Lately, it seems that sending me nasty emails has become the favorite pastime of a lot of people. I suspect these people are members of this forum - perhaps even banned members. But usually these emails are so incoherent that I can't be certain. That's why I feel it's necessary to write this HowTo.
HowTo: Sending me nasty emails
Identify yourself I understand you wish to remain anonymous so I'm not asking you to identify yourself with your real name. Chances are that if you give me your real name, I still have no idea who you are. But leaving out any indication of what/who/where you are makes your entire rant, well, pointless. How am I supposed to feel bad about something if you keep me guessing what your email is pertaining to? So if you are a member on this forum, please include your user name. So I at least can look it up and see why you are throwing a fit. Otherwise, you are simply leaving me in the dark. For instance, some time ago, I got this through mail. It made no sense to me at all. Still doesn't.
you stupid **** you are no better then the rest if you allow such things why me and not the others i could come back but whatsthe point
Which brings me to my second point:
Use proper punctuation Seriously, I truly understand you must be mad about something or you wouldn't go through the trouble of sending me an email. I mean, it means you have to spend extra time behind your computer while you could be out with your friends drinking a beer instead, or find out why your wife/girlfriend has been wearing sexy lingerie all evening and why she's calling you from the bedroom because she needs "something fixed". Heck, it's not like you want to spend your waking hours behind a keyboard... But even so, please take a bit more time making your email more readable next time. If you want me to take you seriously, at least try to make it look a bit less like it was written by an incoherent raving idiot. You is an intelligent person! Yes you is! So show it by using a full stop every now and then. Perhaps even use capitals at the beginning of a sentence. Oh, and perhaps do a refresh course English. I'm Dutch but my English is quite a bit better than yours. That must be embarrassing.
Don't pretend to be somebody you are not And with that I don't mean false names or stuff like that, but for instance don't pretend to be some l33t hacker when you are not. I have worked in Information Technology for over 30 years now so I kinda know what is real and what's just "IT bluff". For instance, I got this through email today:
you cant stop me from joining. i can create severl ip addresses so if i want i could mess up your forum
First of all, kudos for using a full stop in that sentence and for mentioning the forum so I can at least presume you must be a banned member (just keep working on those capital letters 'mkay?). Second, you know you could make a killing creating IP addresses? There's a tremendous shortage so if you are able to create them, you could make a fortune! Seriously, all kidding aside, next time don't try to explain how you are going to mess up my forum. Something like this is much more effective:
You can't stop me from joining. I can seriously mess up your forum if I truly wanted to.
Now that was frightening. Although the "if I truly wanted to" usually translates to "if I knew how" in my mind - so best to leave that out.
Turn of your automatic signature If you are going to threaten me, make sure you have your automatic signature turned off. You have any idea how stupid you look when I receive something like this:
you are a ******* ******* and if i see you im going to kick your face in
-- Kind regards,
Johnatan Doe 123 Westminster Street Somecity ST 12345
Again, if you want me to take you seriously, at least show some sign of intelligence.
Say to yourself: what would a 12-year old do? And then do the exact opposite. Really, PhotoShopping a picture of me you found on the internet isn't going to make me pee my pants. What are you expecting? That I think "Oh noes, this guy has mad PhotoShop skillz - better watch out for him!"? Focus! You are trying to insult me! Not trying to get a job at my company as a graphics designer! Also, calling me "gay", "douchebag", "dickhead" or anything else you can come up with doesn't really entices me thinking I'm dealing with an adult here.
HowTo: Sending me nasty emails Part II
First of all, If you are wondering what happened to part 2-10, then yeah, you are probably one of the people I wrote this HowTo for...
Use a map Ok, I might be confusing you here. Why would you need a map to send me a nasty email? I'll tell you why. Look up where you live. Then look up where I live. See how far we are apart? Perhaps you remember from your high school days that we in Europe live in a different timezone than you do. And perhaps you even remember what that means. Let me refresh your memory. It means that there's at least a 6 hour time difference between you and me. Meaning, if you live on the east coast and send me a nasty email at 10PM, I receive it at 4AM. No, not because it took 6 hours for the email to arrive. Sheesh, haven't you been paying attention? It's because when it's 10PM where you live, it's 4AM where I live. So when you send me another nasty email at 10:05PM wondering why I haven't answered you yet, it's not because:
No balls to respond with an intelligent answer ? Or just no intelligent answer to respond with ?
No, it's because I'm asleep you moron!
Be more specific Trying to impress me with vague statements, well, isn't going to. For instance, a few days ago I got this through email.
I don't need you. My local Fiero club is enough. And only 1 of them is a member of your forum.
So this is going to impress me, how? Be more specific! Say something like "My local Fiero club with a thousand members is all I need. And only one person thinks it's of any use being a member of your forum". Now that would impress me. The way you formulated it though, an image forms in my head where I see you and your G.I. Joe action figures sitting around a small table drinking tea pretending to be "the local Fiero club".
This concludes part 2 of my HowTo. Who knows, maybe I'll post a part 3!!!
I'm Dutch but my English is quite a bit better than yours. That must be embarrassing.
One would think so, but some people seem defiantly proud of their marginal literacy. Silly guy ... it's your responsibility to accept their laziness and your responsibility to understand what they're trying to say!
Oh ... and if I ever send you a nastygram, I assure you that it will be signed with my real name, on purpose.
[This message has been edited by Marvin McInnis (edited 12-22-2010).]
Tell ya what, Cliff There would be good money to be made, if you put them all on discs, and sold them by the volume 1,2,3...etc I'd willingly pay $10 just to read them Nick Edit to add: could call them the 'PFF CSI files'---'Cliff's Slimy Inbox files'
[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 12-23-2010).]