Hi all, Just got close to cutting things off with my girlfriend of 4 years because things has just starting feeling stale. I think one of the major problems is that we just don't know what to do as a couple. We for the past 4 years we've just been hanging out, watching tv in my basement. We go out to dinner once a week, but what do we do in between? Sorry for the dumb question, we're both just a young couple that doesn't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Hi all, Just got close to cutting things off with my girlfriend of 4 years because things has just starting feeling stale. I think one of the major problems is that we just don't know what to do as a couple. We for the past 4 years we've just been hanging out, watching tv in my basement. We go out to dinner once a week, but what do we do in between? Sorry for the dumb question, we're both just a young couple that doesn't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Do either of you have what youd call a hobby? For me it ended up that we go to car shows and cruise-ins and stuff. That also means when I am maintaining or cleaning or modifying cars, she is sometimes helping, sometimes sitting nearby reading or on a laptop. She doesnt have alot of hobbies, she does love reading and takes the Nook reader everywhere with her. Good question though, alot of a long term relationship is what happens in between. I think it is harder and harder in general for people to just be, just sut and be together, or watch a sunset, eat a quiet meal etc. The constant entertainment of today and jobs where we do 3 things at once trains our minds to be restless. As a young couple you could ponder things you might not have talked about, things that will help you know eachother better. Conversation. We are both normally quiet, and sometimes i just realize that we are fine being together and not talking or being entertained. But then I can entertain my self inside my own head too Sometimes one person in the relationship is a talker, or is dominant in teh sense tat they always want to go do something, sometimes neither are and it can lead to both wishing the other one was. try stuff like walking in a park, riding bicycles, fishing, etc.
You are a couple, but you are still two individuals. Take some time to be yourselves, then come back together and tell each other what you did. She may say, "Hey, I've been curious about that. Could you include me next time?" Take a hike together in the hills or in the city. My wife and I, when we were dating, had an early dinner in town one summer day, then took the elevator up the observation floor of one of the taller buildings and watched the sun set from 100 floors up. Then we walked around one of the more historic areas of the city, holding hands and just being us for a couple more hours, then I brought her home.
When you create a memory - and it doesn't have to cost anything - you have put another brick in the foundation of the structure of your relationship. Build a good structure, and you don't fall when the storms come.
Sometimes sharing hobbies doesn't work. I think that she rode the bicycle that we bought her once or maybe twice. Eventually (if you get married), raising children takes over all of your time and the thought (aka the stormy times), but there will be a point where she and I will be relatively alone in this house, and we will have a foundation that we built twenty years ago to fall back on, and probably "build an addition to."
I dunno, we used to camp, hike, travel a lot. Now, I think our favorite pastime is spending $$ and trying to figure out what additional chores gets added to Don's list of responsibilities, while Jane attends school 3 days per week, and "studies" the rest of the time. "yes dear"?
Originally posted by grkboy707: We for the past 4 years we've just been hanging out, watching tv in my basement. We go out to dinner once a week, but what do we do in between?
The only dumb question is the one not asked, . Your gonna lose that girl unless you step up your game. She is gonna want excitement. Some mystery. Some rough around the edges. It is known that good girls are attracted to bad boys (not that you have to be one). I am not sure of your age, young I believe. Young is a time to expand one's social environment/awareness/boundaries. To find your likes and grow as individuals or as couples. I and my gal used to attend many social gatherings. They were called parties, . Sometimes they were at a home, sometimes the lake, sometimes a beach, sometimes a camp ground. Things happen with interaction and "things to do" avail themselves. Social gatherings do not have to be parties. All humans crave interaction. Also, do not become smothered by each other. You both need time apart with different interests. Some will enhance you as a couple, some you may lose interest in, some may drive you apart. Allow life to happen.
[This message has been edited by cliffw (edited 03-21-2014).]
Hi all, Just got close to cutting things off with my girlfriend of 4 years because things has just starting feeling stale. I think one of the major problems is that we just don't know what to do as a couple. We for the past 4 years we've just been hanging out, watching tv in my basement. We go out to dinner once a week, but what do we do in between? Sorry for the dumb question, we're both just a young couple that doesn't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
I agree with what Patrick'sDad said.
I found at a young age doing things without each other is just as important as doing things with each other. Gives you things to talk about and makes your time together more appreciated.
Just a thought.
[This message has been edited by newf (edited 03-21-2014).]
Me and my wife go for drives a LOT. It's almost every weekend in the summer we get in the Fiero and head towards the river. We stumble upon something new every trip. Usually end up hiking somewhere. We almost always turn the phones off and the radio rarely gets above an audible level. I'm pretty lucky in the fact that I married one of my best friends so we joke around a lot and can poke fun at each other.
Sounds to me like you need to get out. Turn off the TV and phones, forget the Olive Garden and go find something new. Try that weird looking Mexican restaurant on the corner and then complain about the lousy service and food the whole time. Pack a lunch and go hiking or camping even. That's about the best advice I can give.
I dunno, we used to camp, hike, travel a lot. Now, I think our favorite pastime is spending $$ and trying to figure out what additional chores gets added to Don's list of responsibilities, while Jane attends school 3 days per week, and "studies" the rest of the time. "yes dear"?
Sitting around and watching TV was the only thing me and my girl friend could afford to do when we were dating, that was 40yrs ago and that's still what we do today.
I used to take dates to go watch a karate tournament. Was fun for me, and for the girl it was something completely different that nobody else had ever taken her to see. I don't mean MMA or UFC fights, I mean traditional tournaments. They usually include demonstrations of weapons and all kinds of interesting stuff. And watching the itty bitty dudes sparring is great entertainment! The best ones are the regional or national championships. Spectators are often admitted free, or at least very cheap.
Sitting around and watching TV was the only thing me and my girl friend could afford to do when we were dating, that was 40yrs ago and that's still what we do today.
Walking is free. Sitting in the park is free. Many museums are free.. etc etc etc.. If sitting at home watching TV is the ONLY thing you can do ( barring any medical issues ), its called being a lazy ass.
Hi all, Just got close to cutting things off with my girlfriend of 4 years because things has just starting feeling stale. I think one of the major problems is that we just don't know what to do as a couple. We for the past 4 years we've just been hanging out, watching tv in my basement. We go out to dinner once a week, but what do we do in between? Sorry for the dumb question, we're both just a young couple that doesn't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Hell you have been going together and you aren't married yet. WTF man if she is willing to hang out with YOU for that long with your addiction problems, Fieros then she is a keeper.
With us the first few years we seldom left the bedroom except to eat or go to work. been 30 years now we have been together and we spend most of our time just sitting around watching TV biatching at each other and working on the farm together, or on our own, different things are one person jobs and others are 2 person jobs.
Go to a movie, she picks one then you pick the next. do something you want to do one time then do something she wants to do the next time, go to a concert that you want to see, then one she wants to see, you must have some common interests if you have been together this long, enjoy each others company together, outside the bedroom or house.
Steve
------------------ Technology is great when it works, and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't
Hell you have been going together and you aren't married yet. WTF man if she is willing to hang out with YOU for that long with your addiction problems, Fieros then she is a keeper.
Or she will flip on you the day after the wedding.
Riding bikes is good. You are doing something together yet not right on top of one another. You won't be able to talk much so it is a great time to let your thoughts wonder. You can both listen to iPods to help intertain you and to discourage conversation. When you're done, you will be tired and hungry. You can go grab a bite and you will be ready to talk again while you are unwinding.
"You still believe the stork drops them off?" Still don't see any mention of sex by original poster nor did I see any mention of a kid or kids in the original post.
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Hi all, Just got close to cutting things off with my girlfriend of 4 years because things has just starting feeling stale. I think one of the major problems is that we just don't know what to do as a couple. We for the past 4 years we've just been hanging out, watching tv in my basement. We go out to dinner once a week, but what do we do in between? Sorry for the dumb question, we're both just a young couple that doesn't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
I could get into that but I was just talking regular activities. As for marriage, for probably the last 3 and a half years, we both just kind of assumed it'd happen, and were just trying to figure out things like when and how we each feel about kids.
2.5- that totally makes sense about the dominant person. I feel like that's how we have been for a while, where either neither of us have anything in mind or we just can't agree.
I'd like to try some of these ideas. Not sure how she will feel about all of the activity though, her body is pretty frail.. We'll see how things play out in the next few weeks. It just seems like we've both started having doubts, but I figure you shouldn't break up after so long just for one hard week. Oh by the way, she has depression and that's making things hard to talk about
Hi all, Just got close to cutting things off with my girlfriend of 4 years because things has just starting feeling stale. I think one of the major problems is that we just don't know what to do as a couple. We for the past 4 years we've just been hanging out, watching tv in my basement. We go out to dinner once a week, but what do we do in between? Sorry for the dumb question, we're both just a young couple that doesn't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
My wife and I both have hobbies... she also has like 300+ friends, so she just does her thing, and I do my thing (cars, yard, computers, whatever). We do things together with our child, and then once in a while we drop off the child with a baby sitter and we go do stuff together (movie, whatever...)
My wife is independent, so she doesn't hang all over me for every minute of her day... I also have a ton of hobbies, so that keeps me preoccupied.
Honestly... I maybe watch 20-30 minutes of TV before I go to bed in the bedroom (usually HGTV or something).
Dump the girl. Don't go out with anyone else for at least a month. Then re-evaluate.
If you find you can't live without her, you'll have some real ass kissing to do to get her back but, at least you'll know.
If you don't, then you have your answer.
I don't pretend to be a couples counselor but, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.
------------------ Ron Isn't it strange that after a bombing, everyone blames the bomber, his upbringing, his environment, his culture, his mental state but … after a shooting, the problem is the gun?
My Uncle Frank was a staunch Conservative and voted straight Republican until the day he died in Chicago. Since then he has voted Democrat. Shrug
Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: My wife and I both have hobbies... she also has like 300+ friends, so she just does her thing, and I do my thing (cars, yard, computers, whatever). We do things together with our child, and then once in a while we drop off the child with a baby sitter and we go do stuff together (movie, whatever...)
My wife is independent, so she doesn't hang all over me for every minute of her day... I also have a ton of hobbies, so that keeps me preoccupied.
Honestly... I maybe watch 20-30 minutes of TV before I go to bed in the bedroom (usually HGTV or something).
See I think that could also be a major problem. I am very independent, I'd got a couple of good friends that can occupy all my time if needed, and I have a fiero (nuff said ). While she has no hobbies, hardly any friends and needs to be around me all the time.
Dump the girl. Don't go out with anyone else for at least a month. Then re-evaluate.
If you find you can't live without her, you'll have some real ass kissing to do to get her back but, at least you'll know.
If you don't, then you have your answer.
I don't pretend to be a couples counselor but, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.
That's effed up advice Ron. lolol. If she is a cute girl, I'm guessing they are 20 or less, she'll have a new guy inside of that month. I agree though, they should break up. He'll learn a lot. I'm guessing it is his first relationship.
See I think that could also be a major problem. I am very independent, I'd got a couple of good friends that can occupy all my time if needed, and I have a fiero (nuff said ). While she has no hobbies, hardly any friends and needs to be around me all the time.
What you should do is buy my Fiero. L67. Intercooler. F355 body. T-Tops. 360+tq. Then get a new tune and girlfriend.
That's effed up advice Ron. lolol. If she is a cute girl, I'm guessing they are 20 or less, she'll have a new guy inside of that month. I agree though, they should break up. He'll learn a lot. I'm guessing it is his first relationship.
Well, admittedly, it's been a while since I stayed at that Holiday Inn Express.........................................
I never claimed to understand women.
------------------ Ron Isn't it strange that after a bombing, everyone blames the bomber, his upbringing, his environment, his culture, his mental state but … after a shooting, the problem is the gun?
My Uncle Frank was a staunch Conservative and voted straight Republican until the day he died in Chicago. Since then he has voted Democrat. Shrug
Walking is free. Sitting in the park is free. Many museums are free.. etc etc etc.. If sitting at home watching TV is the ONLY thing you can do ( barring any medical issues ), its called being a lazy ass.
I clearly said 'barring any medical issues'. Wheel chairs dont stop people however. We have 2 that cruse around my area every day when the weather is nice. Used to be a guy in his scooter that walked his dog every day. At least until the dog got old too, now the dog just rides.
I clearly said 'barring any medical issues'. Wheel chairs dont stop people however. We have 2 that cruse around my area every day when the weather is nice. Used to be a guy in his scooter that walked his dog every day. At least until the dog got old too, now the dog just rides.
It would have been nice if I could have been able to afford a scooter at the time, but my point to the OP was that if you can't enjoy just being together then something is not right in your relationship. Sure there are times when you might get bored with each other, but if you can't work through that it won't last long before you both go your separate ways.
Sometimes one person in the relationship is a talker, or is dominant in teh sense tat they always want to go do something, sometimes neither are and it can lead to both wishing the other one was. try stuff like walking in a park, riding bicycles, fishing, etc. 
