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Wednsday--on the road again. I'm so tired of attending funerals. by maryjane
Started on: 06-06-2011 11:17 PM
Replies: 13
Last post by: Zeb on 06-07-2011 11:01 PM
maryjane
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Report this Post06-06-2011 11:17 PM Click Here to See the Profile for maryjaneSend a Private Message to maryjaneDirect Link to This Post
More a post on one of the aspects of aging than the normal "I lost a loved one" type thread.

One of the bitter downsides to living long is having to see so many of the family you grew up with-- pass away, and it's not unexpected but it seems to be more and more frequent lately.. 3rd one this year.
As soon as the oldest son makes it in from Calif, they will finalize the arraingements, but looks like we will be driving back up to Tyler Texas (we just drove thru it last Friday) for funeral of one of the older aunts of our family. I ask that you dispense with the usual well intended condolences, as Aunt Inez was 90, had lived a wonderfully blessed life, lost her lifelong companion and husband a dozen years before, had suffered from dementia for several years and was ready to go. She knew none of us when I visited with her last fall--not even the grown daughter that cared for her or either of her own sons.

The last time we (myself and my siblings) all went to a family member's funeral, we all came to the realization, that WE, are now the old folks in our family. Won't be long I suppose, before we are attending each other's services for that one last goodbye.

Such is life I guess, and death.

[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 06-07-2011).]

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Report this Post06-06-2011 11:22 PM Click Here to See the Profile for ShadowHawkSend a Private Message to ShadowHawkDirect Link to This Post
Im sorry to hear this.

Bless you all

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Boondawg
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Report this Post06-06-2011 11:23 PM Click Here to See the Profile for BoondawgClick Here to Email BoondawgSend a Private Message to BoondawgDirect Link to This Post
They say it is a part of living, but I wish it wasn't.
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theBDub
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Report this Post06-07-2011 01:09 AM Click Here to See the Profile for theBDubSend a Private Message to theBDubDirect Link to This Post
Dying young is the selfish thing to do. You don't have to witness each loved one slowly pass on. Dying old is much harder... but you can be there for them.

I know it's tiring... I had 5 grand and great-grand parents die in one year. It wasn't fun going funeral to funeral... I felt like my family was just in a wave of death. Some (flame suit on--whatever) probably didn't get to meet God... that hurt the most. But it gave me drive to talk to my living family about Jesus more and more.. and be a witness.

I know you are a man of Faith, Don, so use this time to glorify Him. It's what you're still alive for really--what our whole life is for.

I can't wait to meet you. You're a very strong and courageous character, and you have been through much in your years... more than you express publicly, for certain.

Just remember, there are many blessings to living long as well. For instance, your character is still influencing some lowly 20 year old who has MUCH to learn in this crazy world. Take care.

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‎"Of all the illusions that beset mankind none is quite so curious as that tendency to suppose that we are mentally and morally superior to those who differ from us in opinion."
- Elbert Hubbard

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blackrams
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Report this Post06-07-2011 01:15 AM Click Here to See the Profile for blackramsClick Here to Email blackramsSend a Private Message to blackramsDirect Link to This Post
Travel safe Don.

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Ron

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jimbolaya
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Report this Post06-07-2011 07:39 AM Click Here to See the Profile for jimbolayaClick Here to Email jimbolayaSend a Private Message to jimbolayaDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by blackrams:

Travel safe Don.



X2, and I'll add this. My Mother's side of the family is from the deep south (Natchez MS, and there abouts) There is nothing like a Southern funeral. This is going to sound weird, but it was really a good time, after I got used to the wierdness. Let me explain. When my Grandma died, I found it odd all these family members just standing around chatting with Grandma laying in the middle of the room, in an open casket. We talked about her life and our memories. There was a lot of laughter and very little crying. People were leaning on the casket while talking, kissing her. I found it strange. It was a family reunion of sorts, and I grew comfortable with it and had an enjoyable time. And the food, oh God, the food was amazing. There was enough to feed an Army, and it was goooooood. When my grandpa died, I was much more prepared to have a good time, and didn't feel as guilty about it. Death is a part of life, not the end of it. It just a mile marker on the way to the next part. Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living. Go and celebrate her life, and hold on to the memories. God Bless you Don. Be safe.

Jim

[This message has been edited by jimbolaya (edited 06-07-2011).]

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84fiero123
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Report this Post06-07-2011 08:30 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 84fiero123Click Here to Email 84fiero123Send a Private Message to 84fiero123Direct Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by blackrams:

Travel safe Don.



Ditto

Keep it between the ditches.

The older I get, and I ain’t as old as you yet Don, the more funerals I end up attending per year. It takes a lot of courage to live as long as your aunt did. To live longer than your loved ones can take a lot out of a person, any person. To burry a child is even harder on anyone, and should never happen.

Though I am never glad to see anyone go for someone to have lived as long as she did is a blessing as well. My granddad stayed with us for a few weeks when he was 94 and the stories and things he remembered were amazing to say the least.

The older a person gets you younger people need to talk to them, listen to the stories they have to tell. How life was in their day, no matter how old they were.

Listen to them.

Ask them about the days they were in school, how they got there transportation, what they did for fun.

You will never forget the look in their eyes when they are telling those stories and any others they care to share.

Good vibes to all.

And of course.


Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
Mary Frye (1932)


Celebrate her life not her death and you will never forget those we have lost.

Steve

------------------
Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.

Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 06-07-2011).]

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cliffw
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Report this Post06-07-2011 09:05 AM Click Here to See the Profile for cliffwClick Here to Email cliffwSend a Private Message to cliffwDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by maryjane:
The last time we (myself and my siblings) all went to a family member's funeral, we all came to the realization, that WE, are now the old folks in our family. Won't be long I suppose, before we are attending each other's services for that one last goodbye.

Though you requested that we for-go the usual well intended condolences, I can not. Sorry for your loss Don.
Heh, ... funerals, sad times, so they are made out to be. They (are to me) should be celebratory occasions. Life and death is what we make of it. Are we sad that they are gone ? Or that we are still here ? Heck, what's sad is that sometimes it takes a funeral for family and friends to get together. A good excuse as any for a party.
As far as being the old folks, heh, quite an accomplishment. I have lost friends and family much younger than I.
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Flamberge
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Report this Post06-07-2011 02:03 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FlambergeSend a Private Message to FlambergeDirect Link to This Post
Funerals are not fun. the only good thing to come out of yesterday's funeral of my grandmother was an impromptu family reuinion where I saw some family members I hadn't seen since I was a kid.

If I write this next part small enough, maybe you won't be able to read it.

My condolences on your loss.
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randye
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Report this Post06-07-2011 05:53 PM Click Here to See the Profile for randyeClick Here to visit randye's HomePageClick Here to Email randyeSend a Private Message to randyeDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by maryjane:

More a post on one of the aspects of aging than the normal "I lost a loved one" type thread.

One of the bitter downsides to living long is having to see so many of the family you grew up with-- pass away, and it's not unexpected but it seems to be more and more frequent lately.. 3rd one this year.
As soon as the oldest son makes it in from Calif, they will finalize the arraingements, but looks like we will be driving back up to Tyler Texas (we just drove thru it last Friday) for funeral of one of the older aunts of our family. I ask that you dispense with the usual well intended condolences, as Aunt Inez was 90, had lived a wonderfully blessed life, lost her lifelong companion and husband a dozen years before, had suffered from dementia for several years and was ready to go. She knew none of us when I visited with her last fall--not even the grown daughter that cared for her or either of her own sons.

The last time we (myself and my siblings) all went to a family member's funeral, we all came to the realization, that WE, are now the old folks in our family. Won't be long I suppose, before we are attending each other's services for that one last goodbye.

Such is life I guess, and death.



I am just beginning to approach that very same point in my life where family funerals become more frequent.
I was absorbed in reading some world history just recently, (The Thirty Years War), and I paused to reflect how fortunate we really are to bury our elders.

Burying our own children is the exception rather than the norm now.
Infant mortality rates throughout most of history have been very high.

Plague and disease does not regulary wipe out our entire families or entire towns, cities and villages.

War and attrocites do not regularly decimate our familes and homes, (at least in the United States and most of the Western world)

Famine is not known to *most* people today.

Medical science has extended our *average* life spans beyond anything that was imagined throughout most of history.

What we think of as the "natural progression of life" today was not always so.

Aunt Inez would agree I'm sure.
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FieroRumor
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Report this Post06-07-2011 05:59 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FieroRumorClick Here to visit FieroRumor's HomePageClick Here to Email FieroRumorSend a Private Message to FieroRumorDirect Link to This Post
Death sucks.

Left work early today to attend my aunt's funeral. Early 50's. Cancer. Not fair.

I know, no one said life is fair...

She wanted to hold on long enough to see her daughter get married, and she did.

Still- waay too young to go...

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randye
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Report this Post06-07-2011 06:00 PM Click Here to See the Profile for randyeClick Here to visit randye's HomePageClick Here to Email randyeSend a Private Message to randyeDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by jimbolaya:

Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living.
Jim



This, I have said for many years.

I also said:

The grief of loss we feel is selfishness.
If we truely believe what we profess when we say; "They have gone to a better place", then our sadness *must* be replaced with joy and celebration, yet such is not generally our custom, and that I find odd.

[This message has been edited by randye (edited 06-07-2011).]

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blakeinspace
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Report this Post06-07-2011 06:57 PM Click Here to See the Profile for blakeinspaceClick Here to Email blakeinspaceSend a Private Message to blakeinspaceDirect Link to This Post
travel safe compadre.

I know that the presence of you and Jane at such a somber moment is a comfort to your family and friends.
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Zeb
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Report this Post06-07-2011 11:01 PM Click Here to See the Profile for ZebSend a Private Message to ZebDirect Link to This Post
We all take funerals the wrong way. Instead of mourning a loss, we should celebrate a life. Both theirs and ours. I'm sure you're better for having known Aunt Inez, and she for knowing you.

If any of us should shuffle off this mortal coil tomorrow, would we weep for ourselves? No. Perhaps there are things we'd have liked to finish, or loved ones to look after, but I, for one, have had a great life. Mourn ME not. And when you go, I will celebrate your life.

Old men will tell stories of you around the campfire
Young men will sing songs about you
The women will use your name to frighten the children
You will be remembered well!
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