I learned from my mistakes in that relationship. That girl put me through the gauntlet. Cheating stealing Verbal abuse, Use, And just about everything else you can go through. She was a drop dead gorgeous girl But a wolf in sheep's clothing
[This message has been edited by pontiackid86 (edited 03-12-2011).]
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04:10 PM
PhilipFiero Member
Posts: 94 From: The Netherlands Registered: Jan 2010
The way I think of it: No matter how bad you don't want to believe it sometimes, instinct doesn't lie. Things like jealousy are emotions which are there for a reason, in this case protecting something that you see as valuable. It is a PITA if you're not allowed by her to show your resentment against his constant passes at her, which is just rude to you or any other potential partner she might ever like, and shamelessly/desperatly trying to keep her as close to him as he can. The problem though is that she allows him to let that happen, it really isn't you feeling your emotions.
If she asks less jealousy from you, you have to demand less intimate contact with that other guy. At least clear boundries, so he'll be forced to think twice before showing up on occassions where he is not wanted and to take some distance from her. You will need to be able to relax, enjoying your time with her and let things develop, otherwise you will lose control over your feelings. Tukking jealousy away leads to an explosion of it later. So make sure she creates a comfortable enviroment for you, while giving her the trust and space to do so, if you want this to succeed.
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04:26 PM
Marvin McInnis Member
Posts: 11599 From: ~ Kansas City, USA Registered: Apr 2002
I would put money on it. Remember, at the very minimum "fly a plane" means to take off, navigate to a destination (even if it's only a few miles distant), land, and then be able to use the airplane again the next day ... all without breaking any "rules of the road" along the way. And you think that you could do this "no problem" without any training? Do you have a pilot's license? Have you ever flown in the cockpit of any airplane? Have you even flown as a passenger in anything smaller than a pressurized-cabin airline jet or turboprop?
Come back when you have a pilot's license (ANY pilot's license) and I may change my opinion of your abilities, attention span, and self discipline. 'Til then, your claim is just a childish boast, a joke on yourself that you almost certainly didn't intend.
I do have to admit, though, that you seem to have a very rich fantasy life.
[This message has been edited by Marvin McInnis (edited 02-04-2012).]
Just getting some advice. I'm a bit of a pickle here because this is something kinda new to me. Her having a Friend that wont give me any time alone with her so we can have some one on one time (not in a perverted way). But on the other hand I cant tell this kid to go pound sand because she sees him a a Very good friend but not boyfriend material, This kid was pretty much her rebound guy from the last bad relationship without the benefits of being the rebound guy. There always hanging out hes like her personalized taxi because she messed up her car. But he never got the romantic/sexual benefits a rebound guy gets. And she dosent have the heart to tell him to give her some space.
As i said this is new to me. I've known this girl for years now and I've been killing my chances with her because of my "big ego" which I'm not gona lie, I think she missjudged the size of my Ego. The sears tower analogy might befit it better than a mack trunk. But It's who I am... But I'm trying to work on it.
I dunno I'm about to just say eff it and go to the bar tonight with my buds and find someone else.
[This message has been edited by pontiackid86 (edited 03-12-2011).]
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05:05 PM
datacop Member
Posts: 1426 From: Indianapolis, IN, USA Registered: Jan 2004
Just getting some advice. I'm a bit of a pickle here because this is something kinda new to me. Her having a Friend that wont give me any time alone with her so we can have some one on one time (not in a perverted way) But on the other hand I cant tell this kid to go pound sand because she sees him a a Very good friend but not boyfriend material, This kid was pretty much her rebound guy from the last bad relationship without the benefits of being the rebound guy. There always hanging out hes like her personalized taxi because she messed up her car. But he never got the romantic/sexual benefits a rebound guy gets. And she dosent have the heart to tell him to give her some space. I dunno I'm about to just say eff it and go to the bar tonight with my buds and find someone else.
Dude.. listen to your friggin self..
1. she's got a kid.. 2. she's got a history of bad relationships. 3. she's doesn't have a reliable means of transportation 4. she uses some poor schmuck's feelings for her to get rides. 5. she puts some other poor schmuck in an awkward situation and turns it around to be that poor schmuck's fault.. 6. she's known to be distant and unapproachable (cold hearted)
Is the pussy really that good that you are so blind as to not be able to see obvious red flags that are waving all around you like bed sheets on a clothes line in a category 5 hurricane?
I mean.. really?
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05:13 PM
82-T/A [At Work] Member
Posts: 22749 From: Florida USA Registered: Aug 2002
Now I myself think I am great at handling women... I don't mess around i don't beat around the bush And i don't get taken for a Sucker. When i start talking to a girl (like in the beginning stages of a relationship before the label) If she screws up majorly its usually over between us But tonight i found myself in a bit of a predicament. I've know this girl for a about 5 years and Have liked her since day one. but always thought she was way out of my league. So a couple weeks ago i out of nowhere Grew a set of balls and asked her out on a date. she had just gotten out of a real bad relationship that she will not be going back to. Well Last weekend I took her out to dinner not a real fancy place but has some of the best food you will ever eat. we both had a good time than we stopped in at my friends detail shop and hung out there for an hour. I than brought her home and we had a real nice time together. Now this girl is a bit cold heart'ed (but not in a dead mean way) . She has a daughter from a previous relationship with a buddy of mine (he approves me dating her) she is a couple months older than me and I think acts way older than she is. She hates my Ego (she says its the size of a mack truck) But I have my Ego to thank for not ending me up in that ugly dingy hell us guys call "the friend zone" with this girl.
What are your thoughts on this?
This is a tough one, but the problem is more you than anything. Ego or no ego... the truth is, if a person is really confident in themselves, there's essentially nothing that bothers them. It's not often that I go out with my wife now that we have a 2 year old daughter, etc... but when we were both a little younger, we would go out a lot. Basically, guys would be all over her, even right in front of me, and I'm a pretty big guy. I didn't let it bother me because quite honestly, there's no one out there even remotely cooler than I am (this probably isn't true, but I haven't convinced myself otherwise yet). But when I was first dating... yeah... there were times you had to give a little bit of a fight.
It's a fine line, and you have to pick and choose your battles. In this case, you could have handled it better... you could have said to her in the car... "Wow, that dude's pretty love-struck, huh?"
A little secret about girls that most guys eventually all learn, is that girls don't want a guy who's desperate... girls want a guy who's secure, and for the vast majority of them, they'll never be happy unless they find someone that is at least as confident as they are. Sure, the guy was giving her a kiss... but understand, if she wanted to stop it... she could have. That means that she probably likes the attention a little bit. You'll know when you need to stand your ground, because there won't be any question about it... if you're uncomfortable and awkward, then it's probably not that big of a deal.
Unfortunately, sometimes it sucks... hah. There was this one time I was at a concert with my wife. We were just dating, not even boyfriend/girlfriend. We got employee / VIP passes to the entire back area at ZetaFest where the band members and all the crew were walking around, getting free food, etc. There was a line at one of the port-o-potties, and this huge f**king dude came up and cut right in line. My wife (she's kind of aggressive / arrogant) started yelling at the guy. The guy was massive... I think he might have been Tom Araya from Slayer (the guitarist) but I didn't recognize him. The guy started to get all fresh with her. Erica didn't care as long as the guy wasn't going to get into the bathroom before she was. The guy started getting all up and close, and then put his hand on the small of her back. I was there with my friend (who was smaller than me) and I just kind of had this thought in my head like... oh man, this is really going to hurt like a ***** .
I knew what I had to do... I looked at my buddy and he just kind of gave me a look like... "Please don't ask me to back you up..." but I knew he would have my back... I am 6'3" and probably 190 back then, but knew I was going to get my ass beat.
I grabbed the guy's arm, and said... "Enough!" and shoved him away from her. I was totally expecting a massive beat-down, but the guy from Slayer (I think) just kind of looked at me, and then said... "Ok dude... relax... no big deal..." and backed off... I was thinking to myself... "Oh **** ... thank God I'm not going to get my ass beaten..."
Hopefully you'll be as lucky as me... but 9 times out of 10, it's just you being an emotional ***** . You have to be secure in yourself and of course, she'll realize how lame and pathetic that is. Unlike all the girly movies where the nice quiet nerdy guy gets the ridiculously hot girl... it doesn't happen in real life. You have to work for it.
Just getting some advice. I'm a bit of a pickle here because this is something kinda new to me. Her having a Friend that wont give me any time alone with her so we can have some one on one time (not in a perverted way). But on the other hand I cant tell this kid to go pound sand because she sees him a a Very good friend but not boyfriend material, This kid was pretty much her rebound guy from the last bad relationship without the benefits of being the rebound guy. There always hanging out hes like her personalized taxi because she messed up her car. But he never got the romantic/sexual benefits a rebound guy gets. And she dosent have the heart to tell him to give her some space.
You should just be real frank, and non-emotional about it. "Hey, let me take you somewhere where we can get to know eachother without our good friend <insert other guy here> bugging us..." and then take her somewhere...
EDIT: Oh yeah, if she continues to text him and he keeps coming around, you've got to tell her it's a little weird. Don't be emotional as in "jealousy" it should be more annoying. You need to accept the fact right now that she wants to date you, if you think you're competing, then you're just acting like a ***** and she will be able to see that, and then before you realize it, some other dude will swoop in who's more confident than both of you, and you two guys can then go hug and console eachother. Man up... tell her that you want to go on a date, and we'll leave the "good friend" at home.
1. she's got a kid.. 2. she's got a history of bad relationships. 3. she's doesn't have a reliable means of transportation 4. she uses some poor schmuck's feelings for her to get rides. 5. she puts some other poor schmuck in an awkward situation and turns it around to be that poor schmuck's fault.. 6. she's known to be distant and unapproachable (cold hearted)
Is the pussy really that good that you are so blind as to not be able to see obvious red flags that are waving all around you like bed sheets on a clothes line in a category 5 hurricane?
I mean.. really?
X2
I scanned the majority of your first post but really didn't even have to. If you even had to write that much about a relationship you're just getting into then move on and save yourself some heartbreak.
Remember, you just got into this and it's already full of the problems above. It'll only get worse as you get to know her more and you'll only end up getting hurt more later when the **** hits the fan
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06:21 PM
GraterFang Member
Posts: 1387 From: Grants Pass, OR Registered: Feb 2008
Churches (and from what I see, especially Efree Christian churches) are better than bars for finding women. The amount of arse one can find there is ridiculous. Only downfall is they are a tougher cookie to crack, but who doesn't like a challenge (makes it all the more worthwhile when you do finally suceed)
Yea. There is no way to get rid of that friend and keep things good between you and her unless SHE is the one to get rid of him. He wants her but she doesnt want him. That makes him hate anybody she likes and he will not stop doing what he is doing. Plus it sounds like she has issues. She tried to blame you for him showing up. Plus she has a kid which makes it hard when you and her break up if you guys let the kid be involved. She has a history of bad relationships as well. I would walk away man. I agree with everyone else.
Move on. I may be with a woman with kids but she's got a job, her own house, her own car, and I'm not some live in babysitter. Hell I just told her the other day she needs to go out with her friends. I've been out the past couple weekends(brought her once or twice) without so much as a nag about it. Even went to the strip club this past weekend. In other words, if you're gonna date a woman with kids.. Make sure she's got her priorities straight.
Otherwise, move the eff on. Oh, and I have a new cell number if you want it. I gotta give it to ol' Annie too.
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11:24 PM
Xerces_Blackthorne Member
Posts: 6163 From: Mertztown PA Registered: Mar 2008
Move on. I may be with a woman with kids but she's got a job, her own house, her own car, and I'm not some live in babysitter. Hell I just told her the other day she needs to go out with her friends. I've been out the past couple weekends(brought her once or twice) without so much as a nag about it. Even went to the strip club this past weekend. In other words, if you're gonna date a woman with kids.. Make sure she's got her priorities straight.
Otherwise, move the eff on. Oh, and I have a new cell number if you want it. I gotta give it to ol' Annie too.
Scott, send it my way too if you will. Victory run in 2 weeks, it'll be a Saturday most likely so everyone can sleep it off the next day. Need to iron out the details with you and Tom. Maybe if you come, we can actually get numbnuts here to come with us this time (he wussed out in September and it was just me and Andrew, which seeing him drunk was intriguing to say the least).
Sent but my phone is dead and right next to me. I haven't felt like getting out of my computer chair. Even though it's freezing in this back room and I need a shower.
Sent but my phone is dead and right next to me. I haven't felt like getting out of my computer chair. Even though it's freezing in this back room and I need a shower.
LOL
Time to move the phone charger to the same power strip as the PC Ya lazy bum...Kids these days, I tell ya hehe
I'll send you a text tomorrow after I get back from the gym (say mid day or so?) I gotta get offline and get some sleep, meeting a friend from the gym and MMA for breakfast in the morning at :blech: 7 am
Time to move the phone charger to the same power strip as the PC Ya lazy bum...Kids these days, I tell ya hehe
I'll send you a text tomorrow after I get back from the gym (say mid day or so?) I gotta get offline and get some sleep, meeting a friend from the gym and MMA for breakfast in the morning at :blech: 7 am
They're all used. Meh. It'll be alright. lol
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11:48 PM
Mar 15th, 2011
Khw Member
Posts: 11139 From: South Weber, UT. U.S.A. Registered: Jun 2008
Only thing I'd say is "Turn about is fair play". I'd arrange for the same situation to happen in reverse and see how she deals with it. If she objects, well then explain that she's going to have to work on that because your not good at dealing with double standards. Chances are it would end the dating, but then again it just might fix it.
[This message has been edited by Khw (edited 03-15-2011).]
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05:37 PM
Marvin McInnis Member
Posts: 11599 From: ~ Kansas City, USA Registered: Apr 2002
Helplessly hoping Her harlequin hovers nearby Awaiting a word Gasping at glimpses Of gentle true spirit He runs, wishing he could fly Only to trip at the sound of good-bye
Wordlessly watching He waits by the window And wonders At the empty place inside Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams He worries Did he hear a good-bye? Or even hello?
They are one person They are two alone They are three together They are for each other
Stand by the stairway You'll see something Certain to tell you confusion has its cost Love isn't lying It's loose in a lady who lingers Saying she is lost And choking on hello
They are one person They are two alone They are three together They are for each other
~ Stephen Stills
[This message has been edited by Marvin McInnis (edited 03-15-2011).]
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11:49 PM
OKflyboy Member
Posts: 6607 From: Not too far from Mexico Registered: Nov 2004
I agree with Todd's entire post. You need to work on a few things. She can as well, but at least she's secure enough to say you need to work on your jealousy and ego. Getting jealous over something like that does show a lot of insecurity, whether you feel insecure or not. Trust me, because I definitely used to be the jealous type (but not the jealous-when-it's-reasonable jealous. I was an unhealthy jealous type).
Move on, and find someone else. But seriously, good job asking her out on a date. I just did the same thing... back in High School I was too nervous to talk to her, but a couple weeks back I grew a pair and got a date. Now we're almost officially together, I'm just waiting to drop the exclusive bomb in the next few weeks.
quote
Originally posted by Xerces_Blackthorne:
One more thing from me on this, and its a little tidbit of info that was given to me by an older, wiser gentleman (i.e., one of you old farts Right Steve? ):
There is no such thing as a guy being friends with a girl. If any guy claims that they are "just friends" with a girl they are lying. There are only 3 reasons why said guy would ever say such a thing:
1. He secretly wants to frack the hell outta her, or 2. He is "gay" and/or married. 3. The girl in question is physically unattractive enough to repulse said guy, which in that case, rule #2. (some notes about this rule, but I'll post those later)
Edited to add a a third statement.
This isn't true. I've heard it plenty of times, but I'll tell you right now I have a very dear friend (top 5 material) that I have no interest in. She's quite attractive; I used to want her back in the day. But after awhile of being friends I really just don't want her like that. I like our friendship and I'm happy with who we are. I'm also single, well kinda. I'm dating a girl, it's just not exclusive yet.
Just sayin.
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12:29 AM
Khw Member
Posts: 11139 From: South Weber, UT. U.S.A. Registered: Jun 2008
1. He secretly wants to frack the hell outta her, or 2. He is "gay" and/or married. 3. The girl in question is physically unattractive enough to repulse said guy, which in that case, rule #2. (some notes about this rule, but I'll post those later)
Edited to add a a third statement.
I think it should be edited to fix the first statement...
I think, "He'd hit it if the opportunity presented itself" would be more accurate. I don't think every guy secretly wants to "frack the hell" out of every girl he is freinds with. I do however think if the guy was not otherwise comitted he's probably said, atleast to himself, "yeah I'd hit that" about most of his female freinds and would if it dropped in his lap, so to speak.
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08:39 AM
cliffw Member
Posts: 35921 From: Bandera, Texas, USA Registered: Jun 2003
Originally posted by datacop: Dude.. listen to your friggin self.. 1. she's got a kid.. 2. she's got a history of bad relationships. 3. she's doesn't have a reliable means of transportation 4. she uses some poor schmuck's feelings for her to get rides. 5. she puts some other poor schmuck in an awkward situation and turns it around to be that poor schmuck's fault.. 6. she's known to be distant and unapproachable (cold hearted) Is the pussy really that good that you are so blind as to not be able to see obvious red flags that are waving all around you like bed sheets on a clothes line in a category 5 hurricane? I mean.. really?
X three. You need to see it again.
quote
Originally posted by pontiackid86: The onyl reason i calle dthat girl a C*nt was because she was. We dated for over a year and the last couple months of the relationship She ruined me to a point where i dident recover for years. She used me twisted warped me she stole from me and really turned me into a Screwed up SOB for the better part of 3 years.
quote
Originally posted by pontiackid86: Now I myself think I am great at handling women...
Times two, because you needed to see it again. Have you ever heard of the ladder theory. I had not until it was posted here. Maybe someone will post it, maybe I can find it. Rick, dude ... you are a dude right ... she was setting rules. That's a man's job. I mean, , she is talking about you having an ego ? Like her crunt don't stink, ? Here is how I would handle it.
quote
Originally posted by pontiackid86: I dunno I'm about to just say eff it and go to the bar tonight with my buds and find someone else her and have another gal play the lost puppy dog role. Showing up, giving me a kiss, and seeing how she handles it
Originally posted by pontiackid86: I dunno I'm about to just say eff it and go to the bar tonight with my buds and find someone else her and have another gal play the lost puppy dog role. Showing up, giving me a kiss, and seeing how she handles it
quote
Originally posted by cliffw:
Fixed it for you, .
quote
Originally posted by Khw:
Only thing I'd say is "Turn about is fair play". I'd arrange for the same situation to happen in reverse and see how she deals with it. If she objects, well then explain that she's going to have to work on that because your not good at dealing with double standards. Chances are it would end the dating, but then again it just might fix it.
I agree.
[This message has been edited by Khw (edited 03-16-2011).]
All I can say is bullet dodged. My buddy called me to go out for st Patty's day I havent talked to this girl in a couple days low and behold we happen to run into each other at the same bar. She was there (drunk) with a friend of hers who just got back from the military and a bunch of other people. Lets just say Me showing up was a pleasant little surprise to her. after seeing everything She tried to redeem herself to me but I wasn't having it. Told her whatever you f**ked up hope your happy with your decision gave a nice cheap smile and had a good rest of the night. And played off my hat trick by making sure she saw me leaving with the top down with a Beautiful brunette with blond highlights (stopped to say bye to a mutual friend standing by her).... I just got it like that
[This message has been edited by pontiackid86 (edited 03-18-2011).]
? Here is how I would handle it.
