Have had a few really life changing events come about over the last week. Just got me to really examine my life. And I wonder, when is it to late to make a change. Oh, yes, everyone will chime in that it is never to late to make a change in you life. But. Sometimes it is. I have lived a good life, well, not good, but I have had the chance to see and experience a lot. Perhaps more than I should have. And some of the crow's are coming back to roost now.
I am not who I was 10 years ago, but must still pay the price for choices made then. So I wonder, I wonder with an appreciation for life. I am not a suicidial person. Not gonna happen.
How does one give the sins of a past life their due and still carry on with the life given you today.
I know I know, to much wine for the night. Gets me really morose and wondering where I should simply let it go.
But how does one give grace to the past and at the same time let it go its seperate way.
To many demons I created when I was young and stupid are coming back to stand upon my shoulders.
Not that I can not accept the consequences of past actions. That I would never push away or try to avoid. just don't know whether it is worth the time to try to overcome them as who I am, or just duck the stupidity of the past and start anew as another.
Funny how life gives you the lessons far to late.
So where does one draw the line. Where do you say "ok, I will face all the bad choices of the past" and where does someone call it done and just walk away from it.
sorry for being so vague, I kinda have to be. but by the same token am so lost right now. all I have done, I feel was done with due consideration. But so many do not see it that way.
Is there such a thing as a second chance in life. I don't know. But want to ask
Has anyone else been up against that wall.
Where you knew that no matter what you did, everything from here out was going to be destroyed by your past.
Did you simply walk away from who you were and the past you carried or did you walk through it.
I am at such a crossroads right now. and know not where to turn.
life has just become far to complex for me to understand.
And I want to run. leave who I was. And nothing bad will come from that. Nothing except the cross I carry with me will never be given its due. and with that, well, I will never feel true to those you sacrificed for me.
when have you payed enough. How do you ever know the debts are paid.
I don't know.
please, no dogging on me for this, life is strange enough right now. I just would like some understanding from someone else who has perhaps been here also.
Just sifting the river of life for some wisdom right now, for within myself I can find none.
I am there too. can't see anything much ahead but trial and tribulation. I have done many many things in my life, and enjoyed most of them. I have never taken drugs, or alcohol.Not because I'm some kind of moral hero...just never saw the point in making life harder than it already is.I won't give up. I love my wife too much.My health will give up before my mind gives in. Why am I so disillusioned? Because I try to be honest, work hard, respect those who deserve respect, and ignore those who don't.And help those who deserve it.That usually is everybody, until they mess up. Unfortunately, there are more and more morally bankrupt people living better than we.THAT is what depresses me.The scum has an amazing ability to float to the top of the pond, bask in the sun, and breath the best air.Life is all about luck.Don't shout at me for that attitude.I have known so many good people who have never got even REMOTELY close to receiving that which they deserve.And seen so many who barely deserve to be alive, enjoying all the benefits life can provide.I HATE money...it corrupts and disfigures more than anything.I wish we could go back to the days of dealing in 'truck'.I am a welder, but I need to eat. So I do a job for the butcher, and he gives me meat....and so on. I despise modern government..ANY government...but by saying that, I despise modern Society, because we only get what we deserve, earned by the majority. We are dishonest, corrupt, greedy....and we get dishonest, corrupt and greedy Politicians. Maybe the heart meds I an now having to take...but I do think corrupt population begets corrupt politicians. Nick
I agree, but come from a diffrent aspect of such, which shows how much the same it is. I have more coin than I could waste in a lifetime. but threw my life away for it. and that is what is coming back to haunt me. money does not buy happiness, but it can surely take away everything in your life if that is what you pursue. and pursue that I did, and now, when I have a chance for a "good life" well my life of the past is coming back.
and the price I have paid for money. well that price is ending up being far to costly. while being without money can buy you sadness, the pursuit of such can cost you your life.
Posts: 35467 From: Orlando, Florida Registered: Oct 2001
One cannot change the past. It is what has shaped you to become who you are now. All you can do is to recognize what you did wrong in the past and try to atone for it. This will make you a better person. If you recognize your sins and are truly sorry for them, you will be forgiven in the afterlife. Society, on the other hand, might not be as friendly and wants you to pay for these sins until the statute of limitations has run out, then you are in the clear. We all have done foolish things in the past that we may not be too proud off. All we can do is to remember to not do them again and if possible offer restitution. Learn from life's lessons and live on.
[This message has been edited by avengador1 (edited 04-23-2006).]
Posts: 12956 From: Russell, KS USA Registered: Apr 2002
Everyone has done things and made bad decisions in their lives.
The first thing you have to do is recognize what they are and have been, the second thing is try to make amends for them. When I say make amends, that's sometimes hard to define. Some things can be made whole with enough $$$, some things $$$ mean nothing. If you can make restitution with $$ then you need to do so. If it's something else, you must go to those you've wronged and admit your wrong and humbly ask for their forgiveness. Sometimes you're going to find people that have no forgiveness in their hearts, but you still need to ask.
When you talk about demons on your shoulders these are simply guilt. There's only one way to get rid of guilt and that's to find absolution. If those that you've wronged have passed away, I've found that going to their resting place and speaking to them can have a certain amount of calming, but some might think that rather stupid. To each their own.
Of course the last thing is to "go and sin no more". You know what you did was wrong, so stop doing it.
the hard part of this, is what I have done "wrong", I don't feel was wrong. Only the majority of the people in life see it as such. But they have never been where I have, they have not seen what I seen. The people who criticize me, they have never seen a women risk her life just to get a loaf of bread and a bucket of water to feed their children. we lead such an easy life here. Oh crap gas is $3 a gallon. While I understand the complaint (I am farming right now this year and the fuel price, well it is gonna eat up any profit margin I could have thought would be here doing that), by the same token, dang, we still live a good life here. I would almost bet that no one on this board has to risk there life to just simply feed their children.... But some of the people I know of, well, that is their daily life. each day they try to give life to their children, well, it risks their life.. So I will not complain about that aspect. Never would I do that.
But, we have to live the life we are in, and with that, the people who have never seen the desperation of people just trying to live, they can not understand why I have lived the life I have, they can not accept it, they condem me for where I have been and what I have done. I want to argue with them, "if only you have seen what others go through, why I have done what I have done". But never having been there, they do not know.
So the condemnation goes forward.
I don't think anyone who has never seen the horrible life existence that people have (not the rich, not the normal, but the truly poor people in places like parts of South America) I don't think they will ever understand. But it is funny, (and it really is funny in its own way, you just have to laugh at it for there is no other option), it is funny how they can judge when the worst problem they have is "WHICH" resteraunt they will go to this night.
Life can teach us lessons if we are truly blessed to have the chance to see them. Everyone I know has never seen anything outside of life in the USA. God bless them for that. But their condemnation over something that they can not understand. That I have a hard time dealing with.
One thing to keep in mind is that you only have to answer to yourself, and God, if you believe. You owe no explanations to anyone else. You did what you thought was right at the time. If others condemn you for it, it's their problem, not yours. Yes, it's hard to hear the criticism of others, but if it's unwarranted, then you just have to learn to not pay attention.
As far as walking away, and starting a new life....you will still carry the memories of your past life with you. Walking away will not erase that, so it's not really a viable option. As others have said, we all have done things in our past that we might not be proud of, even though we thought what we were doing was right at the time. You have to learn to live with that...it's part of being an adult.
You don't say who these others are that condemn you. If they are people you know, then they should respect the choices you've made in your life. They might not be the choices they would have made in the same situation, but then, they are not you. True friends won't condemn you for your actions...they will be your friend in spite of them. If it's family....that is much harder. I don't really have an answer for that. All I can say is that they should love you for who you are, not what you've done...and if they can't, then once again, it's their problem, not yours.
Last but not least...is dealing with yourself. From your initial post, it seems as though you're having a lot of internal strife over this. Are you also condemning yourself for past decisions? If so, then you must learn to become the person you want to be. Avengador and John Stricker both put it well, and gave you good advice. You are shaped by your experiences...they make you what you are. Use that to guide your life to where you want it to be. And yes...as you said in your first post, "it's never too late to change". If you don't like who or what you've become, then use your past experiences to make the changes you need to become the person you want to be. Take what appears to you to be a negative, and make a positive out of it. But don't let what others think rule your life...only you can decide what's best for YOU.
Posts: 31121 From: Long Beach Registered: Jan 2001
You cant change the past only the future. I have recreated myself more than once. Demons only have a roost if you give them one. Most of the time its not the person with a past that has a problem letting it go, its everyone around them. It always amazes me that people will remember the worse about someone and look over the best. I leave those people behind. If I do run into them most are amazed at the change in me. If they were better people then they would have been around for the change. It has not been easy, I have done things that haunted me. What good is it to carry that around? Let it go, it may take time but just move on. Having people around you that support you is one of the best ways. I tell my wife all of the time that she saved me. Its true, I have not doubt that I would be dead if not for her. Why you ask, well almost all of the people I ran with are dead or wish they were. You have to pick your friends, save the ones you can but donít let them drag you down. Take it easy Jake
Posts: 38433 From: Carrollton GA. Out in the... country. Registered: Oct 1999
I'm a little bit confused by your previous posts, but I won't pry. It's one of my favorite sayings, but all I can say for sure is that hindsight is usually 20-20. Woulda-coulda-shoulda. Nobody knows how things are going to turn out, as the result of any particular course of action. Given a particular set of circumstances, everyone tries to do whatever they feel will be "best". Whatever "best" happens to be at the moment.. I'm not sure what you're regretting, but there's not a great deal you can do about it now. Just strive to be the best person you can, going forward. And just remember that we are all human. We're not perfect. We screw up, by design.
Posts: 5563 From: Clementon,NJ,USA Registered: Jun 2000
I could write for hours about what you're feeling.
But it really comes down to this:
Live in the day. Just try to make the day you're in, the best you can make it. Is it a productive, growth-inducing, goal oriented lifestyle? No, probibly not. But it is mental survival! And sometimes, that has to be enough. For now.
Just take heart in knowing that you're not alone. There's more of us then you know!
Dump the baggage of the past and just do the best you can, with what you're given day to day. The World's a joke and we're the punchline!
Stay strong, my Friend!
Posts: 30530 From: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada Registered: Apr 99
Ahh I see the usaul suspects of wisdom. I on the other hand have no wisdom to bestow upon you but I did read your scripts and found them rather poetic so I sent you one in the PMs. (Actually I will be sending you one in a moment be patient)