Pennock's Fiero Forum
  Totally O/T - Archive
  A Priest, a Pentacostal Minister, and a Rabbi all........

T H I S   I S   A N   A R C H I V E D   T O P I C
  

Email This Page to Someone! | Printable Version


A Priest, a Pentacostal Minister, and a Rabbi all........ by jstricker
Started on: 05-18-2006 10:58 AM
Replies: 11
Last post by: Scott-Wa on 05-21-2006 02:30 PM
jstricker
Member
Posts: 12956
From: Russell, KS USA
Registered: Apr 2002


Feedback score:    (11)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 371
Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 10:58 AM Click Here to See the Profile for jstrickerClick Here to Email jstrickerSend a Private Message to jstrickerDirect Link to This Post
........... served as chaplains to the students of at a university. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.

"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in Fellowship, feasting on God's Holy Word, and praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".


My minister told me this one and I thought it worth passing on.

John Stricker
IP: Logged
PFF
System Bot
Wht&BluGT
Member
Posts: 1175
From: Royal Oak, MI
Registered: Jan 2005


Feedback score: N/A
Leave feedback

Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 11:21 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Wht&BluGTSend a Private Message to Wht&BluGTDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by jstricker:
Father Flannery



that's my priest's name
IP: Logged
fierobear
Member
Posts: 27008
From: Stuck in the People's Republic of Kalifornia
Registered: Aug 2000


Feedback score: (2)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 383
Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 11:30 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fierobearClick Here to Email fierobearSend a Private Message to fierobearDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by jstricker:
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".
John Stricker




IP: Logged
jstricker
Member
Posts: 12956
From: Russell, KS USA
Registered: Apr 2002


Feedback score:    (11)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 371
Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 11:49 AM Click Here to See the Profile for jstrickerClick Here to Email jstrickerSend a Private Message to jstrickerDirect Link to This Post
This one is so bad it's funny, so naturally I must share.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon at the K-State veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure"?

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure"? She protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead"?

The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now $150."

John Stricker
IP: Logged
datacop
Member
Posts: 1426
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Jan 2004


Feedback score: (5)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 52
Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 11:54 AM Click Here to See the Profile for datacopClick Here to visit datacop's HomePageClick Here to Email datacopSend a Private Message to datacopDirect Link to This Post
Ohh.. now THAT is just bad
IP: Logged
Gokart Mozart
Member
Posts: 12143
From: Metro Detroit
Registered: Mar 2003


Feedback score: (1)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 159
Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 12:59 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Gokart MozartClick Here to visit Gokart Mozart's HomePageSend a Private Message to Gokart MozartDirect Link to This Post
A Priest, a Pentacostal Minister, and a Rabbi all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
IP: Logged
datacop
Member
Posts: 1426
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Jan 2004


Feedback score: (5)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 52
Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 01:10 PM Click Here to See the Profile for datacopClick Here to visit datacop's HomePageClick Here to Email datacopSend a Private Message to datacopDirect Link to This Post
A Priest, a Pentecostal Minister, and a Rabbi were all discussing how they divide up the donations and tithing their members offer..

The priest detailed his method by saying that he draws a large circle on the ground and tosses the money on the ground. What ever lands outside the circle is given to God.

The Pentecostal minister nodded his head and said that they had something very similar. They draw a large circle on the ground, toss up the money and whatever lands inside the circle is given to God.

The Rabbi finally speaks up and says that they also have a similar method. They draw a circle on the ground, toss up the money… whatever God wants, he keeps!
IP: Logged
MinnGreenGT
Member
Posts: 11518
From: Lakeville, MN 55044
Registered: Jul 2001


Feedback score: (1)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 275
Rate this member

Report this Post05-18-2006 01:59 PM Click Here to See the Profile for MinnGreenGTClick Here to visit MinnGreenGT's HomePageClick Here to Email MinnGreenGTSend a Private Message to MinnGreenGTDirect Link to This Post
A Man walks into a bar... says "OUCH!"
IP: Logged
fierobear
Member
Posts: 27008
From: Stuck in the People's Republic of Kalifornia
Registered: Aug 2000


Feedback score: (2)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 383
Rate this member

Report this Post05-19-2006 12:57 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fierobearClick Here to Email fierobearSend a Private Message to fierobearDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by MinnGreenGT:

A Man walks into a bar... says "OUCH!"


Is that the shortest corny joke?

IP: Logged
Jax184
Member
Posts: 3524
From: Vancouver, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005


Feedback score: N/A
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 111
Rate this member

Report this Post05-19-2006 04:28 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Jax184Click Here to visit Jax184's HomePageSend a Private Message to Jax184Direct Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by jstricker:
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".


Wait a minute, bears don't have foreskin!

...I'll leave you all to wonder how I know that.
IP: Logged
motoracer838
Member
Posts: 3751
From: Edgewater Co. USofA
Registered: Jan 2006


Feedback score: (2)
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 83
Rate this member

Report this Post05-21-2006 01:58 PM Click Here to See the Profile for motoracer838Click Here to Email motoracer838Send a Private Message to motoracer838Direct Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by Jax184:


Wait a minute, bears don't have foreskin!

...I'll leave you all to wonder how I know that.


I really don't think I want to know. Joe
IP: Logged
PFF
System Bot
Scott-Wa
Member
Posts: 5392
From: Tacoma, WA, USA
Registered: Mar 2002


Feedback score: N/A
Leave feedback





Total ratings: 148
Rate this member

Report this Post05-21-2006 02:30 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Scott-WaClick Here to visit Scott-Wa's HomePageClick Here to Email Scott-WaSend a Private Message to Scott-WaDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by Jax184:


Wait a minute, bears don't have foreskin!

...I'll leave you all to wonder how I know that.

And as a followup to that... just the punchline from a bad hunting joke

The bear says afterwards, "You not really here for the hunting are you?"
IP: Logged



All times are ET (US)

T H I S   I S   A N   A R C H I V E D   T O P I C
  

Contact Us | Back To Main Page

Advertizing on PFF | Fiero Parts Vendors
PFF Merchandise | Fiero Gallery | Ogre's Cave
Real-Time Chat | Fiero Related Auctions on eBay



Copyright (c) 1999, C. Pennock