I know I sorta nudge my son to be interested in some of the things that I am, but it's mostly because I want to be able to interact with him as much as possible before I become too 'uncool'. Also don't want him to be a consumer zombie or mindless "I'll have what THEY'RE having" type of person. Peer pressure is one thing, dealing with other parent's BS is another. Some parents make me wanna barf.
Kids have simple needs. Feed them, care for them, love them. PLAY WITH THEM. What's the sense of buying them tons of expensive crap if you don't put batteries in them? I know a lot of kids like that. Parents on meds setting up their kids to crash hard when they discover they don't always win...
Gotta be able to be strong enough to tell your kid "no". THAT should be the default. NO. "Yes" is earned.
IMO, kids shouldn't be rewarded too well for being mediocre. it warps their comprehension of scale and ability to judge themselves and compare their performance with their peers. Imagine if instrument gages acted that way.
I hate dealing with some parents. Kid shows me his baseball collection on a shelf, but doesn't play catch with his dad. "Dad doesn't do that...he plays golf" Meh. Sure, have a life, but play with your kid, dumba$$. I'm no 'superdad', but I'll teach my kid how to catch, I'll encourage him, but I won't keep telling him he's definitely gonna be a superstar (and force him to do things he doesn't want to) because I always wanted to be a professional baseball star.(or whatever). oops, got a little ranty.
I agree with everything you just said. I get complimented on the behavior of my kids when they are at family get togethers and out in public. Most of the kids just run around acting like they have no upbringing, breaking stuff and generally being unruley. My kids dont back talk, whine or throw temper tantrums. The ask nice,say please and thank you and they get what they ask for. . . . . as long as they hadn't F'ed up earlier in the day to warrent no rewards. I havent had to spank my kids in years . They are 13 ,8 and 6.
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ARCHIES JUNK IS FASTER THAN SHAUNNA'S JUNK
12.3 is faster than a 13.2
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09:30 AM
Pyrthian Member
Posts: 29569 From: Detroit, MI Registered: Jul 2002
my daughter was our only child. she's 21 now. while not spoiled, and not getting everything she wanted - she was the only child, so she was a center of attention. I find the biggest offenders of the opening post are those aged in the mid 30's. The ones who "waited until they are ready". They seem to be "in the rut", and hate to be bothered with anything. Every little thing is mass turmoil to their schedule. Which is why the agree to anything, just to shut them up, so they can get on with watching TV. but - stereotyping & generalizing.....my kid is so much better than all them other kids...
Gotta be able to be strong enough to tell your kid "no". THAT should be the default. NO. "Yes" is earned.
To add:
Be a parent - not a "best friend" of your children.
Sacrifice your own wants now for the future of your children's needs later. (An education beyond high school would be an example of a "need", the latest / newest cell phone or other gidget would be a "want")
Parenting like this resulted in my now grown children on their own, in their own homes, respectable, responsible adults paying their own bills with no parental or government assistance.
It worked for me.
[This message has been edited by FrugalFiero (edited 06-29-2010).]
I feel like my parents raised me perfectly, and still are. My friends always complain to me that my parents never let me do anything or they will ask me why I always do what my parents tell me to do. Its pretty much the wait until you do something good before you are rewarded, instead of always giving in to whatever I want. I know most of the time I hate it, but hopefully I end up better than most of my generation. (I'm 19)
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11:30 AM
Doug85GT Member
Posts: 9474 From: Sacramento CA USA Registered: May 2003
Another way of saying that which is not as offensive is "are you spoiling your child". I know that a lot of parents do spoil their children.
There are some very easy to spot signs of who is really in control of any family:
1. Are toys spread out all over the house? 2. Who picks all of the TV shows to watch? 3. If the child throws a fit, does the child get her way the majority of the time? 4. Does the child's decisions cause the parents to rearrange their own schedules? 5. In a store, does the child usually get what they want even if it is not on the shopping list? 6. If the child misbehaves, are they punished or do the parents do their best to ignore it or excuse it?
Every time I hear parents complain about how hard it is to control their children, I remember in the back of my mind how well behaved most Japanese children are relative to American children. The fact is that misbehaving children are not tolerated in Japanese culture because they are raising children to be adults. In America, people have this wrong headed idea that being a child is ideal. Everything is "for the children". Adults even try to recapture their childhood. Adults also relive their childhood through their children. It is all a bunch of narcissism.
Originally posted by FieroRumor: Gotta be able to be strong enough to tell your kid "no". THAT should be the default. NO. "Yes" is earned.
I agree completely on that one.
Zeb's Rules of Parenting:
1] Never negotiate with terrorists. Make no mistake. Your children will hold you hostage with your love for them.
2] Beat you children. But just once, gently, and when they're old enough to remember. And then you'll never have to do it again. Because they know you will.
3] Never let them change your decisions. Even if you're wrong, stick to your word. Otherwise, they'll know you're weak, and nag you to death. If you find you're regreting your snap decisions, take more time. Learn evasive answers like, "Not now." or, my favorite, "Ask your mother. Let me know what she says, then I'll decide."
Parenting should be a priveledge. Your children's behavior is a direct reflection of your parenting abilities, and your personality. There should be a test, and it should be more than "how many beers does it take to get her drunk?" I had fantastic parents. When I did something right, they actually told me good job. When I did something wrong, they told me it was wrong and why. When I did the same thing wrong again, I usually got beat within an inch of my life. ("I said...!") I never did that wrong thing the 3rd time.
My brother did.. playing with fire... he got warned, beaten,. and eventually burned the kitchen down. No point in spanking him now, he was 27 when it happened. That's not a reflection of bad parenting as much as hard working and carelessness.. he was on 12 hour midnites, got home and lit up the deep fryer for an 8am eggroll, waited for it to heat up, and woke up right about the time the flames were shooting 6 foot high into the ceiling and the smoke detectors were blaring. The kitchen was destroyed, but everyone was all right. I have never seen him so sorry for anything in his life, and the whole time I could tell my Dad was thinking "I should have beat him harder.." LOL
If you want to raise your kid right, the best thig you can do is give your children your time. There are a lot of questions in life that need answering, and if you can't get it straight from Mom and Dad, who can you get it straight from?
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01:08 PM
2.5 Member
Posts: 43225 From: Southern MN Registered: May 2007
I'm still shitting myself from blackrams thread when he found a 2 year old girl running down the street by herself...
I'll post later when I've calmed down.
Yeah, That one is bugging me, as is that story about the tree limb in Central park. Father was taking a pic of his wife and baby and a treelimb fell and hit the two of them. killed the baby and badly hurt the mother. Freak Accident. TRAGIC.
That wandering kid might have only been left alone for thirty seconds, but in MY head, the mom went to answer the phone, go to the bathrooom, or went to get the diapers in a distant room.
I hate dealing with some parents. Kid shows me his baseball collection on a shelf, but doesn't play catch with his dad. "Dad doesn't do that...he plays golf" Meh. Sure, have a life, but play with your kid, dumba$$. I'm no 'superdad', but I'll teach my kid how to catch, I'll encourage him, but I won't keep telling him he's definitely gonna be a superstar (and force him to do things he doesn't want to) because I always wanted to be a professional baseball star.(or whatever). oops, got a little ranty.
Remember to teach him to do like the rest of America----once per year--pretend to love soccer.
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02:57 AM
Curlrup Member
Posts: 2590 From: Havre De Grace, MD Registered: Apr 2007
I see what was mentioned a lot at work. We do toours of our Rapid Prototyping and 3D Printing Lab to Highschools a lot. This technology should be blowing their minds. I mean we have machines with lasers building prototypes from plastic from a computer file with a freaking laser! 90% of the kids are texting, rolling thier eyes, or just saying Meh. I mean come on are you really that jaded that nothing gets you excited? Oh one thing got them excited once. It was a printed off hand gun that I paited to look real. Oh they loved that one. Scary
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07:19 AM
Rainman Member
Posts: 3877 From: Cincinnati, Ohio Registered: Jan 2003
Originally posted by Zeb: 1] Never negotiate with terrorists. Make no mistake. Your children will hold you hostage with your love for them.
2] Beat you children. But just once, gently, and when they're old enough to remember. And then you'll never have to do it again. Because they know you will.
3] Never let them change your decisions. Even if you're wrong, stick to your word. Otherwise, they'll know you're weak, and nag you to death. If you find you're regreting your snap decisions, take more time. Learn evasive answers like, "Not now." or, my favorite, "Ask your mother. Let me know what she says, then I'll decide."
Definitely agreed. I am greatest annoyed when I see parents not follow through with a command. Parent will tell kid "no" or whatever other command and it turns into a "one more time" or "ok, 5 more minutes," etc. Having raised/trained a number of dogs, one must ALWAYS be consistent. That is rule #1. You tell that dog/kid to sit down (or whatever else), they better do it the first time you tell them. If more than a couple of seconds pass, there are consequences. Every one of my immediate neighbors has told me I have the best trained/behaved/tempered dog on the street. I think he's a terror, but I know all the stuff I expect from him that he doesn't do. In their eyes, he's an angel.
For dogs, you train them until they understand the command and what is expected. There is no discipline at this stage. You simply reward the activity you are training. When the dog understands the command and what is expected, you introduce discipline for not obeying, and reward when obeyed. 3rd phase is distraction. You give the command when something else is going on, such as a cat running across the yard, they should still focus on me and do what I tell them, regardless of distraction. I don't see how it can be any different with a kid.
I've got a 3 week old son, so I guess as he gets older, I'll find out how raising them really works. But I know plenty of kids that are examples of how NOT to do it.
[This message has been edited by Rainman (edited 06-30-2010).]
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08:37 AM
2.5 Member
Posts: 43225 From: Southern MN Registered: May 2007
I see what was mentioned a lot at work. We do toours of our Rapid Prototyping and 3D Printing Lab to Highschools a lot. This technology should be blowing their minds. I mean we have machines with lasers building prototypes from plastic from a computer file with a freaking laser! 90% of the kids are texting, rolling thier eyes, or just saying Meh. I mean come on are you really that jaded that nothing gets you excited?
I know what you mean, it takes soo much all at once to keep some kids entertained, I mean compare to what you had for entertainment as a kid. When they have things like todays cell phones in their hands at a young age today (too young I think) , high res pics and vids to share with friends, internet and video games in teh palm of your hand. Movies where anything can be made to look realistic, video games that look realistic, nearly anything can be done purchased or delivered without leaving the house. GPS applications you simply have to ask where the nearest restaraunt is and it will lead you there. I think somewhat our generations are beginning to live in a make believe world. A world where stimuli are introduced 5 at a time at a young age. Gives attention deficit a whole new meaning. Once people become accustomed to this stuff, they may be helpless without it, might even get withdrawls. Add to that constant flow of caffine and energy drinks.
ah maybe its just me. i dunno, I do know I don't need it, sometimes more stimuli like that = less life
[This message has been edited by 2.5 (edited 06-30-2010).]
Another way of saying that which is not as offensive is "are you spoiling your child". I know that a lot of parents do spoil their children.
There are some very easy to spot signs of who is really in control of any family:
1. Are toys spread out all over the house? 2. Who picks all of the TV shows to watch? 3. If the child throws a fit, does the child get her way the majority of the time? 4. Does the child's decisions cause the parents to rearrange their own schedules? 5. In a store, does the child usually get what they want even if it is not on the shopping list? 6. If the child misbehaves, are they punished or do the parents do their best to ignore it or excuse it?
Every time I hear parents complain about how hard it is to control their children, I remember in the back of my mind how well behaved most Japanese children are relative to American children. The fact is that misbehaving children are not tolerated in Japanese culture because they are raising children to be adults. In America, people have this wrong headed idea that being a child is ideal. Everything is "for the children". Adults even try to recapture their childhood. Adults also relive their childhood through their children. It is all a bunch of narcissism.
I think that you are worrying too much about being PC, another huge problem created by douche bags.
That wandering kid might have only been left alone for thirty seconds, but in MY head, the mom went to answer the phone, go to the bathrooom, or went to get the diapers in a distant room.
i am loving this thread...
there is a lot i could add... but the mention of the 2 year old running down the street is first in my head....
that has to be the scariest thing in the world...
we went through a time with our 5 year old (he has autism) absolutly would not stay in the house... (this time not a case of bad parenting.... just a child who did not understand) we put locks on all of the doors. up high the hook and eye locks yanno? the kind you have to slide the thingy back in order to undo the lock?
well then there was a porch on the front of the house... so you have to unlock the inside door (both dead bolt and hook and eye) then you have to undo hook and eye on porch door to get out of the house....
in the time it took me to use the restroom my son was gone!
have any of you ever had a child momentairly missing? i can think of no worse feeling...
he had gotten a chair and moved it to the door to get the lock and then moved the chair to the porch to get that lock...
i still thank god that a friend was driving down the street and spotted him.... was bringing him back to the house as i steped out side in a panic and screamed for him....
Brad's Top Ten Signs That You Might be Raising a Douchebag.
10. You belong to Peta, WWF, or any organization that puts animals before people.
9. Your kid is 4 and wearing Pull Ups.
8. If your kid has ever cussed you out, and you did nothing about it other than curse back.
7. Your kid goes through an entire Grocery store Screaming at the top of his lungs because you haven't got him that toy yet, and you still get it for him.
6. He/She wants the newest thing, regardless of how goofy it is, if the T.V. says it's cool, they must have it. (these douchebags grow up and get iPhones.)
5. You have to make sure whatever you are making for dinner is OK with the kid.
4. You cannot watch television shows that you like because your 5 year old wants to watch cartoons.
3.You "bargain" with your kid to make him/her behave. "I'll buy you a new toy if you are good."
2. You don't spank your kids, they get "timeouts" and that is punishment enough. You think that people that spank their kids are neanderthals.
And the Number One Sign that you Might be raising a douchebag..
You forgot "When other people in the store that you never met are encouraging you tro beat your child for its bad behaviour while in public..." It was SO funny, there was a mom and kid on the soda aisle at Kroger the other day, and she is literally dragging this little bastid around the store, and he is flailing and screaming and kicking. It was like they were following me all over the grocery... after a while, when I heard him throwing a fit on the next aisle I blurt out "Beat that child! Beat that bad child!" I just couldn't help myself. LOL Other people buying pretzels down the aisle just started laughing hilariously..
You forgot "When other people in the store that you never met are encouraging you tro beat your child for its bad behaviour while in public..." It was SO funny, there was a mom and kid on the soda aisle at Kroger the other day, and she is literally dragging this little bastid around the store, and he is flailing and screaming and kicking. It was like they were following me all over the grocery... after a while, when I heard him throwing a fit on the next aisle I blurt out "Beat that child! Beat that bad child!" I just couldn't help myself. LOL Other people buying pretzels down the aisle just started laughing hilariously..
LMAO. I still remember when strangers would spank random children in the Grocery Store. Back then if Mom wasn't keeping a kid in line, some old lady was there to lend a hand. I remember my brother (the escape artist) had disappeared from Mom's line of sight one day, and we walked around an isle to see him being held by a lady, and she was going to town on his butt, cause he was running. LMAO. Then Mom spanked him. I think for embarrassing her. Stuff like that kept us in line though.
quote
Originally posted by okwithit:
wow im raising 4 douchbags.....
As long as you are O.K. with it.
I didn't see your introduction thread, welcome to the forum.
How are your kids potential douchebags? And is there any possible way to reverse the process at this point?
Brad
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12:05 PM
Doug85GT Member
Posts: 9474 From: Sacramento CA USA Registered: May 2003
Brad's Top Ten Signs That You Might be Raising a Douchebag.
10. You belong to Peta, WWF, or any organization that puts animals before people.
9. Your kid is 4 and wearing Pull Ups.
8. If your kid has ever cussed you out, and you did nothing about it other than curse back.
7. Your kid goes through an entire Grocery store Screaming at the top of his lungs because you haven't got him that toy yet, and you still get it for him.
6. He/She wants the newest thing, regardless of how goofy it is, if the T.V. says it's cool, they must have it. (these douchebags grow up and get iPhones.)
5. You have to make sure whatever you are making for dinner is OK with the kid.
4. You cannot watch television shows that you like because your 5 year old wants to watch cartoons.
3.You "bargain" with your kid to make him/her behave. "I'll buy you a new toy if you are good."
2. You don't spank your kids, they get "timeouts" and that is punishment enough. You think that people that spank their kids are neanderthals.
And the Number One Sign that you Might be raising a douchebag..
lol according to your list... numbers 9, 4 and 1 apply! lmao!!!
yea im ok with it... i dont think it is a severe case of douchbagism....
plus with special needs involved with one of the boys... (hence the in pullups at 5 rather than 4...lol) yea im ok with it....
i did get a good laugh tho...
oh and i havent gotten around to the introduction thread.... i figure its better this way
thanks for the welcome!
Special needs kids are differant they cant help the way they act. Their special needs were not brought on by sh!tty parenting. So i'd go so far as to say you are not raising a douchebag. As a matter of fact your special needs child will probably be a larger positive contributor to society than the said douchebags that this thread is refering to.
Special needs kids are differant they cant help the way they act. Their special needs were not brought on by sh!tty parenting. So i'd go so far as to say you are not raising a douchebag. As a matter of fact your special needs child will probably be a larger positive contributor to society than the said douchebags that this thread is refering to.
Unless of course, you consider pre-birth activities.. lots of moron women smoke and drink while pregnant, in those cases, where drugs cause problems, that is definitely the highest form of douschebag parenting. I got in a lot of trouble at a gas station I used to work at because I refused to sell a pregnant woman some marlboros... now, if she had not bought some earlier and lit up in the parking lot, I would have gave her the benefit of the doubt as to buying them for somone else. But I'll be damned if I will further enable a pregnant woman to threaten the health of her unborn child knowingly. Anyhow, long story longer, I got a 3 day work suspenison, and I was written up. Of course, that was what "Smokey the Pregnant Bear" wanted, and bitched up a storm to make it happen even threatening legal action.. over cancer sticks. .. after she was satisfied and left, the manager told me I DID do the right thing in her opinion. Still got suspended, though.
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01:23 PM
2.5 Member
Posts: 43225 From: Southern MN Registered: May 2007
I got in a lot of trouble at a gas station I used to work at because I refused to sell a pregnant woman some marlboros... now, if she had not bought some earlier and lit up in the parking lot, I would have gave her the benefit of the doubt as to buying them for somone else. But I'll be damned if I will further enable a pregnant woman to threaten the health of her unborn child knowingly. Anyhow, long story longer, I got a 3 day work suspenison, and I was written up. Of course, that was what "Smokey the Pregnant Bear" wanted, and bitched up a storm to make it happen even threatening legal action.. over cancer sticks. .. after she was satisfied and left, the manager told me I DID do the right thing in her opinion. Still got suspended, though.
Bah, it probably did nothing to help that child, I merely prevented 20 cancer sticks from entering its mothers body, I am sure she went somewhere else and bought them anyway from then on.... I just COULDN'T, you know? Thanks 2.5, i try.
lol according to your list... numbers 9, 4 and 1 apply! lmao!!!
yea im ok with it... i dont think it is a severe case of douchbagism....
plus with special needs involved with one of the boys... (hence the in pullups at 5 rather than 4...lol) yea im ok with it....
i did get a good laugh tho...
oh and i havent gotten around to the introduction thread.... i figure its better this way
thanks for the welcome!
Yea, it doesn't apply in your situation. Except for the television, unless we are talking about Autism, or similar.
Sooooooo, You can ignore #9, and possibly #4, which makes #1 irrelevant. .
Really, with a true special needs child, I see no problem with spoiling him/her.*
Didn't mean to offend ya, Tell Rumor he owes you a joke about sea monkeys, and Boonie needs to tell you about his fruit addiction, and we'll call it even.
Brad, I'm sorry, but Sea Monkeys are NOT something I wish to joke about. ESPECIALLY not NOW... I wish you would understand this.
edit: to appease you, I will quote the PFFer Patrick --->"The term "sea monkeys" is a common utterance produced by parents as they parade their children past the primate exhibit at the zoo."
[This message has been edited by FieroRumor (edited 07-02-2010).]
I just thought of another one. Actually I was at Mom's having coffee this morning, and my Brother, and his wife came by. 2 kids. 9 ish, and 7 ish. One had a buzz cut, and the younger had a Mohawk. Mom made the mistake of saying something about how awful the Mohawk looked, and my sister in law replied. "We let them decide what haircut they want, so they can have their own style." Then, she said that he is going to dye it, as soon as they could afford the dye.
Just another couple raising douche bags, and yes, they will be, they are already little ***holes.
My brother used to be fine until he married this cheating (from another thread) suckhole.
Ugh. No way I'd let my kid dye his hair- my sis-in-law was dealing with that recently. They didn't let him do it(thank God) I see this is a losing battle - kid whines 'I WANT MY Juice" and the mother comes running with it. Go downstairs and get it yourself -it's in a cup on the table where you left it!
.. ...My wife Tender Vittles was to easy on the boy,,he was a terror, never stopped moving ,,running ,,trouble, ,he was a hyper active maniac ,,he would go untill he just ran out of steam,,then fall asleep..wacking him did no real good ,,So I hung him upside down by his feet , like the viet Marines did with prisoners ,when they first got them ,,This finally got some respect out of him..excellent student ,athelete,, He became a Marine officer,, Grew up to be a good kid,,you gotta do what is required .. ..My daughters were angels ,grade 10 beauties of the first order ,I tried to get them to raise some heck ,do drugs, ride with bikers(wife was horrified) ,these girls ,nothing doing little miss goody save the world, church goers, even today , ,you never know !!..this is why I say it was a good thing my wife messed around on me,,
Teach ,Discipline, Honor,Loyalty,Integrity ,Jesus is my Lord....A young man should know bad choices bring pain.severe pain...Legion Estranger corporal punishment pain ME?? Im 68 years old ,,a totall screw up ,,and International womanizer,trying to change
[This message has been edited by uhlanstan (edited 07-04-2010).]
i dunno, I do know I don't need it, sometimes more stimuli like that = less life
. 
