That's a tough decision. That just throws so much doubt and skepticism in your relationship. You will probably constantly be worrying about what she is doing now.
How long have you been with her and how much do you love her?
Or is this not a personal experience and just hypothetical?
[This message has been edited by Bwhit12 (edited 08-15-2011).]
IP: Logged
01:03 PM
Stubby79 Member
Posts: 7064 From: GFY county, FY. Registered: Aug 2008
More like I'd make her earn it back and give her absolutely NO access to "our" money. If she didn't want to put up with the mistrust she earned, well, bye-bye.
IP: Logged
01:04 PM
FriendGregory Member
Posts: 4833 From: Palo Alto, CA, USA Registered: Jan 2004
I know it has happened around here before. The guy had the wife work in the sandwich shop with him after. It was strange, unusually attractive, over dressed, too much jewelry, and working in a sandwich shop. So much for being a kept woman when they almost lost everything because of her.
Some kind of trust but verify. I would think no financials would go in her name only after that.
IP: Logged
01:14 PM
Mickey_Moose Member
Posts: 7582 From: Edmonton, AB, Canada Registered: May 2001
My 1st wife took everything we had and shot it into her arm or smoked it. I took the kids and left, giving her one last chance to make a new commitment before we drove away.
"Take the kids Don--I LIKE putting a needle in my arm".
IP: Logged
01:49 PM
Boondawg Member
Posts: 38235 From: Displaced Alaskan Registered: Jun 2003
Or is this not a personal experience and just hypothetical?
Hypothetical. Nothing from nothing is nothing.
Although early in our relationship she did hide a large amount of personal (clothes, makeup, beauty salon, nails, etc.) shopping creditcard bills until the VERY high dollar amount all came crashing down a year later. She said she just got carried away and was really sorry, so I forgave her.
What else could I do, she was my wife and I loved her. People mess up. It happens.
Depends, was she trying to raise money to give energency surgery to a family member who would die without it? Or is she **** whore who wanted to party down at my expense? Details my friend, I need details.
..I put up with a lot from my first wife because she kept me up all night ,,I would wake up and she would be on top of me,,Once she was gone, I could keep a job because I was not worn out in the morning..I still miss her especially now that Im fat old & lazy ..she did not gamble or do drugs she was irresponsible,a spendthrift,but I was one satisfied coyote with no energy,skinny..I had no Idea when I married her,,met her in church ,,the girl next door, the crazy humper!! Stan are you awake/,just once more/,don't you like me anymore/this will be the last time tonite/you want me to talk dirty to you/lets have another baby/,I need it bad,PULL OVER INTO THAT ORANGE GROVE,,Ok for a few months but it wears you down,,Mr.stiffy is sore ONLY THE CHILDREN NEEDING CONSTANT CARE SAVED ME,,VERY DIFFICULT TO BE MAD
IP: Logged
05:08 PM
topcat Member
Posts: 5486 From: Charleston SC Registered: Dec 2001
My wife? I'd forgive her . I married her for better or worse. There are more grievous things in life that I'd divorce over; losing money is not one of them.
You all are looking at this the wrong way. Its not about the money, its about something you can't put a value on. Trust is something when lost you can never fully recover if you can recover at all.
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 08-15-2011).]
I wouldn't divorce her, but she definitely wouldn't have direct access to any of the finances. I mean, unless she also worked... I'd probably only give her an allowance at that point, rather than free reign (like myself) to the accounts. If she could regain the trust with the monthly allowance, then we'd go back to how we were. You act like a kid, you get treated like a kid. I would expect nothing less of her if I was to do the same thing.
IP: Logged
08:04 PM
jimbolaya Member
Posts: 10652 From: Virginia Beach, Virginia Registered: Feb 2007
Don't worry about it, and enjoy life regardless of what is or is not in savings.
I married my wife, and put all of my trust in my wife. If she decides to take all of our savings....2.78, and go to the casino and gamble it away she has a reason, probably she just wants to have fun. Since I put my trust in her I have to trust her judgment on how she spends all of our money, even if I think it's silly. She doesn't do these things, and is the one that hoards money, but that beside the point.
Trust is trust, so I won't even worry about it.
NOW
What if she won?
Brad
IP: Logged
09:35 AM
Pyrthian Member
Posts: 29569 From: Detroit, MI Registered: Jul 2002
Maybe you should take over the financial part of the relationship from here on out. Like someone else stated above trust would be the hardest thing to gain back. Whenever she goes out you are going to be wondering what she is up to (At least I would be after something like that just happened). Forgive her, but she no longer has control over the finances. Just my opinion.
IP: Logged
10:28 AM
fierobear Member
Posts: 27106 From: Safe in the Carolinas Registered: Aug 2000
Reminds me of a story I heard about a man and woman at a casino. He was playing one of those huge, oversized slot machines with silver dollars. To go for the jackpot, you have to put in 3 dollars each time. He was playing the machine for a while, and only had 1 or 2 dollars left, had put them in the machine, and told his wife to watch the machine while he got more change - but DON'T pull the lever. While he was gone, she pulled the lever and the machine *would* have won the huge jackpot but didn't because they hadn't put in the 3 dollars. I think she was severely beaten.
IP: Logged
10:35 AM
Stubby79 Member
Posts: 7064 From: GFY county, FY. Registered: Aug 2008
Wife kept spending thousands of dollars at the Indian Casino. Started by losing their $15000 they had in savings...in ONE DAY. Went to him crying and she was so sorry. He forgave her.
Then she went into her 401K. Gradually emptied that.
Then gambled away $20,000 limit on credit cards x 5 credit cards. He didn't know about those.
When he found out she had deceived him, and spent that much, he divorced her. Somewhat for protection of what little assets remained, and then also for the lack of trust and deception.
By the time it was all done, he wasn't able to keep his house and it was foreclosed on. And SHE gets half HIS 401k because Wisconsin is a 'community property' state.
Wife kept spending thousands of dollars at the Indian Casino. Started by losing their $15000 they had in savings...in ONE DAY. Went to him crying and she was so sorry. He forgave her.
Then she went into her 401K. Gradually emptied that.
Then gambled away $20,000 limit on credit cards x 5 credit cards. He didn't know about those.
When he found out she had deceived him, and spent that much, he divorced her. Somewhat for protection of what little assets remained, and then also for the lack of trust and deception.
By the time it was all done, he wasn't able to keep his house and it was foreclosed on. And SHE gets half HIS 401k because Wisconsin is a 'community property' state.
$15000 is what my 25 years would be worth. If my wife came to me and said she had lost that much without telling me I would end it right there. If she spent that much and purchased me something I would still end it because she shouldn't have spent that kind of money without talking to me. Lack of respect and trust.
