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Just need to talk a bit.. by fierofetish
Started on: 12-20-2006 05:07 PM
Replies: 77
Last post by: fierofetish on 12-31-2006 05:48 PM
84fiero123
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Report this Post12-27-2006 12:28 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 84fiero123Click Here to Email 84fiero123Send a Private Message to 84fiero123Direct Link to This Post
Good luck Nick, no matter what you do.

I think that is all I should say.

Steve

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Technology is great when it works,
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Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

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Report this Post12-27-2006 12:54 AM Click Here to See the Profile for cliffwClick Here to Email cliffwSend a Private Message to cliffwDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by 84fiero123:
I think that is all I should say.

Steve, I thought I should not say anything due to the nature of my thoughts. Then I felt bad for not offering them to a friend.
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Report this Post12-27-2006 01:34 AM Click Here to See the Profile for sostockSend a Private Message to sostockDirect Link to This Post
Nick i hope you and your family do well through this situation. there are folks much older and wiser than me so i will not try to render any advice. i have to wonder, and i don't mean any disrespect towards you, but you mention that your father's money doesn't mean anything to you but you mention it a lot. if it really means nothing why does it matter?

i also have another query, why is it that fathers and sons don't get along? seems like everyone that posted is a son and a father, so how do you break the cycle? my dad and i get along but are not close. i thought that maybe when i had children that he might come around more to see his grand kids but that hasn't happened. in fact in the 3 yrs since Ali was born he's come to our house once. i do harbor some resentment towards him, he had an affair with a woman and left my mother. i can't help that. its how it is. but he never hurt me, never got drunk or got into drugs, always worked and provided for us. he was just never there emotionally.

so...without hijacking the thread, how do you become a good father? how can i become a better father?
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Report this Post12-27-2006 04:33 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
Because his addiction to money is as destructive as any addiction to drugs, alcohol or gambling. If my father were to be an alcoholic, I would talk about alcohol in much the same way.If he was a gambler or drug addict, I would talk about that too. Any obsession is unhealthy, and the misery and sadness they cause to family and friends is equally as destuctive.If I were to bemoan his drug addiction, for example, would it mean that I wanted his drugs for myself? Or his alcohol? Nope. It is genuine distress at seeing somebody close to me, alienating his family, and hurting his wife un-neccessarily. I have no doubt I have the intelligence, and ability, to have made a lot of money.I rather think watching what my Father's money has done to him,and his obsession to make more and more, made me dislike wealth, and the selfishness it often brings with it.My mother worked just as hard as he, probably even harder. She made so many sacrifices during the hard times..and never was allowed to reap the benefits when times were good, even though they had sufficient funds to allow her to be spoiled just a little. And she NEVER complained about the hard times..just looked forward to enjoying the benefits later on in life, when family responsibilities were not the prime factor.
As to being a good Father?
Guide, don't push.
Respect, and get to actually KNOW your children.
Advise, don't dictate ( unless the 'Way ahead' has been truly lost).
Understand how somebody's mind and desires work..and help as much as possible...so long as those desires will not hurt the person, or somebody else, in the quest.
Don't just dictate..explain and discuss rationally.If, after that, the other's mind remains fixed, look to see how you can help reaching the goal.
And, at the end of the day, be sure to say 'I love you'.
Nick

 
quote
Originally posted by sostock:

Nick i hope you and your family do well through this situation. there are folks much older and wiser than me so i will not try to render any advice. i have to wonder, and i don't mean any disrespect towards you, but you mention that your father's money doesn't mean anything to you but you mention it a lot. if it really means nothing why does it matter?

i also have another query, why is it that fathers and sons don't get along? seems like everyone that posted is a son and a father, so how do you break the cycle? my dad and i get along but are not close. i thought that maybe when i had children that he might come around more to see his grand kids but that hasn't happened. in fact in the 3 yrs since Ali was born he's come to our house once. i do harbor some resentment towards him, he had an affair with a woman and left my mother. i can't help that. its how it is. but he never hurt me, never got drunk or got into drugs, always worked and provided for us. he was just never there emotionally.

so...without hijacking the thread, how do you become a good father? how can i become a better father?


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84fiero123
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Report this Post12-27-2006 09:15 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 84fiero123Click Here to Email 84fiero123Send a Private Message to 84fiero123Direct Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by cliffw:
Steve, I thought I should not say anything due to the nature of my thoughts. Then I felt bad for not offering them to a friend.


To both Nick & Cliff

I have given all the advise I think I should, maybe even more than I should have.

Nick is a big boy, he will do the right thing. For himself, Ellie, and his Dad.

He has planed on going home to help all along if only to help his brother out. I got to give him credit for that.

When my Mom was dieing my brothers were no help, all they did was make things harder for me to do anything.

Nick is doing what he can to make things easier for his brother and all others involved.

I think he will do right by everyone.

I donít think he will ever get his Dad to stop loving money, or change him in any way.

But he will do what is right for him, Ellie, and his Dad.

Steve

------------------
Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

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Report this Post12-27-2006 01:01 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
Received my passport an hour ago..and got a call from my brother 2 minutes ago. My Father had a relapse this afternoon, and he has 3 to 5 days left. I am waiting for confirmation of flight tomorrow morning.Wish me luck.
Nick
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Report this Post12-27-2006 02:14 PM Click Here to See the Profile for RaydarClick Here to Email RaydarSend a Private Message to RaydarDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by fierofetish:
Wish me luck.


You're in my prayers.

Peace.

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84fiero123
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Report this Post12-27-2006 02:27 PM Click Here to See the Profile for 84fiero123Click Here to Email 84fiero123Send a Private Message to 84fiero123Direct Link to This Post
Good Luck Nick

Keep a Stiff Upper Lip.

If you need us we will be here for you.

Steve, Melanie, Amanda

------------------
Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

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Newbfiero
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Report this Post12-27-2006 02:36 PM Click Here to See the Profile for NewbfieroClick Here to Email NewbfieroSend a Private Message to NewbfieroDirect Link to This Post
Your in My prayers Nick .I wish you all good ..Have a safe trip . ..Rob ..
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Report this Post12-27-2006 02:40 PM Click Here to See the Profile for 84fiero123Click Here to Email 84fiero123Send a Private Message to 84fiero123Direct Link to This Post
PS

You have someone to take care of the dogs?

Not that I could help in that respect, just wondering.

I know we have like 1 person we can trust here, I hope it's not a problem for you.

Again good luck

------------------
Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

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Report this Post12-27-2006 05:40 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
Too late.
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Report this Post12-27-2006 06:20 PM Click Here to See the Profile for NewbfieroClick Here to Email NewbfieroSend a Private Message to NewbfieroDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by fierofetish:

Too late.

?
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Report this Post12-27-2006 06:33 PM Click Here to See the Profile for hughClick Here to Email hughSend a Private Message to hughDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by fierofetish:

Too late.


If that means what I think,I'm truely sorry I can't say anything that will make a difference.
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Report this Post12-27-2006 06:35 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
TMI.Sorry.
Nick

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 12-27-2006).]

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Report this Post12-27-2006 06:37 PM Click Here to See the Profile for NewbfieroClick Here to Email NewbfieroSend a Private Message to NewbfieroDirect Link to This Post
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84fiero123
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Report this Post12-27-2006 06:44 PM Click Here to See the Profile for 84fiero123Click Here to Email 84fiero123Send a Private Message to 84fiero123Direct Link to This Post
Sorry to hear about your Dads turn for the worse.

Do you intend on going to the funeral, when it happens?

You should at least be there for that.

Thatís just my thinking.

With cancer you can never tell Nick he could hang on for a while. I hope he is not in any pain, and as you say he passes peacefully.

Sorry for your loss.

If you need to talk we are here.

------------------
Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

It was not TMI, but I thought it didn't need to be quoted. thats why I didn't.

We are here for you to ***** at about things like that.

[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 12-27-2006).]

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Report this Post12-28-2006 07:46 AM Click Here to See the Profile for cliffwClick Here to Email cliffwSend a Private Message to cliffwDirect Link to This Post
I am extremely saddened to hear this Nick. Prayers, vibes, thoughts, and caring your way.
You are truely a richer man than many. It is a shame that you were not able to share your wealth with your Dad.
Take care of yourself Nick. Do not let your heart get you too down for you are sharing it with others.
My best to 'ya buddy.

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Report this Post12-28-2006 10:32 AM Click Here to See the Profile for jstrickerClick Here to Email jstrickerSend a Private Message to jstrickerDirect Link to This Post
Nick and I chatted last night after his last post, IIRC. At that point, his dad hadn't passed yet, but was in a coma. His plans are pretty well set, I believe, and he is at peace with his decisions. Just pray for his dad's easy passing and for comfort and peace to Nick and Ellie, and the rest of his family.

John Stricker
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Report this Post12-28-2006 01:43 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
My father passed peacefully at 5 17pm this afternoon. I would not have been able to see him alive again, even if I had left this morning, as I originally planned.When I woke this morning, my blood pressure had gone back to 205/125...so I guess I am hurting more than I care to admit.
Please say a prayer for my Father, Harold John Cann.3rd August 1915- 28th December 2006.May his Soul rest in peace, and may HE find my Mother, if she hasn't already come to him,if there is an afterlife.
Nick

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 12-28-2006).]

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Report this Post12-28-2006 02:06 PM Click Here to See the Profile for RaydarClick Here to Email RaydarSend a Private Message to RaydarDirect Link to This Post
I'm terribly sorry, Nick.
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Report this Post12-28-2006 02:37 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
Thanks Raydar. I'm still numb...4 weeks ago he was fine..thankfully, he wasn't alone, and not in pain. I am very sad..in spite of everything that went on between us.Really strange thing? Ellie and I held hands before eating, and asked that he may pass in peace and without pain..at exactly the time he passed. Our request was granted.
Nick
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Report this Post12-28-2006 04:14 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Gary WClick Here to Email Gary WSend a Private Message to Gary WDirect Link to This Post
Nick,

You have my deepest sympathies. Although you did not get a chance to see him, you might wish to consider it a blessing that he passed quickly and without suffering. My mother died of colon cancer, which was diagnosed much too late. By the time all the treatments and medications had failed, the person I saw at the end was no longer my mom in body or in mind.

I hope you and he can both find peace now. Whatever faults he may have had, he raised one damned fine son. Please take care of yourself.

Gary
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Report this Post12-28-2006 05:05 PM Click Here to See the Profile for VonovClick Here to Email VonovSend a Private Message to VonovDirect Link to This Post
Amen to what Gary said. May you be comforted by your knowledge that he passed without pain, and may you meet joyfully in the world to come.
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Report this Post12-28-2006 05:07 PM Click Here to See the Profile for 84fiero123Click Here to Email 84fiero123Send a Private Message to 84fiero123Direct Link to This Post
Nick my deepest sympathy for you and Ellie.

Maybe now you can get some closure and your health can return to normal.

I hope so.

I also hope your Dadís passing was quick and painless. Iím sure it was painless. The drugs they give cancer victims near the end are really good, just so pain is not an issue.

Again sorry for your loss.

Now try to forgive, and be happy he is not suffering any more.

Sorry but I donít think I can say anything to make you feel better.

It is now up to you to grieve in your own way.

Steve & Melanie

------------------
Technology is great when it works,
and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't.
Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.

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Report this Post12-28-2006 05:16 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
Thanks.
I have been sitting here, reminiscing..and have come to realise that I probably owe a lot of the way I am to Dad, in a strange sort of way. because He was so ''obsessed" with financial gain, and holding onto it, I took the opposite stance. If I've got it, and somebody needs, or deserves it more than me, I gladly pass it on.I enjoy being like that, and so I say "thanks, Dad, I owe you". And Mum's influence and way of life blended with that, and made it all into me..Thanks to them both, and rest in peace. I could have done a great deal worse in the Parent department.
Ellie is very quiet, and very very sad. She is the best.She found a way to support me,without crossing Dad...that is an incredible feat. So I continue to be lucky...and thankful too.We are going TOGETHER later in the New Year, to quietly spend some time at my Parents' grave. It will be very bitter-sweet...Ellie never got to see either of them for a final hug and kiss. I am very sad about that too.
Nick
Nick
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Report this Post12-28-2006 05:20 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FrugalFieroDirect Link to This Post
Time will help to heal the way you feel now. Be it Ego, Fame or Fortune, death is the great equalizer.

Tim
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Report this Post12-28-2006 07:54 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierogirls-momClick Here to Email fierogirls-momSend a Private Message to fierogirls-momDirect Link to This Post
Nick, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.
I don't have time to get on the net much anymore, and I tried to keep up.
I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you, not that I would have made much of a difference.

My condolences to you and yours and please don't let yourself get like you were before.
You must take care of you too!

Love you and Ellie!

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Report this Post12-28-2006 08:31 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Jake_DragonSend a Private Message to Jake_DragonDirect Link to This Post
Nick I'm very sorry for your loss, I was never close to my dad but I can relate to when my grandfather died. The pain will end one day.
Take care.
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Report this Post12-28-2006 09:04 PM Click Here to See the Profile for cliffwClick Here to Email cliffwSend a Private Message to cliffwDirect Link to This Post
Nick, sorry for your loss.
Prayers were said here. I never posted till I got home and shared my feelings with Cindi. She was not supportive of my post even though she understands my feelings. I felt honesty, not popularity, was appropriate for a friend. We prayed then and are offering our prayers again.
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Report this Post12-28-2006 09:07 PM Click Here to See the Profile for tutnkmnClick Here to Email tutnkmnSend a Private Message to tutnkmnDirect Link to This Post
So very sorry Nick.

Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord,
And let perpetual Light shine upon them.
May their souls
And the souls of all the faithful departed
Through the mercy of God
Rest in peace.
Amen.
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Report this Post12-28-2006 09:13 PM Click Here to See the Profile for NewbfieroClick Here to Email NewbfieroSend a Private Message to NewbfieroDirect Link to This Post
My condolences to you and your family ..Was great that you did come and open the post of Just need to talk a bit..whit us ..was a sign that you needed to get it off your chess to found some sort of peace whit your Dad of some kind .. I was glad you came and open a post about it . Your a good man and whit a big heart . and you got friends from all over the world on the pff ,ever need something pls let us know ,I know we are far but all close at heart .. so pls take care of yourseft Nick ...

Rob
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Report this Post12-29-2006 01:21 AM Click Here to See the Profile for AusFieroClick Here to visit AusFiero's HomePageClick Here to Email AusFieroSend a Private Message to AusFieroDirect Link to This Post
My condolenses Nick
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Report this Post12-29-2006 06:03 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
Thanks to everybody. I would like to reply to you all individually, and that will take time..but I will!!
Now is the time for me to put all the ups and downs of the past behind me. I am doing pretty well..with the help, support and honesty coming into my life from this, my favourite place, outside of my Home.I have, as Newbfiero says above, some wonderful people,who I have never met, from many parts of the World, eager to lend a listening ear, and to pass on kind thoughts and wishes. That is an invaluable prize, and I cherish it.So too, does Ellie. She doesn't choose to post here, because she thinks her English will let her down, but she shares it ALL with me, and we laugh and cry, and sometimes get a little mad at times (If you are reading this, Patrick, I am sorry for some of the caustic remarks I made against you recently ).
In the end, I have some feeling of peace now.I am glad I inherited some of my Father's incredible talents..there is no doubting I owe him so much for my abilities.I also owe my Mother a debt of gratitude for her having taught me to love, and try to be kind.
I believe that all bad things die with the person, and all good things live on in OUR hearts.Maybe if there is a Rainbow Bridge for us too, I will be able to reconcile all our differences, and I look forward to that, one day.
There are other aspects of this which are yet to be resolved, amongst those left behind. I don't think it right to dwell on them here, and so I won't.A couple of weeks will clear them up too. I hope. But I will stay above it, and just have my own thoughts, beliefs and wishes.I have a great deal to be thankful for, and will smile when I think of Dad and Mum, and not feel any pain or hurt, from this day on.I love my brothers, and always will.
I am going to get on with life, as usual, from now on.
Thanks to you, once again. EACH AND EVERY ONE. I WILL ALWAYS TREASURE,AND NEVER FORGET, YOUR KINDNESS.
Nick
Edit to add: I have a very special photograph which I would like to share with you all,as I put this thread to rest. I must scan it first..so will post it later

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 12-29-2006).]

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Report this Post12-29-2006 04:16 PM Click Here to See the Profile for 88 FormulaClick Here to Email 88 FormulaSend a Private Message to 88 FormulaDirect Link to This Post
Nick,
In this time of sorrow , may God hold you, and yours, in the palm of His hand.
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Report this Post12-31-2006 04:40 PM Click Here to See the Profile for WingNut - MDClick Here to visit WingNut - MD's HomePageClick Here to Email WingNut - MDSend a Private Message to WingNut - MDDirect Link to This Post
Nick,

I have not been on the Forum much the past 2 weeks. I just read through all of this. I am sorry to hear about you father, may he rest in peace.

I'll shoot you a PM in a couple of days so we can chat.

Mark
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Report this Post12-31-2006 04:54 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Scott-WaClick Here to visit Scott-Wa's HomePageClick Here to Email Scott-WaSend a Private Message to Scott-WaDirect Link to This Post
My sincerest condolences to you and Ellie. I wish the best for you both. A loss like this no matter how much conflict was between the two of you is a major life event, you recognize that and hopefully will deal with it well. I wish you health, comfort and prosperity (and there is so much more to that than financial gain as you know). If I could ease your pain, I'd do it... just know there are those here that feel a part of it with you because you are in a way part of our family as well.
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fierofetish
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Report this Post12-31-2006 05:48 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierofetishClick Here to Email fierofetishSend a Private Message to fierofetishDirect Link to This Post
88Formula, Mark and Scott..thanks. Today has been rotten. You think you can handle things..until they become reality..and WHAM!! you are rocked back on your heels by something unexpected..like a LOT of money donated to Charity ( He has NEVER ever done this before). And despite my brother apparently pleading for him to help us out with the mortgage (promised when we bought this house 7 years ago..otherwise we would not have bought it without that offer)(apparently I am 'too much like his Mother's Father')..he refused. I said here before that I would manage without his money, and we will..but to deliberately spread around £500.000 and pointedly omit us is sheer spite. My Brother has offered sympathy, but nothing else.The oldest brother hasn't even bothered to ring. But I guess that is par for the course Give me a few days, and I will be fine.Hey, I would be a liar to say I wouldn't have been happy to get something!! Hypocritical even. But my Brother told me today that Dad altered his Will only 10 days ago, and He didn't tell me. Ah well, I ain't gonna beat myself up any more....Back to the Spitfire, and then the FIERO!!!
YEEEAAAHHH!!!
Nick

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 12-31-2006).]

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