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Love Crisis! Need Advice! by Fierochic88
Started on: 07-09-2001 12:19 AM
Replies: 47
Last post by: artherd on 07-13-2001 05:57 AM
Fierochic88
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Report this Post07-09-2001 12:19 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Fierochic88Send a Private Message to Fierochic88Direct Link to This Post
And no the advice I need right now is not that there are millions of single Fiero-owning males out there! I already realize that :-) I feel weird about writing about this but you guys are my friends and I need somebody to talk to as no one is around! Anyways, here's the deal. I've known this guy for over a year, I actually met him through my ex boyfriend and we've been friends ever since then. Supposedly last summer he had liked my sister, but more recently said that he never really did...if you know my sister, you may know what I mean. So I recently broke up with my boyfriend and he and I had been talking for a while and he admitted to liking me...said he actually liked me a lot for a while. I wasn't ready to jump into a relationship but he made everything seem so great and made me really happy, happier than I've been in a really long time...that I actually reconsidered and told him Weds that sure I wouldn't mind being his girlfriend. So everything's fine right? Seems to be. He seems happy, wants to see me all the time and la de da de da. Yesterday I went to watch him bowl (he does not look like your average bowling type!!) and then went to Hershey Park with his college bowling team. Seemed to have a good day, met and hit it off with his 16 year old sister really well. Today we talk on the phone and he says he likes me but thinks we jumped into this too fast and now he thinks we need to take a step back and just be friends and get to know each other better in order for any type of relationship to work out. He said he still wants me and Sherri (his sister) to go shopping together tomorrow night and visit him at work like we planned because he really wants to see me. But he just things we need to back off. I feel like an idiot because I let myself go against what I originally was thinking and that messed things up. I would like to get to know him better and was thinking the same thing but didn't want to totally break up. But I guess if things are going to get better this is how to go about it. I'm just hoping the whole thing isn't one big line of crap. His sister doesn't think so but I need some advice on how to proceed! I was keeping up my guard and not always saying what was on my mind and he claims I was being to easy to get along with...what the heck! His last gf was a pyscho complainer and I didn't even want to enter that arena! Ok, enough whining. What to do?

Jennifer
IM Fierochic88

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Report this Post07-09-2001 12:26 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fierobabySend a Private Message to fierobabyDirect Link to This Post
Jenn.... hmm what to do...try not being so gaurded for startes if you don't like something let him know...get to know his family better become friends with his Sis and him... form what you wrote it seems like you are ready to be his girlfriend but if thats not what he wants it won't work...you're just going to have to wait! Its gonna be hard but I have faith that you can so but keep us posted on how its going!

Corinne

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Report this Post07-09-2001 12:34 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 87 PegasusSend a Private Message to 87 PegasusDirect Link to This Post
O.k. just so you know...this is 87's gf, and I'll try not to be "Mini Drew" anyhow. I say ask the guy what he means. Tell him that you were thinking the same thing, but you don't want to totally break things off. Talk to him. If you're ever gonna get anywhere, you need to talk. I speak from MANY experiences. I tried to be "perfect" for guys that I REALLY wanted, only to end up screwing up what could have been, and also our friendships...all because I didn't talk to them about what either of us wanted. I thought that I was being cool about things, and they ended up telling me I was "moving too fast." So to wrap it up...talk to him before you totally freak out. Maybe give him some space for few days. Hope all works out.

Paula

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Report this Post07-09-2001 12:49 AM Click Here to See the Profile for BAM-BAMSend a Private Message to BAM-BAMDirect Link to This Post
Ok peeps, let's face it. He is being influenced by his "College" buddies. Jen, you just need to relax and see for yourself what's out there for "you". Obviously he has a weak constitution and is easily influenced. That, coupled with the college years, is almost always disasterous. Don't wait, if want's room to play then you should also play. Just a thought. Oh, by the way, that's play as in,, the FIELD!!!

P.S. You are a HOTTIE!!!

Peace, B2 OUT!

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[This message has been edited by BAM-BAM (edited 07-10-2001).]

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Report this Post07-09-2001 01:11 AM Click Here to See the Profile for JSochaSend a Private Message to JSochaDirect Link to This Post
Not knowing him or the situation totally.

First opinion, dump him, let him go. Your a good looking lady and deserve better...you know...guys bowing at your feet and cleaning them and the ground you walk on.

Lou_Dias...you stay out of this one if your thinking on commenting...

Sounds like, from what you stated anyways, he is playin with you and subsequently messin with your mind. Not a good start in my books, as a male dat is.

Good luck and I hope you do meet Mr. Right!

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Report this Post07-09-2001 03:55 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Mach10Send a Private Message to Mach10Direct Link to This Post
Be yourself. Don't try and force something that may not happen. If the chemistry's there, then it'll work out for itself. Stop worrying so much.
Been there, done that, have been on BOTH sides of THAT particular equation. Just let it happen. Don't be too aggressive with your tactics, but let him know that you are serious.
Or something
Good luck!
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Report this Post07-09-2001 04:00 AM   Send a Private Message to Mach10Direct Link to This Post
Bad Bambam

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Report this Post07-09-2001 05:14 AM Click Here to See the Profile for kslishSend a Private Message to kslishDirect Link to This Post
Jen, take Mach10's advice to heart. Above all, just be yourself....you want him to like who you really are, not who you appear to be. And always keep the lines of communication open and let down your guard (yes, a guy does like to hear what a girl has on her mind sometimes). If his last girlfriend was really that bad, he could be fearful of rejection (yea, we worry about that too) or just be gun shy. Show him he has nothing to worry about. Only when he is comfortable will you get anything better than "generic" answers out of him.

Ken S.

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Report this Post07-09-2001 07:57 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 84BillClick Here to visit 84Bill's HomePageSend a Private Message to 84BillDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by Fierochic88:
(he does not look like your average bowling type!!)

YET!!

Anyways Jen just let the guy on a loose rope. Always keep your guard up! One thing I have learned whipping around the sun as many times as I have is just be happy with what you got and not worry about what you don't, like boyfriends and such.
Your a cute girl and all you need to do to be happy is just enjoy everything you do because if you don't enjoy it it's not worth doing unless your getting paid.
Speaking from a guys perspective, we have a tendency to need "space" on demand and it's normal for a guy to be close one minute and like totaly gone the next. So if he is a guy that floats your boat just let him do his thing. If he is not floating your boat, show him the curb.

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Report this Post07-09-2001 09:05 AM Click Here to See the Profile for SongmanClick Here to visit Songman's HomePageSend a Private Message to SongmanDirect Link to This Post
I dated a girl once that said she had liked me so much and then about a week after we had decided to date she said it was too fast and wanted to back up. I was 19 years old and hadn't really gotten all that attached to her yet anyway so I said sure. I went out and had a helluva weekend and came back to work on Monday (We worked at the same place) and again she said she thought she had been hasty and now she wanted us to date. Again, I said sure...

That started a 9 year roller coaster ride before I was finally able to get away from her! In all that time she was constantly looking for the BBD, the bigger better deal. She would cheat on me, break up with me, and then come back to me.. all because she knew I would let her.

Not saying your guy will do this, but someone who changes his mind right in the beginning sends a red flag up in my mind. Personally, I don't back up. I go forward until I can't make any more progress and if it don't work, I stop and change paths. For me, once I am broken up with someone, we are broken up and it is over. My ex-wife wanted to date after our divorce! No way! Not saying I am right, but this is just me.

Also, I would say, don't close yourself off to caring about someone because of the past. You might just miss the one that you could love for the rest of your life. If you think you want something, take the chances on getting hurt. In my opinion it is worth it. Hurt does heal. Regret doesn't.

And always remember that a person will treat you exactly the way you let them treat you. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

The only thing I have to say beyond that is WHY CAN'T I BE TEN YEARS YOUNGER?!? heheh

Good luck to you.

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[This message has been edited by Songman (edited 07-09-2001).]

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Report this Post07-09-2001 10:43 AM Click Here to See the Profile for VoytekSend a Private Message to VoytekDirect Link to This Post
Don't worry about this guy. There are many single, Fiero-loving males out there!


Doh!

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Report this Post07-09-2001 11:00 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Fierochic88Send a Private Message to Fierochic88Direct Link to This Post
Hi Everyone...well I'm still here...this morning really sucked but I am feeling a little bit better right now...I'm really thrilled that I'm going to be sitting at work for 3.5 hours staring at the wall but other than that I'm fine.

Thanks for all the advice so far. I've pretty much decided that I need to stop being so "easy to get along with." Not that I'm going to become queen b*tch but I'm not going to agree with all of his purported plans. If it works out, it works out...if it doesn't well...I don't want to think about that right now.

I did tell him I didn't want to break things off totally, mainly because I am not comfortable with that whole "seeing other people" thing. I hate being uncertain of where I stand with someone and I told him that. He said he is not interested in anyone else it is just that he is not comfortable rocketing into a relationship like we were doing and that we need to build a more solid foundation in order for this thing to last. I guess if that's what he really feels I can totally agree with that because I was feeling sort of the same way. I guess the most major question is, is he being honest with me? He says that he would tell me right away if this is permantly friends because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings and ruin our friendship. His sister claims he is telling the truth so I guess for now, I'll give him the last chance at trusting what he says and if he blows this well then he really wasn't worth it in the first place, right?

Jennifer

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Report this Post07-09-2001 11:03 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Steve NormingtonSend a Private Message to Steve NormingtonDirect Link to This Post
He likes your sister.
He doesn't really like your sister.
He wants to be your boyfriend.
He doesn't want to be your boyfriend.

Sounds to me to be one of three things:
1) He has no idea what he wants.
2) He has major commitment issues.
3) He is playing some sort of game.

If you can be truly honest with yourself, you can continue this relationship knowing that you may just be friends. But, if you continue thinking that it can turn into something more, you'll probably be in for a lot of heartache.

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Report this Post07-09-2001 11:52 AM Click Here to See the Profile for lou_diasSend a Private Message to lou_diasDirect Link to This Post
JSocha, you have no right to ask me not to comment. Enough said.


My advice:

Never, EVER commit to being officially "girlfriend and boyfriend" after a few phone calls even though you've both "always liked each other" because when you do things change. Always date first and get to know each other. I see his point. However, he may also have gotten a date from somebody else that he also wants to date and to say he's committed to you would be wrong.
You shouldn't have said the "g" word so soon. (Girlfriend) Date him, don't give in so much and keep your eyes open for whoever catches your fancy.

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Report this Post07-09-2001 03:13 PM Click Here to See the Profile for terrykSend a Private Message to terrykDirect Link to This Post
I'll give you the advice my dad gave me years ago.....

Don't take anyone's advice. If you feel you need to ask for advice you've already worked out the right solution, you just need to accept what your soul is telling you.

From your description, you don't need us. You need to re-read your post and follow it.

TK


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Report this Post07-09-2001 03:19 PM Click Here to See the Profile for p4n1cSend a Private Message to p4n1cDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by terryk:
Don't take anyone's advice. If you feel you need to ask for advice you've already worked out the right solution, you just need to accept what your soul is telling you.

Makes sense, but sometimes people need to read other peoples opinions to solidify their decision. Or to make clear of slight confusion of the decision made.

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Report this Post07-09-2001 03:30 PM Click Here to See the Profile for 84BillClick Here to visit 84Bill's HomePageSend a Private Message to 84BillDirect Link to This Post
I undersatnd your situation, it bites bigtime I know. Just try to put a smile on your face and if it helps to know, I think your cuter than Lisa.

Ohh I'm gonna catch hell for that

[This message has been edited by 84Bill (edited 07-09-2001).]

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Report this Post07-09-2001 03:40 PM Click Here to See the Profile for SteveJSend a Private Message to SteveJDirect Link to This Post
>>But he just thinks we need to back off<<

If he can verbalize this you won't get anywhere with this relationship and if you do it will fall apart later with more hurt.

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Report this Post07-09-2001 04:14 PM Click Here to See the Profile for SongmanClick Here to visit Songman's HomePageSend a Private Message to SongmanDirect Link to This Post
Bill,

You got an extra room for me? If I lived in PA maybe she would give me a chance.. I'm a nice guy that she could run over! heheh

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Report this Post07-09-2001 04:43 PM Click Here to See the Profile for TRiADSend a Private Message to TRiADDirect Link to This Post
No advice on what to do specifically in this situation, buuuuuut...

1) ALWAYS be yourself. If you try to be someone else to please him (or anyone else) they will eventually see your true colors and feel lied to.

That's it, really. Everything else will go where it goes, but at least you'll be being 110% totally honest.
(Course, that's always gotten me into trouble, but I refuse to change)

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Report this Post07-09-2001 04:46 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Ken WittliefSend a Private Message to Ken WittliefDirect Link to This Post
You know if you think about it, Dating is a weird ritual that we put ourselves through. Whats the difference between two friends going out for dinner and to catch a movie, and going out on a date?!

What exactly does it mean to 'See' other people?!

How many close friends can you have? When does someone you like spending time with stop being a friend and become a BF/GF ?!

Can you be 'in Love' with more than one person at a time?!

what exactly does it mean if you are 'seeing someone'?!

Do we HAVE TO divide everyone we know into two groups:

1. potential future romantic/sexual/mate/partner/spouse and

2. friends only or less

?!

if you call someone up and say, 'hey do you wanna go grab something to eat and then catch a movie, or take a walk on the beach, or go sailing... and they say no

are you still gonna eat something and go see the movie by yourself anyway? ...

why do we always feel the need to put labels on everything and everybody, and catigorize everyone and everything. If you wanna hang around with certain people, hang around with them, spend time together.

If you find yourself falling in love with someone, and they feel the same way about you, thats great.

If you spend time with someone and you realize you dont really like them all that much, and you drift apart, thats ok too.

why do we always feel like our lives are so desperate?

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Report this Post07-09-2001 04:49 PM Click Here to See the Profile for TWEETIE BIRDClick Here to visit TWEETIE BIRD's HomePageSend a Private Message to TWEETIE BIRDDirect Link to This Post
When a person wants to be with someone they
know it. If they hem haw around they really
just want to use someone,(until something better comes along) like having their cake and eating it too! Run as fast as you can.
This relationship is not good for you.You need someone who truly cares to be with you and you alone.Someone to build your self esteem, not break it down. He's a user. You won't find Mr.Right if you are looking. He comes when you least expect it.
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Report this Post07-09-2001 06:16 PM Click Here to See the Profile for terrykSend a Private Message to terrykDirect Link to This Post
Well put Tweetie. That's what I mean.
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Report this Post07-09-2001 10:04 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Veronica's V6 GTSend a Private Message to Veronica's V6 GTDirect Link to This Post
Hi Jen

All I have to say is your a very smart girl. In your mind and heart you probably already know what you want or need to do. Think about it.

A friend
Vonnie

P.S. How are the repairs coming on your cars?

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Report this Post07-09-2001 10:26 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FieroLisaSend a Private Message to FieroLisaDirect Link to This Post
84Bill- Keep your STINKIN opinions to yourself


Jen: Rule # 1: GUYS SUCK.

Rule # 2... I totally agree with that idea of not being so easy going about everything, I hate it when you like someone, let them just do their thing, and then they just pretty much think that they have the upperhand.

Oh well.

Keep me posted...

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Report this Post07-10-2001 06:38 AM Click Here to See the Profile for grinthockClick Here to visit grinthock's HomePageSend a Private Message to grinthockDirect Link to This Post
Honestly, I don't have much to say, Hopefully FieroHeather gets in on this one

1) Don't listen to Lisa (That was a joke Lisa! No flame wars guys!)

2) If you want a Fiero Lover guy they are around

3) Don't be someone you are not, if you have questions about how he is acting ASK HIM

4) DON'T act anything except yourself

5) ALL these questions should be posed to HIM!!!

6) Be Yourself (Did I mention that already?)

7) Sounds like you are getting into a messy situation, "Going out with your ex's friend" Honey I have been there, DONE THAT! Got the T-Shirt --- TWICE IN FACT!!! And trust me it's not a good idea.

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Report this Post07-10-2001 08:40 AM Click Here to See the Profile for stimpySend a Private Message to stimpyDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by lou_dias:
JSocha, you have no right to ask me not to comment. Enough said.

Seriously, what's that all about? Is this Socha's Fiero Forum all of a sudden?

Back to topic, the guy is either a player or a totally spineless wimp. Either way, he is not going to commit. I say wash your hands of him. If you still want to see him, fine, just know what it s for. Nothing will snap a guy around better then when you act the player yourself. Like Lisa said, this guy thinks he's got an upper hand in the relationship. You need to be stron, confident and assertive to turn that around.
You can do it.

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Report this Post07-10-2001 08:57 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 84BillClick Here to visit 84Bill's HomePageSend a Private Message to 84BillDirect Link to This Post
Heheh Songman and Lisa.
Maybe we can chat over lunch at Williamsburg next month.
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Report this Post07-10-2001 09:51 AM Click Here to See the Profile for SongmanClick Here to visit Songman's HomePageSend a Private Message to SongmanDirect Link to This Post
Bill, I'd love it if I can get the Indy reliable enough to make the trip. I keep getting these little bitty problems coming up one after another. Nothing major but really annoying! The t-top is plenty reliable now... it just needs some paint and interior before it goes anywhere... hehe

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Fierochic88
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Report this Post07-10-2001 10:22 AM Click Here to See the Profile for Fierochic88Send a Private Message to Fierochic88Direct Link to This Post
An update...

Thanks everyone first of all. It's nice to know that so many people care enough to take a few minutes to make me feel a little better.

To answer a few ?'s, comments etc:
We have still been talking and last night I took his sister on the shopping trip we had planned on going on anyways. As it turns out he didn't have to work and was already at the mall so he said he and his friend, Chris would go shopping with us. I said fine but made no effort at all to pay all too much attention to him, after all I was there with his sister! So we go to dinner and I jokingly offer to buy his friend Chris a drink since Chris was broke, Chad was all cranky that I offered to buy Chris a drink and not him. Then I was joking with Sherri (his sis) about my friend Brad and Chad was like "why are you moving on so quick." I just ignored his questions and pretty much made every effort to act like he was nothing special. After shopping he invited me and his sis back to his apt because Sherri had never seen it before. On the way back he called me and was like "what is your problem" and of course I said "absolutely nothing." This intrigued him of course. We get there and he tells me to park my car in the garage (wouldn't park on the street in Philly with Dad's baby and he knows it...thought this was a sweet gesture). Go back to his place and he gives me this big bear hug and just holds me for a few minutes. He invites us to watch a movie with him and the whole time he is tickling me, putting his arms around me and then he tried to kiss me. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction and just offered him my cheek. Then before we left he was hugging me again when I went to get my stuff out of his car. I think he expected me to kiss him good night. Of course...that would have been giving him exactly what he wanted and pretty much as they used to say :-) (old school here!) "Homey don't play that!). So we'll see where it goes from here. I still like him but if anything is gonna come from this I'm going to make him work his ass off for it!

Jennifer

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Report this Post07-10-2001 10:31 AM Click Here to See the Profile for SongmanClick Here to visit Songman's HomePageSend a Private Message to SongmanDirect Link to This Post
One word... PLAYA!

He wanted to make you really want him and give him the upper hand in any relationship you may have. When he saw that it didn't work and you were actually willing to drop him he freaked...

This is the oldest game in the book. I know cause it was being played when I was your age. I might have even done it a few times myself. And I know I sure wouldn't have dated me back in those days!

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Report this Post07-10-2001 10:44 AM Click Here to See the Profile for SteveJSend a Private Message to SteveJDirect Link to This Post
Yea, I was thinking the same thing. You are playing him now, he did it before. Long meaningful relationships don't benefit from this stuff. Be strong, move on.
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northstar87
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Report this Post07-10-2001 03:00 PM Click Here to See the Profile for northstar87Send a Private Message to northstar87Direct Link to This Post
Remember I did beat him in Bowling! HA!! 202 with a slimy house ball. Not too bad for an Auto Instructor. I hope things get better.

Chris

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FieroLisa
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Report this Post07-10-2001 07:54 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FieroLisaSend a Private Message to FieroLisaDirect Link to This Post
Chris- yah well I got like a 106!!

Jen- he's hot, but he needs to GO!

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Old Lar
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Report this Post07-10-2001 09:22 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Old LarSend a Private Message to Old LarDirect Link to This Post
I guess things haven't changed in the 35+ years ago when I was a young'en. Sounds like the same "testing the waters" of the 60's.

I'd give you a bear hug too Jen, but if you gave me one back, I'd have to think ok, whats the next step? Its been a long time since Homey" played that game.

Be true to yourself and don't let yourself get rushed into anything. Who said "A woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle"?

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BAM-BAM
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Report this Post07-10-2001 10:27 PM Click Here to See the Profile for BAM-BAMSend a Private Message to BAM-BAMDirect Link to This Post
I don't mean to sound like sour apples, but what you just described is what I have been complaining about all my life. Re-read my first reply to this topic. You have now placed your self on the tit for tat list. Next time you are out together, guess what his position will be. Oh, and it's never ending. Games are what kills every relationship or potential relationship. Basicly what you did was to "PRETEND" that his presence meant nothing speacial to you. You think you got what you want? Think again. Just like the marriage issue discussed earlier in the month, it's the pretencious actions that aren't in earnest, that ruin things. I don't know whay people, women especialy, refuse to be themselves. There is always an underlying need to fill some fantasy roll untill what's sought is gotten. Then and only then, do we see the reality of whom we have chosen.
My advice at this point would be for you to spill your guts and let him know how uneasy you really are with things and then back the hell off and see what happens. I believe brother Stimpy has probably the best concurrent advice to my original reply. Stimpy can be a little more politicaly correct than I can, so his is probably more palletable.
Jen, you are probably a real sweetheart and I certainly believe that you deserve to find what you are looking for. Please, don't turn into a game player, you won't like the outcome. Just like nuclear war, the only way to win is not to play.

Peace, B2 OUT!

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Knowledge is POWER!
That is why the ignorant remain Weak!

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Santa Cruzer
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Report this Post07-10-2001 11:21 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Santa CruzerSend a Private Message to Santa CruzerDirect Link to This Post
I hate love problems why can't everything just go away!! sorry i felt like saying that

personally i always thought my fiero would get me the right girl!..im serious

it used to sit in the garage and id think ya as soon as i get her on the road everything will be cool, well only tommorow will tell it goes ont he road wendsday!!

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red candy apple copper burgandy color,tan interior all options,american racing rims,Pioneer Cd Player,pioneer 120w speakers"in factory location",sony **** amp,and workin' on a girl to go with the package
www.geocities.com/fierose_1986/dts.html

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stimpy
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Report this Post07-10-2001 11:35 PM Click Here to See the Profile for stimpySend a Private Message to stimpyDirect Link to This Post
 
quote
Originally posted by BAM-BAM:
Stimpy can be a little more politicaly correct than I can,

Oh snap! When did I become a sensitive guy? Hahaha!

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84Bill
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Report this Post07-11-2001 12:21 AM Click Here to See the Profile for 84BillClick Here to visit 84Bill's HomePageSend a Private Message to 84BillDirect Link to This Post
Is this the same Chad I'm thinking of? the Chad with the 3800 SC Fiero?
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FIEROGOD
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Report this Post07-11-2001 02:33 AM Click Here to See the Profile for FIEROGODSend a Private Message to FIEROGODDirect Link to This Post
OH HUM Just thought i might say a word. I would show you a picture of my wench i mean fiero but we are fighting (its winning). I have nothing real profound to say except this. There are only a few lasting relationships. Most are based on lust and infatuation. It may seem good at first but then something happens to sway your or their thoughts. A spark may still be there but not like at first. Sometimes it works-------. Don't frown just think of it as a learning experience and move on. Like i said nothing PROFOUND!
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