I really need serious advice from anyone. I appreciate it if you take the time to read my pathetic story and post advice. This is a Fiero forum so I'm not sure if this is the best place to get advice, but I have seen some very mature and experienced people here.

My life has basically hit the bottom. I'm doing extremely terrible in college, and dropped out of half my classes. I work at BestBuy and hate the job more and more everyday. My social and love life have gone to hell. And I live with my parents and am in debt. I'm the typical total loser at this point that you can laugh at or think of to make yourself feel better. The only pride I had was the infatuated plans for my Fiero until I wrecked my car last night. I was really contemplating committing suicide as there's nothing for me in life. I feel like I am going no where. But when I tried tonight I can't commit myself to it, I feel I can do better but don't know how. I have no guidence or dicipline.

I come from a very traditional family. I'm the youngest and only boy. I have four older sisters who have all excelled. They have all attended Universities and the two oldest are well off. They set the standards high for me, especially since I'm the only boy. In highschool I was never focused and only managed to "survive". My oldest sister would have bought me any new car up to $40k and pay for everything if I attended any University. But I didn't get accepted to any and went to a local Community College. I've been attending the CC for two years now and am not even close to transfering to a real college.

About 4 months ago I bought a Fiero. She brought hope for something I can do in the meantime in this stage of my life. Even though I've been in debt, I finally got a job just so I can start on those plans. It was a perfect dream; a 350 SBC, Ausfiero full-panel side-scoops, cowl-hood, decklid scoop, raised spoiler, 17" rim with 2" lowered. It was my dream, even though I hoped I could accomplish it, I knew I couldn't. I know a lot about engines and how they work, but I physically work on cars as well as a monkey can. And even if I finished that project, where would it honestly lead me in life? Well I snapped out of that dreamworld last night when I sort of wrecked my Fiero. Even though the damage was minimal, I can't fix it and don't have the money to. Even then, maybe it was a good thing since it snapped me back to reality.

Everyone that I've met on the forum (in real-life and just online) and any of my friends see that I am very optimistic and outgoing. On the outside I look very happy and able to do anything. But deep in me is the total opposite. It's the one thing no one can ever see, my life like a plucked rose, pedals falling, and slowly dieing.

It's almost 4am and I can't sleep. For some strange reason, the military services popped in to my mind. I always hear of them distilling dicipline to those who lack it. I was really thinking about joining one of the services. Get the physical training, earn some money, and most importantly... hopefully get the dicipline I so desperately need.
I know nothing about any of the services. At school today I'm going to stop by the military service offices and read up a little more on them. For those of you that have any experience with them, is it a good route to go and which service would be best. And even for those that don't have military experience, do you think it would be a smart move or am I just burying myself deeper in my grave?

Once again I really appreciate any advice, I know this is a very sensitive subject but don't be afraid to post advice, no matter how small. And no I will not go AWAL in the military and shoot everyone, my life is in my hands but I will never put anyone else's life in my hands unless I'm in war and fighting some terrorist

Thanks again.
-Alex

The military is the last place you want to try and hide from problems. (Drugs and alcohol are not a good idea either)
You are the classic case of I am no good and can have nothing.
Get over it, you are no different then I was at that age and trust me the military did not help.
Just hang in there, I know that day to day can be hard but that’s what fills in between the good stuff.
Quit trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. I didn’t do good in High school, I went to trade school and started welding. That allowed me to survive and later I started working on computers. I just let life take its course. I am now a network analyst for one of the largest clinics in Florida. You are what You make yourself not what someone else wants you to be. Show your family your happy and I bet they would not care what you did for a living.
I have three Fieros and they can sometimes be overwhelming, just do what you can when you can. Unless you don’t have anywhere to work on it what is the rush? Pick a part and make it better, don’t try and fix everything at once.

First thing you need to do is fix your car, what do you need? I don’t have much but I will help if I can.

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(Edit)

If you do want to join try the reserves, Air force would be my first choice then Navy.
(I have nothing against the Marines and Army just don’t know anything about them.)

[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 11-05-2003).]

Been there, Done that, Got the t-shirt! You are going thru what most of us have already. Joining the Armed Forces under those reasons would make it a very bad choice.

I joined cause I thought I was going no place, I knew I could do better just did not know where. It helped me in many ways and it also had its down side. What you need to do is think of where _YOU_ want to be and how would you get there. IF you do join the military, here are a few things to think about.

What do I want to do and then speak to the recruiters in the area but dont sign anything till you speak to them all.

It is ultimately YOUR Choice and not one you can just walk away from after a short while. You will be committed to 2-4 years depending upon your choice.

But stop living up to what you think others have set for you and live up to WHAT YOU WANT for yourself!!!!

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While I can't say that the military would be right for you (Everyone’s different).

Here is my story, at 17 my girlfriend informed me she was pregnant, I was going nowhere in life, I had been kicked out of normal high school and as going to an alternative learning center. So I went to the recruiter, keep in mind I had no Diploma and was still 2 years away from graduating. Anyways I did very well on the ASVAB test, so the recruiter could get me a waiver for no diploma. I asked my girlfriend to marry me, she agreed, we got married in late mar and I left for basic 1 week later, basic lasted six weeks and AIT (Advanced training, in your job) lasted 4 months, So in Mid August I finally was ready for my 1st Permanent Duty station, I got sent to Ft. Belvoir, VA. Imagine if you will being 17 in the military, married and now a father, living right outside Washington DC, where the cheapest apt was $1100 a month, Hell I only brought home around $1200, so my wife and Son lived with her mother while I waited for Government housing, 3 months later I went home to get her and the boy, I remember packing up our 1979 sunbird with all our belongings and driving from MI to VA, we had $40 to make the trip on, when we got to Youngstown Ohio we couldn't go any further because of a blizzard, I recall we got a room for around $26 (I remember only having $12 when we left the next morning, (this was in 87) anyways we made it to Ft. Belvoir safely but we're broke, and it was 5 days till payday, the boy needed diapers & formula so I borrowed money from my boss at work, went to the commissary to buy the diapers and formula, went in got my stuff went to the counter and couldn't find the money, So I went and asked the Customer Service Rep if anyone had turned in a $20 bill, she said this guy had just tried but she said keep it because she doubted anyone would come looking for it. So at this point I'm hugely depressed, here I am trying my best to provide but the world seems to be beating me down, When the manager over heard what happened asked me if I needed any help, so I explained the situation to him, well he told me to go get everything I would need to feed my family for the next month and he would take care of the bill. I agreed to this only if I could repay him. It's now 16 years later, my wife and I are still married we have 4 kids and we left the military almost 10 years ago.

Moral of my story?

Even when life is trying to get you down, don't give up, somewhere somehow you'll find a solution.

Don't be afraid to ask for and accept help. Be kind enough to repay the person for the help, in anyway you can.

When everyone said our marriage wouldn't last, we didn't listen hell do most marriages last? Moral, when people say you can’t do something prove them wrong.

The military experience is what you make of it, not what it makes of you. I have been in a war (The Gulf War), Sent to places where people I wanted to help didn’t want the help (Somalia), and spent months dirty, tired and away from family. At times in the military I hated where I was and what I was doing, I thought at those times I hated the military, now I wish I could go back to those places and do things I missed, I also miss being in the military, if you let it can be a great way of life. Since I have gotten out I have found that so many of my tasks in the Army have enhanced my work performance, or opened doors I would have never thought existed.

Pontiac Boi, life will be full of days that really suck, spread among many days of absolute boredom and a few days that are really fantastic. Having said that, life in general is good if you can see past the momentary obstacles that you face.

The car can be fixed or replaced. It is just a thing. Grades in college can improve and jobs, although a harsh reality if you want to eat, can suck, they are part of life. I would venture to say, doing your "job" in Iraq or Afghanistan will suck so much more.

May I suggest that you find someone local to talk to such as a counslor/social worker at school. I am sure you have many redeeming qualities that are not clear to you now. I can see a few from your post. You are in school, you are employed and you are a Fiero owner are just a few. That puts you ahead of the ball when compared to many of your peers.

As far as the military is concerned, I don't think you would appreciate the "reformatting" that will take place. The military makes for an unflexible and intolerant employer.

In the meantime, keep talking, sometimes expressing your feelings is the only way to get in touch with them. If not with friends or family, ask your CC for a reference.

You are always in the drivers seat, even though it may not seem so.

SEE BELOW

[This message has been edited by Wudman (edited 11-05-2003).]

quote Originally posted by Pontiac Boi: My life has basically hit the bottom. I'm doing extremely terrible in college, and dropped out of half my classes. I work at BestBuy and hate the job more and more everyday. My social and love life have gone to hell. And I live with my parents and am in debt. I'm the typical total loser at this point that you can laugh at or think of to make yourself feel better. The only pride I had was the infatuated plans for my Fiero until I wrecked my car last night. I was really contemplating committing suicide as there's nothing for me in life. I feel like I am going no where. But when I tried tonight I can't commit myself to it, I feel I can do better but don't know how. I have no guidence or dicipline. snip Once again I really appreciate any advice, I know this is a very sensitive subject but don't be afraid to post advice, no matter how small. And no I will not go AWAL in the military and shoot everyone, my life is in my hands but I will never put anyone else's life in my hands unless I'm in war and fighting some terrorist Thanks again. -Alex

Hi Alex,

Have you told anyone like your parents that you've seriously contemplated suicide? You NEED to get help, and NOW. If a fender bender in your car can swing you that low, you need to find help with getting the depression part solved before proceeding with anything else.

I'm not in anyways an expert in this area, so.... how about a link to contacts for people that are.
http://suicidecrisiscenter.com/callchart.html

I've got a buddy who suffers extreme low self worth, depression and was being plagued with the though on the way to work every morning to drive his car into a bridge abuttment. Turned out to be mainly a chemical imbalance which a doctor helped correct with a prescription, so get to a doctor. If you have medical insurance/HMO, call them and get a referal.

Military decision... I know that route personally. I'd just dropped out of college, I really didn't have a clue what I wanted to do yet with my life (don't feel bad if your in that boat, sounds like you've gotten the same pressure I had). So I went to the recruiters myself to get a job and maybe some disipline. IF you decide to go military, I'd think about what your true goals are. If you want disipline and to be molded, go Marines..., if you want to get something close to a normal job with the least chance of getting your butt shot off, join the Air Force in a support/maintenance position. If you think you want to join the Army and make a career out of it (a bit scary right now) choose an infantry MOS to gain rank quickly with an eye on getting retrained once you've gotten into the NCO ranks. Technical ranks in the Army tend to promote slower and I got stuck for about 4 years as an E-4 which REALLY SUCKS.

Anyways... try to remember when you get feeling bad that you have a choice to be the most cheerful person on the face of the earth or the most depressed. You can wallow in your depression or look at it as this way... things shouldn't be hard to make better.

reiterate... GET HELP AND CHECKED OUT FIRST. May be something medical going on, or you may need counseling. Then look at your options as opportunities. Talk to a counselor about what you think you'd get out of military, talk to them about getting buckled down at school. Your young, school is something you have to WANT to do. If your just there because it's expected without a long term plan, your in the wrong place. Goal shouldn't be to get to University, that is just a jumping block to allow you to achieve a goal further on. I never graduated from college, but now at 40, have owned my own business for 10 years. I spent over 7 years in the army pretty much as a job, still not having a focus. Maybe instead of worrying about how your paying the bills, think about how you'd like to be involved in life. If your going out drinking or vegging in front of TV, maybe you should drop that and start attending community meetings, volunteering at a shelter, meals on wheels, cleaning parks, politics... anything where you can get a feeling of accomplishment from helping improve yourself and the world around you. Just don't measure your self worth based on your job or formal education level.

Best wishes to you... PM me if you want to discuss anything further.

Thanks for the kind words and advice everyone. I wrote that last night and since have cleared my head a little since sleeping. It wasn't the small accident that caused me to go haywire, everything has been bad before that. It was just sort of the icing.

I know my problems are smallcake for example compared to those who lost their houses in the SoCal fires. But just as the cop told me last night, no matter how small my problems seem in the grand scheme of everything, for me personally it is huge. I'm not sure military is really for me, I'll visit different recruiters. And thanks Scott-Wa, I'll visit the counselor, that definitly sounds like a good suggestion.

Thanks again everyone, I appreciate it.

I stopped read after the "suicide" comment.

PB, if you are really that depressed and dejected then I think you first need to talk to someone. You may have bi-polar disorder which can be treated with medication. If not, at least discussing your situation with a professional might give you new insight into the cause of your grief and you might get some informed ideas on how to fix it.

Like was previously said, running off to join the Army is a bad idea for dealing with the problem.

Cheer-up and best of luck

quote Like was previously said, running off to join the Army is a bad idea for dealing with the problem.

I visited the army and airforce recruitment offices today and am definitly interested, but totally agree with you all that joining the army is not the way to deal with my problems. I just wanted to leave everything behind for 2 years, forget my whole life and get training in the army and earn some money in the meantime. I was hoping that when I return I'll have dicipline and be able to tackle what I can't now.

I'm in class right now but will visit the councelor's office to meet with a professional. The reason I posted this on the forums is because my family isn't the type to share emotions. We never talk to each other about anything and if I mention any small problem they'll get pissed. As for my friends, I have some very good friends but even then we don't share or talk about our emotions and when we do it's like a joke. My bestfriend Jimmy is always thinking about suicide so it's no use talking to him.

I'm sure after reading my pathetic story some of you think I'm just a spoiled brat. I would have thought the same thing a week ago. I don't know how I ended up where I am. The past two months, there was this girl I really liked and it always pissed me off when she talked about suicide. She has a good family, she's not poor, she is very smart and very pretty. But what I couldn't understand is why she's contemplated suicide before and doesn't care if she dies now. There are people far worse off in Africa and third-world nations than her. But now I have small problems and think the world is about to end for me, the irony... :\

I have decided to keep my Fiero. She is my first car and I love her very much. Last night it was dark and I couldn't see the extent of the damage. All I saw last night was pieces of my car on the ground, my front left wheel cracked and both left side control arms bent in. After looking at it in the daylight, it doesn't look too bad. The pieces of my car was the plastic wheel-liner and the gt mouldings under the door. I hope the control arms aren't terribly hard/expensive to replace.

P.S. Thanks to all of you who PM'd me your personal life story, I know I'm not the only one miserable in the world but reading your stories and how you survived through the hard times have helped.

[This message has been edited by Pontiac Boi (edited 11-05-2003).]

No offense, but if you can't handle working at Best Buy, I would steer clear of the military.

The military is like any other job in that it has advantages and disadvantages. However on top of that you can get sent anywhere in the world on the drop of a dime, you have to deal with lots of B.S. and say nothing, you can't quit, you follow a different set of laws much more stringent (for the most part) then civilian law, if you don't like your job - too bad your stuck, if you get fired (kicked out) because of a screw up - you'll have that on your record forever, you can work 12 hours a day and get paid the same as someone who works 6 or 7 hours a day behind a desk, there are grooming and personal appearance standards to follow, mandatory PT (physical training), mandatory dental appts, mandatory fitness tests, mandatory shots (anthrax is my personal fav), etc etc etc.

In other words, think long and hard before signing your life away.

[This message has been edited by Black88GT (edited 11-05-2003).]

Life along with everything else is what you make of it.
A positive attitude is a HUGE plus, remember ot please yourself first and look out for number one till you can get your act together.

Joining the military at this point in time is a crap shoot as to where you will go. Joining the infantry will almost certainly land you in a hot spot in the world of today.

I joined the Army in 1975 at 17 and went into avaition cause I would rather ride than walk! (22 years and then some) I picked up several useful skills that can be applied in civilain life. (and did) Again having a positive attitude NECESSARY no matter what!

Depression is very tough to deal with, the ideal thing is to find someone to talk to and is able to relate to you current problems. The faster you can get turned around the better off YOU will be.

I wish you all the luck in the world!
"Live long and prosper!"

[This message has been edited by Indiana_resto_guy (edited 11-05-2003).]

Go Coast Guard!!!!! Homeland Security!!! Check it out, Jobs that matter.

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quote Originally posted by gtsonly: Go Coast Guard!!!!! Homeland Security!!! Check it out, Jobs that matter.

That's not a bad idea at all!
The Coast Guard do just about everything that all the Armed Forces do combined and more.

I didn't have time before work to answer your PM, but I will do so now.
My thoughts on the military, especially which branch to choose can wait, and so it should be with you. It's been my experience, that the impulsive decisions I made in my life were usually poor ones. Un-informed, not thought out, and almost always left me worse off for making them.
Take a deep breath and let it out. Then, take a few WEEKS, and really think about what you want out of life, or more concisely-what you want to do with yours. When you are 40, do you want to be pulling wrenches, operating a machine, driving a truck? There's nothing wrong with that, and you can make good money, but it's a hard life. Once you get out on your own, it will be increasingly difficult to return to college. If you want to do something with your life that requires a college education or degree, now is the time to get it. Even if you decide to enter the blue collar world, it will always be easier and probably much more profitable if you have a formal education. The world is full of 40 year old supervisors who would be in management today, if they had a degree. I can''t stress this enough!! It's the difference between working smart, and working hard.

Quit comparing your life to that of your sisters, and sit down with your family, and ask them to accept you on your own merit. Ask them to accept the choices you make and support you in them. You can't walk in their footsteps, or anyone elses, and they shouldn't expect you to. You have to make your own unique print on the world. This will happen when it's time, and not before. I suspect you are putting a lot of un-neccesary pressure on yourself by trying to live up to other people's expectations. Set a few realistic goals for yourself, and live up to your own.
I'm guessing you have a place to live for the time being and food to eat, so life is not desperate at this time-just very personally difficult. The fact that you are asking for input from others shows you have a good head on your shoulders, and a desire to get on with your life and overcome your problems, large & small. Approach them one at a time, deal with the ones you can easily handle first, but keep a eye on the others, so they do not become insurmountable.

The Fiero. Everyone here will tell you the same thing. They are great cars, but they are all old and require a lot of time, maintainance, and $$. In your case, it should be a source of enjoyment-a thing to do or go to in order to escape the world for a little bit. Keep it for that purpose for now, working on it as you have time & $$. The best ones out there have been the result of years of work, done a little at a time. Almost all of us have a primary source of transportation, and then we have a Fiero. Don't let it run your life. It will if you let it, we all know it too well. Park the Fiero, get reliable transportation of some sort, and work on the Fiero as time and assests permit. Good therapy!!

Alright, I'm gonna get flak beyond belief for this one.

I was very suicidal, and very unhappy, and just about everything bad that could happen did. Now, For the last year and a bit, I've been very close with God. I became Catholic this past Easter, and even before I was accepted into the Catholic Church, everything felt so much better.

Some people say that it's for people who need direction and all that other stuff. Well, I don't agree, needless to say.

Try going to a local church (any local church) for a Sunday Service/Mass, but if they have "communion" (where you eat the bread and drink the wine), do not go up, or do not accept it. If you go to a Catholic church, cross your arms and grab your shoulders, then the Eucharistic Minister (or Priest) will give you a blessing instead, because this is the worldwide sign for "STOP! Do not give me the Eucharist, I'm NOT Catholic". Unless, you are Catholic, then go right ahead. Or whatever other religion you might have been baptised into.

Seriously, you should consider it, it might help a lot. To give you light into my life, I've never been this happy, and I spend, probably four hours a day doing things relating to God and Church. Mass takes up close to an hour of my day, I pray for an hour every night, half an hour every morning, and I go to Adoration (you spend time with the Eucharist, exposed) for some time every day, aswell as strongly contemplate consecration. But that's a whole different thing.

If you have any questions, I'm more than willing to answer them. Oh, and just so you know, I'm likely around your age.

DarkRain, good man!
Prentend I'm there and pat yourself on the back.