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WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER! by JSocha
Started on: 04-11-2001 07:37 PM
Replies: 29
Last post by: Logic on 04-16-2001 06:30 AM
JSocha
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Report this Post04-11-2001 07:37 PM Click Here to See the Profile for JSochaSend a Private Message to JSochaDirect Link to This Post
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (This is OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

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Dnyee'
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Report this Post04-11-2001 07:44 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Dnyee'Click Here to visit Dnyee''s HomePageClick Here to Email Dnyee'Send a Private Message to Dnyee'Direct Link to This Post
I had to drive home, I'm too drunk to walk.

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wkayl
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Report this Post04-11-2001 07:45 PM Click Here to See the Profile for wkaylClick Here to Email wkaylSend a Private Message to wkaylDirect Link to This Post
Dang it did it again. I posted that last remark.
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Black88GT
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Report this Post04-11-2001 08:24 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Black88GTSend a Private Message to Black88GTDirect Link to This Post
I heard another one...

"I was going to be a police officer but I decided to graduate middle school instead"

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Report this Post04-11-2001 10:17 PM   Send a Private Message to Black88GTDirect Link to This Post
Now see man, you gonna make us think odd things bout ya daughter..

------------------
Galen - 1988 Hawaiian Orchid Coupe - My Fiero Website
Spinrpg.com - Free URL & e-mail Forwarding

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RiceCooker
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Report this Post04-11-2001 11:56 PM Click Here to See the Profile for RiceCookerClick Here to Email RiceCookerSend a Private Message to RiceCookerDirect Link to This Post
"I swear beer there's no officer in here"

------------------
Kids in the back seat cause accidents
Accidents in the back seat cause kids

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JSocha
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Report this Post04-12-2001 12:23 AM Click Here to See the Profile for JSochaSend a Private Message to JSochaDirect Link to This Post
Onestly hocifer,
I'm not half as thrunk as you dink I am,
I'm peferectly hapable of celping myself,
All I had was a couple of martunies and a couple of chisky wokes.

------------------

[This message has been edited by JSocha (edited 04-12-2001).]

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My7Fieros
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Report this Post04-12-2001 02:41 PM Click Here to See the Profile for My7FierosSend a Private Message to My7FierosDirect Link to This Post
LOL
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fierogt88
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Report this Post04-12-2001 02:46 PM Click Here to See the Profile for fierogt88Click Here to Email fierogt88Send a Private Message to fierogt88Direct Link to This Post
BANG!!
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Tigger
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Report this Post04-12-2001 02:56 PM Click Here to See the Profile for TiggerSend a Private Message to TiggerDirect Link to This Post
Yes officer, the guy ahead of me threw his cigarette out the window... and I tried to step on it.
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KnightRyder31
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Report this Post04-12-2001 08:26 PM Click Here to See the Profile for KnightRyder31Click Here to Email KnightRyder31Send a Private Message to KnightRyder31Direct Link to This Post
Damnit!!! My freaken pizza is getting cold!!!!!
You mean the speed limit isn't 100?!?!
How long did it take for you to get out of middle school!?
Are you drunk??? I wasn't going that fast!
Buy a tread mill!
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FieroLisa
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Report this Post04-12-2001 08:38 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FieroLisaClick Here to Email FieroLisaSend a Private Message to FieroLisaDirect Link to This Post
"Can you hurry up and write that ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!"
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FLASHY
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Report this Post04-12-2001 09:01 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FLASHYSend a Private Message to FLASHYDirect Link to This Post
Hey! You must have been speeding too if you caught up to me. Let's call it even.
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onfire
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Report this Post04-13-2001 04:24 AM Click Here to See the Profile for onfireClick Here to Email onfireSend a Private Message to onfireDirect Link to This Post
I would've hit 90 , but you stopped me.
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LZeitgeist
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Report this Post04-13-2001 09:06 AM Click Here to See the Profile for LZeitgeistClick Here to Email LZeitgeistSend a Private Message to LZeitgeistDirect Link to This Post
Flashy, I think you win...
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LZeitgeist
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Report this Post04-13-2001 09:07 AM Click Here to See the Profile for LZeitgeistClick Here to Email LZeitgeistSend a Private Message to LZeitgeistDirect Link to This Post

LZeitgeist

5662 posts
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"You're a Public Servant, aren't you? So, get me a drink of water."
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fropuff
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Report this Post04-13-2001 11:22 AM Click Here to See the Profile for fropuffClick Here to Email fropuffSend a Private Message to fropuffDirect Link to This Post
"Well, some kids at school have like 4 tickets already. So I'm behind 'em." -My brother, on his second ticket in a year of driving, after he was going 108, saw a cop 20 feet ahead, locked the brakes up w/ smoke billowing out of the wheel wells, passed him; no radar, brought a kid home so the cop passed, driving home going 70 in a 55, "oh crap, there he is again!". Cop pulls an illegal U-turn in the middle of the road, gives my brother a ticket. Another thing not to do in front of a cop: do a nice little burn out and run a stop sign, then speed away. No ticket for that. My parents did get a call though..
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JSocha
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Report this Post04-13-2001 03:07 PM Click Here to See the Profile for JSochaSend a Private Message to JSochaDirect Link to This Post
I'mmmm am not drunk! And ifns you don't believe me off...officer go talk to the tar bender. <*hic*><*belch*>
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When the officer asks, "Have you been drinking?"

"DO NOT" point to your forehead where you have just recently placed the freshly peeled label from your beer bottle and respond with: "No officer. I'm trying to quit. See? I'm even wearing the patch!".
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Do not respond with this old joke if he asks you why you were speeding:

"My wife recently ran off with a (police/highway patrol) officer and I though you were him trying to bring her back".
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If an officer confiscates your beer, do not grab the ice bags and tell him the beer is a warm and that he will need the ice as well.

That one landed me in jail for the night and I was the Designated Driver while everyone else got to go home...he didn't like my attitude...go figure .
------------------

"Oh - Tar Bender?"

[This message has been edited by JSocha (edited 04-13-2001).]

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kinboyatuwo
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Report this Post04-13-2001 07:50 PM Click Here to See the Profile for kinboyatuwoClick Here to Email kinboyatuwoSend a Private Message to kinboyatuwoDirect Link to This Post
"do you know how fast you were going"
three responses
1) No, but you probibly do!
2)well i was in third so any where from40 to 110! (sorry kph)
3)should i guess or are you going to tell me!

well used 1 and 2, dont think i have the balls for three.

------------------
"Friends don't let friends drive four doors."

87 Duke, 235,000km

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My7Fieros
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Report this Post04-13-2001 08:14 PM Click Here to See the Profile for My7FierosSend a Private Message to My7FierosDirect Link to This Post
Most of these responses would make me laugh...a few however, would not.....
CLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!.....<---sound of me puttin' the cuffs on.........
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Phil
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Report this Post04-13-2001 08:50 PM Click Here to See the Profile for PhilClick Here to Email PhilSend a Private Message to PhilDirect Link to This Post
Hey 7
Did you get to write up any of the Hot Rods last year while we stopped at Sam's Town for 2 days?
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Report this Post04-13-2001 09:57 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FLASHYSend a Private Message to FLASHYDirect Link to This Post
"Is that a gun?! COOL that's nicer than the one I have in my glove box...hey, why are you pointing it at me now?!"
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FLASHY
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Report this Post04-13-2001 10:03 PM Click Here to See the Profile for FLASHYSend a Private Message to FLASHYDirect Link to This Post
"Could you remove that obstruction from your nose? It's really noticeable from down here"
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JSocha
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Report this Post04-13-2001 11:40 PM Click Here to See the Profile for JSochaSend a Private Message to JSochaDirect Link to This Post
my7Fieros: What's the funniest excuse you have heard?

We need to draw from your experience...

Inquiring minds want to know!

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My7Fieros
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Report this Post04-13-2001 11:55 PM Click Here to See the Profile for My7FierosSend a Private Message to My7FierosDirect Link to This Post
Cant really think of funny excuses off hand....I remember stopping this lady once and she looked at me w/ this innocent look on her face and she said "did I do something wrong?", while at the same time her radar detector was flashing and beeping like it was going to explode.
I do remember stopping this gang banger looking guy because he had threatend somebody w/a knife in the car....when it was obvious he was going to jail, he stated (in his most convincing voice).."but officuh, Im a professional butcha..thats why I gots the knife"...................... uh huh
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Raydar
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Report this Post04-14-2001 12:39 AM Click Here to See the Profile for RaydarClick Here to Email RaydarSend a Private Message to RaydarDirect Link to This Post
Officer: "Your eyes are red. Have you been drinking?"

Driver: "Your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

------------------
Raydar - aka Steve

88 T-top Formula
88 soon-to-be-V6 coupe

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Mach10
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Report this Post04-14-2001 05:30 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Mach10Click Here to Email Mach10Send a Private Message to Mach10Direct Link to This Post
My favorite was from the ticket I got that cost me my licence.
Out on the highway, completely dead, putting my new(to me)car through it's paces. Not bad for a Mazda Protege: 193kph. Top speed's supposed to be 180
Speed limits 100kph, on the "Perimeter Highway" (runs in an almost circle around the cit) except at the intersections, where it instantly becomes an 80... I was slowing down from going all-out, about 130 on my speedo when I saw the lights (behind me). I continued speed, hoping it wasn't me, but when it was clear that it was, pulled over to wait. Cop comes up, shaking his head.
"Good evening officer! (in my most neutral voice)"
"Man, this one's gonna be costly. You know the drill?"
"Nah, it's my first, but I'm betting that you want my papers..."
"Yeah..."
I hand him licence and registration.
He goes back into the car, a few minutes later comes back:
"Now WHY were you going that fast? If you'd been going just a little slower, we'd have packed up and left already..."
"So NOW you tell me..."
We both start laughing, and I continue on my way. Of course, it's AFTER when I pay the ticket do I find out that 132 in an 80 is over 50kph over posted limit, which equals a suspended licence.
I have NEVER done anything like that again, and probably will not ever. 3 months looking at my car on the driveway was as good a lesson as any. I do NOT and have never sped in the city, (well, 10kph over at the most) but that was the last time I ever do the speed thing outside of a track. It's just not worth it.
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Elenor84
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Report this Post04-14-2001 08:44 PM Click Here to See the Profile for Elenor84Click Here to visit Elenor84's HomePageClick Here to Email Elenor84Send a Private Message to Elenor84Direct Link to This Post
"Good evening sir...were u aware that u were going 140kph?"

"140kph!!!!!!! man u must have got me when I was slowing down for the corner"

------------------
Lance
Click Image to go to site.

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JSocha
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Report this Post04-15-2001 09:00 AM Click Here to See the Profile for JSochaSend a Private Message to JSochaDirect Link to This Post
MACH10: Now I see where you got your handle!

Anyways, curious about something and maybe you can tell me.

What is the pastry/cake shop that is located on "Osborne" (w/a checker board floor)?

Or is that gone now?

Wife and I are gonna come up to Winnipeg this summer as she wants me to take her to visit the FORKS, The MAX, Planitarium, Portage Place, etc...

Also going to visit some relatives.

------------------

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Logic
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Report this Post04-16-2001 06:30 AM Click Here to See the Profile for LogicClick Here to Email LogicSend a Private Message to LogicDirect Link to This Post
Officer - I'm writing you a ticket for going 65 in a 45.

You - Whew, I thought it was going to be for the 10 feet of rubber I planted when I took off.

-------------------------------------------

Officer - Can I see your license and registration.

You - Here hold my beer while I get it out.

----------------------------------------

Officer - Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?

You - Yeah, but you should of pulled over that mustang instead. He's the one that lost.

Logic

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