The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his
secretary. One day they went to her place and made
love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and
woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told
his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in
the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove
home. Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I
can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair
with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She
looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about having a son. They decided to try
one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife
got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The
joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever
seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful
daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night. He examined
the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and
made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest
private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr
Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you
to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I
have something to show you won't believe," he said to
his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife
exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said,
"stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over
him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move
until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a
statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he
entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
"the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one
for us, too." No more was said, not even when they
went to bed. Around 2AM the husband got up and went to
the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like
that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me
a damned thing."
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered
a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One
Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and
asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle
of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?"
exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this
place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my
wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with
your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm
doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked
up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied. "No," he
insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your
mother!" "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let
the poison work."
------------------
Ron
Freedom isn't Free, it's paid for with the blood and dreams of those that have gone before us.
My imagination is the only limiting factor to my Fiero. Well, there is that money issue.
