I am reading a book called "Emails from an A**hole " that has me laughing quite loudly.
The introduction to the book summarizes it nicely...
| quote | THE NEXT TIME you want to post an ad in the online classifieds, think again. Somewhere out there, I am lurking, just waiting for any signs of weakness to jump on. It doesn’t matter if you are from Philadelphia or Boise, Idaho. Wherever you are, if you post a stupid ad, I will find you and take you down. |
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He responds to ads and gets a rise out of people...
An example: The Racist Microwave ad..
I was recently looking online for a microwave, since mine broke (apparently you
can’t microwave a frozen beer can to thaw it). I came across this ad and was
immediately more offended than I have ever been in my entire life.
Amy’s original ad:
WANTED—MICROWAVE
I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY.
From Me to Amy:
I have an LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said
whites only, but I am an African-American. I sincerely hope that this won’t be a
problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business.
Thank you,
Jamal
From Amy to Me:
I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be
white, because it would match my kitchen.
AmyFrom Me to Amy:
Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can’t read? It really is amazing that
the world we live in is still so racist. I’m sorry, but your insults have left me
feeling sick. I don’t think I can sell my microwave to a bigot.
Sincerely offended,
Jamal
From Amy to Me:
I wasn’t suggesting that you couldn’t read. I’m not racist. If you read my
whole email, you would see that the ad was looking for a white
microwave, not a white person. I changed the ad to avoid any confusion.
AmyFrom Me to Amy:
So now you think that because I am black, I am too lazy to read your whole
emails. Your racism is overwhelming. You will never get my microwave from
me. I will, however, sell you a burning cross for your next klan meeting. Does
$20 for the cross sound fair?
From Amy to Me:
I can’t write anything without you being offended! I give up!From Me to Amy:
So you don’t want the microwave?
From Amy to Me:
Will you still sell it to me?From Me to Amy:
I would never sell anything to a racist.
From Amy to Me:
Ugh, I’m done with you.She may be whistling a different tune now but maybe next time Amy won’t
be so prejudiced when deciding which race she would like to sell her
microwave to. African-Americans need to heat their food too, Amy.
I found that one particularly funny, as the "constantly finding offense in innocent phrases" seems to be an all too true situation with many people, African-American or not.
The next entry:
A decent snowblower costs about a thousand dollars. I wanted to show this guy
what kind of snowblower he could get for a hundred.
Warren’s original ad:
SNOWBLOWER WANTED
want cheap snowblower not paying more then $100
From Me to Warren:
Hello,
I have a snowblower that I need to get rid of quickly. I will sell it to you for
$100. Will you be able to come get it today?
Thanks,
Mike
From Warren to Me:
yes i can get it today. does it work properly?From Me to Warren:
I’m not quite sure. It was working this morning. I was going to surprise my
neighbor by snowblowing her driveway because she lives alone and is too old to
shovel. While I was snowblowing her sidewalk, I think I accidentally ran over
her dog, because a bunch of blood and fur started spraying out of the top of the
snowblower and onto her front door. I shut the snowblower off and got the hell
out of there, and now I need to get rid of the snowblower before she comes
over here and questions me. I have been afraid to start it up. It looks like it is in
good shape, but it has blood all over it and there are some bones, hair, and guts
or something clogging the internal blades. If you can clean that out, it should
probably work.
From Warren to Me:
holy s**tFrom Me to Warren:
I know, right? So can you please come get it very soon?
From Warren to Me:
no sorry man your on your ownFrom Me to Warren:
Come on, Warren. You aren’t going to find a snowblower any cheaper than this.
Please come get it.
From Warren to Me:
no you a**hole just throw it out its f***edFrom Me to Warren:
I can’t leave it down at the bottom of my driveway for the garbage truck. My
neighbor will see it and know what happened. Please—I have no other way to
get rid of it.
Warren did not help me out at all. I decided that I had to do the right thing.
I wrote my neighbor a confession that explained what happened to her
dog, and then I forged my other neighbor’s signature so she thinks it was
him.
[This message has been edited by Synthesis (edited 07-25-2011).]