Now I myself think I am great at handling women... I don't mess around i don't beat around the bush And i don't get taken for a Sucker. When i start talking to a girl (like in the beginning stages of a relationship before the label) If she screws up majorly its usually over between us But tonight i found myself in a bit of a predicament.
I've know this girl for a about 5 years and Have liked her since day one. but always thought she was way out of my league. So a couple weeks ago i out of nowhere Grew a set of balls and asked her out on a date. she had just gotten out of a real bad relationship that she will not be going back to. Well Last weekend I took her out to dinner not a real fancy place but has some of the best food you will ever eat. we both had a good time than we stopped in at my friends detail shop and hung out there for an hour. I than brought her home and we had a real nice time together. Now this girl is a bit cold heart'ed (but not in a dead mean way) . She has a daughter from a previous relationship with a buddy of mine (he approves me dating her) she is a couple months older than me and I think acts way older than she is. She hates my Ego (she says its the size of a mack truck) But I have my Ego to thank for not ending me up in that ugly dingy hell us guys call "the friend zone" with this girl.

we'll tonight Her and I went out on a group outing with a bunch of our friends to go bowling (including another guy she dated in high school and hes a real good friend of mine) We were both having a real good time until this happen. She has a best guy friend who follows her around like a little lost puppy dog. he is what remains of a real bad relationship she was in with one of his friends (who is a total arrogant ******* who cheated on her) The 2 of them remained friends because this dudes friend ran off with another girl down in GA.Which i have no problem with there friendship except for the fact he wants more from her than a friendship. So what happen was She gets a text while we were bowling from her "lost little puppy" saying I'm gona stop by your house to see you, she reply back to him I'm out bowling with Rick I'll talk to you later. Well 15 min go by and this kid (uninvited) shows up out of nowhere on what was supposed to be a date( i know she dident tell him what ally we were at because that bowling ally is the only one for a good hour or so. Now I'm in no position to tell this kid to shove off because 1 Shes not officially my Girlfriend, And 2 This kid is like her best "guy friend" ever, but she has said to me many times she has no physical attraction to him in a relationship way. But being that it was a date she dident even tell him that she was out with me and will call him later. Now what set me off was while i was taking my turn bowling I was turning around to taunt my best friend and than I see this kid out of nowhere pull her in and kiss her on the cheek like passionately, Now had she been my Girlfriend i would have went over there and shoved my size 11 bowling shoe up his a$$ but as I said We haven't put that label on it yet so there was nothing I could do about it. So she got a call from her mom who was watching her daughter that she needed to come home because her daughter would not go to sleep. This kid was trying to take her home himself which she did refuse. she told me she refues because of 2 things one he was drunk and 2 she came with me. Now she made the right move in my bood there because if i take a girl out on a a date and she leaves with another man (happend once) you damn well never call me again.
So In the car she said to me I can sence a bit of jealousy from you (which was pretty obvious) I said back to her that i dident like how he showed up uninvited and that he stayed there as long as he did and pretty much everything else. She said to me i have no need to be jealous she dosent see him like that blah blah blah But the thing that got to me was after walking her to her door a little hugging and a good night kiss she said to me You need to work on that jealousy Because that's not something I deal with very well.


Now I'm normally not a jealous person. I thought I was back when i was dating this complete physcotic c*nt (another story 1st kinda stable relationship) but after dealing with her all the things she got pissed for me being jealous about, were actual Things that a normal Boyfriend would be jealous about like excessive flirting excessive hugging inappropriate touching stuff like that.

But as for tonight I dont know why I am getting jealous of This kid. In a nutshell I'm everything hes not. I keep in shape. He weighs like 300 lbs. I have a good head on my shoulders hes one of those wigger's, (I'm surprised he can tell his head from his a$$). I dress nice, He dresses all grimy dirty and baggy clothing. I have plans and goals for my future this kid littererly sits on his a$$ all day.

I know its a lot to read and i'm ranting but what would you do. I like this girl and she seems to like me back but the whole "i dont deal with jealousy" comment kinda put me on edge to thinking she might do things to bring that out of me. I know for a fact she has never cheated on a guy shes with but I know she is a big flirt (which I'm ok with as long as its within reason.) Also I dident like the fact that me and her were on a date and this kid showed up and she dident ask him to leave and catch up at a later time.
What are your thoughts on this?

[This message has been edited by pontiackid86 (edited 03-12-2011).]

She didn't specifically invite him over so it probably put her on the spot. She was just trying to keep the peace between all parties by downplaying the evening. When he reached over to kiss her it may or may not have been intentional just to get you riled up and now look...it's working. If she tells this close friend about you getting upset on the way home it's going to encourage future flirt interventions.
If he's not her type based on your description I don't think you have anything to worry about unless this becomes a pattern of other guys showing up on your outings together.

Be cautious but don't outright let your jealousy get the best of you. If it was meant to be it will.

frack it and tell her to bugger off. Plenty more out there where she came from. Take it from someone who's fallen off the horse more than his fair share of times.

Hey MEM! Back me up here?

Edit: Seriously though, tell her to go pound sand and gravel. If she doesn't like it, tell her to pound harder. It's not worth the effort to try and change someone, because it'll never happen. Pesky thing that free will

In all honesty, if you tell her to bugger off and she sticks around, then work on it. If not, then its not "meant to be", if you believe in that sort of thing.

Also what he said VVVVVVVV*insert down arrow here* VVVVVVVV

[This message has been edited by Xerces_Blackthorne (edited 03-12-2011).]

I'd say walk... She already labeled two big things she doesn't like about you... Your EGO and your jealous streak. You may be able to hide your jealousy but you won't be able to stop being jealous and that will eat you up inside.

She's not that into you dude. You're acceptable companionship for now, but the flags are there.
1. Just got out of a bad relationship (at best you're the rebound guy)
2. "Doesn't like your jealous side?" A true jealous psycho would have been in dudes face.

If you feel like wasting time and just having someone to hang out with go for it.. But I wouldn't put any serious effort into it for awhile.

Wasn't that one of the story lines on the afternoon soap "The Young and the Restless"? I'm not sure how "passionate" a kiss on the cheek could be, but if that upsets you getoverit. After having a child (out of wedlock) she has been around the block a few times, and isn't looking for a one on one relationship (if she ever was). It sounds like you are one insecure puppy..grow up.

quote Originally posted by Old Lar: Wasn't that one of the story lines on the afternoon soap "The Young and the Restless"? I'm not sure how "passionate" a kiss on the cheek could be, but if that upsets you getoverit. After having a child (out of wedlock) she has been around the block a few times, and isn't looking for a one on one relationship (if she ever was). It sounds like you are one insecure puppy..grow up.

Haha, I completely missed that part..

I was deep into a chick with a kid once... big mistake.

quote Originally posted by Xerces_Blackthorne: frack it and tell her to bugger off. Plenty more out there where she came from. Take it from someone who's fallen off the horse more than his fair share of times. Hey MEM! Back me up here?

I'm not MEM, but he'll be here soon I'm sure. As his fellow Canadian however, I will back you up XB. Drop it like it's hot pk86. Plus she has a kid? You're my age or younger. Damaged goods for sure. Get one without all that baggage.

quote Originally posted by Xerces_Blackthorne: frack it and tell her to bugger off. Plenty more out there where she came from. Take it from someone who's fallen off the horse more than his fair share of times. Hey MEM! Back me up here? Edit: Seriously though, tell her to go pound sand and gravel. If she doesn't like it, tell her to pound harder. It's not worth the effort to try and change someone, because it'll never happen. Pesky thing that free will In all honesty, if you tell her to bugger off and she sticks around, then work on it. If not, then its not "meant to be", if you believe in that sort of thing. Also what he said VVVVVVVV*insert down arrow here* VVVVVVVV

From a guy who has dated his share of cold-hearted (but very cute) types....NNNNEEEEEXXXXTTTTTTT.

OH, and NEVER date a chick with a kid. NEVER-EVER-EVER. You will just end up as the free babysitter. Trust me on this one.

[This message has been edited by MidEngineManiac (edited 03-12-2011).]

quote Originally posted by MidEngineManiac: From a guy who has dated his share of cold-hearted (but very cute) types....NNNNEEEEEXXXXTTTTTTT. OH, and NEVER date a chick with a kid. NEVER-EVER-EVER. You will just end up as the free babysitter. Trust me on this one.

Oh, I know that from experience. Try it with someone who has 5 kids Worst...decision...EVER!

The tread's been blown off those goodyears for 10 years, and she was 27

After a month of that (and the fact that she was clingy as frack, looking for the daddy type), it was time to hit the bricks. Amazing I stuck around that long Must've been all the "fringe" benefits

quote Originally posted by AntiKev: I'm not MEM, but he'll be here soon I'm sure. As his fellow Canadian however, I will back you up XB. Drop it like it's hot pk86. Plus she has a kid? You're my age or younger. Damaged goods for sure. Get one without all that baggage.

Hell, even I've got a few years on him

Maybe I outta move to Canada Seems to be that my worldviews are in line with some of you Plus, I hate K cars just as much

O Canada, eh?

See, I fit in already

[This message has been edited by Xerces_Blackthorne (edited 03-12-2011).]

Find a new girl. If you, as you say, have plans and goals you don't have time for this crap. She OBVIOUSLY makes bad decisions. Sounds like she's "damaged goods". So many hurdles to jump through for this relationship to work and it isn't even a relationship yet. You might try finding a new dating pool too, I seem to remember you dating girls you've known forever. I don't know if you have an ego problem, but you are clearly threatened by this other guy and he isn't going away. Don't dispute that you are threatened, because if you weren't you wouldn't have taken the time to run him down and compare yourself to him.

Couple side notes. Aren't you over 6' tall? Only a size 11? You know what they say. Next point, don't dismiss that "just a friend" BS. It is exactly that. If he wants more and plays it right,he will get it. You don't know anything 100%, so saying you are positive she has never cheated just won't do. Last, don't bag on fat guys getting hot girls. I am nowhere near 300lbs, but I am a wide body frame. I have very little trouble picking up girls.

Seriously though, find another girl. Also you look like way more of a bad ass for not putting up with her **** . I think you should have after you gt the lecture made it clear that you didn't appreciate those things and she wouldn't have to worry about how she handled it in the future as "we" have none [future].

------------------
Ron Paul 2012!
WAMP WAMP

I hate to say it, but you kinda sound like a rebound (happened to me with this one chick). When a girl gets out a relationship, they look for something to find comfort in, which is usually another guy. While u may be trying to comfort her, u start developing feelings. BIG MISTAKE!! If a cute girl comes to u for comfort that u kinda like, u keep her at a stiff arms distance. Dont try to catch her when she's falling. Make sure she hits the ground and bounces twice because once u become the rock for a girl u like that just got out a bad relationship, she will take advantage. I'm saying don't get put in the friendzone and dont allow her to put u in it and take u out when its convient for her because that will really mess u up. Continue to be there for her, just dont be too available. At the least make this girl your side girl ; )

Edit to add:

Dont allow your feelings to let you ignore those lil red flags....(did it once and man that was the longest semester of my life)

[This message has been edited by The ROK (edited 03-12-2011).]

A little psychology of women. Dudes who cheat and/or control there partners use jealousy. It don't mean that you feel safe, and she won't feel safe with you if you act jealous. If you cannot trust someone, you have no business spending time with that person.

Heh, thing of it is, the only time jealousy is a problem is when you care. But there IS a difference between jealousy and being pissed off, though you end up pissed either way.
Somebody mentioned that the fat guy got the reaction he wanted, I agree. It is an age old ploy used by the underdog to make the competition look bad. Yup been there.
I would say keep it loose, see her if you want but you had better dam well quit being so emotional. Trust me you would be better of beating the hell out of him (see above) than huffing and puffing and acting pissy around her, that is no fun for anybody, who wants to be around that.

quote Originally posted by WhiteDevil88: A little psychology of women. Dudes who cheat and/or control there partners use jealousy. It don't mean that you feel safe, and she won't feel safe with you if you act jealous. If you cannot trust someone, you have no business spending time with that person.

This. And its not even that you ARE cheating. If you're jealous of an action, you see yourself in the same situation and project what you would be doing. Trust is the foundation of an adult relationship.

I would tell her to kick rocks. Stay friends. She has already told you she doesn't like your ego (which every man has) and she doesn't like your jealousy. There is two things she already doesn't like. If she can't like you for who you are, then the relationship is gonna be a waste of time. Sounds like she is trying to change who you are, which will tear you up inside.

I get what you guys are saying. And The whole kid thing dosent bother me all to much. She had the kid with a guy she was with for a good 3 years and was engaged to. Shes really not the slu**y type when it comes to that aspect.. I geuss i just have some thinking to do.... And no I'm way under 6 ft tall. I'm only like 5'8-5'9

quote Originally posted by AntiKev: Trust is the foundation of an adult relationship.

^^ Quoted for Truth...

@PK..

Don't take this the wrong way.. but until you learn to have a relationship that doesn't contain drama.. then I'd stay AWAY from serious relationships all together. Don't get me wrong.. date, have fun.. have a girl friend.. get laid.. whatever.. But you shouldn't be looking for a long term committed relationship until you learn to grow up a bit.. In *NO* way is that meant to be a derogatory slight against you... I was 27 years old and had two kids before I learned to grow up.. Then it took me another 8 years on top of that to actually grow up to the point where I feel I'm ready to have a committed solid relationship with a woman.

quote Originally posted by pontiackid86: Topic: What would you have done in this situation? ... what would you do.

I would take off about five more years to mature. Except for the child, this is junior high stuff. A better question you might ask yourself is, "If I'm so smart, why do I end up with so many failed relationships?"

[This message has been edited by Marvin McInnis (edited 03-12-2011).]

quote Originally posted by Marvin McInnis: Topic: What would you have done in this situation? I would have taken off about five more years to grow up. Except for the child, this is junior high stuff.

Dammit Marvin! Always bringing clear, concise sense to an otherwise dramatic and entertaining thread. Ya gotta let loose!

Point taken.

I just went thru a similar bit of crap and the choice is bail she clearly thinks she has options that u do not and well the only way she would ever be faithful is if that status changes in your favor but totally isnt worth the drama to achieve.

quote Originally posted by pontiackid86: I get what you guys are saying. And The whole kid thing dosent bother me all to much. She had the kid with a guy she was with for a good 3 years and was engaged to. Shes really not the slu**y type when it comes to that aspect.. I geuss i just have some thinking to do.... And no I'm way under 6 ft tall. I'm only like 5'8-5'9

This post... When I get to my laptop, you're going to get smashed...

quote Originally posted by datacop: ^^ Quoted for Truth... @PK.. Don't take this the wrong way.. but until you learn to have a relationship that doesn't contain drama.. then I'd stay AWAY from serious relationships all together. Don't get me wrong.. date, have fun.. have a girl friend.. get laid.. whatever.. But you shouldn't be looking for a long term committed relationship until you learn to grow up a bit.. In *NO* way is that meant to be a derogatory slight against you... I was 27 years old and had two kids before I learned to grow up.. Then it took me another 8 years on top of that to actually grow up to the point where I feel I'm ready to have a committed solid relationship with a woman.

I get where your coming from there but I'm typically not a jealous guy. The thing that sparked last night was that me and her were on a date. more or less of a group date. out of nowhere This kid shows up and spoils the whole thing. He kept trying to get in to bowl with us when we had a full lane going he was stupid drunk and he was all over My date. Years ago I would have told him to shove off no matter what the circumstances But years ago i was a hot headed shoot first ask questions later kind of fellow But I've changed since than. but last night i pretty much just thought to myself whatever, lets make the best of tonight. As i said I have no problem with there 2 friendship. He pretty much showed up last night because he knew me and her were on a date and he wanted to come between us. In her defense on this My friend saw what happend with the kiss on the cheek and he said after i turnd around (which i did pretty quickly) she did push him off her.

[This message has been edited by pontiackid86 (edited 03-12-2011).]

quote Originally posted by AntiKev: Trust is the foundation of an adult relationship.

One more thing from me on this, and its a little tidbit of info that was given to me by an older, wiser gentleman (i.e., one of you old farts Right Steve? ):

There is no such thing as a guy being friends with a girl. If any guy claims that they are "just friends" with a girl they are lying. There are only 3 reasons why said guy would ever say such a thing:

1. He secretly wants to frack the hell outta her, or
2. He is "gay" and/or married.
3. The girl in question is physically unattractive enough to repulse said guy, which in that case, rule #2. (some notes about this rule, but I'll post those later)

Edited to add a a third statement.

[This message has been edited by Xerces_Blackthorne (edited 03-12-2011).]

quote Originally posted by Xerces_Blackthorne: One more thing from me on this, and its a little tidbit of info that was given to me by the older, wiser crowd (i.e., you old farts ): There is no such thing as a guy being friends with a girl. If any guy claims that they are "just friends" with a girl they are lying. There are only 2 reasons why said guy would ever say such a thing: 1. He secretly wants to frack the hell outta her, or 2. He is gay.

Which is very true about this "friend" of hers. she told me at the start of this that he liked her as more than a Friend. Which is understandable But to stoop as low as to try and ruin my date with her showing up to a bowling ally drunk. Really pissed me off. even when i was taking her out to dinner last weekend. He was hat her house He knew i was comming over to pick her up. And as soon as i walked in the door it was her her daughter her parents and "the lost little puppy dog" there. I could already tell her step father dident like me because the night before on my way home she wanted me to stop over and see her on my way home from Philly and something that was only supposed to be a 5 min hey whats up turned into a 2 hour hanging out on her porch swing deal. I think her moms likes me though. She really isant that bad of a girl. she she had made some mistakes but I dont think she should be shunned for it. She really is a great girl you just have to look at her a bit differently than others.

Move on, you aren't ready for this relationship. If you have any trust issues at all, no matter how petty, you aren't ready for a serious relationship.

quote Originally posted by Xerces_Blackthorne: One more thing from me on this, and its a little tidbit of info that was given to me by the older, wiser crowd (i.e., you old farts ): There is no such thing as a guy being friends with a girl. If any guy claims that they are "just friends" with a girl they are lying. There are only 2 reasons why said guy would ever say such a thing: 1. He secretly wants to frack the hell outta her, or 2. He is gay.

And just because number 2, does not mean he isn't number one.

But at any rate, she was probably dealing with quite a bit of embarrassment from having this drunk show up uninvited. I don't know if you asked her how she felt about him being there, but I would tend to give some slack. If you were expecting her to get rid of him for your sake, that is selfish. If you ask her if he is bothering her, and ask him to leave for her sake, that is heroic and chivalrous. Pouting and glaring to the point of being obvious is childish and won't get you laid. Which is all you should be thinking about. If you still need to refer to women as c nts and the previously discussed in another thread, snatch, then you don't have the degree of respect that a healthy relationship needs. Don't take that as an insult. I didn't get married until 33, and it was another 5 years before I got the right attitude.

quote Originally posted by Xerces_Blackthorne: One more thing from me on this, and its a little tidbit of info that was given to me by an older, wiser gentleman (i.e., one of you old farts Right Steve? ): There is no such thing as a guy being friends with a girl. If any guy claims that they are "just friends" with a girl they are lying. There are only 3 reasons why said guy would ever say such a thing: 1. He secretly wants to frack the hell outta her, or 2. He is gay. 3. The girl in question is physically unattractive enough to repulse said guy, which in that case, rule #2. Edited to add a a third statement.

There are a couple girls I'm "just friends" with that are #3. Some of us are able to have standards, ya know...

quote Originally posted by Xerces_Blackthorne: One more thing from me on this, and its a little tidbit of info that was given to me by an older, wiser gentleman (i.e., one of you old farts Right Steve? ): There is no such thing as a guy being friends with a girl. If any guy claims that they are "just friends" with a girl they are lying. There are only 3 reasons why said guy would ever say such a thing: 1. He secretly wants to frack the hell outta her, or 2. He is gay. 3. The girl in question is physically unattractive enough to repulse said guy, which in that case, rule #2. Edited to add a a third statement.

1a. Secrets can be kept from himself as well as others.

Let me make this perfectly clear.

NO STRAIGHT MAN JUST "HANGS OUT" WITH A GIRL AS FRIENDS. THEY ALWAYS WILL HAVE SEX WITH HER IF THE OPPORTUNITY COMES UP, ALWAYS!!! EVEN "GAY" MEN ARE SUSPECT.

Brad

[This message has been edited by twofatguys (edited 03-12-2011).]

quote Originally posted by TommyRocker: There are a couple girls I'm "just friends" with that are #3. Some of us are able to have standards, ya know...

Valid point, thanks for mentioning this I need to go back and edit that actually. I don't really have any female friends like that, although I consider the ones that are to be acquaintances. I'll be cordial with them, but I'll keep them at arms length.

Then again, I don't necessarily have "standards" either. A light switch does wonders, and if you get out before the sun comes up, well then...

I can't do it... Cause you know they're gonna wanna kiss. And then you'll feel the face hair. And every time you see them or they pop up on the facebook you'll remember that....and it will haunt you forever...

quote Originally posted by pontiackid86: What are your thoughts on this?

Dude, you and your bowling ball need find a new bowling lane.

quote Originally posted by TommyRocker: I can't do it... Cause you know they're gonna wanna kiss. And then you'll feel the face hair. And every time you see them or they pop up on the facebook you'll remember that....and it will haunt you forever...

Bah, facial hair Reminds ya of that one aunt that everyone has as a kid, during Christmas, that comes over and gives you those sloppy wet Aunt kisses Close your eyes and think of something else, makes it easier to tolerate

Guess I should have said I have looser standards than most. There are some women that I wouldn't "date" with another guy's junk on a 20 foot pole

That'd be one reason I don't have facebook

quote Originally posted by WhiteDevil88: And just because number 2, does not mean he isn't number one. But at any rate, she was probably dealing with quite a bit of embarrassment from having this drunk show up uninvited. I don't know if you asked her how she felt about him being there, but I would tend to give some slack. If you were expecting her to get rid of him for your sake, that is selfish. If you ask her if he is bothering her, and ask him to leave for her sake, that is heroic and chivalrous. Pouting and glaring to the point of being obvious is childish and won't get you laid. Which is all you should be thinking about. If you still need to refer to women as c nts and the previously discussed in another thread, snatch, then you don't have the degree of respect that a healthy relationship needs. Don't take that as an insult. I didn't get married until 33, and it was another 5 years before I got the right attitude.

The onyl reason i calle dthat girl a C*nt was because she was. We dated for over a year and the last couple months of the relationship She ruined me to a point where i dident recover for years. She used me twisted warped me she stole from me and really turned me into a Screwed up SOB for the better part of 3 years. I wouldn't trust anyone I was afraid to let anyone get close to me. I was afraid to let anyone get to know me, when i did get into a relationship after her i was so afraid of being hurt that i wouldent give the person i was dating a chance to be with me in turn driving them away. I was for real damaged goods after her and in calling her that I see myself as justified for what she did to me and I'm glad where she ended up over it.


As for the other comments about girls Guys and Friends... I do have some female "friends" that i dont see myself in a relationship but your right. Given the chance and no cheating being done (on either side not just mine)...... damn right.

[This message has been edited by pontiackid86 (edited 03-12-2011).]

Here is my rule for getting over a poisoned relationship. For every year in the relationship, you must spend two years single to get over it. Think about that before you let someone control 3 years of your life.

quote Originally posted by WhiteDevil88: Here is my rule for getting over a poisoned relationship. For every year in the relationship, you must spend two years single to get over it. Think about that before you let someone control 3 years of your life.

Trust me if you were me in this situation you would know exactly how bad it was. This girl was a real stumble for me. and she knew what she was doing to me as well.

quote Originally posted by pontiackid86: The onyl reason i calle dthat girl a C*nt was because she was. We dated for over a year and the last couple months of the relationship She ruined me to a point where i dident recover for years. She used me twisted warped me she stole from me and really turned me into a Screwed up SOB for the better part of 3 years.

quote Originally posted by pontiackid86: Now I myself think I am great at handling women...