pilot held the glass up to his left eye, tilted his head toward incoming sunlight and studied the contents looking through the glass. He then took a sip and said, "It's a Southern California Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Somewhat low-grade but acceptable."

"That's correct," said the boss. Glancing at his assistant he said..."Another one, please."

The old Marine pilot took the goblet, full of a deep red liquid, stuck his nose into the glass, sniffed deeply and took a long slow sip....rolling his eyeballs in a circle, he then looked at the director and said... "It's a Cabernet Sauvignon, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results."

"Absolutely correct. A third glass," said the director.

Receiving another glass, again, the Marine pilot eyed the crystal, took in a little bit of the aroma and sipped very softly.... ''It's a pinot blanc champagne, very high grade and exclusive,'' said the drunk calmly.

The director was astonished and winked at his assistant to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a wine glass half-full of urine.

The old Marine pilot eyed it suspiciously...a color he could not quite recall. He took a sip, swishing it over his tongue and across his teeth, musing upward all the while.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

NEVER.... UNDERESTIMATE THE TALENTS OF A MARINE PILOT!

Rams.

Ha! That reminds me of the guy who could identify any species of lumber by smell alone, but I can't tell that one here.

The rain had stopped and there was a big puddle in front of the bar just outside the American Legion Post. A rumpled old Navy Chief was standing near the edge with a fishing line in the puddle.


A curious young Air Force pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing.

"Fishing," the old Master Chief simply said.

"Poor old chief," the Air Force officer thought to himself, and invited the old Navy Chief into the bar for a drink. As he felt he should start a conversation while they were sipping their spirits, the young jet pilot winked at another pilot and asked the Chief, "How many have you caught today?"

"You're number 14," the old Chief answered, taking another sip from his double shot of 12 year old Scotch, "9 Air Force, 3 Navy and 2 Marines."

Rams

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.' Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. 'How's the new wife?', asked the banker. Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.' The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?' Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

Don't ever underestimate old guys .

Got this from proff.

Wisdom of the Elderly

An elderly, but hardy cattleman once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.

I like it!

Rams

So the guy married a girl young enough to be his great , great granddaughter. On their honeymoon night , she laid in bed naked. He sat on the side of the bed and put on a condom. He then took and put a cotton ball in each ear and one in each nostril . "Hey", she said. When he did not answer , she pulled a cotton ball out of his ear. Hey , I can somewhat understand the condom , but what is the cotton in your ears and nose. He looked at her and said,

TWO THINGS I CANT STAND , THE SMELL OF BURNING RUBBER AND THE SOUND OF A SCREAMING WOMAN.

Rams

quote Originally posted by blackrams: A little humor to end your week. The director was astonished and winked at his assistant to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a wine glass half-full of urine. The old Marine pilot eyed it suspiciously...a color he could not quite recall. He took a sip, swishing it over his tongue and across his teeth, musing upward all the while. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father." NEVER.... UNDERESTIMATE THE TALENTS OF A MARINE PILOT!

Nice joke, but ... , it leaves questions in my mind. Are you trying to tell us that some Marines can taste my piss and tell me how old I am and describe me ?
Maybe, just maybe, he might be the father, , and has tasted that piss before. Was one of his girlfriends in the waiting room when the assistant left the room ?

Riddle me this Ron ... do you know what the definition of a will is ?
Anybody ?

quote Originally posted by cliffw: Riddle me this Ron ... do you know what the definition of a will is ? Anybody ?

'Cmon peeps, the answer should be a dead give away.


Actually, the answer is a dead give away, .

Doh!

It is a dead give-away.