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CRUEL SHOES by TheDigitalAlchemist
Started on: 04-26-2017 10:33 AM
Replies: 6 (159 views)
Last post by: Marvin McInnis on 04-27-2017 10:27 AM
TheDigitalAlchemist
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Report this Post04-26-2017 10:33 AM Click Here to See the Profile for TheDigitalAlchemistClick Here to visit TheDigitalAlchemist's HomePageSend a Private Message to TheDigitalAlchemistEdit/Delete MessageReply w/QuoteDirect Link to This Post
CRUEL SHOES
(by Steve Martin)

Anna knew She had to have a new pair of shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, "Well, that's it. That’s every pair of shoes in the place."

"Oh, you must have one more pair. . . .”

"No, not one more . . . . Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want to try . . .”

“Yes, let me see the cruel shoes!"

"No, you don't understand, you see, the cruel shoes are . . .”

"Get them!"

Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, and then reappeared carrying an ordinary shoebox. He took off the lid and removed a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But this was not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had a right angle turn with separate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place.
Carlo spoke hesitantly, ". . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . ."

"Put them on me."

"But...”

"Put them on me!"

Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes.

The screams were incredible.

Anna crawled over to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see.

"I like them."

She paid Carlo and crawled out of the store into the street.

Later that day, Carlo was overheard saying to a new customer, "Well, that's it. That’s every pair of shoes in the place. Unless, of course, you'd like to try the cruel shoes…"

[This message has been edited by TheDigitalAlchemist (edited 04-26-2017).]

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williegoat
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Report this Post04-26-2017 11:02 AM Click Here to See the Profile for williegoatClick Here to visit williegoat's HomePageSend a Private Message to williegoatEdit/Delete MessageReply w/QuoteDirect Link to This Post
You know, I believe a lot of things are sold just that way.
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maryjane
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Report this Post04-26-2017 11:04 AM Click Here to See the Profile for maryjaneSend a Private Message to maryjaneEdit/Delete MessageReply w/QuoteDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
She paid Carlo

That's all that counts.
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Marvin McInnis
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Report this Post04-26-2017 05:32 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Marvin McInnisClick Here to visit Marvin McInnis's HomePageSend a Private Message to Marvin McInnisEdit/Delete MessageReply w/QuoteDirect Link to This Post
Next day ... Anna returns, complaining that her new shoes are uncomfortable, don't fit her feet, and don't match the outfit she wanted to wear them with ...
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Monkeyman
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Report this Post04-27-2017 08:48 AM Click Here to See the Profile for MonkeymanSend a Private Message to MonkeymanEdit/Delete MessageReply w/QuoteDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by TheDigitalAlchemist:



Steve Martin is/was one of the absolutely funniest people ever. Heck of a talented banjo player, too.
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maryjane
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Report this Post04-27-2017 09:32 AM Click Here to See the Profile for maryjaneSend a Private Message to maryjaneEdit/Delete MessageReply w/QuoteDirect Link to This Post
Sounds like something Al Bundy would take great pleasure in selling...
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Marvin McInnis
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Report this Post04-27-2017 10:27 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Marvin McInnisClick Here to visit Marvin McInnis's HomePageSend a Private Message to Marvin McInnisEdit/Delete MessageReply w/QuoteDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by Monkeyman:

Steve Martin is/was one of the absolutely funniest people ever.



Just a couple of nights ago I re-watched the great Steve Martin/Carl Reiner/Rachel Ward film-noir spoof, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. Brilliant (and funny)!

[This message has been edited by Marvin McInnis (edited 04-27-2017).]

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